Lei Wulong Adventures
by MiggyMeista
Summary: A Tekken spoof of the Jackie Chan Adventures cartoon, featuring many characters from Tekken and other fighting games, warning OOC. Please R&R. COMPLETE!
1. Start of an Adventure

**Lei Wulong Adventures: A fic by MiggyMeista**

Hello everyone, here I am with a fic to make you all laugh, this is essentially a Tekken spoof of the Jackie Chan Adventures cartoon starring my favorite Tekken character, Lei Wulong, as the lead character. So far here's a list of the good and bad guys of this fic.

Good guys: Lei Wulong, Ling Xiaoyu, Wang Jinrei, Ganryu, King, Asuka Kazama, Raven

Bad guys: Steve Fox, Lee Chaolan, Hwoarang, Sergei Dragunov, Paul Phoenix, Jack-5

Of course, that's not everyone that'll be in the fic, there will be cameos from other Tekken characters as well as characters from Soul Calibur, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Killer Instinct, Super Smash Bros. Darkstalkers, and Rival Schools. Here's who I have slated for cameos thus far, the list is bound to expand as time goes on and I get more ideas for the fic.

Tekken: Marshall Law, Bruce Irvin, Julia Chang, Roger Jr.

Soul Calibur: Mitsurugi, Taki, Maxi, Zasalamel, Xianghua

Street Fighter: Ryu, Ken Masters, Chun-Li, Alex, Dudley, Ibuki, Oro, Gill

Mortal Kombat: Sub-Zero, Frost, Goro, Johnny Cage, Li Mei, Raiden, Kenshi

Killer Instinct: Jago, Orchid, Glacius, Sabrewulf, Fulgore

Super Smash Bros: Mario, Luigi, Link, Zelda, Samus, Fox, Kirby, Pit

Darkstalkers: Felicia, Bishamon, Hsien-Ko, Jon Tailbain

Rival Schools: Hideo Shimazu, Kyoko Minazuki, Boman Delgado

So now that we got that all squared away, let's begin the story now.

**Chapter 1: Start of an Adventure**

In an old abandoned mine on the outskirts of Hong Kong, an archaeological team goggles over their findings on a recent dig.

"Wow, this is one sweet looking treasure chest!" exclamied one archaeologist.

"I know, it's so sweet it's making me hungry, seriously," replied another relic hunter as he knelt down and tried to sink his teeth into the chest, only to yell out in pain upon chipping a tooth on the hard metal.

"So what you think could be in this, I think it's gold," chimed in one archaeologist.

"Maybe it's jewels," responded another.

"I hope it's chili beans," said the one that chipped his tooth on the chest.

"Why would someone put chili beans in a treasure chest?" asked one of his comrades rather peevishly.

"You never know, maybe they didn't have bowls back then," answered the hungry man.

"Let's just open this thing up and see the fantastic mystery prize inside," exclaimed one of the weary treasure hunters.

As the group of archaeologists begins to open the jade colored treasure chest, loud orchestral music begins to play which irks the one that's opening the chest.

"Hey, shut that fucking shit off, it's so damn annoying!" yelled that archaeologist.

"Oh, sorry about that, I just thought it would be cool to have going along with this momentous moment," said one of his comrades who immediately shut off a boombox he was holding for no reason.

The archeaeological team then resumed the opening of the chest, as they opened it, a thin cloud of dust emitted from the inside. the chest. The team wasted no time in pulling whatever artifacts that were in the chest out. All there was was a large cloth with some intricate drawings on it.

"Wow, that's one big Kleenex right there!" exclaimed one man.

"That's no Kleenex you idiot, it's a scroll, and according to this scroll, it's telling us the history of these twelve talisman things that will give us unimaginable powers," retorted his friend.

"Wow, that's so cool!" they all exclaimed.

"I believe we'll take that from you," spoke a British sounding voice from the crowd.

All the archaeologists whirled around to see a blonde haired British man in a green suit and along with him are his four henchmen, a fruity looking white haired Asian man in a violet suit, a fiery red haired Korean in an off white leisure suit, a dark haired pale skinned Russian who had a stupid expression on his face and clad in a dark brown suit, and a guy with a blonde skyscraper hairstyle, thick beard, and a white gi.

"The evil Steve Fox, there's no way we're giving this to you," said one of the relic hunters.

"Then, I will have to hurt you then guv," commented the British man.

"Yeah right you pansy," said another archaeologist, who chucked a rock at Steve's face making him cry.

"Y-Y-You hurt my beautiful face, Paul dispose of these bloody bastards!" shriked Steve to the man in the white gi.

"Bully steals lunch money!" yelled Paul snatching the scroll from the relic hunters.

"What the, that's our scroll, give it back," whined the archaeologists.

"Man flushes shit down toilet,!" shoutes Paul who severely beats the crap out of all the angry archaeologists.

"Good job, now Paul, Lee, Hwoarang, Dragunov, let us depart this dirty place, I hate getting dirt on my clothes," ordered Steve.

"Uh sir, you got dirt on your boots," spoke Dragunov.

"Eek, my boots!" shrieked Steve immediately fainting.

"Aw, my poor bossy boo, I'll carry him back to base," cooed Lee.

"No way RuPaul, I don't trust you, I'll do it," retorted Hwoarang.

With that, the evil Dark Hand, left the cave leaving the battered relic hunters to lick their wounds. Across the sea, in the city of San Francisco, an old man runs an antique shop with a student of his, his fat chi wizard apprentice, and his granddaughter. The old man's student, a Chinese man with black hair in a ponytail, a white collared shirt with a black tie, brown pants, and white shoes, walks around with an iPod on singing NWA's "Fuck The Police" greatly irking the old man.

"Ai ya! Lei, stop singing that infernal rap music, you know it gives me the runs!" shouted the old man.

"No it doesn't Master Wang, you're just complaining because you're old," retorted Lei.

"Hey Lei, mind I download that to my iPod later?" asked the fat man.

"Ganryu, you like that crap too, oh I think I need to go crap now, crap," grumbled Wang who then ran to the toilet.

"Sorry about that Master," said Ganryu as Wang let loose a huge fart.

"Hey Lei, there's someone on the phone for you" exclaimed a young Chinese girl, Wang's granddaughter, Ling Xiaoyu.

"Is it a hot chick?" asked Lei.

"No it sounds more like a dude, unless that guy is a cross dresser," answered Xiaoyu.

Lei took the phone from Xiaoyu and promptly said "Hello this is Lei Wulong, who is this?"

"My name is Raven, I'm from Section 13, I heard you were a great relic hunter, and we need your help," spoke the man.

"Section 13, what are you, some type of James Bond wannabe?" inquired Lei.

"Well I am a secret agent, but I aint trying to act like that wannabe casanova James Bond," answered Raven.

"All right, so what do want with me?" asked Lei.

"Enough with the questions, I'll tell you all you need to know at our base, the chopper should be here shortly," answered Raven.

"Ok, I guess I'll see you soon," said Lei.

"Indeed you shall, I'll see you in hell, oops, no I won't I'm supposed to be on your side," responded Raven.

About ten seconds after hanging up, propeller blades could be heard outside and a knock on the door was heard, Lei quickly ran to open the door, and saw a dark skinned man in a white ninja outfit at the door.

"You Lei Wulong?" asked the man.

"Yeah, are you Raven?" replied Lei.

"Yes, let us make haste, bring your friends too," answered Raven.

"Ok, Xiaoyu let's go, Ganryu, grab Master Wang and come with us!" shouted Lei to the others.

"You got it Lei," said Ganryu who broke down the bathroom door and lifted the toilet out of the ground, with Wang still on it.

"Hey, put me down you lunkhead, where are we going?" screamed Wang.

"Get into the chopper!" yelled Lei and Raven in unison.

In about a minute, everyone was in the chopper and it took off for the Section 13 headquarters, Xiaoyu looked at Raven and her eyes lit up.

"Hey what's up my ni-" Xiaoyu started to say before Raven abruptly cut her off.

"Before you finish that, take a look at yourself, do you look like me in any way?" asked Raven.

"Uh no," answered Xiaoyu.

"Then you can't say what you are about to say," answered Raven.

"Aw nut sack," pouted Xiaoyu. Wang immediately smacked her on the head.

"One more thing, watch the language you speak young one," said Wang.

Xiaoyu rubbed her head in paid as the others remained silent until they finally landed at the headquarters, upon exiting and going into the building, Raven let Lei and his companions into an office like area.

"Ok, now is the time for me to tell you all you need to now," said Raven.

"All right, so tell us already," commented Lei.

"Okay, don't get so impatient, you've heard of the twelve talismans have you not?" inquired Raven.

"Yes, Wang would tell me stories about that all the time, it put me to sleep though," answered Lei.

"Well, that was my bedtime story when I was a kid, so I guess it's a natural sleeping pill, without the actual pill," piped Xiaoyu.

"Right, so anyways, we're in trouble, an evil organization called the Dark Hand has the scroll that tells them about the talismans, chances are they are going to try and get them all," briefed Raven.

"Oh, just like Pokemon," said Ganryu.

"No, not like Pokemon, ok maybe a little like that, but the point is, if they can get all twelve, it means bad news for all of us," said Raven.

"How so?" asked Lei.

"Well, they can call forth a mystical beast who has the power to destroy the world," answered Raven.

"Ai ya, if the world is destroyed, then I can't beat off no more to hentai of random fighting game babes," gasped Wang.

"Yeah, it's bad, so we need you Lei, since you're labeled as one of the greatest relic hunters in the world to get these talismans before they do so that way we can seal them up and prevent them from falling into the hands of evil," commented Raven.

"Yeah, sure thing Zordon, I got ya," answered Lei.

"Good, and don't call me Zordon, I aint some floating head in a jar," grumbled Raven.

"But you sure act like him, and Master Wang acts like Alpha 5," responds Lei.

"Ai ya, I do not! Ai yi yi yi yi!" bellowed Wang.

"Enough bickering, we're going to get you some help too, you'll meet these two later on in your adventure, they'll be part of the Lei Team, as will I," answered Raven.

Raven then handed out pictures of two people that would also be allies to the Lei Team, one was a Mexican wrestler in a jaguar mask and black jacket and sweat pants. The other was a buxom Japanese girl in a silver track suit and blue sports bra.

"The Mexican wrestler is King, I don't why he doesn't call himself Rey since that's Spanish for King, but who cares, he'll be the muscle of your group. The girl is Asuka Kazama, she should be good for stealthy stuff since she's pretty damn agile," briefed Raven.

"Wow, she's hot!" exclaimed Lei, Wang, and Ganryu in unison.

"Yeah, that too," commented Raven.

"When do we meet these people?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Whenever the author feels like it," answered Raven.

"And when do we meet the bad guys?" asked Lei.

"Next chapter, this is just an introduction to the story," replied Raven.

"Fair enough, well then Lei team, let's begin our quest to look for the Talismans!" exclaimed Lei.

"One more thing, we need to go back to antique shop," said Wang.

"Oh yeah, to get your chi wizard stuff," spoke Ganryu.

"Well that, but you need to fix toilet you idiot!" screamed Wang.

"Yes Master," grumbled Ganryu.

With that, the Lei Team left Section 13 ready for the biggest adventure, or is it misadventure, of their lives. This is Lei Wulong Adventures.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"What do you think of this story so far?" asked the little kid.

"Well, I'm happy, I get a story of my own, and better yet, there's no Mishima bastards hogging the spotlight. That's right bitches fuck you Mishima zaibatsu, this is my fic. I'm Lei Wulong bitch, BYAH!" answered Lei.

"Uh, thank you Lei, " said the little kid.

"You're welcome, I'm rich beeyotch!" screams Lei who then for some reason, honks an 18 wheeler's horn.

Author's Note: Well that's the first chapter folks, how did you like it? I tell you it will get funnier as time goes on, I don't want to use up all my good gags in the first chapter. But this is Lei's fic and it will be modeled somewhat after the JCA cartoon. Anyways folks, I'm off to work on the next chapter, but until then, please read and review.


	2. The Rooster Crows

**Chapter 2: The Talisman Hunt Begins**

Back at Wang Jinrei's antique shop, Ganryu had just finished fixing the toilet he broke earlier and then rejoined the group ready to learn about the twelve talismans.

"Ok Master, I'm ready to go," said Ganryu.

"No we're not, I aint doing shit while you smell like toilet water, go shower, and don't break it!" barked Wang.

"C'mon Master Wang, those talismans aren't gonna wait for us forever and besides, you reek too," grumbled Lei.

"Don't care, I'm allowed to smell weird because I'm old, Ganryu isn't old, he's just fat!" retorted Wang.

"Fine," moaned Ganryu.

In five minutes, Ganryu was cleaned up and dressed. Wang was huddled around a table with Lei, Xiaoyu, and Wang as they flipped a book to a page containing information about the talismans.

"All right, we're going to learn about talismans boys and girls, no falling asleep, the twelve talismans are twelve magical artifacts each adorned with one of the twelve animals in the Chinese zodiac," read Wang.

"We already know all that boring bullshit, get to the good stuff now," spoke Lei.

"All right, long ago, there was a mythical beast that terrorized the landscape ravaging many countries, he would've enslaved the world if not for brave chi wizard who sealed him away and concentrated his powers into the twelve talismans, the talismans were spread across the world that way they would not be reunited with that beast, which would release him from his seal and allow him to dominate the world again," stated Wang.

"Well, that's kind of cliche as far as the whole backstory goes don't you think?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Yeah I think so, but aint nothing wrong with cliches in certain cases, as long as the cliche that I get the girl holds true, I don't care," replied Lei.

"Well now that we got that all squared away it's time to assign our jobs, Lei, you're the leader, you do all the leg work and get all the glory," replied Wang.

"I can live with that," said Lei.

"Xiaoyu, you be annoying tag along, I'm the chi wizard that does all the mystical chanting mumbo jumbo, Ganryu, you my apprentice, but you are also the token big guy," commented Wang.

"Damn, that shit's whack, but I'll take it," replied Ganryu.

"Those King, Asuka, and Raven folks will assist us in whatever way they can, I really don't care," mumbled Wang.

"So what should we do now, which talisman should we go for first?" inquired Xiaoyu.

"I don't know, I not fortune teller, I no sit around crystal ball and charge outrageous fortune because my name is not Miss Cleo!" answered Wang.

"Well, until we decide, let's go get something to eat, I'm getting hungry just thinking about the talismans," suggested Ganryu.

"All right, let's go, I'll buy since Master Wang is a cheap ass," stated Lei.

"Ai ya, I no cheap ass, I cheap person because my whole body is cheap, not just my ass!" shouted Wang.

Lei and his comrades then left the antique shop and headed for a Chinese resturant called Law's Wok. There, the owner of the restaurant, Marshall Law walks over to their table to take their order.

"Herro there jantumen and young rady, may I take your order?" asked Law.

"Uh yeah, I'd like some sweet and sour pork," answered Lei.

"Some egg flour soup for me," chimed Xiaoyu.

"I'd like some broccoli beef, but I'd like to know why you speak horrible Engrish," said Wang.

"I speaking bad Engrish because the author has been watching too much Team America and has me speaking in that rousy Kim Jong-Ir accent," grumbled Law.

"I see, but you're Chinese, not Korean, and by the way, I'll get a peking duck" commented Ganryu.

"Arright, I be back with your order shortry!" replied Law.

A few minutes later, Law returned to Lei's table with the orders of food.

"Here you go, enjoy your mears, I hope you have a rearry nice day!" commented Law.

"Uh thank you, and I hope one day you learn to speak without the Engrish accent," replied Wang.

Law just nodded and walked back into the kitchen as Lei and compan started to chow down on their Chinese cuisine. As they all ate, Xiaoyu wound up finding a strange stone in her soup, she looked at it in disgust.

"Hey, what's going on here, is Law trying to poison me by putting some hunk of junk rock in my soup?" inquired Xiaoyu.

Lei grabbed his sppon and scooped the stone colored object out of Xiaoyu's soup. Upon getting it out, he saw painted in red onto the front of the object was a picture of a rooster. Lei's eyes widened as he showed Wang and Ganryu what he found.

"Holy shit, it's one of the talismans!" exclaimed Lei.

"Ai ya Xiaoyu you almost ate the talisman!" hollered Wang who immediately smacked Xiaoyu on the head.

"Sorry about that Grandpa Wang," said Xiaoyu.

"And one more thing, don't call these hunks of junk, they are very priceless relic, more priceless than our lives," spoke Wang who smacked Xiaoyu on the head again.

"This is cool, so what do we know about the rooster talisman?" asked Ganryu.

"From what I know, apparently, this gives us the power of levitation and telekinesis," answered Lei.

"That's a great first talisman to find!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"Did someone say talisman?" asked a voice from behind the Lei Team. Lei and his friends immediately whirled around to see Steve Fox and the Dark Hand standing in the restaurant.

"Who the hell do you think you are you stupid little British crumpet?" inquired Lei.

"Hey, you watch who you're talking to sunshine before I smack your ass like there's no tomorrow," retorted Lee.

"I'll handle this Lee, I'm Steve Fox, leader of the Dark Hand, I'm here for that talisman in your position," answered Steve.

Xiaoyu immediately dropped the talisman back in the soup, Dragunov pushed his way through the crowd.

"Duh, give us the talisman little girl!" barked Dragunov.

"No way, get away from me retard!" shouted Xiaoyu.

Dragunove pushed Xiaoyu to aside and tried to reach into the soup to grab the talisman, not knowing how hot the soup was. Dragunove wound up burning his hands.

"AAAAAAAH! That's hot, I'll try again," gasped Dragunov who reached into the soup again.

"AAAAAAAH! It's still hot, hey third time's a charm," said Dragunov as he once again dipped his hand into the soup and burned himself.

"Here, try using a spoon," suggested Hwoarang handing his comrade a spoon. Dragunov dipped his hand with the spoon into the soup again.

"AAAAAH! The soup still burns, that spoon doesn't work you asshole!" yelled Dragunov throwing the spoon at Hwoarang's head.

Lei kicked Dragunov in the face and then used chopsticks to pull the talisman out of the soup.

"If you're smart, you'll give us the talisman or we'll hurt you," threatened Steve.

"Idle threats, I can take you on," retorted Lei.

"Paul, take care of this chump," ordered Steve.

"Hammer drives nail into ground!" shouted Paul.

Lei dodged Paul's attack and then grabbed the blonde oaf in a headlock.

"Wait, before we wait, can we get a good beat to fight to?" asked Lei.

"What the hell are you talking about?" questioned Wang.

"Someone play some fight music or something," answered Lei.

Someone pulls out a boombox and turns it on, some crappy boy band music comes on and everyone covers their ears.

"Knight slays howling dragon!" screams Paul who smashes the boombox to bits. Law comes out with another one.

"Before I brast music, who going to pay birr?" asked Law.

"Huh, what did he say?" asked Lee.

"Hey fuck you Ree Chaoran!" yelled Law.

"You want me to give you a reach around?" inquired Lee.

"No way Jose, get away, who going to pay birr?" shouted Law.

"I believe Mr. Phoenix will take care of it," answered Ganryu.

"Ok, enjoy music," answered Law.

Law turned the boombox on. "Bombs Over Baghdad" by Outkast blared from the stereo. Lei and the others nodded in approval as a big fight began.

"Let's do this shit!" commented Lei as he dodged a kick from Hwoarang and grabbed Xiaoyu's egg flour soup and chucked it at him, Hwoarang ducked and the soup hit Dragunov in the face.

"AAAAAAH! It burns so badly!" screamed Dragunov.

Lei then grabbed a soy sauce packet and squirted it in Hwoarang's eyes and then ran out of the Chinese restaurant.

"Wait are you waiting for you buffoons, go after him!" shouted Steve.

Lee, Hwoarang, and Dragunov all run after Lei, before Paul can head out though, Law pulls him aside.

"C'mon man, pay the birr arready!" grumbled Law. Paul stammered a bit because he knew he was broke.

"Broke man runs from debt!" yells Paul, punching Law and then running out the door.

"Ai ya, Ganryu, you pay bill then!" barked Wang.

"Why don't you do it cheap ass, you have the credit card, or I'll play my rap music twenty four seven," said Ganryu.

"All right already, I'll pay bill so we can go help Lei," grumbled Wang.

Outside, Lei is fighting off Lee, Hwoarang, and Dragunov as Steve just sits back and watches, Hwoarang aims a kick at Lei's face, Lei grabs Hwoarang's leg and kicks him in the nuts and throws him into Dragunov, Lee tries to slap Lei but misses and Lei hits him with a headbutt to the stomach and then a spinning roundhouse to the face.

"Ack, why are you guys so incompetent?" grumbled Steve.

"Car runs over pedestrian!" yells Paul who leaps in from out of nowhere and knocks Lei to the floor, as Lei crashes down, he looks at the talisman in his hands and it glows brightly. Lei finds himself lifted into the air and he flies at Steve's henchmen and delivers a bicycle kick to all of them.

"Whoa, that was oodley doodley cool! Shit I've been hanging around Xiaoyu too much," said Lei.

As Lei moved forward to attack again, he tripped and as he fell forward, the talisman wound up being launched straight into Lei's mouth and he wound up swallowing it by accident.

"Yuck, even though it's the rooster talisman, it does not taste like chicken," gagged Lei.

"Paramedic gives heimlick maneuver!" shouts Paul about to attack Lei, Lei focuses concentration onto his stomach and somehow, Paul was stopped cold in mid punch and then found himself being levitated into the air and flung deep into a dumpster.

Lee, Hwoarang and Dragunov all ran at Lei simultaneously, Hwoarang leapt into the air to unleash a flying kick on Lei, but he all of a sudden felt someone grab him in midair and slam him to the ground, it was Ganryu who then sat on Hwoarang.

"Hey, maybe you can help me remember what I had for lunch," remarked Ganryu.

"How the fuck am I supposed to help you with that?" asked Hwoarang.

"By taking a whiff of this!" answered Ganryu who then let loose a huge fart right on Hwoarang. The red haired thug screamed out in disgust and fainted from the stench.

"Yo, Dragunov, look what I have for you," called out Xiaoyu, who had a container filled with egg flour soup in her hand.

"No, I don't want to get burned again, AAAAAAAHHH!" cried Dragunov who ran away screaming and dove into the dumpster that Paul got flung in.

"Slingshot fires rock!" shouted Paul who threw Dragunov out of the dumpster and knocked him out cold

Lee continued to run at Lei, who thinking instinctively focused on his stomach again and lifted Lee into the air using the power of the rooster talisman and flung him so far that he crashed through the roof of a bar right onto the dance floor.

"Oh well, might as well shake my booty until big Stevie comes to get me," said Lee as he began shaking his groove thing on the dance floor.

"Well Mr. Fancy Suit, it seems your lackeys have failed to capture the talisman, your Dark Hand got served bitch," said Wang who smacked Steve on the head.

"Oh yeah old fart, this is just the first round, we'll all be back, you better stay on your toes, let's go!" called out Steve to his cronies.

"Soldier retreats from combat!" bellows Paul as he drags his incapacitated comrades with him.

"Well what do you know, we got the first talisman, that's so fooly cooly cool!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"Enough with that, those idiotic sayings are rubbing off on me," grumbled Lei.

"Question, how are we gonna get the talisman out of Lei?" questioned Ganryu.

"Either he'll have to have surgery, or he'll have to poop it out," answered Wang.

"What, are you nuts, can't you just do some of that Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fie Di Zow stuff or some shit like that to get this out of me?" asked Lei.

"No, I no have ingridients to do chi spell for that," answered Wang.

"Don't worry Lei, you should have no problem passing the talisman through your system," commented Ganryu who slapped Lei on the back so hard that Lei actually coughed up the talisman and it landed right at Wang's feet.

"Ai ya, I don't want to hold talisman, it's covered in saliva!" cried out Wang.

"Fine, I have to take this to Section 13 anyways," said Lei.

"Hey, you want a mirrion dorrar?" asked Law who walked up to Lei's group.

"Yeah, a million dollars would be nice, but I don't think you have it, thanks for lunch anyways," replied Lei.

"No probrem, you can come to Raw's Wok anytime you want, as rong as you can decide who pay birr before you come," said Law.

"Sure, we do that, but one more thing, work on accent," grumbled Wang.

Law nodded and the Lei Team headed to Section 13 to secure the rooster talisman, but they knew the Dark Hand would return to try and claim the rest.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"What kind of music you like?" asked the kid.

"Oh I like all kinds of music, I big rap fan though, I like to go hyphy and get crunk, because I show you how to get your shine on and make you stunt like your daddy. I may not be the real Slim Shady but I still big pimping spending the cheese, so thizz face for me buddy, yadadamean!" replied Lei.

"Uh, ok," said the kid.

"YEAAAH, BOYEEEE! Lei Wulong!" yelled Lei, saying his name just like Flavor Flav says his name.

Author's Note: Another chapter down. Sorry if making Law speak in Engrish offends anybody, I just have been watching Team America quite a bit and that's where I got the inspiration for Law's cameo. Next chapter, Jack-5 will join the bad guys, and for all we know, we might see King or Asuka for the first time too, I still don't know yet though. So now I'm off to go brainstorm for the next chapter. Until then however, please read and review.


	3. Rock The Dragon

**Chapter 3: Rock The Dragon**

At the Dark Hand headquarters, Steve Fox and his cronies are all busy licking their wounds after their defeat at the hands of the Lei Team.

"Dragunov, stop literally licking your wounds, that's nasty!" yelled Hwoarang.

"But Hwoarang, they taste so good," replied Dragunov.

"You know what, you are a stupid weirdo," stated Lee.

"Look who's talking Mr. Ambiguously Gay Duo," retorted Dragunov.

"Hey, I take offense to that, I'm not a duo, do I look like two people to you?" asked Lee.

"Enough tomfoolery, you guys are pathetic!" shouted Steve.

"That they are," added a mysterious disembodied voice.

"EEK, a ghost!" screamed Dragunov.

"Scared baby soils self!" shouted Paul.

"I am no ghost, I am the mythical beast sealed away, by some damn chi spell, I'm the one that needs all twelve talismans so I can be free," barked the voice.

"Oh, well what's your name?" asked Steve.

"I shall tell you later, right now, I'm going to lend you some help in retrieving those talismans," hissed the voice.

"Super powers, guns, giving our enemies the herpes,?" inquired Steve.

"No, the help you shall receive are from my minions, the Jack-5s. Come forth my automaton assistants," ordered the voice.

At his beckon call, a legion of giant muscle bound robots appeared in a puff of smoke surrounding the other members of the Dark Hand.

"Wow, that's a lot of metal," commented Lee.

"I never liked metal, it always gave me a headache," piped Dragunov.

"Not that metal you idiot, the metal robots are made out of!" yelled Steve.

"Enough chatter, these Jack-5s will make sure that your adversary, if I should call him one, that loser Lei does not ever get close to the talismans," spoke the voice.

"That's good, we got a formidable ally on our side now," said Hwoarang.

"I sense the dragon talisman, coming on a ship from China, you must raid that ship when it docks," hissed the voice.

"Explorer goes spelunking!" yells Paul as the Dark Hand members ran out the building.

Elsewhere on Pier 39, Lei and Raven were walking down the pier waiting for that exact same boat.

"You sure that the talisman will be on this boat?" asked Lei.

"Hey, I know about boats, my ancestors came here on a boat," answered Raven.

"Your ancestors also hunted wild animals butt naked with only a blowgun, do you do that?" asked Lei.

"I do that on Saturdays," answered Raven.

"Ok, that's too much information, sorry I asked," remarked Lei.

As the boat finally docked at the pier, Lei and Raven stepped up to the captain, Raven flashed his badge and the captain allowed the two to search his ship. As Lei and Raven headed down to where the ship's cargo area was, Lei and Raven began looking through all the boxes. Eventually, the two came across a box with a dragon painted on it.

"I'm guessing this is the one that has the talisman in it," stated Raven.

"Well I think it's pretty obvious from the dragon on the box," responded Lei.

Lei and Raven carefully opened the box and rummaged through it, soon, Lei felt a stony like object somewhere in the bottom of the box, as he grabbed it and pulled his hand out, he saw in his hand none other than the dragon talisman.

"Whoo, we're on fire, well since that's what power the dragon talisman bestows upon us," remarked Lei.

""Well that's bound to be a hot item," commented Raven.

"Well then, we'll have to take that heat from you," said Steve's voice from behind them.

"Must you always announce yourself like that?" inquired Lei.

"It's my calling card technically," replied Steve.

"Well it's a shitty calling card, ad besides, you aint getting the talisman from us," commented Raven.

"Didn't you get your asses kicked bad enough last time?" asked Lei.

"Yes, we're still bearing wounds from it, and the reason we're all staying away from Hwoarang is because he still smells like Ganryu's ass," answered Steve.

"Oh come on it's not that bad," cried Hwoarang.

"Yeah right, you smell like three day old moldy diharrea!" yelled Steve.

"If you want to play soccer and be the ball again, I'll gladly play with you," said Lei.

"I don't think this time will be a repeat of last time, I've brought reinforcements, come my Jack-5s!" yelled Steve.

As Steve called for the Jacks, they all appeared in a shadowy mist around Lei and Raven, the two warriors just surveyed their surroundings.

"We're in deep spumoni," grumbled Raven.

"No we're not, this boat didn't come from Italy anyways," replied Lei.

"So long fried rice, hello fried chicken!" yelled Paul who was about to attack before one of the Jacks pulled him back.

"Hold up, a smart soldier doesn't rush into battle," said Steve.

"What should we do Raven, we can't allow them to unleash the dragon," stated Lei.

"Dragon, dragon, rock the dragon, Dragon Ball Z!" shouted Paul.

"Uh, Kamehameha!" yelled Lei putting his palms mocking the Kamehameha. Unbeknownst to him, the dragon talisman in his hands activated and a burst of fire shot forth frying some of the Jacks surrounding him and Raven.

"Wow, you just unleashed the dragon!" gasped Raven.

Jusst then, the "Thong Song" by Sisqo started playing, and Lee tore off his outfit and started dancing around in a bright blue speedo, some of the Jacks started puking up their circuits at that sight.

"Censor blurs out naughty bits," shouts Paul who knocks out Lee.

"I think we should run while they're in disarray," suggested Raven.

Lei nodded and the two men plowed through the Dark Hand and their puking Jacks. Steve turned red with anger and yelled at his team.

"Follow them! And don't touch my mustache!" screamed Steve.

"You don't have a mustache," stated Hwoarang.

Dragunov pulled out a Sharpie and drew a mustache on Steve and then smiled goofily.

"Now he does," remarked Dragunov before joining his comrades on a chase.

Lei and Raven through the pier, knockin over many people as the Dark Hand pursued them. Lei jumped on top of the sign of a shop and then sprang across the tops of the buildings while Raven still ran through the crowds of people.

"Damn it, the whole split up routine, I hate that, well everyone, split up so we can catch those two pinheads," ordered Steve.

"Pinheads, you've playing too many SNK games, haven't you," grumbled Lee.

The Dark Hand members then split up to go after Lei and Raven, Lee and Hwoarang ran through the crowds after Raven while Dragunov and Paul took to bounding across the buildings after Lei, both groups taking some Jacks with them.

"Ay, I feel like I'm trying out for a decathalon," grumbled Lei as he swung off a flagpole and flung himself onto the top of a trolley.

"Ha, ha, chew on this!" yelled Lei as he performed the suck it sign to taunt Dragunov and Paul.

"Kangaroo leaps over canyon!" shouted Paul as he grabbed Dragunov and leapt across to try and hop on the trolley that Lei was on, but he overshot his jump and wound up shocking himself on the power lines.

"Hey, you should thank me for giving you free electroshock therapy," taunted Lei.

Lei whirled around to see some of the Jacks flying at him, Lei jumped into the air and saddled himself on one of the Jacks, the Jack-5 started flying around frantically trying to get Lei off of his back.

"Giddyup, giddyup, ride 'em robot. Oh God that shounded horrible," groaned Lei.

The Jack-5 got so angry that he started aiming his machine gun arms behind him in an effort to get Lei off his back, lucky for Lei he was a bad shot.

"Hey, you don't shoot me, I shoot you down you I Robot reject!" yelled Lei who without thinking aimed the dragon talisman at the Jack and singed him badly.

"Now why did I just do that," grumbled Lei as he began to plummet back down to the earth screaming at the top of his lungs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Bady day! Bad day! Bad day!" screamed Lei.

After what seemed like a long time, Lei crashed through the roof of a gymnasium. Lei groaned a bit and shook his head to regain his composure upon hitting the floor. Unknown to Lei however, he wound up dropping the talisman in a gym bag nearby.

"Oh, that hurt, from my surroundings, it looks like I'm in the locker room of a gym, I don't think I need to work out anymore today," stated Lei.

Still a little disoriented, Lei found himself stumbling into the shower area of hat turned out to be the women's locker room, in there, he saw Taki competely nude and taking a shower, latherting herself up with the soap pretty good.

"Good day, good day, good day," commented Lei.

Taki turned around to see Lei ogling her nude body and gasped in shock.

"How did you get in here?" asked Taki.

"I fell through the roof, my name's Lei Wulong, can I have your number?" asked Lei.

A few minutes later, Lei found himself getting thrown out of the locker room and he landed on the floor with a thud.

"Damn, oh well, it was worth a shot," said Lei.

Just then Taki popped her head out of the locker room and dropped a paper with her number written on it at Lei's feet.

"Give me a call sometime, ok" said Taki seductively.

"Ok," replied Lei.

As Taki re-entered the locker room and Lei got to his feet, he saw Raven run up to him.

"Lei, you ok, I saw you plummet from the sky just a little while ago," stated Raven.

"Yeah I'm fine, let's get back to Wang's now that we got the talisman," responded Lei.

As Lei and Raven got back to Wang's antique shop, Wang asked them to show him the talisman, as Lei reached into his pockets, he found that the talisman wasn't there.

"Oh shit, I lost the talisman!" shouted Lei.

"Ai ya, what do you mean you lost the talisman?" asked Wang.

"He means he lost the talisman, does he have to spell it out on a chalkboard for ya?" replied Ganryu.

"No, I can spell thank you, but only spelling I care about now is chi spell, how you lose talisman you lunkhead," screamed Wang who smacked Lei on the head.

"Hmm, I think I know, it must have fell out of my hands when I crashed through the gym roof," answered Lei.

"That would mean, that the Taki person you were talking to must be in possession of it," piped Raven.

"Ai ya, you must retrieve the talisman from that woman before she unleashes the dragon!" yelled Wang.

Just then, the "Thong Song" came on again and Xiaoyu tore off her pants showing off a candy apple red thong and started shaking her booty to the music.

"Xiaoyu, put some pants on you nasty girl, you no Janet Jackson!" yelled Wang.

"I know, I just like this song though, and so what, I'm hot," retorted Xiaoyu.

"Right, so anyways, I guess we have to go to Taki's house and re-retrieve the talisman before the Dark Hand gets to her," chimed in Lei.

"You guess correctly, we shall come with you this time, besides, I need to go buy Depends anyways," answered Wang.

Wang gathered his stuff and the Lei Team then left the antique shop to head off to Taki's house. Meanwhile, the Dark Hand were hiding in a dumpster near the shop and snickered evilly.

"We'll follow those cretins and plan a little surprise for them," snickered Steve.

"Ooh a surprise, will there be a birthday cake?" asked Dragunov.

"Fat kid chomps through cake!" yelled Paul who smacked Dragunov for his stupid comment.

"No Dragunov, not that type of surprise, now let's go!" ordered Steve.

That night, after hours of asking around, the Lei Team finally fhound Taki's home, all the lights were off as they walked to the door.

"Ok, the door's locked, how are we gonna get in?" asked Xiaoyu.

"I'll play battering ram again to get us in," answered Ganryu.

"No you dumb fat fuck, we need to be sneaky, leave Wang to take care of it," snapped Wang.

"How are you gonna sneak us in?" asked Lei.

Wang pulled out his credit card and stuffed into the crevasse of the door, successfully picking the lock.

"Hmm, not bad for someone that isn't a secret agent," stated Raven.

"Find the gym bag, and please be quiet, we don't want to wake Taki," whispered Lei.

"As the Lei Team split up, Lei slowly snuck into Taki's bedroom, lucky for him, the door was open, so he didn't have to worry about the door creaking. Inside Taki lay on her bed sleeping, wrapped up in her covers. Lei took a moment to admire the sexy Japanese girl before resuming his search. As Lei looked down at the foot of her bed, he found the gym bag wide open, Lei silently rummaged through the bag and eventually found the talisman, Lei smiled as he obtained it.

"Jackpot baby," whispered Lei.

As Xiaoyu walked up into the room, she saw Lei holding the talisman in his hands and she jumped for joy ecstatically.

"All right Lei, now we can get out of here!" shouted Xiaoyu.

Due to Xiaoyu's stupidity, Taki awoke and upon seeing Lei, she looked startled.

"Hey, what are you doing in my house, are you a stalker or something?" asked Taki.

"No, I dropped something in your bag by accident earlier today and I had to come here to get it," answered Lei.

"Oh, why didn't you just call me and say so, I would've waited up for you, but since you're here now, why don't you and I get to know each other a little better said Taki emerging from the covers to reveal that she was completely nude.

"Uh, I'll go away now," stammered Xiaoyu.

"Rock crashes through window!" yelled Paul's voice as him and the rest of the Dark Hand members broke through Taki's windows and stood before Lei and his team as Wang, Ganryu, and Raven all ran up to see what was the ruckus.

"Well, I see you did the dirty work for us you dirty boy," commented Lee.

"Camper pitches tent!" shouted Paul upon gazing at Taki.

"Well now, with my Jacks, it seems you're outnumbered, why don't you just be a good little relic hunter and hand over the goods, both the talisman and the nudie cutie," suggested Steve.

"Up yours!" yelled Lei firing forth a fiery burst from the dragon talisman. Steve was charbroiled by the blast and very angry.

"Hey, you singed my fake mustache, attack them!" screamed Steve.

"Oh yeah, well I know a way to get rid of these buckets of bolts!" said Wang.

"Throw them out the window?" asked Ganryu who began throwing buckets filled with bolts out the window.

"No, not those bolts, these robots, give me your iPod Ganryu!" yelled Wang.

Without question, Ganryu threw Wang the iPod, hooked it up to some speakers and blared the song "Mr. Roboto" by Styx from the iPod. All the Jacks began to stop what they were doing and start doing the robot.

"What are you doing you lamebrained machines, stop dancing and attack!" hollered Steve.

One of the Jacks inadvertently smacked Steve and sent him flying incredibly far. Upon seeing their blunder, the Jacks flew after Steve.

"We'll be back!" said the Jacks in a Terminator like accent.

"And now for the rest of you perverts!" yelled Taki as the nude ninja babe started to pummel the rest of the Dark Hand members and throw them out the window.

"Well aint this bittersweet," remarked Hwoarang.

"How so?" asked Dragunov.

"Sweet because we got to see some hot babe naked. Bitter because we got our asses kicked," answered Hwoarang.

"Video tape rewinds!" yelled Paul as him and the other members retreated.

"Well that was pretty cool, and we got a new talisman," shouted Lei in excitement.

"Forget that artifact, I'm gonna give something that's always been pleasing throughout all of history," cooed Taki as she pulled Lei onto her bed with her.

"Raven, take this to Section 13, and put Xiaoyu to bed!" ordered Lei before being smothered with love by Taki.

Raven nodded and pulled the others out of the room and closed the door behind him. Unbeknownst to Lei and Taki however, Ganryu and Wang drilled hols into her door and were peeking in on the two while their pants were around their ankles.

"This is better than Pay-Per-View," whispered Ganryu.

"Yu Mow Gui Gwai Fie Di Zow," whispered Wang as he "enjoyed" the show he was watching.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," piped up some little kid.

"Yes," replied Lei.

"What do you think of Soul Calibur?" asked the kid.

"Well it's Tekken's sister series, so I have a lot of respect for it, I wish I could fight with a sword for I think cutting someone to ribbons is a lot more fun than filling them with lead, but that's just me talking, plus if you can't tell from this chapter, my favorite is Taki and I think you know why, heh heh," answered Lei.

"Ok," said the kid.

Lei began singing "Smack That" by Akon and Eminem while doing a suggestive dance.

Author's Note: Well here's another chapter down, I hope all of you enjoyed Taki's cameo, I know I did. As far as the mysterious voice, I still haven't decided who that'll be yet. Next chapter however will be King's first appearance, I promise you that. Until then though, please read and review.


	4. Strong As An Ox

**Chapter 4: Strong As An Ox**

Inside a Mexican airport, Lei Wulong and his companions have just arrived in Mexico City, Raven had given them word that one of the talismans had been spotted in Mexico so the Lei Team boarded one of Section 13's jets and flew into the country to retrieve the talisman before the Dark Hand could.

"The ox talisman is somewhere in this country, we're going to have to look for leads on this," commented Raven.

"La cucaracha!" shouted Xiaoyu.

"Why did you just say the cockroach for no apparent reason?" asked Lei.

"Just brushing up on my Spanish," answered Xiaoyu.

"Donde es mi leche? (Where is my milk?)" asked Ganryu.

Everyone looked at Wang, who immediately whipped a milk bottle behind his back.

"No aqui (Not here)," cried out Wang.

"Yeah right, what was that you were holding just now, you drank my milk you old geezer, I'll sit on you for that!" yelled Ganryu.

"Ai ya, get away from me!" screamed Wang as Ganryu chased him around the airport.

"Stop you two, let's get to our hotel room and then look for clues from there," suggested Lei.

"What make you think I listen to you, I the master!" called out Wang.

"But this is my story, my name is in the title," answered Lei.

"He's got us all by the balls there," answered Ganryu.

"Well, ovaries for me, I'm a girl," stated Xiaoyu.

With that, the Lei Team departedthe airport and headed for their hotel. Unbeknownst to them, the Dark Hand had just flown into the airport on Steve's pribate jet.

"Ah, muy bueno, we are in the land of Mexico," said Steve.

"I didn't know you spoke Mexican boss," stated Dragunov.

"They speak Spanish here Dragunov," remarked Hwoarang.

"So why not call it Spanico?" asked Dragunov.

"Earmuffs silence annoying noise!" yelled Paul who immediately knocked Dragunov out.

"Well, now that we shut up the dumb ass, let's get to finding that ox talisman before Lei does," ordered Steve.

"You got it cactus butt," said Lee.

"Why did you just call our boss cactus butt?" asked Hwoarang.

"Because I'd like to poke him there," answered Lee.

"Forget I asked," grumbled Hwoarang as the Dark Hand departed the airport.

At a local Mexican hotel, Lei threw his bag on the bed and flopped himself down on the bed and turned on the cheap little TV. A commercial for a lucha libre show blared from the TV.

"Meh, why would I want to see two sweaty guys grapple with each other?" mumbled Lei.

As the commercial ended, a picture of King, the wrestler that was supposed to join Lei's team was shown and he had the ox talisman embedded in his mask, Lei gasped and fell off his bed.

"Holy frijoles (beans), King has the talisman, I guess I'll have to go see a wrestling show tonight," said Lei as he ran out his hotel room to tell the others.

"Ay carumba, you mean this King fellow has possession of the talisman," cried out Wang.

"Si señor (Yes sir)," answered Ganryu.

"The way I see it, since King is supposed to assist us, this makes it convinient, we get a new ally and a new talisman at the same time," remarked Lei.

"That's true, what are we waiting for, let's go get our tickets," said Xiaoyuu.

As Lei and the others departed for the stadium, they found out that were no tickets left.

"Ah mierda (shit), now how do we get into the show?" inquired Ganryu.

Just then Wang, pointed to sign that said "Luchadores necesitados" (Wrestlers wanted) and smiled.

"They need wrestlers for the big match with King, someone should sign up," suggested Wang.

"Fine, I'll do it, it'll be a fun way to meet a new friend," remakred Lei.

Lei walked up to a guy at the ticket counter and tapped on the glass to get his attention

"Que el infierno usted desea? (What the hell do you want?)" asked the ticket seller.

"Quisiera firmar para arriba para el fosforo de lucha esta noche, (I'd like to sign up for the wrestling match tonight)" answered Lei.

The ticket seller handed Lei a form for him to sign, Lei pulled a pen out of his pants pocket and signed the form without hesitance. The ticket seller then pointed Lei to the locker area in which Lei immediately headed for.

"Yuck, it stinks in here, it's smells like donkey shit," groaned Lei.

"Well yeah, it's because the owner's pet donkey lives in here and the owner doesn't clean up after the donkey when he takes a crap," answered a man behind him.

Lei whirled around to see who it was as he changed into his wrestler garb, it was a man in a jaguar mask with bright blue and yellow wrestling pants on as well as yellow boots, it was the man Lei was looking for, King.

"Hey, you're that King fellow that Raven told me about!" exclaimed Lei.

"Ah, so you're Lei Wulong, the little chino that I'm supposed to join in stopping the Dark Hand," stated King.

"Yeah, I signed up for a match because it wa the only way to meet you and retrieve the talisman so that way that little pussy Steve doesn't get a hold of it," replied Lei.

"Ok, I see what you mean, but since you signed up for a match, we still gotta have it, I hope you understand," said King.

Lei nodded right as he finished putting his wrestler mask on. The donkey made a braying sound and farted loudly, Lei and King gagged a bit and ran out of the locker room. Outside, the Dark Hand got their tickets and looked for somewhere to sit in the stadium.

"I don't know why you dragged us to this thing boss," groaned Hwoarang.

"I think it's because he likes seeing sweaty men in tights beat each other up," answered Lee.

"No, you're confusing me with you, and I look nothing like you Mr. Skeet-Colored Hair! I came here because this King fellow is in possession of the ox talisman that we seek," responded Steve.

"Yo amo el burro! (I love the donkey)" yelled Paul.

"I don't what you said, but I agree with you Paul," said Dragunov.

"Tengo cangrejos! (I have crabs)" shouted Paul.

As Paul said his sentence, all the women in the stadium ran away from the Dark Hand's area, Paul scratched his head in confusion.

"That's funny, that orange salesman outside said that pick up line usually got all the women to come to us," mused Dragunov.

"Don't think, you aren't too good at it," said Steve.

"El estudiante estùpido es confuso! (Stupid student is confused)" shouted Paul.

Meanwhile, by some sheer luck, Wang and the others also were able to get into the stadium to watch Lei wrestle with King. Xiaoyu sat down next to a little Mexican boy and started talking to him as the announcer came out to announce the match.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we bring to you tonight, the lucha libre match of the century, or at least the match of the chapter, I bring to first the challenger, El Hombre Del Ratòn! (The Mouse Man)" said the announcer.

Lei came out wearing full body gray spandex and a furry gray mask, he did a kung fu kata and the crowd cheered for him.

"And his opponent is Mexico's pride and joy as far as luchadors go, here is folks, the Jaguar himself, King!" yelled the announcer.

King stepped out in his usual wrestler garb and a thunderous cheering session accompanied his entrance.

"C'mon Lei, kick his ass!" yelled Xiaoyu.

"You mean you're cheering for the mouse man, no way, King is gonna win," replied the little Mexican boy.

"No, Lei!" replied Xiaoyu.

"No, King!" said the Mexican boy.

"No, Lei will win!" said Xiaoyu.

"No, Rey will win," responded the Mexican boy.

"Who the hell is Rey?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Don't you remember me telling you that Rey is Spanish for King you dumb girl," answered Raven.

"Hey, that's King, the guy with the ox talisman, that's who we're looking for!" shouted Hwoarang.

"I know that Captain Obvious, come Jack-5s, help us obtain that talisman!" screamed Steve.

Immediately, a legion of Jack-5s appeared from out of nowhere scaring off all the spectators and fly towards the ring where Lei and King were, the two fighters turned to face the burly bots.

"Mi dìa acaba de conseguir muy feo (My day just got very ugly)," grumbled King.

"I'm going to make borscht flavored burritos out of you two!" said Dragunov.

"Me gusta el baño!" yelled Paul.

"Good for you pendejo (dumb ass), I like the bathroom too!" announced King.

"Enough babble, we're going to make hamburger out of you ox!" shouted Steve.

"Big talk for a little man," taunted Lei.

"Time to school you in the ancient art of Butt Whoop!" shouted Xiaoyu.

"Yeah right, we'll spank you so hard you'll be crying to your mommies, but I'm going to give the luchador some taco flavored kisses," said Lee.

"You will do nothing of the sort," retorted King.

"That's right, how about I give you a Mexican food fart?" asked Ganryu.

"That would suck, but enough talk, let's fight!" yelled Hwoarang.

With that, a huge battle erupted in the wrestling arena, Steve ran off to find a safe spot as the song "Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee played. A legion of Jacks swarmed King in an effort to strip him of the ox talisman. The ox talisman activated and a surge of super strength coursed through King's body. and King started punching through Jacks causing them to fall apart, he grabbed one and pile drove it so hard he put a hole in the ring. Lei swept a Jack off of it's feet and marvelled at the power the ox talisman gave King.

"Super strength eh, I guess that's how the phrase stong as an ox got coined," stated Lei.

"Indeed, that's how strong my gas is right now too," added Ganryu as he smashed a Jack-5's head in with a head butt.

"Mi gato està en mis pantalones!" yelled Paul as he attacked King.

"Your cat is in your pants?" asked King in a puzzled tone.

"Sì!" answered Paul.

Just then, a catwoman named Felicia poked her head out of Paul's trousers and she meowed loudly.

"Help, get me out of here, it smells like ass and man juice in here!" screamed Felicia.

"Gopher pokes head back into hole!" shouted Paul as he stuffed Felicia back into his pants.

"Usted es un pequeño hombre extraño triste (You are a sad strange little man)," grumbled King as he clotheslined Paul with high force.

"Time for a taco flavored kiss my Latino Heat," cooed Lee as he hugged King and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You gay bastard!" screamed King who grabbed Lee and spun him around by his legs and flung him so forcefully that Lee went sailing out of the arena and into a cactus patch.

"Ouch, I never wanted to be the cactus butt," cried Lee.

"Dentist extracts tooth!" hollered Paul as he hit King in the face with such a high intensity that the talisman was jarred loose from King's mask and went skidding onto the floor.

"Ai ya, Lei, grab the talisman, quickly!" yelled Wang

Lei nodded and made a dive for the talisman at the same time Hwoarang did, Lei and Hwoarang started to wrestle in an effort to see who would come up with the ox.

"Lei, catch!" shouted Raven who threw Lei a bottle of habanero pepper sauce. Lei opened the bottle and squirted some into Hwoarang's mouth. Hwoarang screamed out in pain as he ran around looking for something to extinguish the fire in his mouth and allowing Lei to claim the ox talisman for himself. Lei smiled as he glanced at the rock with an ox painted in blue on the front of it.

"Mi boca es muy caliente! (My mouth is very hot)!" shouted Hwoarang as he ran around frantically. Eventually he came across a container that had a label that said "Agua del tocador" on it.

"Ah water," said Hwoarang as he guzzled down the container.

"Do you know that you just drank toilet water?" asked King.

"What? Oh no, I'm gonnahurl," groaned Hwoarang as he ran off to a corner and began vomiting.

Lei then found himself surrounded by Jacks, the ox talisman activated and a surge of strength washed over Lei and he did a Razor Rush combo plowing through all the Jacks like a steamroller. Dragunov cowered in a corner and hastily put on a pair of glasses he was carrying in his jacket pocket.

"You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses would you?" asked Dragunov.

"Seeing as how you have 20/20 vision, yes I would," answered Lei who punched Dragunov with high force into the locker room where the resident donkey was and the donkey squatted over and did his duty all over Dragunov.

"Lei, let's do a team up attack!" suggested King.

"Sure thing amigo," replied Lei.

King grabbed Lei and swung him against the ropes, Lei rebounded back and stuck both arms out making himself look like a human airplane, he wound up clotheslining all the Jacks' heads off.

"Frote, frote, el culo de una rana! (Rub, rub, the ass of a frog)" shouted Paul.

Lei whired around and kicked Paul in the stomach causing him to fly into the bleachers. Felicia, who was still in his pants grumbled.

"That's it I'm getting out of here," said Felicia who bit Paul in that area, Paul shrieked like a little girl and clutched his area in pain as Felicia wriggled her way out of Paul's pants and ran off.

"I better make a break for it too," cried out Steve.

"No way Josè, we have other plans for you!" said King.

Lei ripped the ropes off the ring and Wang brought in a pole. Lei and the others tied Steve around the Pole letting him dangle from the end of it, Xiaoyu then gagged his mouth.

"Hey everybody, there's a piñata in the arena!" announced Xiaoyu.

As Xiaoyu made the announcement, a flood of people came in with blindfolds and sticks and began fighting over who would get to whack Steve first.

"Well now Rey, I hope you don't mind us taking the ox talisman back to Section 13 so that we can keep it out of the dark Hand's grimy meat hooks," said Raven.

"I don't mind at all, and even though Rey is Spanish for King, I don't like being called Rey, so just call me King," said King.

"Fair enough, wanna go do some tequila shots and then get a couple Mexican whores?" asked Lei.

"Let me get my sombrero," answered King.

"Ai ya, I want to get buzzed, get drunk, get crunk, get fucked up too," said Wang.

"You're all invited, it's a fiesta!" shouted King.

Later that night, we see the Lei Team with their new companion, King downing shots of Josè Cuervo tequila, Xiaoyu and Wang doing the Mexican Hat Dance as Lei, King, Raven, and Ganryu all hit on some señoritas.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes," replied Lei.

"Do you speak Spanish?" asked the little kid.

"Sì, sino yo no son fluido (Yes, but I'm not fluent), I only know enough to get me around, and of course enough to flirt with the ladies in Mexico. Also I'd like to say that tequila es muy bueno and so is bashing piñatas open for the free candy.

"Gracias" said the kid.

"Viva Cuervo!" shouted Lei.

Author's Note: Well another capìtulo (chapter) done. Now King will appear in the future chapters. Hope you Darkstalkers fans liked Felicia's cameo. Yeah I'm trying to please many fighting game fans seeing as how I'm having characters from not only Tekken, but Soul Calibur, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Killer Instinct, Super Smash Bros, Darkstalkers, Rival Schools, and now King of Fighters make appearances in the fic, plus I like all those series too. Next chapter will be Asuka's debut into the fic as the final good guy to finally get into the story. Until then however, please read and review.


	5. A Snake In The Grass

**Chapter 5: A Snake In The Grass**

Shortly after retrieving the ox talisman, Lei had received word about the location of another talisman, being exhibited in a New York museum, so Lei and his teammates all boarded a flight out to New York City to track down the talisman. Right now, Lei and the others are at the museum paying a visit to see where the talisman is.

"Ah, New York, home of many unsolved crimes, Jay-Z, and the Yankees," said Ganryu.

"Eh, fuck the Yankees," grumled Wang.

"That's right Master, it's all about the Bay Area," replied Lei.

"You mean the YAY AREAAAAA!" shouted Wang.

Raven smacked Wang on the head and shushed him.

"Quiet you senile old fart, this is a museum," scolded Raven.

"Ai ya, you stole my trademark of smacking people on the head," cried out Wang who smacked Raven on his head.

"Hey, do you think the talisman is in here?" asked Xiaoyu who pointed to a wing of the museum that had a sign hanging over it saying "Ancient Asian Relics"

"That would be the most logical place to look," said King.

Lei and his friends entered that wing of the museum and after browsing around a bit, they came upon a glass case on a pedestal with a rock inside with a picture of a snake painted in green on it.

"Holy crap, it's the snake talisman!" shouted Lei.

"According to lore, the snake provides the power of invisibility, probably because a snake is known for being sneaky," informed Wang.

"Thanks for stating what we already know, the question is, how are we gonna get it before the Dark Hand," remarked Lei.

"We'll have to sneak in when the museum is closed and snag it," answered Raven.

"I suppose you're right, let's go make our plans for the break in tonight," suggested Lei.

The others nodded an headed out of the museum. At that moment, a young Japanese woman emerged from the wing as well, she scribbled down something on a notepad and then exited the museum as well. Later that night, Lei and company returned to the museum clothed all in black and had a bunch of spy equipment with them.

"Oh how I love the color black, it makes you look slim and sexy," commented Ganryu.

"Yeah right, you looked like a burnt turkey filled with helium!" retorted Wang.

"That's one I never heard before," said King.

"Ok, Lei, you need to go in there and get the snake talisman, but don't trip the security system otherwise we'll have Johnny Law down here faster than you can say Rin Pyoh Toh Sha Kai Jin Retsu Zai Zen," remarked Raven.

"Rin Pyoh Toh Sha Kai Jin Retsu Zai Zen," piped Lei.

"Please don't be a smart ass," grumbled Raven.

"It's better than being a dumb ass," replied Lei.

"Enough, we came here to get that snake talisman, so let's play mongoose and get the snake," suggested Xiaoyu.

"Hey, for once the brat said something smart," commented Ganryu.

"Hey, that's mean," pouted Xiaoyu.

Being very quiet and discreet, Lei and Raven picked the lock on a rooftop window and Raven tied a harness around Lei and lowered the relic hunter into the museum.

"Wang, use that chi spell to help Lei avoid tripping the security system," said King.

"Right! Yu Mow Gui Gwai Fie Di Zow!" chanted Wang.

As Wang chanted his chi spell, all of the hidden little security systems became visible to Lei as he snuck through the museum and carefully avoided tripping anything that may have caused the police to come. As Lei walked towards where the talisman was he saw someone bolt out of that wing, unfortunately for that person, she didn't see Lei and crashed right into him as Lei fell to the floor, the woman crashed right on top of him, her rather ample breasts landing right on top of Lei's face.

"Mmm mmf rmmf mrrf (I'm actually enjoying this)" mumbled Lei.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing here?" asked the woman gruffly.

"Why is it of any concern to you?" asked Lei.

"Well because I don't need you standing in the way of my mission?" answered the woman.

"I'm not standing in the way of your mission, I'm on my own mission to get the snake talisman for Section 13," replied Lei.

"Hey, that's my mission, why did you steal it from me?" screamed the woman.

"Huh, are you Asuka Kazama?" inquired Lei.

"Yeah that's my name, but what's it matter to you?" questioned Asuka.

"I'm Lei Wulong, Raven told me you'd be joining our group once we met," informed Lei.

"Oh, so you're Lei, well I guess it's a pleasure to meet you and I'm glad we're on the same side," said Asuka who shook Lei's hand.

"Hey Lei, what's taking you so long?" asked Xiaoyu who lowered herself into the museum and saw Lei with Asuka.

"Who's this little brat?" asked Asuka.

"Hey, shut up skank!" shouted Xiaoyu.

"No, you shut up Xiaoyu, don't cause a scene that will attract attention," ordered Lei.

"Too late, you already did attract attention," commented Steve who appeared out of nowhere with the rest of the Dark Hand.

"Nice going Big Boobs McGee," said Xiaoyu to Asuka.

"Shut up bitch," hissed Asuka.

"Horny man wants catfight!" yelled Paul.

"That's gross Paul, keep your beastiality fantasies to yourself," remarked Dragunov.

"Caveman clubs wife!" shouted Paul knocking Dragunov out for his comment.

"Obviously you guys never learn do you not?" asked King as he dropped in along with Raven, Wang, and Ganryu.

"Well this isn't a freaking school so of course we're not here to learn, we're here to get the talismans for that mythical beast," answered Hwoarang.

"Yeah right, I'll give Wang a full body massage, nuts and all before we let that happen," retorted Ganryu.

Steve, Hwoarang, Dragunov, Paul, and all the Jacks that were with them vomited at the thought of what Ganryu just said.

"Oh man, I feel sorry for the poor janitor who has to work in the morning," said Lei.

"Hey Ganryu, how about I do it instead of you?" asked Lee.

"Ai ya, I don't want no one touching my old balls, except fo this hot babe right here," cried out Wang pointing to Asuka.

"Eww, I am not touching those," blurted out Asuka.

"Hasta la vista Lei Team!" bellowed all the Jacks in a thick European accent as they flew at the Lei Team in an attempt to crush them.

Lei and the others dove down to the ground to avoid the flying Jacks who then crashed into the wall, Asuka looked at the snake talisman in her hands as it activated and she found herself disappearing.

"What the blue fuck, where did that bitch go?" gasped Hwoarang.

All of a sudden, Hwoarang felt a sharp pain in his nuts as if someone kicked him there, his knees buckled and he hit the ground groaning in pain.

"AAAAHHHH! Ghost! This museum is haunted!" shrieked Dragunov who immediately started to bolt for the door and all of a sudden a loud alarm started blaring.

"Nice going retard, now we're gonna have Johnny Law down here any second," scolded Steve.

"Oh, the guy from the Chinese restaurant with the Engrish accent?" asked Dragunov.

"That's Marshall Law you moron, we're talking that the cops are gonna be here," answered Lei.

"Lei, we need to get out of here fast I don't feel like having some cell mate named Bubba trying to dance with me," remarked Raven.

"Dance, I thought cell mates tried to...oh I get it, it's a euphemism. But yeah I agree, let's bail!" responded Lei.

Lei and the others jumped on some of the Jacks and latched themselves on tight.

"Asuka, are you on one of the Jacks?" asked King.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go too!" answered Asuka.

"Mush Jacks, otherwise I'll tell you something else to make you all puke!" ordered Ganryu.

"You heard the fat man, get to the flying, RARRRGH!" ordered one of the Jack-5s.

All the Jacks flew out of the museum and upon flying out, some of the robots started to buck wildly in an attempt to fling whoever was riding on them off. Lei and his companions gripped tightly to their respective Jack to keep from being flung off. However, the Jack-5 carrying Asuka crashed into another Jack, jarring the snake talisman loose from her grip, she gasped as she once again became visible to everyone.

"Shit, we lost the talisman, this sucks big time!" screamed Asuka.

"It's about to get worse, look!" shouted Xiaoyu who pointed forward signaling that the Jacks were gonna pull a kamikaze attack in an attempt to rid themselves of the Lei Team.

"You're terminated fuckers!" shouted all the Jack-5s in unison as they careened right at a billboard.

"Everybody jump!" yelled Lei as he dismounted his Jack. Th others followed his lead and got off just as the Jacks crashed into the billboard and exploded. A lucky twist of fate had it to where Lei and the others plummeted into someone's backyard swimming pool. Lei and the others quickly swam up to the surface and climbed out of the pool and shook themselves off.

"Boy you gotta love those convinient twists of fate," said Ganryu.

"Ai ya, I hate when I get water up my nose!" screamed Wang.

"Well, now we gotta split up now and find where that snake talisman is," grumbled Raven.

"No need, look at the TV in there," piped Lei pointing to a news broadcast blaring from the TV.

"In shocking news, just now, the Statue of Liberty has vanished into thin air, nobody knows for certain what has happened, an investigation will be held to determine the cause of this," blurted out the television reporter.

"The snake talisman is on Liberty Island, we need to get there post haste," said Raven.

"Hold up, you're saying you know what happened to the Statue of Liberty?" asked a buff blonde man who walked out of the house and looked at the soaking wet Lei Team.

"Yes sir, we're going to go fix the problem right now, the Statue of Liberty will be visible for all to see shortly," answered Lei.

:My name is Alex, I'd like to help you guys fix the problem, I need to show them what a true warrior can do," piped up Alex.

"Warrior, oh, you're that Street Fighter champion aren't you, well then we'd be glad to have you along to assist us in our mission," chimed in Asuka.

"You got it, I do want something from you guys," said Alex.

"Name it," piped Lei.

"I want to see those two girls kiss each other," replied Alex.

"What, me kiss this bitch, are you crazy!" screamed Xiaoyu.

"C'mon Xiaoyu, just take one for the team, we could use this guy's help, since he lives here, he probably knows New York better than we do," informed Lei.

"Fine, but I won't like it," pouted Xiaoyu.

Reluctantly, Xiaoyu and Asuka leaned towards each other and engaged in a long kiss, Lei, Ganryu, King, Raven, and Alex all stared as Wang refused to look since Xiaoyu is his granddaughter. As the two broke the kiss, the men applauded them.

"Ok, you paid your bargain, now I will help you," spoke Alex.

With that, Alex led the Lei Team to a nearby dock were a boat for Liberty Island was. Since Alex was somewhat of a celebrity in New York, the captain allowed him to comandeer the boat. As the Lei Team approached Liberty Island, Wang to chant a chi spell to locate where exactly the snake talisman was.

"Well, this is going smoother than we thought," commented King.

"Ah, thanks for doing the dirty work for us, now to steal the prize from you all," announced Steve as the Dark Hand members appeared again flying on Jack-5s.

"I spoke too soon, now we gotta deal with these pendejos again," grumbled King.

"Lei, you go for the talisman, we'll keep these douchebags busy," ordered Wang.

"That's what I was going to say anyways," replied Lei as he bounded across a wall of Jacks that were blocking his path. As Lei attempted to leap for the island one of the Jack-5s whirled around and grabbed Lei by the shirt, Lei struggled to escape the Jack's grip, but to no avail.

"Hey, get off of my friend bolts for brains!" yelled Alex as he rushed at that Jack and elbowed his head in.

"Thanks man, no problem, go get what you have to, I'll back you up," responded Alex.

The song "Break Ya Neck" by Busta Rhymes began to play as Lei leapt onto the island and started to look for the snake talisman, Paul jumped off the boat and onto the island in pursuit of Lei.

"Mongoose devours snake!" yelled Paul who threw a fist at Lei knocking him to the ground, Asuka then jumped in and kicked Paul hard in the back, Paul turned around angry and looked at Asuka.

"Drunk husband abuses wife!" screamed Paul who cocked his fist back for a powerful blow to Asuka.but Paul felt something tug his hand, He saw Lei grabbing onto his fist keeping him from hitting Asuka.

"Don't you touch that hottie," scolded Lei.

"Swatter smashes fly!" yelled Paul who was about to turn around and deck Lei again, but then he felt a sharp pain in his crotch and he doubled over to grab it, and discovered that Asuka had kicked him in his private area, Lei then delivered a spinning roundhouse to knock Paul off the island.

"Lei, find that talisman quickly, we don't these morons sinking our ship!" cried out Xiaoyu.

"Yu Mow Gui Gwai Fie Di Zow," chanted Wang.

As Wang chanted his chi spell, the snake talisman shimmered and Lei immediately grabbed it, causing the Statue of Liberty to reappear before their eyes.

"All right, Lei did it, the Statue of Liberty is back!" exclaimed Alex who power bombed another Jack-5 into submission.

As Lei grabbed the talisman, he disappeared and Asuka turned around to see the Dark Hand members cornering the rest of the Lei Team.

"ARGGH! We're gonna make you walk the plank," said Dragunov.

"Unless you want to clean our poop decks out," added Lee.

"I'll pass on that," grumbled Ganryu.

"Then hasta la vista baby!" said the Jacks. As the Jacks prepared to knock Lei's friends off of the boat, one of the Jacks felt a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see no one there but then felt himself getting smacked hard and being knocked overboard himself. The other Jacks looked puzzled but soon found themselves getting knocked overboard by an invisible Lei.

"You can't see me, literally, you can't!" taunted Lei.

"Oh crap, this is bad," grumbled Steve and the other Dark Hand members were surrounded by the Lei Team after their Jack-5 militia had been decimated again. Lei made himself visible again and snickered at Steve.

"Convict attempts prison break!" yelled Paul as him, Lee, Hwoarang, and Dragunov all dove off the boat and started swimming for shore.

"Hey wait for me you little punk pussies!" yyelled Steve as he ran towards the end of the boat.

"You can't escape!" yelled Alex who grabbed Steve who started crying like a baby.

"What should we do with our catch, fillet him?" inquired Ganryu.

"Nah, toss him back, he's probably rotten anyways," answered Lei.

"Goodbye bitch!" said Alex as he tossed Steve into the water. The moment Steve hit the water, he was caught in the fishing net of a nearby boat.

"At ease loser!" shouted Alex and the Lei Team to Steve.

"ARRGGGH! This be a fine catch that I got, plus I got me a new swabbie!" said the fishing boat captain. Steve started to wail again.

"Good work Lei, we got a new talisman!" said Raven.

"And thanks for stopping that big lummox Paul from damaging me," added Asuka who promptly gave Lei a kiss to thank him.

"Well, before you guys leave the Big Apple, is there anything else you'd like to do with you?" asked Alex.

"Yeah, I'd like to find Derek Jeter's house and teepee it," said Wang.

"Indeed, that would be fun," said the rest of the Lei Team.

"Well, ok I'm with ya, I never liked Derek Jeter to begin with," remarked Alex.

With that, Lei and friends, along with Alex took the boat back to the harbor and spent the day buying toilet paper, and vandalizing a famous baseball player's house with it.

"You gotta love New York," commented Lei.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," piped up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you like Asuka?" asked the kid.

"My answer is, what straight man doesn't like her? In my opinion, she's the hottest girl in Tekken. I even have a tape of her in the shower, and I'll give copies to anyone who thinks that she's the hottest girl too," answered Lei.

"Uh, I do," said the kid.

"Here's your copy, only $9.99, order yours now today folks!" announced Lei.

Author's Note: Well another chapter down, and yeah I'm with Lei in thinking that Asuka is the hottest Tekken girl, her and Xiaoyu. Well now Asuka will be in the future chapters too as well since she's supposed to be one of the main good guys. I also hope you Street Fighter fans enjoyed Alex's appearance in this chapter. Anyways, I'm off to go plan the next chapter, so until then however, please read and review. (Buys Asuka's shower tape and runs off to watch it.)


	6. Monkeying Around

**Chapter 6: Monkeying Around**

In the lush African jungles of Kenya, the Lei Team was busy looking for another talisman, that they had heard was around this region.

"Yuck, I hate all these little bugs flying around," griped Asuka.

"Yeah, I see now why we had to have all those painful shots, I think I hated those more than the bugs here," replied Lei.

"It's like being inside a giant malaria and yellow fever shake," grumbled Raven.

"I think the author has yellow fever since he considers me and Asuka sexy," commented Xiaoyu.

"That's not what we were talking about, yellow fever is a very deadly disease transmitted from mosquitoes," said Wang.

"Whew, it's fucking hot here in Africa too, I feel like I'm walking into an oven," groaned Ganryu.

"Well, at least you should sweat off some of your excess weight from the heat," commented King.

"What excess weight?" asked Ganryu.

"Oh boy, forget I said anything," grumbled King.

"What a way to spend a Saturday, searching for a talisman in a freaking oven filled with creepy crawlies," complained Xiaoyu.

"Aw, I'm missing my Saturday hobby," added Raven.

"Don't even think about doing it right now, maybe after we obtain the talisman and most likely smack the Dark Hand around again," stated Lei.

"King, you have my baby powder?" asked Ganryu.

"Yeah, but why did you bring it?" inquired King.

"So that way the Dark Hand gets a face full of powder when we pimp smack them again, besides I know Steve hates to get dirty," answered Ganryu.

"Hang on, I need to fill my canteen," said Wang as the team came along a river bank. As the Lei Team knelt down to get some water, they saw something glimmer at the bottom of the river, Lei took out a pair of Section 13's binoculars and zoomed in on the area where the glimmer came from. Underneath a patch of coral lay a stone like artifact with a picture o a monkey painted in purple on the face of the relic.

"Sweet, the monkey talisman, quite a good find if I do say so myself," remarked Lei.

"Ai ya, I no going in water, I don't want to be wet like monkey droppings, no monkey see monkey do, monkey poo-poo all over you," cried Wang.

"If we're gonna talk about monkeys, you need to stop spanking your monkey while thinking about me," replied Asuka.

"Enough, someone's gonna have to dive into the water in order to get that talisman, so who's going?" asked Raven.

"Fine, I'll do it, I'm the star anyways so I gotta do the work," remarked Lei.

"I'll help you out Lei, I'm the annoying tagalong so I should act like it because I love you Lei," piped Xiaoyu.

"Uh, ok," said Lei a little puzzled.

"We shall help too," added Asuka and King.

As Asuka started to undress, she saw Wang staring at her drooling. She immediately halted undressing.

"Screw that, I'm leaving my clothes on," said Asuka.

"Yeah me too," remarked Lei.

"Ditto," responded Xiaoyu and King in unison.

"Ai ya, I a sad panda!" cried Wang.

"No, you're a perverted old panda," retorted Asuka.

After that comment, Lei, Xiaoyu, King, and Asuka all dove into the river, and swam down to go and retrieve the monkey talisman.

"This is quite easy, it just practically fell into our hands," stated Ganryu.

"Think again Goodyear blimp," spoke Steve from behind the Lei Team.

"Why am I not surprised that you followed us," stated Raven.

"Yeah you annnoying little monkey, I have no banana for you, the only banana I have is all wrinkly and in my pants," spoke Wang.

"That was just gross, anyways, we're gonna blow you away, literally," said Hwoarang.

"Yeah, like we haven't heard that one before," grumbled Ganryu.

One of the Jacks opened up a compartment on his chest and pressed a red button in that compartment and started to beep loudly.

"Self destruct sequence activated," beeped the Jack-5.

"Bombardier drops nuke!" yelled Paul who chucked the Jack into the river. Meanwhile, Lei and the others finally succeeded in getting the monkey talisman free from the coral bed. Lei gave the others a thumbs up as he held the artifact in his hands. Just then, they all got a look at the Jack in the water and gasped.

"3...2...1...blastoff!" cried out the Jack as he exploded causing, ejecting Lei, Asuka, King, and Xiaoyu from the river and blowing them far away.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Bad day! Bad day! Bad day!" screamed Lei as he sailed upwards in the air, the other three also screamed as they soared upwards, as they landed everything went black, back at the site of the river, Raven, Ganryu and Wang all turned to the Dark Hand members with angry looks on their faces.

"Well that was stupid of you, now you have to track them down to get the talisman, but we'll still beat you to them," said Raven.

"I wouldn't say that, you'll be too tied up to help, although sadly, I can't do anything I'd like to do to you guys since I have to go where my master goes," replied Lee.

"Policeman detains criminal yelled Paul as him and a bunch of the Jacks held down Wang, Ganryu, and Raven while Lee, Hwoarang, and Dragunov grabbed some rope and tied them up.

"What a nice little Christmas present for the lions," said Dragunov.

"Yes, some old wrinkly beef jerky, some fried chicken, and a nice juicy ham for the lions to feed on, but enough, we have to find where the other fresh meat landed and steal their little fortune cookie from them," remarked Steve.

"Detective goes investigating!" shouted Paul.

As the Dark Hand ran off to find Lei and the others, Raven, Wang, and Ganryu all wondered how they were gonna get free so they could get to Lei before Steve did.

"Ow, that hurt, Ooh ah! What the hell?" grumbled Xiaoyu as she awoke. As she got up, she saw herself looking all hairy and short.

"AAH, what happened to me?" screamed Xiaoyu as she ran towards a nearby body of water and looked at her reflection, she saw a monkey's face as she looked down and came to realize it was her.

"No, I'm a monkey, I guess that's the talisman's power, to change us into animals, well I better find Lei and change myself back fast," said Xiaoyu to herself.

Before Xiaoyu could move any further though, a big ape with a red tie landed in front of her and beat his chest wildly. Xiaoyu let loose a monkey yell and hearts appeared in the ape's eyes.

"Ooh, me Donkey Kong, me want you to be my girlfriend, me like new sexy monkey!" grunted Donkey Kong.

"Eek, no way, get away from me!" yelled Xiaoyu.

"You be DK girlfriend, OOH AH! OOH AH!" shouted Donkey Kong.

Xiaoyu tried to run away, but Donkey Kong grabbed her and held her tight and then swung away on a vine.

"Eek, help me Lei!" screamed Xiaoyu.

Elsewhere, Lei, Asuka, and King all awoke, Lei shook his head to numb the pain coursing through it, and looked at the monkey talisman in his hands.

"Well that sucked, but at least we still have the talisman," said Lei.

"Agreed, but now we lost Xiaoyu, I wonder where the hell she went to," added King.

"Well, let's look for her, she can't be too far from us," suggested Asuka.

"Yeah, I hope you're right," replied Lei.

Back at the river where the monkey talisman was found, Wang, Ganryu, and Raven we're still squirming about trying to get loose from their binds, a growling sound was heard as a hungry lion made his way towards the hogtied trio.

"Ai ya, I'm going to become cat food!" shouted Wang.

"No you won't, I'll help you," said a voice from nearby.

From out of nowhere jumped out a tall ebony skinned female in a white bikini like outfit with short white hair, she threw a slab of meat in her hands in the grass and the lion ran after it and started to gnaw at the meat, allowing the female to untie Wang and the others.

"Thanks, we owe you one uh, what's your name?" asked Ganryu.

"I'm Elena, and from the looks of it, I can see that you're lost," replied Elena.

"We are, we need to find our friends before a group of bad people get to them, can you help us?" asked Raven.

"Sure, I know the African savannah very well, do you know what happened to them?" inquired Elena.

"Well, some robot dove in the water when they were in there and blew himself up and they wound up sailing over that way," answered Ganryu pointing over where Lei wound up flying off to.

"Oh, so he probably landed newr Donkey Kong's treehouse," answered Elena.

"Who's Donkey Kong?" asked Raven.

"He's an ape, he may be big and might be scary, but he's actually quite nice, I'll help you get over there," answered Elena.

"A monkey named Donkey, ai ya that's confusing," said Wang.

"Yeah, it can be, but anyways, let's got see DK, he might be able to assist us in tracking down your friends," suggested Elena.

"You got it," said Ganryu.

Elena then led the three men through the savannah towards where Donkey Kong's treehouse lay. Back at the treehouse, Donkey Kong opened the door to his lush abode and placed Xiaoyu the monkey down on his leafy hammock and put on the stereo. The song "Chimpanzee" by Barenaked Ladies blared from DK's speakers.

"You stay put, DK make you nice and comfy, me make you love me," grunted Donkey Kong as he went into another room in his treehouse.

"Damn it, how am I gonna get out of here, I need to find Lei," grumbled Xiaoyu to herself as she lay in the hammock.

"Xiao, Xiaoyu, where are you, we got some work to do now," shouted out Lei's voice.

Xiaoyu jumped off the hammock and looked out the window, outside, she saw Lei, King, and Asuka all walking around calling out her name.

"That's it, I gotta get outta here and get back into my human form," mumbled Xiaoyu as she dove out the window and ran towards Lei.

"Hey look, it's a monkey," stated King.

"Maybe it can take us to Xiaoyu," said Asuka.

"I am Xiaoyu!" screamed Xiaoyu. Unfortunately for her, they couldn't understand her since she was a monkey.

"What are you trying to tell us little monkey, you know where we can find Xiaoyu?" asked Lei.

"Damn it Lei, it's me, what do I have to do to get that through to you!" shouted Xiaoyu.

"She looks pissed, like she wants to fling her caca at us," said King.

Xiaoyu jumped on Lei and grabbed the monkey talisman out of his hands and started tapping on it hard.

"Hey, give that back, that's not a toy!" yelled Lei.

As Xiaoyu pounded on the monkey talisman, the relic began to glimmer as she activated it, a beam shot forth hitting her and she found herself back in human form.

"Xiaoyu, you were that monkey?" gasped Asuka.

"That's what I was trying to tell you guys," answered Xiaoyu.

Just as that happened, Donkey Kong jumped down and started beating his chest.

"Oh, so you really human, me still like you, you sexy," said Donkey Kong giving Xiaoyu a big sloppy kiss.

"Ah, that's muy sucio (very dirty)," said King.

"Hey Donkey Kong, how are you doing," called out Elena from afar.

Lei, DK, and the rest of the crw turned around to see Elena waving at them along with Wang, Ganryu, and Raven.

"Oh, hi Elena, you pretty as always, too bad you not like DK that way," piped Donkey Kong

"See I told you he'd find them, wasn't I right?" asked Elena.

"And you helped us find them too, and the talisman, thank you," chimed Steve from behind them.

"Well, I might've guessed you'd show up to rain on our parade," stated Lei.

"Indeed, and now we'll steal that monkey from you," answered Hwoarang.

"And spank your monkey too if you'd like," added Lee.

"No we will not do that you sick bastard," retorted Dragunov.

"Don't be hating on me," cried Lee.

"Cheetah mauls gazelle!" shouted Paul as he made a dash at the Lei Team.

"Get lost you stupid turkey!" shouted Xiaoyu as she fired the talisman at Paul, turning him into a turkey. Paul gobbled something in surprise as he ran back and cowered behind Steve. The song "Jungle Love" by Morris Day and the Time began to play.

"Jacks, seize them!" shouted Steve.

One of the Jack-5s tried to grab xiaoyu, but Donkey Kong punched a hole through him causing the Jack to fall down to the ground lifelessly.

"Don't touch my girl!" said Donkey Kong.

"Uh, ok thank you," commented Xiaoyu.

Lei and the others joined in on the fray and fighting off the Jack-5s that were trying to seize the talisman. Xiaoyu saw Dragunov dive at her out of the corner of her eye.

"You annoying little rat," said Xiaoyu, firing the talisman at Dragunov which turned him into a rat. Dragunov squeaked in fear as Hwoarang put Dragunov in his pocket. Xiaoyu however tripped at dropped the talisman at Lee's feet, Lee picked up the talisman and turned Paul and Dragunov back to normal.

"You're nothing but a pesky little insect," said Lee who turned Xiaoyu into a fly with the talisman, he tried to squish the fly but she was too quick for him.

"Yu Mow Gui Gwai Fie Di Zow!" chanted Wang.

"Keep your chants to yourself you old turtle," said Lee turning Wang into a turtle. Lei then jumped in, ready to deliver a flying kick to Lee.

"Kangaroo!" yelled Lee zapping Lei with the talisman energy, turning Lei into a kangaroo named Roger Jr. Lei looked at himself in Roger Jr. ad cried out in disappointment.

"Dingo devours kangaroo!" yelled Paul.

Roger Jr. leapt out of the way and then taunted Paul who got angry and ran at the kangaroo again. Roger Jr. leapt upwards and delivered a hard kick to Paul's sternum and then punched Paul square in the face and then leapt onto the other side of him and then Roger Jr. threw Paul right into Lee knocking the talisman out of his hands and into Ganryu's.

"Ok, Lei, Xiaoyu, and Wang, back to normal!" shouted Ganryu.

With that, Lei, Xiaoyu, and Wang were returned to human form and Ganryu threw Lei the talisman as Lee ran after him.

"Oh get away from me you fruity peacock!" shouted Lei hitting Lee with the talisman's beam and turning Lee into a peacock.

"Hey I'm gonna kick your ass!" shouted Hwoarang trying to kick Lei, but Lei dodged and kicked Hwoarang away.

"Gerbil!" shouted Lei aiming for Hwoarang, but he missed and wound up hitting Elena instead changing her into a gerbil. Hwoarang and the Jacks attacked lei again, but Donkey Kong leapt into the fray again and pounded all the Jacks into the ground with his hand slap. Donkey Kong then flung his feces at Hwoarang, causing the redheaded warrior to run off screaming in fear.

"Any friend of Elena's and my girl Xiaoyu is a friend of mine," stated Donkey Kong.

"Ok, thanks, back to Elena!" shouted Lei changing Elena back to normal.

Dragunov ran at Lei and Donkey Kong, but then Elena kicked Dragunov in the nuts, Raven then punched him with an uppercut knocking Dragunov on his back, and then King did a leg drop on the poor Russian and then Ganryu sat on him.

"Hopefully this beating will make you less of a retard and knock some common sense into you," said Ganryu.

Steve tried to run away again but Wang grabbed the cowardly Brit and held him down.

"You chicken!" yelled Lei turning Steve into a chicken with the talisman. Elena then called a lion over to where they were and threw Steve at him. Steve clucked in fear and ran off as the Dark Hand members ran after their newly feathered leader.

"Farmer chases livestock!" yelled Paul as the Dark Hand retreated.

"Heh, now I'm in the mood for some chicken, I'm going to Popeye's as soon as we get back to San Francisco," commented Lei.

"Well, I guess it won't work out between us, since you're human and I'm an ape, but I still love you Ling Xiaoyu," grunted Donkey Kong who gave Xiaoyu another kiss.

"Thank you Donkey Kong, you were a big help, if you were human, I would've given you a shot," responded Xiaoyu.

"Wang, how about I give you a kiss, if you stop looking at my boobs?" inquired Elena.

"No deal," answered Wang continuing to stare at Elena's barely clothed bosom.

"Well, that Donkey Kong sure was a nice monkey," stated Lei.

"And the way you kicked the Dark Hand's asses makes me want some monkey love from you, but not in front of everyone, so sadly it'll have to wait," said Asuka.

"Fair enough" replied Lei.

"Well, I'm missing out on my hobby, I'll catch you all later," called out Raven.

"Uh yeah, we'll meet you back at the chopper, let's go before his pants come off," suggested Lei.

With that, the Lei Team walked off as Raven went and proceeded with his strange little hobby as "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang played in the background.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," piped up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Would you own a pet monkey?" asked the kid.

"Yes, but I would make sure to toilet train it, first and foremost so that way I don't have to deal with it flinging its droppings everywhere. Then I'd train it to burn all of Asuka's and Xiaoyu's clothes," answered Lei.

"Uh, sounds like fun," said the kid.

"It sure is, I'd like to go ape on them," commented Lei who then let loose a monkey sound.

Author's Note: Well, I hope all of you liked this new chapter. I'm pretty sure Street Fighter fans will like seeing Elena in this chapter and Super Smash Bros. fans will enjoy Donkey Kong's cameo, also I hope you Tekken fans enjoyed seeing Roger Jr. make an appearance. And read chapter 3 for info on Raven's Saturday hobby if you're confused on that. Well, I'm off to go plan the next chapter, but until then, please read and review.


	7. Rabbit Run

**Chapter 7: Rabbit Run**

Ling Xiaoyu was bored as she sat in one of her classes at school, listening to her teacher, Hideo Shimazu give a lecture.

"Man, why did Lei decide to leave me behind for a talisman hunt, this pisses me off," grumbled Xiaoyu to herself.

"Miss Xiaoyu, care to explain why you are not paying attention to the lecture?" inquired Hideo.

"Yeah, I wish I was out smacking around some stupid little British crumpet and his little robotic cronies instead of listening to some lecture I don't a flying piss about," answered Xiaoyu.

"You don't give a flying piss about it eh, well how about I give you a flying piss," said Hideo.

"What are you talking about?" inquired Xiaoyu.

Hideo grabbed a cup, dropped his pants, urinated in the cup, and then threw the urine right in Xiaoyu's face, Xiaoyu screamed out in disgust as she was drenched in Hideo's urine.

"Now pay attention damn it!" yelled Hideo resuming his lecture.

Later that day, as Xiaoyu was showering after P.E. her teacher, who also happened to be Hideo's fiancee, Kyoko Minazuki walked into the shower just as Xiaoyu was getting out and stopped her to lecture her again.

"Miss Minazuki, can this wait till I'm dressed, I'm only in a towel right now," stated Xiaoyu.

"Hey, if it'll make you feel any better, we'll talk and shower at the same time," replied Kyoko.

Before Xiaoyu could respond, Kyoko pushed Xiaoyu back into the shower, undressed herself, and then turned on the water again, Xiaoyu sweat dropped.

"Xiaoyu, I wanted to know why lately you seem to lack focus in class, Hideo already told me about this, I just thought I'd talk to you in a more rational way," said Kyoko.

"Uh, well, I guess you could say that since some strange event in my life, I've been bored with school, wishing I could be out with Lei and my grandpa Wang on some crazy adventure," answered Xiaoyu.

"Well, let me tell you this, adventure may be nice now, but unless you take time to learn new knowledge, you might come across something in your adventures that will not know that you should have already learned and will regret not knowing it when that time comes," responded Kyoko.

"Uh ok, may I go get dressed now?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Yes, just please pay attention and you won't have to deal with shower conversations or Hideo throwing urine at you," answered Kyoko.

As Xiaoyu got back to Wang's that day, Lei had finally returned from his talisman hunt and the entire team was huddled around a table examining the relic that Lei had retrieved during his trip.

"Oh hey Xiaoyu, how was school for you today?" asked Lei.

"I don't wanna talk about it," answered Xiaoyu.

"Bad day huh, well hey, we got a new talisman now, it's a good one too," stated Ganryu.

Lei held up the talisman to Xiaoyu so she could see it, the talisman had a picture of a rabbit painted in purple on it making it obvious that it was the rabbit talisman.

"The rabbit talisman grants whoever harnesses its power the ability of super speed," spoke Wang.

"Heh heh, imagine how useful that could be for secret missions where speed is important," said Raven.

"Yes, but we must get it secured back at Section 13, so that way the Dark Hand doesn't get its hands on it," remarked Lei.

"Indeed, we must make that our top priority," added King.

"Aw come one, can't we keep at least one talismans for ourselves, they could come in handy you know," stated Xiaoyu as she grabbed the rabbit talisman from Lei's hands and looked at it.

"Hey, you know better,, those are too dangerous to keep out as long as the Dark Hand is roaming about trying to release that mythical beast," snapped Asuka.

"Yeah, but they'd have to catch us first!" replied Xiaoyu who activated the talisman and started speeding around the antique shop.

"Ai ya, be careful, you break it you buy it!" cried out Wang.

"Xiaoyu, quit playing around and give us back the talisman you stupid girl!" shouted Lei.

"Oh come, don't be such sticks in the mud, it's not like I'm gonna open a hole in the space-time continuum or anything," said Xiaoyu.

Xiaoyu ran outside and as the others followed suit, they saw her move so fast that she did open up a time hole and disappeared through it.

"Ai ya, the talisman went back in time," whined Wang.

"Must we really go back and get her?" asked Asuka.

"Yes, she's the only one that knows how to make my sandwiches perfectly," answered Ganryu.

"And we need that talisman too," added Lei.

"Yeah, that too," replied Ganryu.

"Ok, so let's get down to business on rescuing xiaoyu from whatever time she landed in," piped up King.

Without a moment's hesitance, the Lei Team dove through the time hole in an effort to save Xiaoyu from wherever she had wound up. As they all disappeared through the time hole, the Dark Hand had shown up and saw the time hole there.

"Well, well, it seems those little shit stains have to go retrieve a talisman in the past, you guys will follow them and then once you retrieve the talisman, go back through the hole and I'll seal it with this device that the beast gave me and trap them in the past forever!" ordered Steve.

"Aw, you aint coming with us?" asked Lee.

"No, I have to stay behind so that way I can seal the time hole the moment you get back," answered Steve.

"Jetsons meet the Flintstones!" yelled Paul as he jumped through the time hole.

"Yeah, what he said," chimed Dragunov as him, Lee, and Hwoarang all followed Paul through the time hole with some Jack-5s closely following suit. Meanwhile, Xiaoyu popped out of the other side of the time hole and as she sped back into the antique shop, she looked at the calendar and did a double take.

"1985, hey, what's this old calendar still doing up, it should have been taken down years ago," commented Xiaoyu.

"Oh Lei, you home from school, good, you take out garbage now," piped up Wang's voice, but as he walked out, Xiaoyu noticed that even though he was still old, Wang did look a bit younger, Wang dropped his tea cup as he saw Xiaoyu in the antique shop.

"Ai ya, who are you, a customer?" asked Wng.

"I'm your granddaughter you old fart," snapped Xiaoyu.

"Granddaughter, are you delusional or something, what granddaughter?" asked Wang.

"Holy crap, the rabbit talisman really did send me back to 1985, what a trip," gasped Xiaoyu.

Just then, a teenage man around Xiaoyu's age walked into the antique shop with another teenage boy and a teenage girl trailing right behind him. The teenage boy in front had blue streaks in his black hair and was wearing a black break dancer's vest and ripped blue jeans and white Nike sneakers, the boy behind him had spiky black hair and was dress in a sleeveless T-shirt and blue jeans, and the girl had long black hair, glasses, and was dressed all in black. Wang looked at the leader of the group and smiled.

"Ah Lei, how was school for you today?" asked Wang.

"Eh, I've had better days, me and Hideo's English teacher went ape shit today," answered teenage Lei.

"Yeah, he pissed in a bunch of cups and started flinging it at us," added Hideo.

"What about you Kyoko?" asked a young Ganryu who appeared from a backroom in the shop, he did look younger, but was still as fat as ever.

"Well, my gym teacher tried to come on to me while I was in the shower today, it was very awkward," answered the teenage Kyoko.

"So what's you're plans for tonight?" asked Wang.

"Well tonight's the Homecoming Dance at school, I think all three of us are gonna go just to get out for a while," answered teenage Lei.

"Why not take this girl that claims to be my granddaughter,?" suggested Wang pointing to Xiaoyu.

"Well, she is pretty hot now that I see who you're talking about, ok I'll take her that way me and Hideo don't fight over Kyoko," said teenage Lei.

In a matter of minutes, teenage Lei, Hideo, and Kyoko all cleaned up, got dressed in some spiffy duds and then they dragged Xiaoyu over the their school to attend the Homecoming Dance. Elsewhere, the Lei Team had also arrived in 1985 was busy searching for Xiaoyu all over the place.

"Damn, it's too bad we can't be here just on leisure, I've always wanted to see Back to the Future in its original theatrical release," commented Asuka.

"Yeah, but we need to make sure that Xiaoyu doesn't tamper with the past, because it could have serious reprocussions on the future," stated Raven.

"Indeed, but where could that little chica have gone?" inquired King.

"Let's check the antique shop," suggested Ganryu.

"Agreed, she might have gone there, that would be the best place to start," stated Lei.

As the Lei Team arrived at the antique shop, younger Wang and Ganryu saw the older versions of themselves and started stammering in disbelief.

"Ai ya, why do I feel like I'm looking in a mirror and there is no mirror there, I must be senile!" cried out past Wang.

"You not senile, maybe I senile, but you no senile, and one more thing, there is no mirror right here!" answered present Wang.

"Well then am I going senile too?" asked past Ganryu.

"No, you are not, you really are looking at the future version of yourself," answered present Ganryu.

"Ai ya, so that girl really was my granddaughter!" exclaimed past Wang.

"You mean Xiaoyu, she came here, where is she now?" asked Lei.

"You took her to the Homecoming Dance," answered past Wang.

"The Homecoming Dance, I forgot that this happened today, we have to get to Mugen High fast!" stated Lei.

"Hold up, we'll come with you," said past Wang and Ganryu in unison as they also ran out of the antique shop and ran towards Mugen High. Just as the Lei Team left, the Dark Hand saw them running off.

"Where the heck to their running to?" asked Lee.

"They must want Taco Bell so they're running for the border," answered Dragunov.

"Jumper cables charge battery!" shouted Paul smacking Dragunov upside the head.

"They must have found Xiaoyu, quickly, let's follow them to wherever they go," ordered Hwoarang.

"I'm hunting wabbits!" shouted Paul as they followed the Lei Team's trail.

Over at Mugen High's gymnasium, Xiaoyu danced with the teenage Lei to many different 80's songs. Hideo and Kyoko also danced together while watching Lei and Xiaoyu.

"I've never seen her around before, is she a new student?" asked Kyoko.

"Dunno, but hey, at least Lei has a date, even if she doesn't go to this school," answered Hideo.

"Lei, this has been fun, but I have to tell you something," said Xiaoyu.

"What's that?" asked teenage Lei.

"That she's from the future," spoke up Wang who along with the rest of the Lei Team stood in the doorway to the gymnasium.

"Master Wang, what are you doing here, who are these people, and why am I seeing two of you and Ganryu?" inquired teenage Lei.

"These people are from the future, they were brought here by the magic of that artifact that girl is carrying, and your future self is right here," answered past Ganryu pointing at present Lei.

"Man, looking at myself, from the past is a trip," piped up present Lei.

"You were pretty cute back then, but you look better now," commented Asuka.

"Wow, Hideo and Kyoko, I still talk to you guys, you're both teachers for Xiaoyu in the future and you're engaged, and Kyoko is a TILF" stated Lei.

"Heh, that's some good news right there," said Hideo.

"Past, present, it doesn't matter, we'll make sure you have no future!" said Lee's voice from behind them.

"These guys friends from the future too?" asked Kyoko.

"Hell no, they're thorns in all our asses, time to give them an old school beatdown," answered King.

"Where's your little pussy leader at?" questioned Raven.

"You mean Steve, he stayed behind so that way he could seal the time hole once we retrieve the talisman and trap you in this time forever," answered Hwoarang.

"Cowabunga dude!" shouted Paul.

The song "Rapper's Delight" by the Sugarhill Gang began to play as the Lei Team along with past Lei, Wang, Ganryu, Hideo, and Kyoko all started dancing as the Dark Hand with their legion of Jack-5s also started to dance as well as fight. Xiaoyu activated the rabbit talisman again and started speeding around and smacking Jack-5s and then running before they could catch her. Dragunov stuck out his foot while Xiaoyu ran however and tripped her causing the rabbit talisman to fly into the air.

"Oh yeah, I have a lucky rabbit's foot!" exclaimed Dragunov.

"Oh no you don't Kyoko, double team attack!" shouted Hideo.

"You got it future husband," affirmed Kyoko as she spun around kicking Dragunov multiple times, Hideo leapt into the air and smacked Dragunov with an uppercut.

"Shin Seihaken!" shouted Hideo and Kyoko both firing a ki projectile at Dragunov and knocking him senseless. Hideo then grabbed the rabbit talisman and threw it to teenage Lei who caught it with ease

"Hey both Ganryus, bowl those morons over!" shouted both past and present Wang.

"Sure thing" said past and Ganryu as they both curled into a ball and bowled over Hwoarang and a few Jacks. Then both Ganryu's sat on Hwoarang and farted on him causing Hwoarang to pass out from the surround sound flatulence.

"Well that was a gas." commented the Ganryus.

"Let's whip it good baby!" said Lee as he unleashed a flyig kick at Raven.

"Oh I'm gonna whip your ass all right, just not in the way you're thinking of," said Raven.

"Yeah, Irish Whip!" said King throwing Raven into a herd of Jacks and knocking them all over and then King started to break dance and then as Lee stared at him confused, Raven hit Lee with a break dance style attack knocking him into King who then hit Lee with a Pile Driver.

"Asuka, care to dance?" asked present Lei.

"We can dance if we want to, we can leave our woes behind," anwered Asuka as her and Lei started to dance with each other while fending off all the Jacks that rushed them down.

"Xiaoyu, care for one last dance?" asked teenage Lei.

"Yeah, I'll give you one more night," answered Xiaoyu as her and teenage Lei mimicked Lei and present Asuka.

"Rock this town, rock it innside out!" yelled Paul as he ran at the dancing couples.

Both Leis spun Asuka and Xiaoyu around confusing Paul as to who to attack. Teenage Lei then activated the rabbit talisman and ran behind Paul and then hit him with his Razor Rush combo.

"Coiled snake eats rat!" yelled Paul who tried to attack the teenage Lei but missed, teenage Lei then threw the talisman to the present Lei who caught it and mirrored his teenage self by also smacking Paul with a Razor Rush combo. Then both Leis along with Asuka and Xiaoyu all smacked Paul with one powerful attack at once and floored the buff blonde oaf.

"Radical!" exclaimed the teenage Lei.

"Well I don't think there is any question as to Homecoming King this year, the winner is Lei Wulong!" announced one of the other students as he gave the teenage Lei a crown.

"I'd love to give the king another dance, but we have to get back to our time now," said Xiaoyu.

"Hey, it's ok, I had fun anyways, I'm sure a lot of these honeys would love to cut a rug with the king," commented teenage Lei.

"You got it, oh yeah, Hideo, Kyoko, please don't mimic what your teachers did to us, I'm sure you'll make Xiaoyu's school life a lot easier that way," advised present Lei.

"Ok, you have our word," affirmed Hideo and Kyoko.

The Lei Team bid farewell to their past selves and then ran for the time hole with the power of the rabbit talisman and leapt through it, upon returning to the present, Steve gasped in horror.

"Oh no, this is not good!' cried out Steve.

"No going back to the future for your cronies anytime soon," stated Lei as he snatched the device to seal the time hole from Steve and fired it just before the Dark Hand back in the past could get through. Steve ran away shreiking and fearing for his life.

"Now do you see why we don't play with the talismans," spoke Lei to Xiaoyu.

"Yeah, I see," answered Xiaoyu.

"We will continue this conversation in the shower," piped up Wang.

"Ew, NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Xiaoyu..

"I'm just playing," replied Wang.

"That reminds me, you shouldn't have told Kyoko not to mimic the gym teacher because I've love to have that happen to me," chimed raven.

"Oh well, I'm sure we'll get plenty of other opportunities to see some skin though," responded Lei.

They all nodded and headed off for Section 13 to secure the rabbit talisman. Back at the Dark Hand headquarters, the mythical beast berated Steve for his failure.

"I can't believe that you lost yet another talisman to that Lei, and you also lost your comrades in the past, you suck!" yelled the beast.

"I'm sorry about that master," sniffled Steve.

"Hey boss, we're back, but we had to take the long way home," piped up Hwoarang as him, Lee, Dragunov and Paul all walked into the building looking all old.

"Senior citizen needs Depends!" shouted Paul.

"Boy this getting our ass kicked stuff has literally gotten old," commented Steve as he began to look for a way to get his comrades back to being young again.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you love the 80's?" asked the kid.

"Well yeah, it was the birth of a lot of great things, cartoons were aweome back in the 80's, lots of great movies such as revenge of the Nerds, Back toe Future, and the like, plus that's when video games became really big. I love the 80's, and I love 80's porn stars too," answered Lei.

"Ok, thank you," said the kid.

"Pour some sugar on me!" hollered Lei.

Author's Note: Well another chapter in the books, I hope Rival Schools fans enjoyed seeing Hideo and Kyoko make an appearance. Soon we will reveal the mythical beast's identity but that will most likely be next chapter. However until then, please read and review.


	8. A Wolf In Sheep's Clothing

**Chapter 8: A Wolf In Sheep's Clothing**

In an old European country, Lei Wulong was on the hunt for another talisman that he had heard was found in an old abandoned farm. As Lei entered the vacant barn, he saw a bunch of bats fly out screeching like crazy.

"Get away from me, I'm not a bat man in any way," grumbled Lei.

"Good, because I don't feel like being Robin amigo," replied King.

"Here talisman, talisman, talisman!" called out Asuka.

"I don't think talismans can talk back Asuka," remarked Raven.

"I know that, you don't have to be mean," pouted Asuka.

Upon exploring the empty barn, the Lei Team soon came across a stone colored object with a sheep painted in a bluish green color on the front of it, they all immediately recognized it as the sheep talisman.

"All right, we've found the talisman that's adorned with a barnyard animal," remarked Lei.

"Good, then let's get outta here, I hate the smell of cow crap in the morning," piped Ganryu.

"I agree, let's get back to the United States and back to the Section 13 headquarters post haste," stated Raven.

Lei and the others nodded as the Section 13 chopper descended down to pick up the Lei Team. Meanwhile, back in San Francisco, at the Dark Hand headquarters, Steve was busy getting a talking to from the mythical beast.

"You are a moron Steve, and so are you companions, Ican't believe how many times you've all bungled things up, right now, while I'm here talking to you, Wulong just got another talisman!" yelled the beast.

"Well, this one's technically your fault," answered Steve.

"Silence fool, don't you dare speak of Ogre like that!" yelled Ogre.

"Well,what do you suggest we do?"asked Steve.

"The talisman they received is the sheep, I think I have plan, my body may be sealed away but my soul can travel, and with the talisman they just found, I can use this to my advantage," answered Ogre.

"How so?" asked Steve.

"Oh, you shall soon see," answered Ogre.

Back at the antique shop, Wang was examining the newfound talisman and reading up on the artifact to soak up some information.

"According to this book, the sheep talisman allows for the spirit to seperate from the body," informed Wang.

"So basically, the talisman does nothing but kill us," chimed in Lei.

"Not really, you re-enter your body any time you want, but it's good for doing some freaky shit with people's minds because you can enter their dreams," answered Wang.

"Meh, that doesn't seem to useful to me," groaned Xiaoyu.

"Hey you never know, don't dismiss this just because it doesn't do some blow up the world style power," scolded Lei.

"Yeah, like I'm really gonna ever have to use that," scoffed Xiaoyu.

"Oh well, let's go read some more on this and have some lunch, I no like explain anything on empty stomach," suggested Wang.

As the others left the study, Xiaoyu stayed behind and looked at the sheep talisman in disgust, sticking her tongue out at it.

"Bleh, sheep suck, I even hate wool, stuff makes me itch," said Xiaoyu.

At the moment Xiaoyu made her comment, the sheep talisman activated and a beam fired and hit Xiaoyu knocking her onto the couch and expelling her soul from her body.

"What the, I'm dead, meh, I can just go back into my body now if I want to," boasted Xiaoyu's soul.

"Think again you foolish little brat," hissed Ogre's ssoul as he flew into Xiaoyu's body, possessing it for his own.

"Ha, now I shall destroy your friends and take the talismans for myself, dooming you to float there like a turd in an unflushed toilet," taunted Ogre's voice from inside Xiaoyu.

"I don't know who the hell you are, but there's no way I'm letting you violate my body," said Xiaoyu.

"Big talk for a nobody, get it, no body, heh heh," chortled Ogre.

Soon, the rest of the Lei Team walked back into the study and saw Xiaoyu laying on the couch, unaware that Ogre's soul had possessed her body.

"Xiaoyu, you haven't been playing with the talisman have you," inquired Lei.

"No, I haven't," answered Ogre faking Xiaoyu's voice.

"Ok, good, now let's get this to Section 13," said Raven.

"All right, can I come too?" inquired Ogre.

"No, don't let him, I mean her, I mean me...crap this is confusing, don't let that thing inside of my body go!" yelled Xiaoyu's soul, unfortunately, no one heard her.

"No way, you and I are going shopping like we said we would after we got this talisman, let's leave this stuff up to the guys," answered Asuka.

"You shall be devoured by a hundred demons," hissed Ogre as Asuka dragged Xiaoyu's body out of the shop.

"What's up with Xiaoyu, she would normally be excited about going shopping," mused Ganryu.

"I don't know, she did seem rather bitchy there," added King.

"Maybe it that time of month," said Wang.

"Hey, that's not cool!" yelled Asuka from afar.

"I sorry, but I no trust anything that bleeds for five days and does not die!" shouted Wang.

"Oh well, I'm gonna go take a nap now," said Lei.

Raven and King then walked out of the shop and headed to section 13, Lei lied down on the couch for a nap as Wang started to read a Playboy and Ganryu when in the kitchen for a second lunch.

"I guess I gotta make like some alien mind probe and get into Lei's dreams to warn him about that beast that took over my body," mumbled Xiaoyu.

Without hesitance, right as Lei nodded off to dreamland, Xiaoyu dove right into his conscince and began looking around Lei's rather unusual dream.

"Ok, I'm swimming in a pool of ramen noodles, it's a good thing I'm just a spirit now otherwise I'd probably suffer third degree burns, plus why would Lei want to swim in ramen?" asked Xiaoyu.

All of a sudden she saw Lei sailing in a boat in the giant sea of ramen and slurping up some of the noodles while singing happily to himself.

"Just eat it, eat it, eat it ,eat it!" sang Lei as he scooped some ramen into a bucket and began feasting away at it.

"Why on earth would Lei dream of food, is the way to a man's heart truly his stomach?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Ah, what a lovely way to spend a day, sailing on a boat in a ramen river, should make for a delicious dive, the only thing that would make this better would be a nice cold milk tea with tapioca pearls," said Lei witha big grin on his face.

"Your wish is my command," spoke Asuka's voice.

Lei looked over the boat as he saw Asuka emerge from the river, Xiaoyu was surprised that Asuka wasn't severely burned by the broth, but remembered that this was all Lei's dream and slapped herself on the head.

"Oh hey Asuka, what are you doing in the broth?" asked Lei.

"Oh, just going for a swim, but I heard your request, so I am here to fulfill it for you," answered Asuka.

As Asuka rose up onto the boat, Xiaoyu could see that Asuka was naked as she sat down next to Lei and pulled out a giant pitcher of taro flavored milk tea with tapioca pearls.

"Oh wow, today must be my lucky day," cheered Lei.

Xiaoyu just stared in disbelief as Asuka opened the pitcher nd began pouring the purple colored beverage all over herself and Lei, Lei just ogled the naked Asuka soaking herself with the milky liquid and gave a thumbs up for no reason.

"Go ahead and lick this off of me," said Asuka seductively.

"You got it baby!" shouted Lei.

"Ok, I've seen enough, hey Lei!" screamed Xiaoyu.

"Huh, Xiaoyu, how long have you been spying on us?" asked Lei.

"Long enough, I'm here to deliver you a message," answered Xiaoyu.

"Aw, you ruined the fun to deliver a message," cried out Asuka.

"This is just a dream anyways, and if I don't deliver this message, you won't be able to have fun for real," replied Xiaoyu.

"Ok then, what's the message?" inquired Lei.

"An evil spirit has possesed my body after I played around with the sheep talisman, and he's going to kill all of you in order to et the other talismans from Section 13. You have to warn the others," cried out Xiaoyu.

"Why am I not surprised that you were playing with the talisman, oh well, I guess I'll have to end this fantastic dream to go save everyone's ass now, great," grumbled Lei.

"See you later Lei," said Asuka.

"Yeah, hopefully one day this will really happen," responded Lei.

Lei immediately snapped awake and saw Wang reading a book and Ganryu eating some milk and cookies.

"You guys, I just had a bizarre ass dream," said Lei.

"What, was it that same sailing on a ramen river dream?" asked Wang.

"Well, yeah, but Xiaoyu showed up and told me that she's been possessed by some demon after she was playing with the sheep talisman," answered Lei.

"Hey, I've been dreaming about talismans since this story began, it don't bother me no more," replied Ganryu.

"Ay, you two are denser than a block of carbon," grumbled Lei.

Just then, Asuka burst though the door panting and sweating profusely, she was battered up a bit and there were some tears in her outfit. Lei, Wang, and Ganryu all looked at her with concern.

"Asuka, you look like crap, what happened?" asked Wang.

"Xiaoyu went all ape shit and attacked me screaming nonsense about how she'll devour the souls of the world once she obtains all the talismans," answered Asuka.

"Now do you believe my dream?" asked Lei.

"I suppose so, but where could Xiaoyu have run off to?" inquired Ganryu.

"Where else would she go, to Section 13 of course, we need to get there to help Raven and King," answered Lei.

"Finally, they get the lead out, hurry up so I can get my body back, I don't want to know what ways that Ogre fellow is violating my body in," said Xiaoyu's soul.

Over at Section 13, Raven and King had just reached the building and were ready to secure the sheep talisman with the others.

"I'm telling you ese, briefs are better for the undies, they allow support for the huevos!" exclaimed King.

"No way man, I need my huevos to breathe, boxer shorts are better," replied Raven.

"No, it's all about briefs!" said King.

"No, boxers!" retorted Raven.

"I'd hate to break up this tightie whitie argument, but I'm afraid your goose is cooked," said Steve from behind them.

"We were wondering when you'd show up, and you can't cook our geese, we don't have any," remarked King.

"Well then we'll shear that sheep of yours, and take any other talismans you have in your possession," stated Hwoarang.

"Shepard leads sheep off of cliff!" yelled Paul.

"One question though, how did you find us?" asked Raven.

"We had help there my chocolate thunder," answered Lee.

Xiaoyu then stepped out from the crowd, her eyes glowing red and Raven and King just gasped in shock from what they were seeing.

"Xiaoyu, you little puta, why did you turn on us?" asked King angrily.

"Because Ling Xiaoyu is no more, I am Ogre, I possessed that little brat's body after she was foolish enough to tamper with that sheep talisman, and now I will obtain all those in your possession, and destroy you all so you don't interfere with us getting the rest of them!" growled Ogre from inside Xiaoyu.

"Like we'll let that happen," shouted Lei from behind the Dark Hand.

"Oh goody, fresh meat for lunch," cheered Dragunov.

"Ai ya, I think I far from fresh, I long expired," replied Wang.

"Argh! Lei Wulong, you shall be the first to perish for you continued interference with me getting all those that rightfully belong to me!" roared Ogre.

"Xiaoyu, don't worry, we'll find a way to free you of this beast," called out Asuka.

"Good, evict that thing from my body so I can take up residence again," remarked Xiaoyu's soul.

The song, "Go 2 Sleep" by Eminem, Obie Trice, and DMX began to play as the Lei Team battled the Dark Hand to protect the talismans and save Xiaoyu from Ogre's grasp.

"I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle," said one of the Jacks.

"You forgot to say please," responded King as he pile drove that Jack into submission.

"I got a way to deal with these Jacks, security!" yelled Raven.

Just then, Section 13's security robot, Fulgore ran out and began scanning the fight scene.

"Targets acquired, initiating Defense of Section 13 program," beeped Fulgore.

Fulgore darted foward and drove his claws into a Jack to begin the fact, Raven saw Lee go in for a slap, Raven grabbed Lee's hand and gripped the white haired man tightly.

"I'm gonna pimp smack yo ass bitch!" shouted Raven as he swatted Lee away.

"Taste my corny feet!" yelled Dragunov as he aimed a jump kick at Wang, Garnyu grabbed Dragunov from out of the air and slammed onto the ground. Ganryu then picked Dragunov up and knocked him out with a head butt.

"Terminate intruders," beeped Fulgore as he took off his mask and a ginat machine gun appeared out of his head , he set his sights on Hwoarang and upon seeing that hid behind a wall of Jacks as Fulgore began to unload his ammo, all the Jacks were riddled with numerous bullets and they all fell to the ground inactive. Fulgore put his mask back on and charged at Hwoarang who ran away only to find himself on the receiving end of a kick to the groin from Wang, Fulgore then started to lay a beating into the incapacitated redhead.

"Xiaoyu come to your senses," cried out Asuka.

"Your words are futile, you shall die you harlot," hissed Ogre.

"Wang, I think I know how to stop this, use a chi spell with the sheep talisman," stated Lei.

Raven threw the talisman to Wang, Paul saw this and made a beeline for the old man, in order to gaffle the talisman from the Lei Team.

"Mortician cremates corpse!" shouted Paul.

Lei jumped into the way and swept Paul off of his feet, Paul grew angry at Lei for getting in his way.

"Chainsaw cuts down tree!" yelled Paul aiming a punch at Lei's chest, Lei blocked the attack and grabbed Paul and held him in a head lock allowing Wang time to cast his chi spell.

"Yu Mow Gui Gwai Fie Di Zow!" chanted Wang.

The Ogre possessed Xiaoyu saw this and as the chi spell beam came out, Xiaoyu fired a beam of energy at Wang. The two beams connected with each other and a large blast erupted and both Wang and Xiaoyu were knocked back. The blast also jarred the sheep talisman loose from Wang's grip and right into Steve's hand.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" cried out Ogre as he felt his soul being expelled from Xiaoyu's body.

"Xiaoyu, please be all right," cried out Ganryu.

Xiaoyu's soul wasted no time in going back into her body, Xiaoyu then awoke and smiled upon realizing that she had her body back.

"Hey, don't worry I'm fine," said Xiaoyu as she looked at the Lei Team.

"Ai ya, anyone worried about me?" asked Wang.

"We know you're ok, so no worries here," answered Lei.

"Except for the fact that we got this talisman. It's a shame that we didn't get the others, oh well, but we'll save that for another day, until then, ta-ta cretins," said Steve.

"Employee receives paycheck!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand retreated with the sheep talisman in their possession.

"Oh no, what have I done, I allowed the Dark Hand to get away with a talisman," cried Xiaoyu.

"Yeah you did, and what you did was stupid, but since you interfered with my dream, you were also able to help us prevent them from getting the rest of the talismans, we just hope you learned another lesson here," stated Lei.

"Yeah I did," grumbled Xiaoyu.

"Mission half complete, half failed," beeped Fulgore.

"We'll just make sure to be more careful next time, I could really for some ramen and milk tea now," said Asuka.

"Yeah me too, let's do lunch," suggested Lei.

"What about the others?" asked Asuka.

"Don't worry, we aint hungry," sais Xiaoyu interrupting the others before they could speak.

With that Lei and Asuka ran off to get some food, as Fulgore walked off to repair damage to the building.

"What were we talking about bofore the Dark Hand showed up?" inquired Raven.

"Boxers or briefs, I say briefs," answered King.

"Oh yeah, it's boxers bitch!" replied Raven.

"Briefs!" yelled King.

"Boxers!" yelled Raven.

"Briefs!" shouted King tearing off his outfit and showing off his tightie whities.

"Boxers!" shouted Raven tearing off his outfit showing off his heart dotted boxers.

"That makes me happy in hte pants," said Xiaoyu.

"Thong!" yelled Ganryu as he tore off his outfit and showed off his purple sumo thong.

"That makes me sad in the pants," grumbled Xiaoyu.

"Ai ya, that make me sick in the pants!" cried out Wang.

"I wish I could vacate my body right now," grumbled Xiaoyu.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," piped up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you count sheep when you go to sleep?" asked the kid.

"No way, sheep are stupid animals, and besides I aint some little kid, I count something else, something more grown up if you know what I'm saying, that way I go to sleep happy," answered Lei.

"Uh, ok, thanks for the answer," said the kid.

"Ah, time for good sleep," stated Lei.

Author's Note: Well now, another chapter down. Yeah I decided to cut the Dark Hand a break, but it won't happen often. Hopefully those fans of Killer Instinct enjoyed seeing Fulgore make an appearance. Well, I'm off to plan the next chapter now, but until then however, please read and review.


	9. Healthy As A Horse

**Chapter 9: Healthy As A Horse**

In the state of Texas, on a remote dude ranch, the Lei Team had decided to forget about their unfortunate loss of the sheep talisman and get back to searching for the remaining five talismans.

"Man, finding the horse talisman is a load of horse shit, and I hate smelling it," grumbled Ganryu.

"Don't we all, but hey, it's a dirty job trying to get these talismans," replied Lei.

"More like a shitty job," retorted King.

"Yeah, that too," responded Lei.

"So where do you think it could be, this isn't a very big ranch," commented Asuka.

"Hell if I know, since it's the horse talisman, it has to be in the horse stable most likely," answered Wang.

"I am not looking forward to playing proctologist," grumbled Raven.

"Hey, quit talking bad about horses, it not like anyone's butt mud smells like a rose garden," said Xiaoyu.

"The brat has a point, but get to the business at hand, and in our noses and search for the gold amongst the turds," suggested Lei.

Upon entering the stable, the Lei Team saw one of the workers on the dude ranch getting ready to dump oats in a feed bag.

"Well hey there all y'all buckaroos, would y'all like to hlep me feed them there horses, it's lots of fun," said the worker.

The Lei Team all pushed Wang forward who immediately looked back at the others sweating and concerned.

"Ai ya, why you push me forward?" asked Wang.

"We think it's time you do something other than complain," answered Raven.

Wang grumbled a bit, but then grabbed a feed bag and started to pour oats in it. As the oats cascaded out of the bag, Wang saw a stony object fall from the bag and immediately stopped pouring oats. As the Lei Team ran over to examine the artifact, they saw painted in purple on the rock, a picture of a horse.

"Ai ya, you almost feed horse to another horse, you want horse be cannibal?" shouted Wang.

"Hey, I didn't know that rock was in there, otherwise I wouldn't be be feeding that to my lovely horses," answered the ranch owner.

"Hey, this no ordinary rock, this very special ancient Chinese artifact," cried out Wang, smacking the ranch owner over the head.

"Okay, sheesh, I'm sorry there pardner," said the ranch owner rubbing his sore head.

"Well horsey, it's time to turn you into glue," spoke Steve's voice from behind them.

"Oh great, a posse of rodeo clowns," grumbled Lei as the Lei Team turned around and saw the Dark Hand right behind them.

"Well these rodeo clowns are gonna lasso you good, and then I'm gonna give you a cream pie to the face," said Lee.

"Eww, gross, I just lost my appetite," gagged Ganryu.

"Well that's a first right there," commented King.

"Rancher brands cattle!" yelled Paul as he ran at the Lei Team ready to attack.

Lei saw a bale of hay nearby and with Ganryu's help, chucked the hay bale at Paul, knocking the blonde oaf to the ground.

"That's it, time to round up all the stray hogs and turn them into smoked bacon and ham, yee haw!" said Dragunov in a mock redneck accent.

With that a bunch of Jack-5s started to square dance as Dragunov pulled out a banjo and started playing it.

"Ai ya, let's hurry up and beat them, country music gives me indigestion!" cried out Wang who covered his ears.

Lee pulled out a rope and tried to lasso Lei, who jumped back and saw a cattle brander lying in some hot coals nearby, Lei snatched up the branding tool and singed the rope with it, as Lee tried to run, he saw Asuka right behind him who knocked Lee up into the air and juggled him with a combo.

"Oh crap, keep that branding thing away from me," cried out Hwoarang.

"Oh ho ho ho! Time for a weenie roast!" taunted Lei.

Hwoarang ran into the barn and hid in an empty horse stable, and then remained quiet.

"Hey, he won't find me in here, it may stink horribly, but at least my boys are safe," thought Hwoarang to himself as he sat in the stable.

"Peek a boo!" shouted Lei through a hole in the barn wall and he stuck the branding tool through the hole and the red hot brander hit Hwoarang square in the crotch. The redhead let out a high pitched scream and shot through the roof. Hwoarang then hit the ground and rolled around crying and caressing his burned groin area.

Paul jumped on a horse and started to charge at the Lei Team.

"Jouster impales rival!" yelled Paul as his horse galloped towards the Lei Team. Raven pulled out a flare gun and shot it in the air. The flare spooked the horse and causied him to rear back violently knocking Paul off the horse.

"I'll help you out Paulie!" shouted Dragunov running towards where Paul was, but the still scared horse wound up kicking the remedial Russian into a cactus where Dragunov wound up poking his butt, he jumped off in pain and landed in a trough full of pig slop.

"Hey Lei Team, I have a surprise for you bastards, courtesy of Ogre!" yelled Steve throwing forth a glass orb that splashed a strange green liquid onto some of the team members, Wang and Raven managed to avoid getting splashed by hiding behind Ganryu.

"What, afraid of liquids?" asked Ganryu.

"I hate getting wet, I no wear Depends, so I no want to be wet," answered Wang.

"And I don't want any weird green glop on me," added Raven.

Just then, the Lei Team members that got doused in the green muck, found a strange ailment washing over them, as different parts of their body got rigid and turned to stone.

"Oh mierda, I like rock, but I don't actually want to be a rock," cried out King.

"We'll just pick away the talismans once you all regress to rock. Good luck in finding an antidote cretins," said Steve as the Dark Hand retreated,

"Lethal injection poisons system!" yelled Paul as the Dark Hand vanished.

"Ai ya, you all becoming statues, I cannot let that happen, then who buy Viagra at store for me," cried out Wang.

"This is not what I mean by rocking out, there's no way I'm being doomed to being a fixture that pigeons crap all over on a daily basis," grumbled Lei.

"Well aint this a rocky road we're going through, can we go to Cold Stone while we figure out a solution?" stated Ganryu.

"How can you think about ice cream at a time like this, especially a place called Cold Stone," cried out Asuka.

"Hey, if I'm gonna be a statue, might as well be a statue with a full stomach," answered Ganryu.

"Very well then, you get your Stone Cold or whatever it is, while I come with way to keep you from being bedrock, no yabba dabba doo here," said Wang.

"Wait, don't go anywhere, there's this Native American tribe I know of in Arizona, let's head there fast, maybe they can help us," suggested Raven.

"Ok then, let's rock!" shouted Xiaoyu. Everyone looked at her with a menacing glare for her comment.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry about, I forgot about our predicament," chuckled Xiaoyu nerviously.

As the Section 13 chopper arrived, the Lei Team was off to the desert area of Arizona. The chopper landed on the outskirts of a nearby town after quite a long ride, the Lei Team immediately jumped out of the chopper, well, for Asuka, whose left leg was stone, she had to be carried.

"Why can't we just try to see what our new horse talisman does?" asked King as he scratched his stony chest.

"Ai ya, we no have time, we need find you cure, we trust Native American shaman to heal you," answered Wang.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing," grumbled Lei looking at his stone hand with a grimace.

"I always know what I doing, because I old and wise," answered Wang.

"Yeah right," thought Xiaoyu to herself looking at her petrified hair..

After a few minutes of walking, the Lei Team came across a Native American reservation, as the Lei Team entered the reservation's boundaries, the residents there looked at them weirdly, not knowing what to make of their strange visitors.

"Hey, what you strange folk doing on reservation?" asked a burly Native American with a silver colored mohawk, blue face paint around his eyes, silver pants and boots.

"A few of our friends have a strange affliction and we need a healer to help us," answered Raven.

"Tell Chief Thunder what be the health problem you have," ordered Chief Thunder.

"We're turning into stone," answered Lei.

"That must be hard to swallow, I have friend take you to shaman, Thunder Hawk, come over here!" bellowed Chief Thunder.

Suddenly, a tall muscular man with short brown hair, a blue feather headband, blue denim vest, blue jeans, and brown boots emerged from the crowd and looked over at Chief Thunder, it was his friend, Thunder Hawk.

"What you need my friend?" asked T. Hawk.

"Take visitors to see shaman," answered Chief Thunder.

"Ok, you folk, come with me, we go see Nightwolf," ordered T. Hawk.

"All right," said the Lei Team in unison. But just as they were about to walk, the five members that were turning to stone began to convulse and more of their body became petrified.

"Great, now I can't even walk," cried Asuka looking at her petrified lower half.

"I'd carry you, but my arms are now nothing more than dead weight," grumbled Lei looking at his arms, both of which were now stone.

"I'll get you help to get there, Julia, get over here!" hollered T. Hawk.

Just then, a sexy Native American female in a brown leather top and denim skirt ran out to where the Lei Team was, it was Julia Chang, the most attractive female in the tribe.

"Wow, what a sexy statuesque squaw, too bad my groin is petrified right now," commented Ganryu.

"Ha ha, you're more statuesque than me right now, literally, but did you call Thunder Hawk," said Julia.

"Yes, help me get these folks to Nightwolf's please," said T. Hawk.

"Sure thing," piped Julia.

Without hesitance, Julia and T. Hawk helped the Lei Team over to the other side of the reservation until they came across a hut that had a sign out front saying "Shaman's Hut"

"This Nightwolf's place, go on and enter my petrified pals," commented T. Hawk.

As the Lei Team entered the hut, they saw a long black haired man with a blue headband, red face paint, a black vest, blue pants, and black boots. It was Nightwolf, the tribe's shaman.

"What do you seek of me?" asked Nightwolf.

"We need you to heal these people shaman," answered Wang.

"What is it that ails your companions?" inquired Nightwolf.

"We are becoming statues and we need to find a way to reverse it," answered Lei.

"Ah, I see, and how did you come upon this affliction?" questioned Nightwolf.

"While out talisman hunting, our enemies sprayed us with this green liquid that causing us to become nothing but big rocks," answered King.

"Let me see the talisman," said Nightwolf.

Wang pulled the horse talisman out of his pants pocket, and Nightwolf started to study the artifact, after getting a good look at it, he turned to the Lei Team and began to speak.

"The horse talisman seems to have the power of healing, if you can activate this talisman, it should dispel your sickness," informed Nightwolf.

"Now we can't let that happen now can we," spoke Steve from behind them.

"Oh great, these guys are as annoying as rocks in a shoe," groaned Raven.

"And pretty soon, you'll be nothing but rubble," commented Hwoarang.

"Ooh, I like Barney Rubble, but I also like Fred Flintstone as well," piped up Dragunov.

"Jackhammer breaks through concrete!" yelled Paul who smacked Dragunov for his comment.

"Time to say farewell to you stoners, get it stoners, since you're turning to stone," said Lee.

"No way, we will, we will, rock you!" retorted Lei.

Before the Lei Team could attack however, they convulsed again, and the afflicted members were now completely petrified. Steve began to laugh maniacally.

"Looks like you're all rocked out, I guess it's time to see how far I can skip you across a pond," taunted Steve.

"Ai ya, this no good, I not know how to activate talisman!" cried out Wang.

Just then, T. Hawk, Julia, and Chief Thunder all entered Nightwolf's hut and took a battle stance.

"We'll help you fend off these fools that have rocks in their head, now try and find out how to activate the talisman, quickly!" yelled Chief Thunder.

"Rocks in my head, no, I have bones in my head," said Dragunov.

"Know when to hold them and know when to fold them!" shouted Paul.

"Great, a casino joke, just because we're Native Americans doesn't mean we own a casino," groaned T. Hawk.

The song "Ridin" by Chamillionaire begins to play as a fight ensues between the four Native American warriors and the Dark Hand while Wang and Raven try to activate the horse talisman.

"I'm gonna go savage on you big burly beasties," commented Lee as he charged at the Native Americans with a flurry of kicks. Julia blocked all the kicks and then hit Lee with an uppercut and started to juggle Lee in the air with multiple punches.

"Ai ya, how we activate talisman, my chant no work?" asked Wang.

"I don't know, it's quite complex, try sneezing on it," suggested Raven.

"That's a moronic idea," cried out Wang who smacked Raven on the head. Just then a Jack landed on the ground next to Wang and Raven which caused a cloud of dust to come up from the ground, the dust drifted into Wang's nose and he let out a big sneeze all over the horse talisman.

"Yuck, I didn't order this talisman with boogers all over it," cried out Wang.

All or a sudden, the horse talisman began to glow and a beam shot out and hit the petrified Lei Team members, curing them completely, all of them began to jump for joy.

"Oh yeah, this horse saved these cowboys and cowgirls!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"Now to give these Dark Hand dorks a pow wow they won't forget!" stated Lei.

"Oh so what are you gonna do to us, give me a rain dance?" asked Hwoarang.

"No, how about I give you a cut off your pee-pee dance?" taunted Chief Thunder as he pulled out a pair of tomahawks. Hwoarang covered his already clothed groin and started to run away, but Chief Thunder fired a projectile shaped like a phoenix at him knocking the redhead senseless.

"It's not a tumor!" beeped a Jack as a legion of the robots rushed at the Lei Team. Raven teleported behind them and started unleashing some martial arts combos into them, King started clotheslining some of their heads off.

"I'm gonna scalp these mechanical motherfuckers!" yelled Nightwolf pulling out a tomahawk and cleaving through a swarm of Jacks.

"Meh, I'm going all muscle here to mangle these metal morons," stated T. Hawk as he crushed a Jack's head with a chokehold and then grabbed another Jack by the head and did his Raging Typhoon move, completely obliterating a bunch of other Jacks.

"You're all mine you little sexy squaw," said Dragunov as he grabbed Julia and started trying to undress her.

"Hey get off me you raunchy Russian!" yelled Julia.

"Get away from the girl!" shouted Ganryu who yanked Dragunov off of Julia and slammed him onto the ground and sat on him.

"Thank you Ganryu," cooed Julia.

"No problem babe," said Ganryu giving her a thumbs up and a wink.

"Indian scalps pilgrim!" shouted Paul as he knocked Xiaoyu to the ground.

"Hey, leave her alone!" yelled Asuka kicking Paul in the back.

"Buffalo stampedes toad!" yelled Paul who turned around to attack Asuka, but Lei jumped in and smacked Paul with a combo and then knocked Paul into the air with an uppercut and then kicked him away.

"Grr, this isn't over yet!" growled Steve. But as he inched forward, the Lei Team and their Native American friends all pulled out bows and arrows and the Dark Hand all backed away and started running from the hail of arrows that were being fired at them.

"Driver commits hit and run!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand disappeared from sight.

"Heh, you good fighter, you protect reservation, you welcome here anytime," said Chief Thunder.

"Thanks, but you know, I still want some ice cream though," stated Ganryu.

"Well how about I give you two scoops right here," suggested Julia as she fondled her breasts.

"Now that's a better idea," commented Ganryu as he ran off with Julia.

"AI YAAAAAAAA!" yelled Wang and Chief Thunder in unison.

"What wrong, at least Julia found a guy she likes," remarked T. Hawk.

"Yeah, but I wanted to tap her," pouted Chief Thunder.

"Oh well, looks like you and I will be polishing our tomahawks solo tonight," said Wang.

"Ai ya, I did not need to hear that," grumbled Lei.

"How about big buffalo feast to celebrate," suggested Nightwolf.

"Sure, a free meal sounds good to us!" exclaimed all the Lei Team members.

And so, the Lei Team all enjoyed their buffalo buffet with their Native American friends, well everyone except for Ganryu who was enjoying his "midnight snack" with Julia.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Have you ever done a rain dance?" asked the kid.

"What kind of question is that, no I haven't done a rain dance, I've watched people dance in the rain, but I haven't danced to try and make rain fall, I've only danced to try and make ladies pants fall," answered Lei.

"Uh, thank you," said the kid.

"Raindrops are not falling on my head," remarked Lei.

Author's Note: Yeah, had a writer's block for a brief while, but anyways, glad to finally get a new chapter up and running. Hopefully every Tekken liked seeing Julia show up. And hopefully the fans of Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Killer Instinct enjoyed seeing T. Hawk, Nightwolf, and Chief Thunder respectively. Anyways, I'm off to go conjure up ideas for next chapter. Until then though, please read and review.


	10. You Dirty Rat

**Chapter 10: You Dirty Rat**

In an old abandoned laboratory on the outskirts of San Francisco, the Lei Team was doing a probe of the place after hearing that a talisman was hidden somewhere in the labyrinth of the laboratory.

"I wonder what they expiremented on in this old place," mused Raven.

"I don't know, and don't want to know, I'm afraid I'll be mutated in some horrific by simply touching something here," answered Asuka.

"I can see why the rat talisman would be hidden in here, I have no idea where all these lab rats hide their junk," remarked Lei.

Just then Ganryu accidentally knocked over a beaker with some strange chemical inside. As the chemical spilled on the desk, a loud hissing noise began to emit as the sick purple liquid dissolved the redwood the desk was made out of. Lei looked at the desk and amongst all the clutter of papers and moldy leftovers and got a glance at a stone artifact with a picture of a rat painted in purple on it.

"Hey, I found the cheese at the end of the maze!" exclaimed Lei.

"Ai ya, don't compare talisman to cheese! Cheese make me constipated, and one more thing, talisman is not edible!" cried out Wang smacking Lei on the top of the head.

"Ok, don't have a heart attack," grumbled Lei as he put on some rubber gloves and grabbed the rat talisman out of the dingy desk.

"Now that we got we came for, let's go, before Ganryu breaks something else," suggested Xiaoyu.

"Hey, I resent that, I'm not a human wrecking ball," said Ganryu.

As Ganryu finished what he was saying, he backed right into a lit bunsen burner and the flame fell onto a stack of papers.

"Oh shit, run for it!" yelled Lei.

Without a moments hesitance, the Lei Team evacuated the old laboratory before the blaze took down the dilipidated building. After their escape, the Lei Team returned to the antique shop and most of them plopped down on nearby chairs and examined their new talisman.

"According to ancient literature, the rat talisman has power to bring inanimate objects to life," read Wang.

"Wow, that's pretty cool, we should try it out on something," suggested Xiaoyu.

"You're always so eager to play with the talismans, I thought some of the crap we've gone through would teach you a lesson but I think you have short term memory loss," commented Lei.

"Oh come on, what's the worst I could do with this?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Bring a wax sculpture of Hitler to life and have him try to start World War III," answered Asuka.

"Well besides that," replied Xiaoyu.

"Something really stupid," answered King.

"Oh yeah right," scoffed Xiaoyu, as she stretched her arms back, she pointed the talisman playfully at a wooden dummy in the corner of Wang's shop. A glowing white beam surged from the talisman and hit the dummy. A few seconds later, the dummy began to move, albeit slowly due to him not being used to being able to move.

"What the, hey, I'm alive, I'm like Pinocchio!" exclaimed the dummy.

"Ai ya, my wooden dummy is alive, I no want splinters all over shop!" cried out Wang.

"Hey dad, how are you," waved the dummy to Wang.

"HAHAHAHA, more like a grandpa if you ask me," remarked Lei.

"Yeah, I'm Mokujin, and I'm a real boy now!" chimed Mokujin.

"No, you still wooden dummy," answered Wang.

"Aw, I'm no dummy, I'm very smart, I can show you," piped Mokujin.

"Nah, it's all good, you aren't stupid, but you still are made of wood," responded Raven.

"Man, I'm hungry, I haven't eaten in a long time, hey that candy with the rat picture on it looks good," said Mokujin.

"No wait that's not..." gasped the Lei Team but before they could tell Mokujin what the talisman really was, the redwood rascal devoured the rock.

"Mmm, delicious, BURP!" commented Mokujin.

"Ai ya, you moron, you eat talisman, that very important artifact!" cried Wang.

"Oh I'm sorry," spoke Mokujin.

"Great, now we gotta find a way to get it out of him so we can take it back to Section 13," moaned Asuka.

"Say, how was I brought to life anyways?" inquired Mokujin.

"That talisman you ate has the power to bring inanimate objects to life," answered Ganryu.

"So if you guys take it out of me, I'll be just a stiff dummy again, screw that, I'm outta here!" yelled Mokujin as he barrelled through the Lei Team and ran out the door.

"Where's a lumberjack when you need one?" inquired Lei.

"Ai ya, we cannot sit around and hug trees, me must chase rolling log man and get talisman back!" yelled Wang.

Without any stalling, the Lei Team all ran out of the shop after Mokujin aiming to retrieve the rat talisman from the wayward wood man.

"Excuse me, have you seen a wooden dummy parading around the streets?" asked Raven.

"No, what are you high, get away from me you stoner freaks!" answered the man they asked.

"Pardon me, did you see a man that looked wooden anywhere?" questioned Ganryu.

"Are you off your rocker, great, this city has way too manynutcases," grumbled the woman Ganryu asked.

"Crap, I don't know if these people are blind or if the're just lying to us or what," moaned Lei.

"Speaking of crap, I need to use restroom, we find one now," ordered Wang.

"Can't you wait, what if we miss Mokujin because of your bathroom break?" said Asuka.

"You want me parade around with soiled pants and stink up area around you?" asked Wang.

"Ok viejo, we find you a restroom to use, then we resume what we're supposed to be doing ok," remarked King.

Immediately, the Lei Team ran inside a rather lavish looking hotel and upon storming into the lobby, the receptionist just gawked at the Lei Team.

"Eww, what are you ugly folk doing in here?" asked the receptionist in a snobby tone.

"Who the hell do you think you're calling ugly, I'm hotter than you are!" snapped Asuka.

"Uh, lady, I don't look at other girls like that," retorted the receptionist.

"Can I use your restroom?" asked Wang.

"Whatever for?" inquired the receptionist.

"I have to go take a dump real bad!" cried out Wang.

"Yeah, and we don't want him travelling with us with a load in his pants," added Xiaoyu.

"Fine then, I'll let your grandpa use it, after all, I've gone through that before and it isn't fun to deal with," said the receptionist.

As Wang ran to the nearby restroom, the hotel manager walked by, he was an American but looked to have Japanese blood as well. He had blonde hair and was quite fit, he was clad in a red blazer with black slacks and shoes.

"Greetings folks, I'm Ken Masters, the owner of the finest hotel in San Francisco, what brings you here today?" inquired Ken.

"We had to find a bathroom for one of our friends," answered Lei.

"Oh, that's all good,glad we could be of service to you," responded Ken.

As Wang came out of the bathroom, he was singing happily to himself feeling very relieved to have emptied his bowels.

"May we ask you one more thing Mr Masters?" asked King.

"Just call me Ken," replied Ken.

"Well Ken, have you seen a wooden dummy around these parts?" asked Lei.

"Whoa, I thought I was going nuts at first but you guys actually know about that,. Yeah I did see him here, he tried to check into a room here but didn't have any money," answered Ken.

"Oh, so he's been here, now to find where he went," replied Lei.

"If I remember correctly he said he was going someplace where he could get some wood," remarked Ken.

"Ha, he went to a strip club," piped Ganryu.

"No, not that kind of wood!" groaned Xiaoyu.

"Well, I saw him head off on a bus to Market street. He probably is going to hit up Market Street Cinema," stated Ken.

"Ok, so he did go to a strip club, well then, off we go,!" announced Lei.

"I'll come with you, I'd like to see how this plays out, plus I could stand to see some skin," chimed Ken.

With that, the Lei Team, along with Ken, hopped on the bus to Market Street and got off near an old building with picture of scantily clad females on the front and a giant flashing sign that said "Market Street Cinema." As they all got off the us they saw Mokujin pull out some cash and pay to get inside the strip joint. Unbeknownst to him, the Lei Team was hot on his trail.

"Ok we gotta get him without startling him that we're there, we'll sit away from him and make our move when the time is right," suggested Lei.

"Us guys will go in, Xiaoyu and Asuka, you should go undercover as strippers, that will provide a good distraction for him," added Raven.

"Hey now, why us?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Because we're hot and I think Mokujin would get some big wood from us," answered Asuka.

"She hit the nail right on the head," remarked King.

After the briefing, the males all paid money and entered the club while Xiaoyu and Asuka inquired about dancing on the stage, the bouncer took them back to the locker area where some of the strippers were getting ready to go out on stage. A black haired, yellow eyed, Asian looking female approached Asuka and Xiaoyu.

"Hey, you must be new here, I'm Li Mei, I've been here for quite a while, I'm mainly doing this to help me pay for school," said the woman.

"Hi, I'm Asuka, this is Xiaoyu, we're not really doing this for any reason, just for fun mainly," replied Asuka.

"Ah good, you get some good money for providing the customers some fun," commented Li Mei.

"Eww," thought Xiaoyu to herself.

"Li Mei, they're calling for you, get your ass out there and shake it," ordered another female, a Chinese girl with brown hair done up in two buns, she had quite a thick figure as well.

"So, what are you two really joining us for?" asked the Chinese brunette.

"We're trying to retrieve a talisman from a living wooden dummy that's out in the crowd before this organization called the Dark Hand gets him," answered Xiaoyu.

"The Dark Hand, they're also caught up with some illegal drug dealing and they've been getting their supply from the managers here, I'm still waiting to catch them in the act though, I'm Chun-Li from Interpol, I'm undercover as well," introduced Chun-Li.

"Well, there's not much cover in being a stripper, aren't you pretty much fully exposed out there?" asked Asuka.

"Yeah, but as a police officer, I must do what I have to in order to put wrongdoers behind bars," remarked Chun-Li.

"Now that's dedication to the job," commented Xiaoyu.

Outside on the main room, the Lei Team males along with Ken were sitting at a table enjoying the site of bare female flesh while keeping an eye on Mokujin.

"How long do we have to wait?" moaned Wang.

"Until Asuka or Xiaoyu gets on stage, while he's distracted by their hotness, we make our move," answered Ken.

"Ladies and gentlemen...ok just gentlemen, get ready to enjoy some big booty on an Asian cutie, give it up for the creamy Chun-Li!" said the DJ.

The song "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix A Lot began to play as Chun-Li came out and started dancing and stripping off her skimpy outfit.

"What! I know her, she's one of my best friends!" gasped Ken as he saw Chun-Li walk on stage.

"That's a hot friend you have Ken, I'd hit that," remarked Lei.

"Yeah, I admit, I would too," added Ken.

"And so would I," added Steve's voice from behind the,.

"Oh great, you guys, I can't even enjoy seeing a hot babe take it off without you dumb shits ruining it," groaned Ganryu.

"Well that's our job, to spoil fun and try and steal those talismans," remarked Hwoarang.

"Seagull defecates on freshly washed car!" yelled Paul.

"What are you doing here anyways?" asked King.

"Oh we were doing some business, but once we saw you here, we figured you had to have been looking for a talisman so we're going to cause trouble for you now," answered Lee.

"Uh guys, I forgot my crackpipe," said Dragunov.

"Vet muzzles dog!" shouted Paul smacking Dragunov for talking about crackpipes.

As Chun-Li saw the Dark Hand, she jumped off the stae and pulled a gun out from under one of the tables, and pointed it at Steve.

"Freeze, I'm from Interpol, you're under arrest!" yelled Chun-Li.

"Whoa, she's a cop, that's a suprise," gasped Li Mei who was nearby.

"And she gives me major wood," added Mokujin who walked over.

"Eek, a living dummy!" shrieked Li Mei as she ran off.

"Well, a hot naked cop with a gun, I know this is wrong, but I'm loving it," remarked Ken.

"Oh hey Ken, long time no see, we'll catch up later if you know what I mean, right now, we better take care of these drug mules," replied Chun-Li.

"We're not mules, we're human beings," cried Dragunov.

"Shut up Dragunov! But anyways, you think you can take us in, yeah right, we'll take care of you, and then take that talisman from the oak oaf," remarked Steve.

"Hey, I'm not oak, I'm redwood damn it!" snapped Mokujin.

"Well then, let's get fighting!" suggested Lei.

The song "Shake That" by Eminem began to play as a big brawl erupted in the strip club. A legion of Jacks materialized to assist the Dark Hand just as Asuka and Xiaoyu ran outside to assist the Lei Team. Xiaoyu took out a pair of stiletto heels and tossed them at a Jack. The Jack turned to Xiaoyu at flew at her trying to tackle her. She jumped out of the way and crashed into the stripper pole causing himself to short out and shut down.

"Ooh, those are fabulous stilettos," cooed Lee who bent down to pick them up. He then put them on and delivered a kick to Raven's back, Raven cried out in pain and then saw Lee wearing the stilettos and vomited.

"That's an ugly sight," moaned Raven who then kicked Lee in the face knocking him down.

As a legion of Jacks surrounded King and Wang, the Jacks all snickered mechanically as they prepared to attack.

"Let's play whirlybird ok Wang," said King as he brabbed Wang by his legs and started spinning him around.

"AIIIIIIIYAAAAAAA!" screamed Wang as King spun him into the circle of Jacks, knocking them all away from him.

"Hey, that looks like fun!" cheered Mokujin as he grabbed Li Mei and did the same thing with her.

"Ow, I'm gonna have a serious migrane from this," moaned Li Mei.

Chun-Li fired her pistol at the Jacks, deactivating as many as she could. As one flew at her, the nude cop fired forth a blue ball from her palm.

"Kikoken!" yelled Chun-Li knocking the Jack away with her fireball.

Hwoarang then smacked Chun-Li on her ample buttocks and the enraged officer turned around, kicked the redhead in the groin and unleashed another attack into him.

"Houyoku Sen!" hollered Chun-Li.

Chun-Li riddled Hwoarang with numerous kicks and then kicked him straight into the air and he was out cold as he hit the ground.

"Time to jack you up you jack offs!" yelled Ganryu as he rolled into a ball and bowled over more Jacks that swarmed the Lei Team.

"I got you trapped like a sardine pretty boy," taunted Dragunov as him and a troop of Jack-5s surrounded Ken.

"You forget one thing, I'm a three time US Martial Arts champ!" retorted Ken.

Ken rolled under a Jack's attack and kicked him straight in the face and then threw one Jack into another and saw one leap at him, Ken countered with one of his most famous moves.

"Shoryuken!" yelled Ken.

Ken's fist lit ablaze as he rose up into the air. Mokujin ran over and imitated Ken as they junked all the Jacks that were with Dragunov. Ken then leapt at the Russian and hit him with a kick and chained it into another of his popular attacks.

"Shippu Jinrai Kyaku!" roared Ken.

Ken kicked Dragunov numerous times and lifted him up into the air with a multi hit spinning kick and sent Dragunov crashing to the ground unconscious.

"Stripper's fake breasts break nose!" yelled Paul as he attacked Lei and Asuka, Asuka uppercut Paul and Lei followed up a few punches to juggle the blonde oaf in the air for a while before letting him hit the ground with a thud.

"Bouncer ejects rowdy club goer!" hollered Paul as he got back up and attacked again more furiously. Thinking instinctively, Lei ripped off Asuka's outfit leaving her completely exposed, Paul stopped in his tracks and stared at her.

"Lumberjack obtains wood!" shouted Paul.

Lei then used Asuka's bra to tie Paul's feet together while he ogled her naked body and then dangled her thong in front of Paul.

"Hey you wanna sniff these, they smell lovely," teased Lei.

"Claw machine grabs prize!" shouted Paul as he attempted to dash forward but fell due to his feet being bound and Lei and Asuka started beating him silly.

"Oh no, looks like I better eject myself," cried Steve.

"Not happening, I'm going to make you bloody you, as you Brits would say it, bloody bastard, Shinryuken!" yelled Ken sprialing upwards with a flaming fist, charring Steve and knocking him out. Chun-Li then pulled out some handcuffs from under a table and placed them around Steve's wrists.

"You're going to do some hard time," commented Chun-Li.

"And we all have hard ons," added Wang.

"Indeed we do, but I'm sorry I caused so much trouble, I'll give you your talisman back, hopefully one day I can know what it's like to be alive again," said Mokujin.

With that, Mokujin farted and along with some wood chips, the talisman popped out of his rear, and Mokujin fell to the ground lifeless.

"Looks like a happy ending for all of us here," remarked Ken.

"And you know what, I'm going to give you a mega happy ending and we'll catch up during that," said Chun-Li.

"All right, let's do the mega happy ending," stated Ken as him and Chun-Li ran off together while the cops took away the Dark Hand.

"Well we got our talisman, so what now?" asked Xiaoyu.

Lei pulled out a few dollar bills and waved them in Xiaoyu and Asuka's face.

"How about I get some lap dances from both of you?" suggested Lei.

"Fair enough," replied Asuka who took the money and began grinding on Lei.

"Ai ya, I wish I no senile," groaned Wang as he began carrying Mokujin back to the antique shop.

"I got a chubby," said King.

"And I am chubby, so let's get us some lap dances," said Ganryu.

The song "U and Dat" by E-40 began to play as Raven pulled out some money and gave it to Li Mei who then took took turns dancing for King, Ganryu, and Raven, while Asuka and Xiaoyu took turns giving Lei lap dances.

Ask Lei segment.

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you go to strip clubs often?" asked the kid.

"No, not really, they're fun and all and I like the sights. But they cost too much money and most of the time, all you're really paying for is blue balls," answered Lei.

"Uh, thank you," said the kid.

Lei began singing "Shake Ya Ass" by Mystikal and doing a suggestive dance as well.

Author's Note: Yes, another chapter wrapped up. Hope you liked this one. Hopefully Tekken fans enjoyed seeing Mokujin make an appearance, that Street Fighter fans enjoyed seeing Ken and Chun-Li, and that Mortal Kombat fans enjoyed seeing Li Mei. For those that don't know, Market Street Cinema is a real strip club in San Francisco, I've never been there, but I know about it. Anyways, I'm off to plan the next chapter so until then, please read and review.


	11. In The Dog House

**Chapter 11: In The Dog House**

It was a stormy night in the country of Romania, and the Lei Team was hating it since they were out in that storm looking for an old mansion that was said by many villagers to house one of the talismans.

"I love the rain and all, but this is freaking ridiculous," gumbled King as the rain dampened his jaguar mask.

"Ai ya, I all waterlogged, I no amphibian, I hate being wet!" cried out Wang.

"Then, why didn't you bring an umbrella?" asked Lei/

"Because umbrellas are fruity and my name is not Mary Poppins!" replied Wang.

"So you're saying you'd rather get pneumonia than protect yourself from the rain for fear of looking fruity, that does not make sense," groaned Asuka.

"Maybe if you were man, you'd understand," said Wang.

"Uh Master Wang, most of us are men and we still don't understand you," remarked Lei.

"That's because I senile so you not supposed to understand me in most cases," responded Wang.

Soon, after some walking, and more bickering with Wang, the Lei Team came across a spooky looking mansion. Upon gazing at it, the seven members all shuddered a bit with fear upon coming across the creaky gate of the mansion.

"Looks like something out of a Tim Burton movie," commented Ganryu.

"Yeah, but aint no pumpkin king living here, there is probably something here that would eat us alive if it found us," added Raven.

"Well there's no point in turning tail and running away scared, we need to be brave if we're to find that dog talisman," remarked Lei.

"I guess, this is no time to be a scaredy cat," said Xiaoyu.

As the Lei Team walked up to the door, they found that it was open, it creaked loudly as it opened, the Lei Team slowly walked in to the pitch black mansion. A spooky dog howl was heard as the door closed behind them.

"Ok, I guess nobody's home, we better go now!" screamed Xiaoyu as she tried to open the door, but to no avail.

"AHHHH! Wilma!" screamed Xiaoyu frantically pounding at the door.

"Calm down Xiaoyu, we'll be ok," said Ganryu who for no reason was now dressed like Wilma Flintstone, complete with a red wig.

"Oh God, Ganryu, put your regular outfit back on please!" groaned King covering his eyes.

"Yu Mow Gui Gwai Fie Di Zow!" chanted Wang, and a chi spell put Ganryu back into men's clothing.

"Ah, that's much better," said Lei.

As the Lei Team traversed through the mansion, the thunder roared outside as the rain poured down furiously adding to the spooky factor of the mansion. They soon came across a pile of bones, and Ganryu licked his lips.

"Mmm, smells like steak and ribs right here," said Ganryu.

"Ai ya, that might be human ribs for all we know, and one more thing, stop talking about food, I hungry!" yelled Wang.

As Asuka started to ascend a flight of stairs, one of the stairs crumbled on her and she fell down hard on her ass and groaned in pain.

"You ok chica?" asked King.

"My ass isn't, but the rest of me is," responded Asuka.

As Asuka got back up from her fall, Lei noticed a little chew toy sitting near the stairs, it resembled Steve Fox somewhat.

"I guess man's best friend is an enemy of the Dark Hand as well," remarked Lei.

"Hey you know how the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy must be my friend," stated Raven.

"Wesley Snipes is correct you know," spoke a gruff voice from out of nowhere.

"Don't call me that, and by the way, who the hell just said that?" inquired Raven.

"Ai ya, ghosts, me no like spooky ghoulies, and one more thing, I not know number to Ghostbusters," screamed Wang.

"We're not ghosts," spoke another voice.

"Well then, if you aint ghosts, who are you?" asked Lei.

Just then, the song "Who Let the Dogs Out" by the Baha Men started to play as two werewolves crashed through the windows of the mansion and started break dancing to the music while howling wildly, the Lei Team just looked on bewildered, not knowing whether to be frightened or amused by what was going on.

"Hi, I'm Sabrewulf," chimed one of the werewolves, a somewhat stocky one with short gray fur and a green body suit on.

"And I'm Jon Tailbain, we look after the talisman in this mansion," added the other werewolf, a lanky one with long gray fur and purple pants.

"You're the guardians of the dog talisman, I guess that's understandable since wolves and dogs are of the same species," remarked Lei.

"You aren't looking to chew on our bones are you?" asked Xiaoyu in a shaky tone.

"No little girl, like we said, we're good werewolves. We're here to protect the talisman from those that would use it for wrongful purposes," answered Sabrewulf.

"And how do you know that we're the good guys?" asked Asuka.

"Hey, we may be werewolves but that doesn't mean we don't watch the news," answered Tailbain pointing to him and Sabrewulf's 60 inch HDTV.

"Holy shit that's an awesome TV, it's better than the crappy one Wang has back at the shop!" gasped Ganryu.

"Hey, we no have TV like that because I no rich, I not Monopoly guy who get 200 dollars for passing go," said Wang.

"Does he always rant like this?" asked Sabrewulf.

"Yeah he does, he's a crotchety old man," affirmed King.

"Anyways, we're gonna give you the dog talisman before the Dark Hand can get it's grubby hands on it, just follow us, we'll lead you to where we keep the talisman," ordered Tailbain.

"Really, good doggies," said Lei.

"We'll give you a treat later," added Asuka.

Sabrewulf and Tailbain led the Lei Team over to a bookshelf and pulled out a book that turned out to be a switch that allowed access to a secret corridor of the mansion. Tailbain grabbed a torch and lit it illuminating the dark path.

"This way, we'll be your bloodhounds," stated Sabrewulf.

As Sabrewulf and Tailbain led the Lei Team down the corridor, they all looked around at the dark cobweb filled path. Tailbain burnt all the webs with his torch. From out of nowhere though, a series of hisses and growls started to fill the ears of the spelunkers.

"Eek, don't tell me there's another werewolf around here that really wants to eat us," screamed Xiaoyu.

"No, that's just our pet," responded Sabrewulf.

"You have a pet?" asked Raven in amazement.

"Yeah, he's not housebroken yet," answered Tailbain.

"Yeah, I can tell," grumbled Ganryu who was busy cleaning off his shoe.

Tailbain pointed the torch in the direction of the hissing and the Lei Team saw Sabrewulf and Tailbain's pet. It was a man in a weird looking mask and a purple body suit with some strange blades on his hands. He let out a growl and tried to attack the Lei Team until Sabrewulf smacked his hands.

"No, bad Voldo, that's a bad Voldo!" yelled Sabrewulf to his "pet".

Voldo retreated back, letting out a low hiss and crawled into a corner. Tailbain pulled out a stick of beef jerky and threw it at Voldo who ran after it and started wolfing it down.

"Wow, look at him wolf that beef jerky down, no pun intended towards you guys," said King.

"No offense taken, now let's move on, we can play with Voldo later," remarked Tailbain.

"Yeah, I agree, we better get that talisman before we're put to sleep by some booby trap," piped Lei.

The Lei Team continued through the dark corridor, Tailbain held the torch as Sabrewulf sniffed around for traps along the way to the dog talisman.

"Ooh, my wolf senses are tingling, we're very close to where the talisman lies," barked Sabrewulf.

"That's good, the sooner we get to the talisman, the better," said Wang.

Soon, Tailbain led them to a room filled with chains hanging from the walls, it looked like a dead end at first.

"Hey this is a dead end, you are gonna feed us to Voldo aren't you," wailed Xiaoyu.

"No, we just pull one of these chains and it should open the way to the talisman," answered Tailbain.

Sabrewulf started to sniff the chains to see which one was the right one. , he then pointed to the one that would lead them in the right direction.

"Ok friends, hang on to your drawers and don't piss them, we're in for quite a ride," announced Tailbain.

Tailbain pulled on the chain and the floor fell out from under the group, they all landed on a long loopy slide and started descending down at a breakneck speed.

"AIYAAAAAA!" yelled Wang as he slid downwards.

"Whoo-hoo, this is fun!" yelled out everyone else as they went down the slide.

Eventually, the slide ride came to an end and as they all got up after hitting the bottom. Talibain led them to a tiny little dog house that was sitting in the middle of the room.

"So that's where the talisman is hiding, in a dog house," said Lei.

Tailbain punched in a code inside the dog house shaped safe and then door opened. Inside a glass case was a talisman with a picture of a dog painted in yellow on it. It was the dog talisman that the Lei Team had traversed this spooky mansion for.

"Oh yeah, we found the lost dog, and it's a good dog too, it makes us immortal if we use it!" exclaimed Lei.

"Well, we know that you'll be good owners for this dog, so I think you should get back to Section 13 as soon as possible to get that talisman secured," suggested Sabrewulf.

"Yeah, we'll lead you back upstairs," added Tailbain.

Tailbain pushed in a statue hanging from the wall and a secret elevator opened up. The Lei Team all followed the werewolves inside the elevator.

"This elevator will take us back to the entrance of the mansion," stated Tailbain.

"Why didn't we just use this elevator to come down here?" asked Ganryu.

"I forgot about it until now," answered Tailbain.

"That's one massive brain fart," remarked Lei.

Tailbain hit a button in the elevator, and the old rickety contraption lifted the group back up to the foyer of the mansion. As they all stepped out of the elevator, they saw that the storm was still raging strongly.

"Ai ya, I have to take shower with clothes on again," cried out Wang.

"Do you want an umbrella, we have plenty," offered Sabrewulf.

"No way, umbrellas are fruity," answered Wang.

"What's up dogs, it's time to take you to the pound to get neutered," chimed Steve's voice as him and the Dark Hand burst through the mansion doors.

"Oh goody, some reject dog catchers have come to take us away," groaned Lei.

"You better believe it, we'll definitely put you to sleep," remarked Hwoarang.

"Dog urinates on hydrant!" yelled Paul.

"Yeah we do that, but right now we're gonna give you a bad case of rabies!" retorted Sabrewulf.

"I can't have babies, I'm a guy," said Dragunov.

"Doctor slaps newborn baby!" shouted Paul who once again smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"While, time to go doggy style on all of you," said Lee.

"Hell no, we're gonna turn you into dog food!" remarked Lei.

"Let's go dawgs!" exclaimed Tailbain.

The song "We Some Dogs" by Method Man, Redman, and Snoop Dogg began to play as the fight scene in the foyer of the mansion ensued. Another legion of Jack-5s appeared to assist the Dark Hand in the fight.

"Your foster parents are dead!" yelled a Jack as he lunged at Raven, who back flipped out of the way. Raven then punched the Jack in the gut then jumped up and kicked the Jack in the head knocking the robot's head off.

"Actually, you're the one that's dead," retorted Raven.

"Well now, I bet that scruffy dog of yours would look more faabulous with us," said Lee as he started firing off rapid fire kicks at the Lei Team. One of his kicks jarred the talisman loose from Wang's hand, Lei leapt up into the air bounding off of a Jack's head and dove in the air to catch the dog talisman, Lee and Lei then wrestled for possession of the talisman.

"Time to rig this dog fight!" commented Hwoarang as him and a group of Jacks tried to attack Lei as him and Lee still tried to take the dog talisman from one another.

"No way, we're keeping you on your leash!" yelled King and Ganryu as him they rushed Hwoarang and the Jacks and started slamming numerous robots on the ground then attacking them while they were still down deactivating as many as they could. Hwoarang pulled out a pistol and aimed it at Lei and Lee. Lei kicked Lee in the stomach causing the white haired man to jump back and lose his grip allowing Lei to obtain the talisman, which flashed white and activated encasing Lei in a glowing light. Hwoarang then fired his pistol right at Lei's heart and the bullets connected and Lei fell to the ground.

"Oh no, Lei!" screamed Asuka.

The others all looked on wondering if Lei was dead, but Lei stood back up and was completely unharmed.

"You fool, this dog aint playing dead yet, for the dog talisman makes me immortal," commented Lei as Hwoarang threw his pistol down in frustration and shot his leg by accident. As Hwoarang hit the ground Lei roundhoused the redhead into a group of Jacks.

"Let's go mad dog on them Tailbain!" suggested Sabrewulf as he rolled into a Jack and then swiped his claws at the robot causing him to fall apart in a heap of circuits.

"Oh yeah, time to take them to the maul! Get it, because we mauling them," replied Tailbain who leapt at a Jack and tore his head off with his teeth.

"Hey, fetch fido!" yelled Dragunov throwing a slab of meat on the ground. All of a sudden the elevator opened and Voldo ran out and devoured the meat.

"What the hell is that?" asked Dragunov as Voldo hissed at him.

"That's our pet, and he likes his little treat you gave him," answered Sabrewulf as him and Tailbain both slashed through another Jack-5.

Voldo started running full speed at Dragunov who turned around and tried to run away but Voldo was too fast and tackled Dragunov to the ground and started licking the remedial Russian warrior.

"I think he likes you too," remarked Tailbain.

"AAAAAH! Stevie get it off me Stevie!" screamed Dragunov as Voldo continued to soak Dragunov down with slobber.

"Dog sniffs other dog's butt!" yelled Paul as he threw out a straight punch at Xiaoyu knocking her back into Asuka and sending them to the ground.

"Time for the dog to bite the man!" responded Lei as he leapt into the fray and then started laying numerous punches into Paul's stomach and then kicked him away with a hard kick to the ribs.

"Scooby-Dooby-Doo!" shouted Paul as he got back up and threw out a kick to try and sweep Lei, who merely leapt over Paul's kick and then blasted the blonde oaf with another combo and then threw him into Steve.

"You stupid mutts, I guess I'm going to have to abandon this mansion like a person that throws puppies into a river," stated Steve as he ran away.

"Wolf seperates from pack!" screamed Paul as him, Lee, Hwoarang, and Dragunov all ran off and the Jack-5s just vanished into thin air. Voldo tried to chase Dragunov down but Sabrewulf leashed his the pet so he couldn't run away.

"Yes, we got man's best friend in talisman form!" exclaimed Wang.

"Ok, so where's our treat?" asked Tailbain.

"Here you go, the latest issue of Playwolf magazine," answered Asuka.

"Sweet, I heard the cover bitch on this got two howls up!" exclaimed Sabrewulf.

"Glad you could help us, you truly are good dogs," said Lei.

"No problem, we're supposed to be man's best friend anyways, if you ever come to Romania again, you can stay here," said Tailbain.

"No thanks, this place gives me the creeps," answered Xiaoyu.

"Say, wanna break dance before we go?" asked Raven.

"Hell yeah, Voldo has some mean break dance skills as well!" exclaimed both werewolves in unison. Voldo also let out a loud hiss as if he were excited.

And for a while to celebrate retrieving the dog talisman, the Lei Team spent the rest of the storm break dancing with Sabrewulf, Tailbain, and Voldo to "Atomic Dog" by Parliament Funk.

"Life's ruff, but I love it nonetheless," commented Lei as he pulled off a break dance move.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes," asked Lei.

"Are you a dog person?" asked the kid.

"Yeah, dogs are cool, it's always fun teaching them tricks, however if you could teach them to use the toilet instead of drinking out of it, they would be a lot cooler," answered Lei.

"Ok, thank you," said the kid.

"I'm the D-O-double G baby!" remarked Lei who then popped the collar on his shirt.

Author's Note: Well, we got another chapter done, hopefully Killer Instinct fans liked seeing Sabrewulf, that Darkstalkers fans liked seeing Jon Tailbain, and that Soul Calibur fans liked seeing Voldo here. Anyways, not much else to say, but I'm off to go get the next chapter ready, until then though, please read and review.


	12. Pig Sty

**Chapter 12: Pig Sty**

Soon after obtaining the dog talisman, the Lei Team soon found themselves boarding a plane for Germany upon hearing that another talisman was present in that country. Upon arriving at an airport in Berlin, the Lei Team look areound their surroundings.

"Ah, Germany, the home of great beer and some of the finest automobiles in the world," commented Lei.

"Yup, but knowing that they we're our enemies in both World Wars does make me a little worried for our safety," stated Raven.

"I don't think we have to worry about that anymore, that was over sixty years ago," remarked Asuka.

"Indeed, all we have to worry about is finding that talisamn and securing it before those Dark Hand maricons get a hold of it," added King.

"So true, let's get to looking for clues," suggested Lei.

As they walked out, Xiaoyu spotted a young German looking person with short blonde hair and red eyes walking. The person had a thin physique and was clad in a powder blue zip up jacket, black pants, and black sneakers, Xiaoyu started to swoon.

"Wow, what a hot guy, I gotta go talk to him," said Xiaoyu in a dream like state.

"No you don't, we have work to do," ordered Lei who grabbed Xiaoyu by her shirt and dragged her out of the airport. As the Lei Team left the airport, the Dark Hand arrived and surveyed their surroundings.

"Well my comrades, we're going to create a massive blitzkrieg on Berlin in order to find that talisman," said Steve.

"What's a blitzkrieg?" asked Lee.

"It means lighting war," answered Steve.

"Who is lightning having a war with, thunder?" asked Dragunov.

"Water conducts electricity!" yelled Paul who smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"Anyways, we'll have to go digging through a lot os slop to find that pig talisman, so let's get to business," ordered Steve.

"Essen mein schisse!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand left the airport. Meanwhile in the streets of Berlin, the Lei Team looked all around for any clues that would've pointed them to the pig talisman, eventually, they decided to rest in a German pub also hoping someone would know what they were talking about.

"Ah, a nice pub, I could use a nice pint of beer right now," piped Ganryu.

"Ai ya, we no need you drunk and puking, I no like hangover!" cried out Wang.

"C'mon Wang, Germans love drinking, we gotta have a beer while we're here," stated Lei.

"Yeah, strap on your lederhosen and loosen up," added Asuka.

"I not wear lederhosen, it's too tight around my crotch, no one wants to see Wang's old wrinkly balls," cried out Wang.

"You know viejo, cerveza es muy bueno," remarked King.

"Ooh, it's that hottie from the airport, I gotta have a drink with him!" exclaimed Xiaoyu who saw the blonde person she was eyeing at the airport.

"Hey Leo, here's your beer!" called out the bartender to Xiaoyu's crush.

"Ooh, Leo is a hot name, I'm not gonna let you drink alone baby," cooed Xiaoyu as she stood up and prepared to walk to where Leo was sitting.

"Hate to sadden your happy hour, but we need that talisman from you now," spoke Steve's voice from behind them.

"We don't have the talisman yet you idiot, we came in here to relax, have a drink, and hopefully find something out," responded Raven.

"What a coincidence, so did we, well I guess we'll both find out the info at the same time, kick your ass and then take the talisman for ourselves," taunted Hwoarang.

"Yeah right wiener schnitzel," retorted Lei.

"Yay, my first bar room brawl, this is so exciting!" exclaimed Dragunov.

"Ok then, time to leave you in a pool of blood and vomit," said Ganryu.

The song "Du Hast" by Rammstein began to play as a big brawl in the bar took place between the Lei Team and Dark Hand. More Jack-5s materialized to assist the Dark Hand in the brawl.

"Hey, let me get some of your strong shit bartender," ordered Hwoarang.

"I don't think you can handle the strong stuff you lightweight," replied Lei as he smashed his pitcher over Hwoarang's head.

"Drunkard urinates on keyboard," shouted Paul as he attempted to knock Lei down with a punch, but missed and wound up smashing a jukebox.

"You sound like a broken record," commented as he decked with a roundhouse to the face.

"Lei, let's get out of here, no point in draining a good watering hole," suggested Raven.

"You got it, everyone split up!" announced Lei.

Without a moment's hesitance, the Lei Team all ran out of the bar and split up and ran down the streets of Berlin, the Dark Hand hastily followed them out.

"You guys, split up as well and get them out of our hair once and for all," ordered Steve.

"But they aren't in my hair, they're running around somewhere," remarked Dragunov.

"Barber shaves patron bald!" yelled Paul who smacked Dragunov again before running off in pursuit of the members of the Lei Team.

As Lei ran across through the city, he climbed up onto a light fixture and started bounding across the roofs of various buildings. He saw numerous Jack-5s hot on his tail as he leapt from building to building.

"Vieners and sauerkraut!" beeped one of the Jacks as he flew after Lei.

"Hey, let's polka!" replied Lei as he grabbed an accordion from a nearby shop and threw it in the Jack's exhaust causing him to overheat and explode.

"According to what just happened, I found a good use for the accordion," remarked Lei as he continued to run, he eventually ran into a clothing store and the legion of Jacks followed suit. Upon entering the clothing store, he ran into a dressing room where he saw Asuka in there hiding as well.

"Whoa Lei, what's going on here?" asked Asuka.

"There's a bunch of Jacks after me, we need to be quiiet so they don't find us," whispered Lei.

"Here, put these on over your clothes, disguise yourself," suggested Asuka throwing some women's clothes and a blonde wig at Lei.

"Uh, ok I never thought I'd have to cross dress in my life, no RuPaul jokes please," grumbled Lei.

As Lei finished putting on his disguise, Asuka hid under a pile of clothes and a Jack ripped open the door somewhat confused.

"Have you seen Chinese man run in here?" asked the Jack.

"No, sorry, haven't seen him at all," answered Lei in a mock feminine voice.

"Uh, which way did he go George?" asked the Jack to another Jack.

"My name is not George, it's Jack," answered the other Jack.

"Hey, your name is my name too," piped the first Jack.

"I know that, let's look elsewhere, we must find Lei fast," ordered the other Jack.

As both Jacks left the clothing store, Lei sighed in relief and Asuka scrambled out of the clothing pile and also sighed in relief.

"Whew, glad they're gone, now I can get out of this get up, I don't know how you can wear this stuff Asuka," grumbled Lei.

"I do it to look sexy, and it works doesn't it," inquired Asuka.

"Yeah it does, but on you, not on me," replied Lei.

Just then, a tall buff German man with black afro like hairstyle, and clad in a pink tank top, jeans, and boots walked into the clothing and walked over to Lei who still in the women's attire, the German man had hearts in his eyes.

"Ooh, you look nice, you be my fraulein?" asked the German man.

"Huh, who are you, and what's a fraulein?" asked Lei.

"My name is Hugo, I looking for a fraulein, which means girlfriend, you want be Hugo's fraulein?" asked Hugo.

"Uh, that's a very nice offer, but I think I'll pass," answered Lei.

"Why you no want be Hugo's fraulein?" inquired Hugo.

"Because I'm a guy," answered Lei.

"You look like female though, you dress like female," stated Hugo.

"This was to fool some people chasing after me, I'm really a guy, I have a penis," responded Lei.

"Me no want fraulein with penis, what about girl next to you, will she be Hugo fraulein," remarked Hugo in regards to Asuka.

"Uh sorry, I'm this guy's fraulein," answered Asuka who pointed to Lei.

"Aww, me want find fraulein with no penis, my current fraulein, Poison has penis, me want fraulein with no penis," cried Hugo.

"Hey, if we find someone we think you'd like, we'll let you know," affirmed Lei.

"No penis?" asked Hugo.

"No penis," affirmed Asuka.

"Good, see you when you find fraulein for Hugo," cheered Hugo as he skipped away merrily. Lei and Asuka just watched Hugo skip away and then Lei threw off the women's clothing and sighed in relief upon looking like a man again.

"Well, let's get going, we still to find out where the pig talisman is," said Lei.

"Already ahead of you, I found out from some sausage salesman where the talisman lies," answered Wang as him and the rest of the team ran into the store and reunited with Lei and Asuka.

"Where is it?" questioned Asuka.

"It's in a nearby clock tower, we have to get there ASAP, I'm sure the Dark Hand is on their way there as well, so let's make tracks," answered Ganryu.

With that, the Lei Team all took off for the clock tower. Unbeknownst to them, Lee was hiding in another fitting room, and snickered upon hearing the news.

"Wait till big Stevie finds this out, it's gonna be so FABULOUS!" cooed Lee.

Lee ran off to go tell the other Dark Hand members where the talisman was, meanwhile, the Lei Team had just arrived at the clock tower and were now climbing up to the top area where the pig talisman was supposed to reside and began to immediately rummage around looking for where the talisman may be resting.

"Hurry and find talisman, the clock is ticking, literally!" ordered Wang.

"All right, all right, keep your drawers on viejo," grumbled King.

"I do not wear drawers, wood gives me splinters!" cried out Wang.

"He means keep your underwear on, we'll find the talisman eventually," replied Xiaoyu.

Eventually as Lei climbed to the top of the tower, he saw an indentation on a wall nearby, as he looked at the groove, he saw a stone embedded in it with a picture of a pig on it painted in pink. Lei's eyes grew wide as he grabbed the pig talisman.

"All right, I have a prize winning pig here guys, we have the talisman!" exclaimed Lei as he climbed down the clock tower.

"Well then, I guess it's time to make smoked bacon and ham out of you little piggies!" called out Steve as the Dark Hand entered the clock tower as well.

"Oh no it's the big bad wolf, let's all hide," said Asuka sarcastically.

"You laugh now, but you'll be going wee wee wee all the way home when we're done with you," remarked Hwoarang.

"This little piggy went to market!" yelled Paul.

"You won't succeed in blowing our house down bitches!" retorted Raven.

"Time to send you to the slaughterhouse again," said Lei as a legion of Jack-5s appeared out of nowhere, the song "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco began to play as a brawl began to take place within the clock tower. Raven grabbed a broken gear and chucked it at a Jack, who dodged, the gear hit Steve in the face making him cry.

"You should have stayed home little piggies!" called out Dragunov as he ran forward and threw out a punch to Xiaoyu while her back was turned, Xiaoyu turned around and started to fight with Dragunov. Xiaoyu ducked under a high kick from Dragunov and smacked him in the face with an open palm strike. Dragunov then swept Xiaoyu onto the ground, but King came up from behind him and clotheslined the Russian, then both Xiaoyu and King did a legdrop on Dragunov leaving him gasping for air.

Lei leapt into the fray knocking over a group of Jacks like a pair of dominoes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lee run at him and try to deliver a couple of chops, Lei blocked the chops and and hit Lee with two strikes to the face followed by crane kick combo.

"Farmer slops pig!" yelled Paul who aimed a strike at Lei, who moved back to dodge, but Paul's attack barely nicked Lei to where it sent the pig talisman flying loose from his grip. As the talisman went sailing into the air, Hwoarang tried to jump after it, but Ganryu knocked him away using his giant belly and grabbed the talisman, securing it for the Lei Team.

"Aw, you fat ugly pig, you suck," groaned Hwoarang.

"Oh shut up!" yelled Ganryu as the pig talisman activated in his hands, a strange pink beam emitted from Ganryu's eyes and a laser fired out and hit Hwoarang in the groin. The redhead screamed out in pain and writhed on the floor.

"Ha ha, I fried your sausage!" laughed Ganryu.

"How about giving us some extra crispy bacon?" suggested Asuka as she knocked a Jack away with a roundhouse.

"No problem," replied Ganryu as he fired his eye lasters at a row of Jacks frying all their circuits in the process.

"Hmm, the pig talisman gives us the ability to shoot lasers from the eyes, that's a weird power to receive from a pig," mused Wang.

"I'll huff and puff and blow your house down!" shouted Paul as he tried to attack Ganryu in order to steal the pig talisman.

"Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins!" exclaimed Lei as he tripped Paul sending him careening into the clock tower pendulum and knocking him dizzy.

"You worthless pile of pig vomit, I'll get you one of these days!" screamed Steve at the Lei Team.

"Hey Ganryu, let me see the talisman, let me fry his bratwurst," said Lei.

Ganryu nodded and handed the pig talisman to Lei, who began aiming lasers at Steve who started dancing frantically to avoid them, he eventually ran out of the clock tower, the Dark Hand quickly following suit as the Jacks once again vanished into thin air,.

"Th-th-that's all folks!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand ran off.

"Well my little friends, how about hitting up that pub again, and getting a nice drink of German beer!" suggested Lei.

The Lei Team all nodded in approval and they all headed back to the pub, Xiaoyu immediately spotted Leo over by the bar stools and sat down to go talk to the blonde.

"Hey baby, how about you and I get to know each other a little better?" asked Xiaoyu.

"That's nice and all, but I'm not like that," answered Leo.

"A hot guy like you turning a hot girl like me down, that's preposterous," pouted Xiaoyu.

"I'm a girl too you idiot," retorted Leo.

"That's bullshit," said Xiaoyu.

"No it's not, I shall show you if you must know," replied Leo who pulled down her pants showing Xiaoyu that indeed she was female.

"Hey Lei, I think we found somebody for him," remarked Asuka.

"Oh Hugo, we found a fraulein for you!" called out Lei.

With that, Hugo immediately came bounding into the bar and took a look over at Leo, he scratched his head as he eyeballed the German female.

"That a female?" asked Hugo.

"Yeah she is, no penis either," answered Asuka.

"Nice, you be Hugo fraulein," boomed Hugo.

"What are you talking about?" asked Leo.

"Me like you, you be Hugo fraulein now," answered Hugo as he hoisted Leo over his shoulders and carried her off.

"Hey put me down, help me!" shrieked Leo as Hugo carried away his new fraulein.

"Heh, so much for you finding a guy Xiaoyu," stated Raven.

"Maybe not, that guys looks nice and toned," said Xiaoyu pointing to a Japanese person in a baggy off white gi and a yellow band around the neck, Xiaoyu walked over to the person and sat down.

"Hi, what's your name," asked Xiaoyu.

"My name is Makoto, and I know what you're thinking, you're thinking I'm a hot guy and you wanna hook up with me," answered Makoto.

"Yeah, that's what she's thinking," stated Lei.

"Well, she's thinking wrong, because I'm a girl, I just don't like to show it," responded Makoto.

"Really, you're a girl too?" asked Asuka.

"Yeah, you wanna see," answered Makoto as she flashed the Lei Team her chest.

"Whoa, those are nice," spoke Lei, Ganryu, King, and Raven in unison as they looked at Makoto's breasts with great glee.

"Yeah, very nice," said Wang as he walked up and started poking at Makoto's breasts, which caused the young short haired female to get angry and smack the old coot with one of her most powerful attacks.

"Seichuusen Godanzuki!" hollered Makoto who riddled Wang with numerous punches, and sent him sailing with a powerful uppercut.

"AI YA, LOOKS LIKE WANG JINREI BLASTIING OFF AGAIN!" hollered Wang as he went sailing away into the sky. The Lei Tam all looked onward, as Wang started to fade into the distance.

"Well that was a great happy hour, well, let's go grab the old pig and head back home," said Lei as him and the rest of the Lei Team downed their pitchers of beer and all ran off after Wang.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes," asked Lei.

"Who makes the best beer?" asked the kid.

"You're a kid, so you shouldn't be drinking, but when you're old enough, I'll be honest, every country in the world has good beer, however, even though I'm Chinese, I'd have to with King in saying that Mexicans do it best in the brew business," answered Lei.

"Ok, thank you," said the kid.

"Fuck fear, drink beer!" called out Lei.

Author's Note: Well another chapter in the records. Hopefully all you Street Fighter fans enjoyed seeing Hugo and Makoto make appearances, and that Tekken fans enjoyed seeing the Tekken 6 newbie Leo. Expect to see other Tekken 6 newbies as well (I have another newbie, Miguel slated to appear in a later chapter as well). Well I'm off to go plan out the next chapter, so until then though, please read and review.


	13. Taming The Tiger

**Chapter 13: Taming The Tiger**

In the vast country of China, the Lei Team had arrived to hunt down the last talisman that still had yet to be found, the tiger talisman. After many hours of searching, the tired team went to go rest in an internet cafe and search for more clues.

"Do you think we should post a blog asking for information on the talisman?" asked Raven.

"Ai ya, you crazy, we post blog on internet, then everyone will want to take talisman for themselves, that would be terrible!" cried out Wang.

"I'd have to agree amigo, we want the tiger talisman in our hands, not in some type of zoo of some sorts," commented King.

"True, it's a pain that China is such a big country, who knows how long it may take to comb the whole country in order to find the talisman," stated Lei.

After a while, Xiaoyu and Asuka walked over to the table that the Lei Team was sitting at carrying cups of coffee with them.

"All right, a little pick me up to keep us all going strong!" exclaimed Ganryu.

"Ai ya, you know coffee makes me way too hyper, and it does the same to you Xiaoyu!" shouted Wang.

"Yeah, but we'll need all the energy we can get if we're gonna find the talisman as soon as possible," replied Xiaoyu.

"So drink up, we'll be heading back out soon," ordered Lei.

"You got it," chimed Asuka as she started to drink her caffeinated beverage.

As the Lei Team admired the surroundings of the quaint cafe, they saw a guy carrying a pastry over to his table, and upon further look at his treat, they saw wat looked like a stone embedded in it, Lei sprang out of his seat and ran over to the guy and snagged the pastry from out of his hands. Upon taking it back to his table, he examined the stone that was embedded in the pastry, and after getting a good look at it, he saw it had two tiger heads painted on it, one in white, the other in black. It was indeed the tiger talisman that they were looking for.

"Hey, can I have my pastry back?" asked the cafe patron.

Lei gave the man his pastry back, minus the talisman and the man smiled and went off to eat his tasty treat, while the Lei Team smiled over finding the talisman.

"All right, the final talisman is ours, that was easier than I though," remarked Lei.

"That's GRRRRRRREAT!" cheered Ganryu.

"Quoting Tony the Tiger is quite corny," said Asuka who for no reason was eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

"Well, we should get this back to the zoo we know as Section 13 as soon as possible," suggested Lei.

"Yes but first, let's let the tiger sleep tonight and we'll hop back on the first flight tomorrow morning," responded Raven.

Immediately after finishing their coffee, the Lei Team all exited the internet cafe and headed back to their hotel. Later that night, in the Lei Team's hotel room, Lei was looking at the talisman examing it thoroughly.

"Hmm, I wonder why the talisman has two heads on it, that's quite bizarre," mused Lei.

Just then, the talisman made a weird sound and split into two, like two halves of a yin yang symbol, Lei looked on puzzled as that happened.

"Oh crap, the talisman split in half, this can't be good," gasped Lei.

Right after the tiger talisman split in half, both halves began to glow and a beam shot out and hit Lei causing him to convulse, he was soon completely engulfed by the beam and as the beam dissipated, there were two Lei's standing in the hotel room, each holding a half of the tiger talisman, one Lei was clothed all in white and had black hair, the other was clothed all in black and had white hair.

"What just happened," asked the Lei in white.

"I dunno, I'm hungry though, I'm gonna go snag some grub," answered the Lei in black.

As the Lei in black left the room, the Lei in white accidentally stepped on a bug in the room killing it, and gasped in horror.

"Ai ya, Master Wang, I just killed an innocent bug," cried the Lei in white.

"What the, Lei, that is nothing to cry about, calm down," grumbled Wang.

"I'm sorry for making you angry master Wang," said the Lei in white.

Elsewhere in the hotel, the Lei in black was munching on some M&Ms, when Xiaoyu came out and got angry.

"Lei what the hell are you doing with my M&Ms?" asked Xiaoyu with a huff.

"What does it look like I'm doing you moron, I'm eating them," answered the Lei in black.

"You know those were mine, what gives you the right to eat them?" pouted Xiaoyu.

"Well, you shouldn't have left them out in the open, then no one would've taken them, common sense fool," responded the Lei in black.

Xiaoyu stomped back into the hotel room, where she saw the Lei in white with Wang and the others.

"Huh, Lei, how did you get in here so fast, weren't you outside eating my M&Ms?" inquired Xiaoyu puzzled.

"No, Lei's been in here all the time acting really weird, he's been all docile and stuff," answered Ganryu.

"But he was acting like a total asshole outside," stated Xiaoyu.

"Oh no, I'm sorry Xiaoyu, please forgive me," cried the Lei in white.

"Oh grow up you big baby," sneered the Lei in black.

Upon seeing both Leis, the rest of the Lei Team gasped in shock, and wondered there could be two of them.

"I think I'm going blind, I see two Leis, I should've listened to my mama when she told me masturbation would make me go blind," grumbled King.

"Keep yanking your wanky if you want, you are not going blind, it's the talisman that did this," remarked Wang.

"Whatchu talking 'bout Wang?" asked Raven.

"The tiger talisman splits one's light and dark halves, or yin and yang I should say into two seperate beings. The jerk is is yin and the softy is his yang," answered Wang.

"Oh, so how do we get them fused back together?" asked Asuka.

"Now hold up, having two Leis might be a good thing, that way you and I don't have to fight over him," stated Xiaoyu.

"No it wouldn't, I don't want either extreme, balance is quite important, we're going to have to find a way to make the two Leis one again," retorted Asuka.

"Yeah, and we have to do it before the Dark Hand gets the talisman," added Lei Light.

"Hmm, the Dark Hand, although they sound like my type of guys with that type of name, I wouldn't be able to deal with Lee trying to hit on me or Dragunov's stupidity," remarked Lei Dark.

"Well it's good that you don't like the bad guys, so what do say about kicking thier asses," said Ganryu.

"Violence is not the answer, we should talk it out like civilized people," stated Lei Light.

"You're right, we'll punch their lights out, then talk politics with them," said Lei Dark.

"Then you should know I'm a crooked politician," said Steve as the Dark Hand appeared in the doorway.

"Yes, some nice prey for this hungry tiger to feast on," snickered Lei Dark.

"Sorry, but we'll be making off with both halves of your little talisman and there's nothing the fearsome tigers can do to stop it," taunted Hwoarang.

"Poacher tranquilizes endangered species!" shouted Paul.

"I liked my eggs poached," said Dragunov.

"Butcher tenderizes meat!" yelled Paul who smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"What shall we do Leis?" asked Asuka.

"Laugh as these circus clowns fail at taming these tigers," replied Lei Dark

"This is no place for us, we should run," chimed in Lei Light.

"Come get us tigers," teased Lee.

"With pleasure," said the entire Lei Team in unison.

A wave of Jack-5s materialized as the song "Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor started to play. The Lei Team all started to rush into the fight, well everyone except for Lei Light, who stood back and watched.

"I don't want no trouble," screamed out Lei Light.

Just then a Jack flew at him, and Lei Light jumped out of the way and kicked the Jack out a window while saying "Sorry!" in the process.

"You don't have to apologize to these douchebags," said Lei Dark as he tossed a Jack right into Lee, Hwoarang, and Dragunov.

"Miser hordes fortune!" shouted Paul as he threw a smoke bomb down causing the Lei Team to gag, as the smoke cleared, Lei Light and Lei Dark saw their friends all bound and gagged and the Dark Hand laughing haughtily.

"If you want you're friends back, meet as at the Great Wall with the talisman, ta ta!" taunted Steve as the Dark Hand flew off with Lei's captive friends on a group of Jacks.

"Oh no, they have our friends, this is so bad," cried Lei Light.

"Those motherfuckers, I'm gonna fucking kill them!" yelled Lei Dark.

At that time, a green pipe materialized in the broken hotel room, and two Italian men popped out of the pipe. One was short and fat with a red hat, red shirt, white gloves, blue overalls, and brown boots, the other was tall and skinny and was dressed like the short one, only his shirt and hat were green instead of red. The tall man pulled out a map and loooked it over.

"Hey Luigi, this doesn't look a like a Italy. Where's a the Leaning Tower of a Pisa?" asked the man in red to the man in green.

"Mario, this is not a Italy you meatball head, you went a the wrong way a while a back, and we wound up a wherever we a are," replied Luigi.

"You are in China you two drain brains," snapped Lei Dark.

"This is no time to insult people, we must save our friends!" yelled Lei Light.

"What a happened to your a friends?" inquired Mario.

"This bad people have kidnapped them and taken them to the Great Wall of China, and they want this talisman in exchange for them, but I know they'll lie and not give us back our friends, this is horrible," explained Lei Light.

"Mama Mia, Mario, we have to help these a two men save a their friends from those bad a people," stated Luigi.

"I agree Luigi, we shall a help you get a your friends a back," stated Mario.

"Who do you think you are?" asked Lei Dark.

"I'm a Mario," answered Mario.

"And I'm a Luigi," added Luigi.

"And we're the Super Mario Brothers!" exclaimed Mario and Luigi in unison.

"I don't see what's so super about you, but if you wanna help us, ok," said Lei Dark.

"Thank you so much you two," said Lei Light.

"Well then, let's a go to the Great a Wall of China and get a your friends a back," suggested Luigi.

Without a moment's hesitance Lei Dark and Lei Light leapt down the warp pipe after Mario and Luigi hoping to get to the Great Wall of China fast, at that famous landmark, the Dark Hand was patiently waiting for both Lei Dark and Lei Light to show up with the tiger talisman. To pass the time, they taunted Lei's captive friends.

"Well know, who's gonna get the last laugh huh, you aren't so cocky when you're all tied up," taunted Steve.

"Don't worry, we'll break the news gently to your loved ones, that is if anyone does love you," said Hwoarang.

"I wanna love you, but you won't let me," cried out Lee.

"Good cop, bad cop!" shouted Paul.

"Aren't all cops good since they stop criminals," said Dragunov.

"There's crooked cops, and we're criminals too dumbass, this kidnapping is a criminal act," remarked Hwoarang.

"But this time, crime will pay, because we'll get rid of the Lei Team, and get the talismans this time," chortled Steve.

Just then, the green warp pipe materialized and out jumped Lei Dark, Lei Light, Mario, and Luigi, all four of them stared down the Dark Hand who all had grimaces on their faces.

"Sorry to say it, but your bank account is empty because crime don't pay you enough!" exclaimed Lei Dark.

"Maybe we can talk this out," said Lei Light.

"Sure we'll let our fists do the talking," responded Lei Dark.

"Ai ya, you're so violent," grumbled Lei Light.

"You scoundrel, release those a hostages!" ordered Mario.

"Prepare for a ass a kicking!" exclaimed Luigi.

"Yeah right, we'll see what you mustache morons can do to us," taunted Lee.

The song "Learn Chinese" by Jin tha MC began to play as a bunch of Jack-5s showed up again and attacked both Leis and the Mario Brothers. Lei Dark grabbed a nearby rickshaw and shoved into the swarm, knocking some of the Jacks away. Lei Light then ran off shoving another rickshaw as he ran past it and wound up running over Dragunov in the process.

"Oh no, I'm sorry about that," cried out Lei Light.

Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi both jumped over a wall of jacks and then before all the mechanical monstrosities could turn around, Mario and Luigi all kicked them knocking down the wall like dominoes.

"Mama mia, time for a spicy meatball," said Mario as he hurled forth a flurry of fireballs from his palms, which burned a lot of the Jacks that tried to attack the Mario Brothers. However, Hwoarang snuck up from behind Mario and kicked him, interrupting his attack.

"Mario, I got you covered, I'll a fry his a egg roll!" exclaimed Luigi as he launched himself with his Green Missile attack and smacked hworang straight in the groin which sent him flying, Hwoarang held his groin in pain as he went sailing away into the air.

As a group of Jacks boxed in both Leis, the two looked at each at each other and spoke.

"I don't want no trouble, leave me alone," cried out Lei Light.

"Let's make like tigers and devour this helpless prey," remarked Lei Dark.

Lei Light and Lei Dark joined hands and delivered butterfly kicks in multiple directions, hitting every Jack that came in for an attack and knocking them all silly. Lee rushed in and threw out a knee to the two Leis, but he was met with a double crane kick to the face and ran off crying afterwards.

"I'm sorry about that!" said Lei Light.

"Chopsticks poke out eyes!" yelled Paul as he shot forth his fist at both Leis. Lei Dark and Lei Light jumped back and as both Leis were busy with Paul, Mario and Luigi went to go untie the rest of the Lei Team.

"Oh no you don't, you faucet freaks aren't getting past me," said Dragunov.

"Let's a go!" said Mario

"Okie dokie!" replied Luigi.

With that, Mario pulled out a hammer and smacked Dragunov in the knee with hit knocking him down to his knees and Luigi promptly leapt into the air, lighting Dragunov ablaze with a Fire Jump Punch. Mario and Luigi then resumed in helping out the other Lei Team members.

"All right, our friends are free!" cheered Lei Light.

"Wrecking ball shatters wall!" shouted Paul as he lunged at both Leis, the two dodged his attack and Mario and Luigi jumped up behind them along with the rest of the Lei Team.

"Give up, you're a outnumbered!" shouted Mario and Luigi in unison.

"Ho comes between bros!" hollered Paul as he ran in for an attack again, but everyone dodged his attack and then Mario, Luigi, and both Leis all kicked him in unison knocking him senseless.

"Oh no, this jungle has way too many tigers, and tigers, and more tigers oh my!" screamed Steve as he ran off, the Jacks grabbed the incapacitated members of the Dark Hand and flew off with Steve.

"Fuck you assholes!" yelled all the Jacks as they flew off into the distance.

The Lei Team and the Mario Brothers all breathed a sigh of relief after the battle was overand the Dark Hand had vanished from sight.

"Wow, thank you guys, but the princess is in another castle," said Wang.

"Well, I'd a say these a two women are a better looking then the Princess Peach," remarked Mario.

"I'd have to agree with a you a Mario," stated Luigi.

"But how are we gonna get Lei whole again?" asked Asuka.

"Do you still have the two halves of the tiger talisman?" asked Wang.

"Yes," said Lei Light and Lei Dark in unison.

"Put them together, then you should be one Lei again!" ordered Wang.

With that, Lei Light and Lei Dark grabbed both halves of the talisman out of their pants pockets and joined the two halves together, a white flash adhered the two halves together making the tiger talisman whole again. Another beam shot out hitting both Lei Light and Lei Dark and fusing the two back into one again.

"Yay it worked, Lei is whole again!" cheered Asuka.

"That's good, I don't think the world could handle two of me walking around," said Lei.

"Aw, but now me and Asuka have to go back to fighting over you," grumbled Xiaoyu.

"Well we got almost all the talismans, before we get this back to Section 13 though, let's go get massages from some Chinese girls," suggested Raven.

"With a happy ending?" asked Luigi.

"Of course," answered Raven.

"Whoo-hoo! Let's a go!" shouted Mario.

"Now that's something both my yin and yang would enjoy," remarked Lei.

Without hesitance the Lei Team along with the Mario Brothers all went to a massage parlor to receive their sexy massages. Back at the Dark Hand headquarters, Ogre yelled at Steve some more.

"You idiot, you've been bumbling way too many times! Lei has eleven of the twelve talismans and we only have one!" shouted Ogre.

"Well what do you suggest we should do?" asked Steve.

"I have a plan, we will get those talismans, and I will live again even if it kills you!" barked Ogre.

"For some reason, I don't like the sound of what you just said," grumbled Steve.

"Slave driver whips insuboridinate!" yelled Paul as Ogre told the Dark Hand his plan.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Have you ever rode a rickshaw?" asked the kid.

"Yeah, and all it really is is nothing but a poor man's taxi with no windshield so bugs keep flying into your face. Although I do give props to those men that offer rickshaw service, I'll still take a vehicle with a motor anyday," answered Lei.

"Ok, thank you," said the kid.

"Gung Hay Fat Choy!" exclaimed Lei.

Author's Note: Well, all the talisman have been introduced, but that doesn't there won't be more scheming from Ogre and the rest of the Dark Hand. Hopefully you Super Smash Bros fans enjoyed seeing Mario and Luigi show up in this chapter. Anyways, I'm gonna go get the next chapter ready, you'll get to see what Ogre has in store for the Lei Team there. But until then, please read and review.


	14. Rise Of The Ogre Part 1

**Chapter 14: Rise Of The Ogre Part 1**

At the Dark Hand headquarters, the members of the Dark Hand were looking at a blueprint and going over some the details on the sheet of paper, the entire room glowed red, letting them know that Ogre was present.

"Now, once we go through with this, we cannot make any errors, we must get the talismans from Section 13 by any means necessary," said Steve.

"So make sure you bumbling fools get it together, I do not like the fact that the only talisman we have we got by sheer luck, so get your acts together!" bellowed Ogre.

"Janitor cleans up puke!" shouted Paul.

Without any further delay, the Dark Hand all ran out of their base and headed off to do whatever dastardly deed they had planned for the Lei Team. Meanwhile, back at Wang's antique shop, the Lei Team was spending the day relaxing since they had got most of the talismans and decided they could finally take a break.

"Ah, it feels good not having to run around to find anymore talismans, pretty much all of them are safe and sound at Section 13," remarked Lei as he reclined on a sofa.

"Aint that the truth, and since the Dark Hand is so dim witted, I don't think we have to worry about them getting to the talismans," added Asuka.

"Yeah, they are pendejos all right," said King.

"Well, I don't think we should spend all our free time sitting around here vegitating," piped up Raven.

"Ai ya, I no vegetable, I not found in produce aisle of supermarket," cried out Wang.

"We know that, he just means we shouldn't waste our time off here," said Ganryu who was busy eating a giant turkey sub.

"I agree, can't stay couped up in your shell forever you old turtle," spoke Xiaoyu.

"Yeah, it's a beautiful Saturday ripe for enjoying," added Lei.

"Oh, it's Saturday, well then, you know what I'm off to do after I check on things at Section 13. Anyone wanna join me?" asked Raven.

"Hell no!" responded the rest of the Lei Team in unison.

"Besides, Raven, where the hell are you gonna find wild animals in San Francisco?" asked Asuka.

"I'll just take the Section 13 chopper back to Africa if I have to," answered Raven.

"No offense, but I'd prefer to go hunting fully clothed, don't want a lion biting off my meat," said Lei.

"Suit yourself, because I'll be un0suiting myself as soon as I touchdown on the fields of the savannah," retorted Raven.

"Ok, I'm going out to get me some lunch before I lose it completely," grumbled King as he walked out of the antique shop.

"I'll come with you, food sound good right about now," said Ganryu as he followed King to wherever he was going.

"Like he really needs to get any fatter, anyways, I feel like going shopping, Lei you wanna come see me try on lingerie?" asked Asuka.

"No way, he wants to see me try on lingerie!" shouted Xiaoyu.

"I'm fine either way, it's all good to me," said Lei.

"Come on Lei, let's go while the day is still young," said Asuka as she grabbed Lei and pulled him outside.

"Ai ya, my day never young, when you old man, it always same old thing day in day out," cried out Wang.

"Whatever, see you later Wang, enjoy whatever it is you do," called out Lei as he left.

"Hey, don't think you can hog him all to yourself Asuka!" yelled Xiaoyu as she followed Asuka out.

"Oh well, I go get donuts and coffee, that's what keeps me going, it's also the gasoline for cops," said Wang to himself as he walked off towards the nearest donut shop and locked the door behind him. Unbeknownst to him, the Dark Hand was hiding in a dumpster spying on the Lei Team as they left the antique shop.

"Ah, so our little Lei Team is letting their guard down and leaving their rears exposed," snickered Steve.

"I hope they drop the soap so we can violate them," said Lee.

"For once, I'll have to agree with what you said," replied Steve.

"So, how do you propose we approach this?" asked Hwoarang.

"We'll split up, I'll wait back at the headquarters, Dragunov, take care of Raven at Section 13, hopefully you grew some brain cells during this time," grumbled Steve.

"But thirteen is an unlucky number boss," cried Dragunov.

"That's just a stupid superstition, now get going!" barked Steve.

Dragunov hopped out of the dumpster ran off to where Section 13 was as Steve turned back to the rest of the Dark Hand

"Hwoarang, you go deal with King and Ganryu, make sure that they have their last meal," ordered Steve.

"I don't wanna deal with Ganryu, he'll fart on me," cried out Hwoarang.

"Take this with you, and this too to protect your groin," said Stevve giving Hwoarang and cup for his groin and a gas mask."

"All right, I'm on it then boss," said Hwoarang as he sped off to wherever King and Ganryu were having lunch at.

"Lee, you go take care of the two girls and Lei, go make them unfabulous," ordered Steve.

"You got it boss, Lei will get a stool pushing that he'll never forget," called out Lee as he skipped off to where Lei, Asuka, and Xiaoyu were shopping at.

"And Paul, take of that old fart, give him a heart attack that'll put him to bed permanently," said Steve.

"Old fogey falls and breaks hip!" yelled Paul as he leapt out of the dumpster and sped towards the donut shop that Wang was at.

"Now to just wait patiently at the base and give Ogre those talismans once my team hopefully gets the job done," cackled Steve as he leapt out of the dumpster and headed back to the Dark Hand headquarters. Meanwhile, at a Mexican Food restaurant deep in San Francisco. King and Ganryu were having a contest as to who could eat the most bean burritos. Both were pretty much even. The waitress brought out another plate of giant burritos and placed it on Ganryu and King's table.

"Are you ready to give up little baby jaguar?" asked Ganryu in a mocking tone.

"No way manteca culo (lard ass), I'm gonna smoke you good homes," replied King.

King and Ganryu prepared to stuff their burritos into their open mouths, but out of the corner of their eyes, they saw somone rush at them. Both jumped back as Hwoarang jumped forward and kicked their table, shattering it completely.

"Great, here comes the indigestion," grumbled King as he glared at Hwoarang.

"And this time, I came prepared for all your little tricks, so come get some," taunted Hwoarang and he adjusted his gas mask.

"Bring it la cucaracha!" shouted King.

Both King and Ganryu walked towards Hwoarang, some Jack-5s appeared to assist Hwoarang. The robots punched both Ganryu and King in their stomachs.

"Uh oh, I feel funny," moaned Ganryu as he felt his stomach gurgle.

"Me too amigo," said King as his stomach acids also gurgled within him.

At that time, both Ganryu and King released loud and pungent farts. The combined odious stench of both King and Ganryu's farts caused everyone in the restaurant to faint, the stench even seeped through Hwoarang's gas mask.

"AAAAAAH! My nose, the gas mask, it does nothing!" screamed Hwoarang as he fainted from the foul odor lingering in the air.

"Ah, that's much better," sighed Ganryu.

"Chill out dickwad," beeped a Jack as a group of Jacks put King and Ganryu in a sleeper hold and put the two to sleep.

"Take them to headquarters," beeped another Jack as the began to tie up King and Ganryu and carry them off along with the unconscious Hwoarang. Over at the donut shop, Wang was busy enjoying his donuts and coffee.

"Ah, nothing better than a nice hot cup of coffee and a warm donut," said Wang as he stirred his coffee and sipped away at it.

"Spilled coffee scalds victim!" yelled Paul.

"Ah, it's the blowhard, why you follow me here?" asked Wang.

"Truant officer takes kid back to school!" shouted Paul.

"I aint no kid, and one more thing, respect your elders!" yelled Wang.

"Old lady gets shoved into street!" shouted Paul as a Jack materialized behind Wang and gripped him tightly to where he couldn't break the robot's grip.

"Ai ya, put me down, I being kidnapped, wait I not kid, I being senior-napped!" cried out Wang.

"Robber flees from scene of crime!" shouted Paul as he hopped on a Jack and they flew away from the donut shop with Wang in tow. At a shopping mall in San Francisco, Lei sat in a lingerie store waiting for Asuka and Xiaoyu to come out of the fitting room.

"Ah, isn't this the sweet life," said Lei as he reclined in a chair.

"Yeah, I saw you with those two, you're a very lucky man," said a man who walked up to Lei. He was about the same height and build as Lei. The man had long blonde hair in a ponytail and was wearing a red and white hat, a red vest with a white T-shirt, blue jeans and red sneakers.

"And who are you?" asked Lei.

"My name is Terry Bogard, I come regularly to pick up chicks, there are some hotties here that you wouldn't imagine," answered Terry.

"Yeah, that's the truth, but I'm happy with the girls I have," remarked Lei.

"That's good, you don't wanna get to greedy now," replied Terry.

"Oh Lei, I'm ready, how does this look on me?" asked Asuka who came out in a skimpy black lace bra and a black thong, who did a little turn to where Lei could see her perfectly round rump.

"I'm liking the view, if that's saying anything," said Lei.

"Heh, then you'll like this view better," commented Xiaoyu as she stepped out of her fitting room. She was wearing a red bra and a red thong and both Lei and Terry looked over as Xiaoyu smacked her butt.

"I do like that as well, we're getting a good double feature if I do say so myself," commented Lei.

"I agree wholeheartedly," added Terry.

Just then, Lee burst out of a dressing room in a purple bra and panties, causing all the customers and employees to cover their eyes in disgust.

"Please, get dressed in some normal attire you freak!" yelled a female employee.

"Oh shut up, you're just angry cuz you can't look as hot as me," said Lee as he ordered a Jack to smack the employee that raised a complaint. The Jack complied instantly and hit the female knocking her to the ground.

"Hey, that's just wrong you chauvanistic bastard!" yelled Lei.

"So what, I'll do it again, and you can't stop me," said Lee.

"Wanna bet Mr. Queer Eye," said Lei as he darted towards Lee. However, a group of Jacks materialized behind Asuka and Xiaoyu and judo chopped them across the neck knocking them out cold, Lei whirled around to see that and leapt at the Jacks ready to attack. But one of the Jacks grabbed a mannequin and swung at Lei knocking him out of the sky and rendering him out cold.

"No one better try to stop us, otherwise this all comes off!" shouted Lee pointing to his outfit.

"Okay! Just get out of here please, you're traumatizing us!" cried Terry who had his hands over his eyes.

"See ya later you fashionless fools!" said Lee as he and the Jacks flew away with Lei, Asuka, and Xiaoyu all unconcious and in their custody. Meanwhile, Terry went to go check on the female that was smacked around by the Jack.

"Are you okay?" asked Terry. However a strange power welled up in Teery as he said those words.

"Buster Wolf!" screamed Terry unleashing a huge surge of energy and sending the woman flying off into the distance.

"Ah shit," grumbled Terry as he left the mall.. Back at Section 13, Raven was preparing his equipment for his Satuday hobby and was nearly done getting everything ready.

"Blowgun, check! Blowdarts, check, suntan lotion, check. Ok, I'm good to go, time to get back to my roots," said Raven as he prepared to board a chopper to Africa. As Raven walked by the area where the talismans were, A giant explosion blew the vault door open and sent Raven flying back.

"Oh shit, someone's trying to steal the talismans! I better warn the others and then hold off whatever thieves may be in there!" exclaimed Raven.

"No need to warn your friends, we already have them all in our grasp!" retorted Dragunov as he walked out of the vault with a group of Jacks.

"How the hell did you get in there without the rest of the Dark Hand, you're and idiot," remarked Raven.

"The Jacks have artificial intelligence however, and since there's more of them then there are of me, that offsets my lack of intelligence," answered Dragunov.

"Well, that doesn't matter none, I'll still kick your ass from here to next Saturday!" shouted Raven.

Unbeknownst to Raven, a Jack took Raven's blowgun and shot a tranquilizer dart at Raven, hitting him in the neck and knocking Raven unconscious.

"Ah, motherfucker stole my blowgun," mumbled Raven drowsily as he slipped into unconsiousness.

"Whee, I did it, I did something right, now big Stevie will be happy with me, slap hands Jack, slap hands!" cheered Dragunov.

"Slapping the hands!"beeped a Jack as he gave Dragunov a high five with such force that it knocked him back.into a wall, another Jack picked up Dragunov as they grabbed all the talismans from their case and then flew off with the incapacitated Raven with them. Back at the Dark Hand headquarters, Steve and Ogre were patiently waiting for the rest of the Dark Hand to return, well, then again, Steve was the only one being patient.

"I swear Steve, your henchmen are slower than a snail's excrement!" yelled Ogre.

"Hold on Ogre, they should be here any minute now," replied Steve.

"I don't want theme here at any minute, I want them here at THIS minute!" bellowed Ogre.

"Keep your shorts on, we're back!" announced Lee as the members of the Dark Hand all descended into the building and all the Jacks threw the incapacitated Lei Team into the center of the room.

"Whoa, you guys did it, I guess the Jacks AI upgrade did come in handy," gasped Steve.

"Yes, but you still must work on the ineptitude of your cronies, we only got them because of the Jack's highter AI," hissed Ogre.

"We still got them nonetheless, but Dragunov, hopefully you didn't have a brain fart and forget the talismans," said Steve.

"Don't worry boss, I put a plug on my brain's anus and remembered to get them this time," replied Dragunov holding up a brown sack. Steve snatched the sack from Dragunov's hands and looked inside the sack to find the eleven talismans that the Lei Team had stowed away in Section 13. At that moment, the members of the Lei Team began to awaken.

"Oh, my head, what happened?" asked Asuka.

"Ai ya, I have major headache, where is my Tylenol!" moaned Wang.

"Guys, I don't think we're anywhere near the antique shop," piped up Lei.

"Welcome to our lair Lei Team, you woke up just in time to witness the awakening of Ogre, soon he will have all his power back and then the world is screwed up the poop shoot!" cackled Steve.

"Like we're gonna let that happen puto!" snapped King.

"Oh, but we have all twelve talismans now, and all that's left is to place them in that statue right there and Ogre lives again," retorted Hwoarang pointing at a statue of a warrior with a horned helmet, armored shorts and a gold shield.

"You think we're stupid enough to sit around here, let's get them guys!" shouted Ganryu.

"Movie watcher hits pause!" shouted Paul as him and the Jacks swarmed the Lei Team and all the Jacks opened their chest compartments and placed their fingers near a red button.

"Try anything funny and we blow ourselves up, making you go kablooey as well!" beeped a Jack.

"Enough already, give me the talismans now!" screamed Ogre.

Steve started taking the talismans out of the sack and around the base of the statue were twelve grooves for each talisman to fit into. Steve started sticking the talismans into the grooves as the Lei Team watched on in horror. As Steve placed the last tlaisman into the statue's base, all the talismans glowed white and then turned into beams of light and went straight into the statue. The eyes of the statue glowed a blood red as it slowly began to move.

"I live!" roared Ogre as he began to come to life.

"Ai ya, this is a very bad day for planet Earth!" screamed Wang.

"Yes, today is the day that a new world order will take place, everyone will bow before their new king, the almighty Ogre!" hissed Ogre as he raised his arms triumphantly and cackled maniacally.

"Shit, we gotta find a way to stop this takeover from happening, but how?" grumbled Lei to himself.

To be continued

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you like monster movies?" asked the kid.

"Some are all right, but a lot of them are cheesy. But I've seen some crazy monsters myself throughout my life like Ogre of course and Jinpachi Mishima. Now I know the second one I said may have been human, but he sure looked monstrous," answered Lei.

"Ok thank you," said the kid.

"Godzilla rules!" shouted Lei.

Author's Note: Yep, Ogre lives! How will the Lei Team be able to stand up to this threat, you'll find out in the next chapter as a big battle with Ogre will take place then. But the fic won't end there, no way, I've still got a ways to go before I decide to end this fic. And by the way, I hope King of Fighters fans liked seeing Terry Bogard make an appearance. Anyways, I'm off to work on the big fight with Ogre. Until then though, please read and review.


	15. Rise Of The Ogre Part 2

**Chapter 15: Rise Of The Ogre Part 2**

The Lei Team looked onward in fear as now live Ogre looked at them with a menacing smirk on his face.

"Oh, you cannot imagine how lovely it is to see you helpless before me, Christmas has definitely come early for me," growled Ogre happily.

"Well, hate to break it to you, but you'll be getting a lump of coal in your stocking," snapped Lei.

"Big talk from someone who has no way of escaping an inevitable death," snickered Ogre.

"Oh yeah, ninja vanish!" shouted Raven who pulled out a smoke bomb and threw it down. Ogre and the rest of the Dark Hand began to gag and cough and the Lei Team used this opportunity to plow through the wall of Jacks that barricaded them and dove down the laundry chute to make their escape.

"Argh, cursed they got away, but it's no big deal, I have the talismans, I am all powerful, and they will meet their doom soon enough," hissed Ogre.

"Fate bitch slaps some unlucky sap!" shouted Paul.

Meanwhile, the Lei Team all ran out of the Dark Hand's headquarters and hid away in an alley and started to gather some thoughts.

"Ai ya, Ogre alive again, He take over world, kill us all!" cried out Wang.

"We can't let that happen, there has to be a way for us to take him out," piped up Asuka.

"Can't you do a chi spell to extract the talismans from his body?" asked Lei.

"I need right ingredients to do extraction potion, we must get ingridients, but it will be dangerous," answered Wang.

"We're already in a chingadera, no time to worry about danger," remarked King.

"What's a chingadera?" asked Xiaoyu.

"It means fucked up situation," answered King.

"Yeah, I agree, this is one major chingadera all right," said Ganryu.

"So let's quit fucking around then and fix this fucked up situation," suggested Lei.

Without any more hesitance, the Lei Team ran towards Wang's antique shop, as they rounded the corner, they saw some Jacks guarding the entrance to the shop.

"Ai ya, we cannot get in the antique shop with all those tin men on steroids parading around there," grumbled Wang.

"Crap, so what are we gonna do for a chi spell?" inquired Asuka.

"I think we may be able to help you in your plight," spoke a voice from behind the Lei Team.

As the Lei Team whirled to see who spoke, they saw a young blonde haird man with pointy ears looking at them, he was wearing a green cone shaped hat and a green tunic with white pants and brown boots. He was being accompanied by a female with long light brown hair with a gold ornament on her forehead and was clad in a long pink and white dress.

"Just who are you two?" asked Raven.

"My name is Link, this is Zelda, we know about the deal wit h this Ogre fellow, and we thought we should help you guys out," answered Link.

"We know of a secret shrine where we can find the potion necessary to expel the talismans from Ogre's body," piped up Zelda.

"You do, where is this secret shrine you speak of, don't say it's in your pants," said Xiaoyu.

"We're not perverts ok, now follow us to Fisherman's Wharf," ordered Link.

"Hey, this chingadera can't possibly get any bigger," remarked King.

"He's right you know, let's follow the man in the tights," ordered Lei to his team.

After about thirty minutes of walking and making sure to avoid any of Ogre's minions at all cost, Link and Zelda finally led the Lei Team to a dock just near the wharf.

"This is the place where the shrine is," said Link.

"What shrine, you must be high or something, why else would you two be dressed like that?" asked Ganryu.

"We're dressed like this because where we're from, everyone has similar attire to this. And hold on, we will reveal the shrine for you," answered Zelda.

Just then, Link pulled out a small blue ocarina, and began to blow a few notes on it. After playing his little ditty. A chime was heard and a rumbling started to occur in the water. Out from under the water a intricately designed temple emerged and the Lei Team just gasped in awe at what they were seeing before them.

"Holy shit, that's just freaking insane!" gasped Lei.

"Hurry, the things you will need are in this shrine, now make haste!" exclaimed Link as him and Zelda ran into the shrine.

"Ai ya, you heard the man, get going!" shouted Wang as the Lei Team quickly followed suit into the shrine.

Inside the rather large building, it was quite dimly lit, so Link pulled out a lantern and filled it up with oil, illuminating the dark area, bats flew about and tried to attack the Lei Team, but Link unsheathed the sword that he was carrying on his back and slashed at the bats, making them disappear in a puff of smoke.

"There could be some strange things lurking down here, so watch your step," commented Zelda.

"You mean stuff like that," stammered Xiaoyu as she pointed to a legion of Jack-5s materializing before them.

"Talk to the hand!" beeped a Jack as he lumbered over to the group of heroes.

Link pulled out a bomb and his bow and attached the bomb to an arrow and then fired it at the Jacks, causing a big explosion and destroying all the Jacks in their path.

"Where the hell do you keep all this stuff, up your ass?" asked Raven.

"No, I have a pouch that shrinks all my items, and when I pull them out of the pouch, they grow to normal size so I can use them," answered Link.

"I gotta start shopping on eBay for stuff like that," remarked King.

"Aw, crap, there's more of them!" screamed Asuka.

"You guys hold them off, me, Link, and Zelda will move on and get the potion we need," ordered Lei.

"Ai ya, why I have to do holding, I no like feel of metal in my hands," grumbled Wang.

Lei didn't respond as him, Link, and Zelda all ran off into the depths of the shrine, leaving the rest of the team to hold off the Jacks that swarmed them. As Lei, Link, and Zelda all ran through the corridors, they saw numerous monsters skulking about. As each monster attempted to bring down the explorers, they would either be met my Link's sword, Zelda's magic, or Lei's martial arts madness which usually brought the monster's life to an end. Eventually, the trio came across an empty room with glimmered with a golden colored light.

"From the looks of it, this should be the room where the stuff we're looking for is," stated Link.

"Yeah, but I don't see anything, this room is empty," replied Lei.

"Maybe if we all step on those switches on the ground right there," suggested Zelda as she pointed to three switches in a triangular pattern lyin on the ground.

"It's worth a shot," said Lei as he stepped on one of the switches. Link and Zelda soon followed suit, a chime was heard in a bright flash of light, a blue and gold colored treasure chest materialized in the middle of the room.

"Oh yeah, we found what we needed!" exclaimed Lei as he ran over to the treasure chest and opened it up, finding inside a strange bluish-green liquid in a clear bottle. As he pocketed the potion, the shrine started to shake.

"You have taken the forbidden treasure, now you will never see the light of day again!" hissed Ogre's voice.

"What the hell is this, the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin?" asked Lei as him, Link and Zelda began to run out of the shrine.

"Don't worry about that, just run!" yelled Link.

As they ran through the shrine, they eventually came back to the entrance where the rest of the Lei Team was still busy fighting Jacks.

"The hell with these Jack offs! Let's get out of here before the place collapses!" ordered Lei to his friends.

The rest of the Lei Team nodded as they knocked away the Jacks and followed their leader out of the temple. Link fired another bomb arrow to keep the Jacks from following them. As the heroes successfully escape the temple, the whole building collapsed to the bottom of the sea. Everyone took a breath of relief as they made it out alive.

"All right, we got what we needed, now let's go take on Ogre!" said Lei.

"Oh, you wanna take me on huh, well, meet me in China, at the Forbidden City, I'll be waiting for you there, then after I destroy you, then the rest of the world will soon meet you in Hell!" cackled Ogre's voice.

"Ai ya, Forbidden City, why would he go somewhere that has the word forbidden in its name," cried out Wang.

"No time to ponder such questions, let's just get to China ASAP!" ordered Raven.

"I can get us there in no time," said Link as he pulled out his ocarina and started playing a tune on it yet again.

"How the hell is playing music gonna help us get to China?" asked Ganryu.

Just then, a tornado swooped down over the Lei Team and carried them along with Link and Zelda across the ocean all the way to China. Soon, they all found themselves overlooking the Forbidden City where Ogre was sitting and waiting for the Lei Team to show up.

"There's Ogre, I'm surprised he hasn't smashed the area to smithereens," remarked Xiaoyu.

"He'll probably demolish the world after this if we fail to beat him, which I hope we don't, then that the worst chingadera possible," stated King.

"Well, we shouldn't worry too much about it since we have the potion needed to get the talismans out of him and rob him of those powers," said Zelda.

"Lei, stick out your hands," said Wang.

"Why do you need my hands?" asked Lei.

"We're going to pour some of the potion on your hands," answered Link.

Lei stuck his hands out and Wang took the bottle of potion and poured some of it onto Lei's hands, making them glow a bright green color.

"Now you don't have to extract all the talismans to defeat Ogre, as long as you can get the crucial ones like the dog and the rat, then that should be enough to take Ogre down," informed Wang.

"Be careful out there Lei," called out Asuka.

"Don't worry, I'll come out of this ok," replied Lei as he leapt down to where Ogre was sitting.

"Ah, you're late for our date," commented Ogre.

"Date, sorry but big green demon like creatures aren't my type," replied Lei.

"Doesn't matter, I'm going to kill you now and then demolish the rest of the world shortly afterwards!" hissed Ogre.

"Just shut up already and fight me," grumbled Lei.

"I promise I'll kill you quickly," taunted Ogre.

"The only one getting killed today is you!" retorted Lei.

The song "Fight Music" by D12 began to play as Ogre rushed at Lei and lunged forward with a powerful punch, Lei rolled out of the way and tried to sink his hands into Ogre's body, but the green beast leapt back and kicked Lei hard in the stomach. Lei staggered back from the kick, Ogre then clotheslined Lei to the ground, he tried to stomp on Lei while he was still on the ground, Lei rolled out of the way again and sunk his hands into Ogre and began fishing around for a talisman, upon grabbing one, he kicked Ogre away and looked at the talisman he had snatched.

"The sheep talisman, I don't think astral projection will help me in any way during this fight," said Lei to himself as he stuffed the talisman into his pocket.

"Grr, you will pay for that," growled Ogre as he charged at Lei again, Lei leapt over his attack and reached into Ogre's body again but Ogre kicked Lei away right as he grabbed yet another talisman. Ogre ran at Lei as the Chinese warrior fell to the ground, Lei aimed the talisman at Ogre and a huge burst of fire seared through the beast's chest. Lei looked at the talisman and saw that he had retrieved the dragon.

"All right, that's a hot ticket right there!" remarked Lei.

"Yes, but I possess the horse still allowing me to heal, you don't stand a chance against me," hissed Ogre who lunged at Lei again, Lei dove out of the way to avoid Ogre's attack.

"Yeah, go Lei! Kick that green motherfucker's ass!" cheered Raven.

"We're not gonna allow that to happen, sorry, but we have to crash their private party," said Steve as the rest of the Dark Hand appeared behind the Lei Team.

"Shit, not these fools, looks like we gotta play bouncer and not let them in the club," commented Asuka.

"Bounce on my nuts," replied Lee.

"I like bouncing, it's so fun," cheered Dragunov.

"Great, this chingadera just got even bigger," grumbled King.

"Anyways, we're gonna kick you into next week!" snapped Hwoarang.

"Giant grinds bones to make bread!" shouted Paul.

"Hold them off, we can't let them reach Lei!" ordered Zelda as she fired forth a light arrow from her bow into the group of Jacks behind the dark Hand.

"No worries about that," replied Link as he flung his Gale Boomerang forward causing some of the Jacks to be blown about and confusing the Dark Hand.

"I'm going down to help Lei, you guys take care of this!" shouted Xiaoyu as she poured the rest of the potion onto her hands and dove down to where Lei and Ogre were fighting.

"You cannot escape your fate, you will die before my hands," hissed Ogre.

Unbeknownst to him, Xiaoyu landed right on Ogre and dug her hands into his body, extracting yet another talisman, the snake.

"Xiaoyu, what are you doing here?" asked Lei.

"I came to help you, now let's kick some ass!" answered Xiaoyu as she used the snake talisman to turn invisible.

"I'll crush you both like tiny insects!" hollered Ogre as he swung angrily at xiaoyu, surprisingly, even though she was invisible he still connected with his punch sending her crashing to the ground. Lei jumped onto Ogre's back as Xiaoyu fell and pulled out another talisman, Lei punched Ogre away but was surprised to see Ogre go flying back a remendous distance. Lei looked at his talisman and discovered that he had extracted the ox talisman from Ogre's body.

"Why don't you give up girly beast," taunted Lei in a mock European voice.

"You may possess the ox, but I still possess more talismans than you do!" hissed Ogre as he fired forth beams from his eyes, channeling the energy of the pig talisman. Lei jumped back to avoid being fried, but Xiaoyu ran up to him and reached into Ogre again, pulling out another talisman, Ogre kicked her away and Xiaoyu looked at her talisman as she hit the ground.

"The tiger, I don't need my yin and yang fighting each other now, I'm perfectly balanced," remarked Xiaoyu as she stuff the tiger talisman in her pocket.

"Get over here you pesky little brat!" roared Ogre using the rabbit talisman's power to run at Xiaoyu with blinding speed and grab her by the throat, he then used the rooster's power to hover in the air to where Lei couldn't reach him.

"I'm gonna turn into a pancake by dropping you from up here, then I'll pour syrup all over you and eat you up, you'll taste yummy," taunted Ogre.

Meanwhile, Lei climbed up a pillar, and kicked off of it leaping up into the air and latching onto Ogre.

"Get off me," growled Ogre.

"I'm dragging you down with me," responded Lei as he reached into Ogre again and siphoned the horse talisman from him. Ogre kicked Lei off of him, but the horse healed Lei's wounds from his long fall. Xiaoyu then kicked Ogre in the face causing him to drop her and Lei caught the young girl breaking her fall.

"Man, trying to get the dog or the rat is a pain in he ass," grumbled Lei.

Ogre dove down at Lei and Xiaoyu with the rabbit's speed and tackled both of them to the ground. As Lei and Xiaoyu got back up, Ogre rushed at them again, Lei leapt over Ogre and as Ogre turned to face Lei, Xiaoyu reached into Ogre's back and pulled out the monkey talisman.

"No time for an animal kingdom now," grumbled Xiaoyu.

Ogre grew angry and extended both of his arms out grabbing Lei and Xiaoyu by the throats, both gagged and gasped for air as Ogre gripped them both tightly.

"I've played around enough with you, time to break you two toys and discard you like garbage," growled Ogre.

Lei and Xiaoyu kicked Ogre's arms and then spun around and reached into Ogre's body, both of them we're able to get their hands on a talisman.

"I got the dog!" exclaimed Lei.

"And I got the rat!" added Xiaoyu.

"What, NOOOOOO!" screamed Ogre as he reverted back to a statue. Lei and Xiaoyu took the remaining talismans out of the base of the statue and took a deep sigh of relief.

"I'll get you both for this, and the rest of your team as well!" hissed Ogre.

"Yeah right, you lost all the talismans. No rat means you're just a statue, and no dog means you're not immortal," retorted Lei as he pulled out the dragon talisman and shot forth a huge fire burst from the talisman causing the statue to explode.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Ogre as he was blown to bits, the remains of his statue littered the floor, as Lei and Xiaoyu flew back up to their friends using the power of the rooster talisman.

"No, this can't be happening, I can't believe Ogre has been destroyed, our plans ruined, this sucks," wept Steve.

"Global warming melts eskimo's igloo!" shouted Paul.

"It's all over baby, that monster has been put to bed permanently," remarked Link pointing his sword at Steve.

"We'll be back, you haven't heard the last of the Dark Hand!" called out Steve as he ran off with the rest of his crew.

"I'm sure we won't, they're more annoying than the numerous song made by those American Idol morons," stated Zelda.

"So, after we secure the talismans back at Section 13, what should we do?" asked Raven.

"Party at Wang's house!" exclaimed Asuka.

"Oh yeah, aint no party like a Lei Team party cuz a Lei Team party don't stop!" exclaimed Lei.

"I can dig that, let's go wild!" shouted Link with excitement.

"One more thing, we get hyphy!" cried out Wang.

With that, the Lei Team, along with Link and Zelda teleported back to San Francisco to party as the song "Party Up" by DMX played in the background.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you believe in magic?" asked the kid.

"Well, I like the magic that you see in movies and video games and stuff like that, I believe in that, but that Houdini stuff is all just illusions that they use to mess with your mind, but it's magic that chicks dig magicians," answered Lei.

"That's cool, I guess I'll be a magician," said the kid.

"Abracadabra to you," replied Lei.

Author's Note: Ogre may have been destroyed, but the fic aint over yet. There's still more to come for the Lei Team. More crazy stuff headed their way and more zany adventures. I hope you Super Smash Bros. fans liked seeing Link and Zelda show up. And yeah, I do hate American Idol, I wanna see Kelly Clarkson, Clay Aiken, or any of those idiots get punched in the face. Anyways, I'm off to plan out the next chapter, until then though, please read and review.


	16. Releasing The Demons

**Chapter 16: Releasing The Demons**

At the Dark Hand headquarters, the members of the Dark Hand were moping about after seeing Lei destroy Ogre back in China. Now they were unclear what to do without their leader.

"This sucks, it's like being lost in the woods without a compass," cried Steve.

"Or like when you actually witness a car running over your pet whatever it may be," added Hwoarang.

"Oh I so want to bitch slap that Lei Team so badly for what they did," grumbled Lee.

"Blind driver causes traffic accident!" shouted Paul.

"Well, either way, with or without Ogre, we must persist in recapturing those talismans and then taking over the world for oursleves," gloated Steve.

All of a sudden, Steve felt a sharp pain in his chest and fell ot the ground groaning and sweating like he was in a sauna. The other members of the Dark Hand all looked at him with concern.

"Boss are you ok, did those chili peppers come back to haunt you?" asked Hwoarang.

"AAAHHH, he's gonna blow, run away!" shrieked Dragunov.

"Bomb squad defuses explosive!" shouted Paul as he grabbed Dragunov to keep him from running around like an idiot.

Steve let out a low groan and fell to the ground shortly afterward. The Dark Hand members all crowded around their leader wondering what was wrong with him.

"I better go call 911," grumbled Lee.

"Yeah, it looks like he had a heart attack," added Hwoarang.

Just then, Steve rose up again and let out a loud growl sending all the Dark Hand members flying into the wall. As they all looked over at Steve, his eyes were glowing a dark red.

"Wow, big Stevie must have eaten something really bad," said Dragunov.

"This isn't indigestion you bumbling boob!" hissed Ogre's voice from within Steve.

"Whoa, it's Ogre!" exclaimed Hwoarang.

"Who ya gonna call, Ghostbusters!" yelled Paul.

"Yes, my body may have been destroyed but I will use your boss as a vessel to help me exact my revenge on Lei Wulong and his despicable little group," said Ogre's voice.

"And how do you plan on doing that?" asked Steve.

Ogre summoned forth a Jack-5, who blasted whole in the ground near where Ogre's statue used to lie. A green glow emitted from the hole in the ground that filled the entire room with it's pulsating light. The Jack reached into the hole and pulled out a diamond shaped box with intricate Chinese designs drawn on the box.

"In this world there are eight portals that hold a member of my demon companions. We shall use this artifact, the Pan Ku Box, to open those portals wherever they may be and along with my allies, will bring the world to its knees," announced Ogre.

"Wow, that box is capable of all that power," gasped Steve.

"Yes, but unfortunately, it is protected by a magic spell that makes me unable to touch it, and since you're possessed by me, that same curse inflicts you as well. So much to my dismay we must keep you're idiot lackeys around to hold the Pan Ku Box for us," grumbled Ogre.

"Yay, it'll be like working at the post office!" cheered Dragunov.

"Postman licks envelope!" shouted Paul smacking Dragunov on the head.

"But before we go hunting for my friends, we must dispose of that meddlesome Lei Team! Now let's get to it!" hissed Ogre.

With that, the Dark Hand all left their headquarters along with their possessed leader and headed out to go find the Lei Team, while gripping the Pan Ku Box with them. Meanwhile, the Lei Team was all out in the Japan Town part of San Francisco at a sushi bar, It was Ganryu's decision to treat them to some Japanese cuisine.

"Ganryu, this was nice of you to treat us to some sushi," commented King.

"Yes, after all the times you clean out refrigerator, it's about time to pay for food!" cried out Wang.

"Yeah, you gotta try the dragon rolls, they're superb!" exclaimed Ganryu.

"Well, it's healthy for us, so I'm all for it," said Asuka.

"Yeah, you've obviously eaten a lot of it, it's done your body good," commented Lei. Asuka blushed at Lei's comment.

As they sat down at their table, the sushi chef walked up to them. He was a Japanese man with black hair tied up in a ponytail, he also had a neatly trimmed mustache and beard and was rather muscular, he was clothed in all white with a black apron.

"Hello tomodachi, my name is Mitsurugi, I will be your server tonight, what scrumptious sushi servings can I send your way tonight?" inquired Mitsurugi.

"We'll have two dragon rolls, three spider rolls, a California roll with real crab, not that imitation crab crap, and twenty pieces of unagi sushi," ordered Ganryu.

"Sure thing, should be no problem, and if the sushi stands in my way, it's dead!" exclaimed Mitsurugi.

"Isn't the fish already dead?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Yes, but I'll make it double dead," answered Mitsurugi.

"Just work your magic Mitsu!" said Lei.

"Hai!" said Mitsurugi who took out his sword and then pulled out all the ingredients to make the sushi. Just then, Mitsurugi started cutting the sushi marvelously with his sharp sword as the song "Haruka Kanata" by the Asian Kung Fu Generation played in the background. The Lei Team just watched in awe at the marvelous display of swordsmanship and culinary proficiency that Mitsurugi was displaying. Within five minutes, the Lei Team's sushi was ready and Mitsurugi handed them their plates.

"Enjoy your sushi, if you want more, come back when you're ready," stated Mitsurugi.

"Itadakimasu!" shouted Ganryu.

"Ai ya, that not Chinese, I not know what you say!" cried out Wang.

"It's Japanese, it's custom to say that before eating, it means I humbly receive this great food," responded Asuka.

"Well then, if it's tradition, then itadakimasu!" exclaimed Lei.

Immediately the Lei Team started going crazy with the sushi, scarfing it down like it was going to run away from them. While in the midst of wolfing down the sushi, Lei called Mitsurugi over to where they were again.

"Would you like more sushi?" asked Mitsurugi.

"Yeah, another dragon roll, and some sake would be nice too, sushi and sake go together like rice and chow mein," replied Lei.

"But it doesn't go together as well as you guys and your tombstones," piped up Steve's voice from behind the Lei Team.

The Lei Team whirled around to see the Dark Hand standing behind them, and they all groaned in disbelief upon looking at their visages.

"I can't believe that you guys are still so persistent in crapping all over our good times," moaned King.

"Isn't that usually a sign of good villains though?" asked Lee.

"True, but you aren't good villains, just annoying," replied Raven.

"Oh yeah, we'll make you eat those words," said Hwoarang.

"But Hwoarang, we can't make them eat words literally, words are inedible,"stated Dragunov.

"Food poisoning debilitates victim!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"But for what reason do you have to fight us now, Ogre is dead," remarked Lei.

"Not true Mr. Wulong, I still exist, and I will do whatever I must to exact my revenge on your and your team," growled Ogre from within Steve.

"Ai ya! Ogre has possessed Steve, this is not good!" cried out Wang.

"No need to worry about that, Steve is a wuss," said Asuka.

"That may be true, but we will get my demon friends to help us out once we find out where their portals lie, they will usher in a new era that will wash over this world like a tsunami," hissed Ogre as Paul held up the Pan Ku Box for the Lei Team to see.

"Ai ya, that's the Pan Ku Box, we cannot let them release the demons!" cried out Wang.

"What are you talking about Grandpa?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Long ago, many demons roamed the world, but great chi wizards of the past sealed them inside magic portals and then locked the portals with Pan Ku Box. However, if the Pan Ku Box is brought back to where the demon was sealed away, it will unlock the portal allowing the demon to roam free again, we must keep that from happening. And one more thing, we must try to seal Pan Ku Box away again," informed Wang.

"Fat chance, we'll turn you into sushi and serve you to all of Ogre's companions!" boasted Steve.

"Yeah right, we'll boil you like a pot of udon!" retorted Lei.

The song "Daikenkai" by Des-Row begins to play in the background as the Lei Team and the Dark Hand began to throw down. Even Mitsurugi came out to assist the Lei Team in fighting off their adversaries. As a jack lunged at Xiaoyu, the Chinese girl back flipped out of the way and grabbed a pair of chopsticks from a nearby table and poked the Jack in the eyes with the chopsticks, blinding the Jack an and he wound up swinging blindly knocking down some of his own kind.

"Samurai cleaves through swarm of gunmen!" yelled Paul.

Lei dodged one of Paul's punches and grabbed the bottle of sake. Lei then dodged another attack from Paul and stomped on his foot, as Paul yelled out in pain, Lei dumped the sake down Paul's throat, making him inebriated.

"Whee, sake it to me baby!" shouted Paul as he started doing the Electric Slide. The others all just watched on laughing.

"Damn Paul's a funny drunk," chortled Raven as he pulled out a pair of kunai and threw it into a Jack's neck, making him short circuit and shut down. Mitsurugi then pulled out his long samurai sword and leapt into the air cleaving a Jack clean in two. He then saw Hwoarang aim a kick at him, Mitsurugi rolled out of the way and Hwoarang's foot landed on a hot hibachi grill burning his foot.

"Fuck, watashi ni baka!" scramed Hwoarang.

"You'll be in Hell, before me!" cried out Mitsurugi as he threw a giant glob of wasabi into Hwoarang's face.

"AAAAHHHH, my face is on fire!" screamed Hwoarang as he ran near a crab tank in the restaurant and dipped his head in there. Upon doing so however, a crab pinched his nose and Hwoarang screamed out in pain again as he ran through a window.

"Name's Mitsurugi, remember it!" shouted Mitsurugi as Hwoarang fell to ground trying to get the crab off of his nose.

"I've been searching for a man, all across Japan, just to find, to find my samurai!" sang Paul in a slurred tone as he pranced around with chopsticks up his nostrils.

"I'll be your samurai," called out Lee.

"No you won't, now quit wasting time and finish these losers off!" ordered Steve.

As Lee rushed forward, King whipped Ganryu forward and Ganryu rolled into a ball flattening Lee and knocking over man of the Jacks. One landed onto Mitsurugi's chopping board.

"Hmm, fine, I shall accept the challenge of turning you into sushi!" yelled Mitsurugi as he started to cut the Jack into numersous pieces with his sharp samurai sword.

"I, I, I, I'm your little butterfly, green, black, and blue, pretty colors in the sky!" sang Paul as he started dancing on another customer's table and poured teriyaki sauce down his pants.

"Too bad I didn't bring my video camera, then I could post this on the internet," groaned Lei.

"Hey, no one's stupider than I am!" called out Dragunov as he charged at Lei and Asuka.

"Well, you got that right, you are the stupidest person that I know," replied Asuka as she spun towards Dragunov and kicked him in the stomach. Lei then followed up with a hard punch to Dragunov's face sending him flying back into the bar area, where he lay there dazed.

"Look at all the pretty birdies flying around my head," said Dragunov as he looked up at the sky with a goofy expression on his face.

"It's getting hot in heeeere!" sang Paul yet again as he prepared to drop his gi pants.

"No, don't you even dare, no one wants to see that!" barked Steve.

"Hey, what about me Stevie?" asked Lee.

"Majority rules, and you lose since you're the only vote for taking it all off," answered Wang.

"All I wanna do is zoom a zoom a zoom-zoom in your boom-boom!" sang Paul as he fixated his drunked gaze on Asuka.

"Sorry but you aint gonna get to do any zoom a zoom-zoom to me, anytime soon," replied Asuka.

"Yeah not as long as I'm around," added Lei.

"Sad dog whimpers!" slurred Paul as he stumbled over a table and started flailing his arms around like crazy.

"AAAAHHHH, drowning sailor calls for SOS!" screamed Paul.

"Get up you drunkard, you are on a carpeted floor, not in the ocean," hissed Ogre.

"Hey, what's that tablecloth on the wall," asked Dragunov pointing to a fixture hanging from the wall. Upon further inspection, Ogre gasped.

"That's no tablecloth, that is a map to where all the demon portals lie, this will make our hunt a lot easier. We shall take that," said Ogre.

"No way, you give that back to people here, it's their property," retorted Lei as he leapt over to where Steve was and grabbed one end of the map. Before he could yank it away however, Steve pulled on the other end, and the map wound up ripping into two pieces.

"Ah shit, the map ripped," grumbled Raven.

"Well, one half is better than nothing at all,"piped Dragunov.

"Cash rules everything around me!" hollered Paul.

"Oh well, as long as we have the Pan Ku Box, we should be just fine anyways," chimed in Hwoarang.

"That is the crucial key, don't let them take it!" hissed ogre at the Dark Hand.

"You think you can defeat us, how absurd," taunted Mitsurugi.

"I know we can't defeat you, my lackeys are nothing but boobs," replied Ogre.

"No, these are boobs," replied Xiaoyu fondling her own chest.

"Not those kind, I'm saying my henchmen are complete fools, idiots, morons. And my strongest fighter is wasted," growled Ogre.

"What happened to my horse, is he dead?" asked Paul.

"No, but you and your buddies are," answered Lei.

"Our little story is far from finished, we shall take our leave now, with the Pan Ku Box in tow, and then we'll be back with my friends to erase you like a mistake on a homework paper," said Ogre.

"You aint getting away from us!" shouted Ganryu.

"Robot vanish!" beeped a Jack as he shot forth a smoke cloud causing everyone to gag and cough and the pitter pattering of footsteps could be heard as the Dark Hand escaped into the night.

"Peter Piper plays the flute!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand ran off.

As the smoke cleared, everyone went back to doing whatever they were doing before the brawl broke out.

"Well, sorry about all that muss and fuss that went on," said King.

"That's quite all right, I'm sure you'll give them what's coming to them, and I'm giving you a little gift as well, sushi I made from one of the Jacks," chimed Mitsurugi.

Ganryu takes a piece of the sushi and pops it into his mouth and begins chewing, a grin forms on his face.

"Hey, this is pretty good, thanks buddy, and he'res the mony for the food," said Ganryu.

"Thanks, and you're always welecome to come back here, I make you more good sushi to satiate your appetite," stated Mitsurugi.

As the Lei Team left the sushi bar, they all headed back to the antique shop and studied their half of the map.

"Now we know where half of demon portals lie, we must be prepared for anything, magic must defeat magic, I will take ingredients for chi spells to keep portals sealed," called out Wang.

"And if we get the chance, we should try to obtain the Pan Ku Box from the Dark Hand and either destroy it, or put it someplace where no one will ever find it," suggested Lei.

"Good idea, and one more thing, we might need power of talismans for adventure," added Wang.

"If we need them, we can always go back to Section 13 to obtain the ones we feel would help us on our missions," stated Raven.

"Well, another set of adventures awaits us now," said Asuka.

"Indeed it does, now let's get to sealing the demon portals," announced Lei.

Without any hesitance the Lei Team got what they needed out of the shop and headed off towards Section 13, ready to take on the Dark Hand and the new threat they posed with the Pan Ku Box in their possession.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"What do you think of sushi?" asked the kid.

"Some people love it, some hate it, I personally love it. It's a wonderful treat that tastes good and is healthy for you. It's one reason why the Japanese live so long and why the ladies look so damn fine even as they get older. Sushi is great, especially with sake," answered Lei.

"Ah, arigato," says the kid.

"Eat them up, yum-yum!" exclaimed Lei.

Author's Note: Well, we move on to the next arc of the fic, the demon portals and the Pan Ku Box, much like the second season of Jackie Chan Adventures. I hope you Soul Calibur fans enjoyed seeing Mitsurugi make an appearance. And yeah Ogre will be using Steve as his vessel for quite a while. Anyways, I'm off to go work on the next chapter. Until then, please read and review.


	17. Gargoyle Dundee

**Chapter 17: Gargoyle Dundee**

Upon arriving in the country and continent of Australia, the Lei Team looked about at the vast outback wondering where the demon portal was so they could seal it before the Dark Hand could release the demon lurking behind the other side of the portal.

"Crikey mate, we gonna have us a shrimp on the barbie aint we," said Xiaoyu.

"Well, hopefully we'll be able to put the Dark Hand on the barbie once this is all said and done," replied Lei.

"Ai ya, I not want be dingo food, we make like kangaroo and bounce on out of here fast!" cried out Wang.

"Well if we need to make a quick getaway, we did bring the rabbit talisman with us, and we also have the ox if it comes down to fighting instead of fleeing," stated Asuka.

"Hey, what are you doing here in my outback mate?" asked a tall and muscular Australian man in an alligator skin vest and pants.

"We're not in YOUR outback, we don't wanna be anywhere near YOUR outback, we're on a very important task," answered King.

"Oh, ok, my name's Craig Marduk, but you may call me Gargoyle Dundee!" said Marduk.

"Why should we call you that, can't we just call you Marduk?" asked Ganryu.

"You could, but I've been this outback high and low looking for this portal that houses a fearsome Gargoyle, I wanna trap that bugger and skin him alive," answered Marduk.

"That's a portal we're trying to seal, we can't allow that demon to be released into this world, sorry, but you shouldn't waste your time on getting measured for a gargoyle skin coat," suggested Lei.

"Oh come on, I'm the greatest wild animal tamer in this Australian outback, no gargoyle wanker is a match for me," scoffed Marduk.

"I think you're off your rocker," grumbled Raven.

Not paying attention to Raven's comment, Marduk looked at an alligator sleeping nearby and his eyes widened with glee.

"Hey it's an alligator, now what I'm gonna do is jam my thumb in its butthole to piss it off!" exclaimed Marduk.

"Why would do something like that?" asked Asuka.

"Because it's fun," asnswered Marduk.

"You have some serious mental issues you know that," stated Lei.

"Don't make me jam my thumb in your butthole!" barked Marduk.

"I think I would like that," said Lee's voice from behind the Lei Team.

"Oh lovely, these guys cling to you like pit bulls and are as annoying as chihuahuas," groaned King.

"Indeed we do, after all, we are here to release this demon to fry you to a crisp," said Steve.

"I prefer original recipe," said Ganryu.

"The point is, you shall not interfere with our plan to have my demon bretheren over run this pitiful planet, your journey will end here!" hissed Ogre from within Steve.

"Hey look at me, I'm a koala bear!" cheered Dragunov as he was climbing a eucalyptus tree and giggling like a schoolgirl.

"Timber!" yelled Paul as he punched the tree which resulted in Dragunov falling off the tree and landing on his ass.

"Sorry, but your establishments about to be closed down by the health inspector!" exclaimed Lei.

"Yeah, yeah, just bring it," replied Hwoarang.

The Pan Ku Box that Hwoarang held began to glow even brighter and started to levitate in the air, the Lei Team, the Dark Hand, and Marduk all gazed the bright green box.

"We are very close to the demon portal, soon, my friend will be free," said Ogre.

"Ai ya, we cannot allow portal be opened, it will be worse than day after Thanksgiving at shopping mall!" cried out Wang.

The Pan Ku Box flew forward, Lei and Raven leapt up into the air to try and catch the box, but two Jacks grabbed the two out of the air and threw them into the rest of their allies. The Pan Ku Box lodged itself in a giant boulder that was shaped like a gargoyle's head and a swirling green portal opened up as blue colored lightning crackled from the portal's maw.

"Crikey, this is some crazy stuff going on right here mates!" gasped Marduk.

Suddenly, a loud roar was heard and a brown skinned gargoyle creature with glowing yellow eyes and dark blue wings emerged from the portal and laughed evilly upon exiting the portal.

"Ah yes, welcome back to the human world Gargos, it's been a long time," piped Ogre.

"Yes, but this world will soon be known as the world formerly known as the human world when we get through with it," growled Gargos.

"That's what I like to hear, our first task will be to be like cats and devour these meddlesome rodents that keep nipping at our sides," hissed Ogre as Steve pointed towards the Lei Team.

"Oh man, bad day, bad day, bad day!" hollered Lei.

"What are you, crazy, this is awesome, I've always wanted to jam my thumb in a gargoyle's butthole!" cheered Marduk.

"You will do nothing of the sort you foolish mortal!" roared Gargos.

"C'mon you stupid hairy ape, let's get the hell outta here before that gargoyle grills us!" shouted Ganryu.

"Not till I get my thumb in his butthole!" retorted Marduk.

"Forget about that you pendejo, let's get out of here before this chingadera gets any worse!" remarked King as he grabbed Marduk and dragged him off with the rest of the Lei Team.

"I'll be back to perform a colonoscopy on you Gargos!" called out Marduk as he was being dragged away.

"Argh, don't let them get away!" growled Ogre.

"Worry not my friend, they'll come back to fight again, we'll just have to ferret them out by causing some havoc," stated Gargos.

"Wildfire destroys rainforest!" yelled Paul as the Dark Hand along with Gargos flew off to show low they could go in the down under. In the meantime, the Lei Team hid in a nearby cave trying to avoid attracting the Dark Hand's attention.

"Ai ya, I can't believe is back, we must seal him back inside portal!" cried out Wang.

"Then let's go kick that bloody gargoyle wanker's arse!" bellowed Marduk.

"You idiot, we'd get creamed, and one more thing, magic must defeat magic!" retorted Wang.

"What he's talking about?" asked Marduk.

"He's saying since a magical artifact released the seal on that portal, we need to use a magic spell to send Gargos away again," answered Lei.

"So let's that chi spell underway," suggested Raven.

"Hold up, I still need some ingredients, I only have my lucky blowfish, which is imprtant, but I need to make potion to pour on blowfish!" replied Wang.

"What do we need to make the potion?" asked Ganryu.

"A kangaroo's hair, an alligator's tooth, and a urine sample from a dingo," answered Wang.

"Crap, how are we gonna get all that, this sucks," grumbled Xiaoyu.

"I guess we'll have to resort to splitting up and getting all the ingredients that way," said King.

"Hey Raven, did you bring your blowgun with you?" asked Asuka.

"Yeah, it's a good thing too, we might need in order to get those ingredients," answered Raven.

"Well let's get to business so I can jam my thumb up all the Dark Hand's buttholes," said Marduk.

"I'm going to pretend you never said that," groaned Lei.

Without a moment's hesitance, the Lei Team all sprinted off to different corners of the outback to find the stuff necessary for Wang to do his chi spell. As King, Ganryu, and Marduk trekked through the outback looking for one of the animals that had the ingredients that Wang needed.

"What's up with that old fart of yours and that magic must defeat magic mumbo jumbo, is he senile?" asked Marduk.

"Yes and no, we do need to defeat a magical beast with magic, brute force won't be enough to do it," answered Ganryu.

"Yeah, it's something you and your obsession with putting your thumb in anuses can't comprehend," replied King.

"Shut up, you jaguar fucker, why do you wear a stupid mask like that?" asked Marduk.

"All Mexican wrestlers wear masks like this, it's tradition," answered King.

"Weird tradition if I do say so," remarked Marduk.

"Hey look, it's an alligator!" exclaimed Ganryu pointing to a gator sleeping in the road.

"Good thing I brought the ox talisman," said King as he clenched it in his hands and as the super strength surged through his body, King punched the gator hard in the mouth and jarred a couple teeth loose. King and Ganryu picked the teeth up as Marduk mounted the gator.

"Oh no you don't, we came here to play dentist, not proctologist. Let's go get this to Wang," groaned King as him and Ganryu dragged Marduk away. Meanwhile, Lei, Xiaoyu, and Asuka stumbled across a herd of kangaroos and were hiding behind a bush as to not startle them.

"Okay, did anyone bring scissors?" asked Asuka.

"Yeah, never leave home without them," answered Xiaoyu.

"Ok good, now we just need to get a hold of one of these kangaroos and get some hair from them," said Lei.

As the trio poked their heads up to look at the kangaroos, they spotted one with red boxing gloves on, and a baby kangaroo in the pouch with yellow boxing gloves on.

"You know, that kangaroo seems familiar to me," stated Lei.

"Probably because that's Roger Jr. the kangaroo you were changed into back during our monkey talisman adventure," said Asuka.

"Well, let's not waste too much time and get the kangaroo hair before Gargos puts Australia on the barbie," suggested Xiaoyu.

"Yeah, you make a point for once," replied Lei as he pulled out the rabbit talisman and sped over to Roger Jr. with Xiaoyu's scissors and quickly snipped some of the boxing kangaroo's hair, after collecting the clippings, Lei sped back behind the bush while Roger Jr wondered what just went on.

"Let's get back to Wang fast," suggested Lei as he grabbed Xiaoyu and Asuka and used the rabbit talisman's power to speed off to where Wang was. At that point, Wang and Raven had stumbled across a dingo who was looking for a good spot to urinate.

"Ah, perfect, a urine sample from a wild dingo is one of the ingredients we need to make spell to send demon back into portal," said Wang.

"I dunno about that, I think I'll pass on becoming dingo chow," stated Raven.

"Me too, but you ninja, you be sneaky like shadow, and you like darkness. Darkness people, darkness is descending on us," commented Wang.

"Ok I get the point already pruneface, now let me do my job," grumbled Raven as he silently snuck over to the dingo with a small cup in his hand and hid behind a tree where the wild animal was getting ready to do his duty. As the stream of bodily fluid exited the dingo's body, Raven stuck the cup underneath the animal collecting what he thought would be an adequate sample and then closed the lid on the cup and sprinted back to Wang.

"All right, you do good and not screw up, we need find others now," ordered Wang.

Just then the dingo spotted the two and began to growl at them, Wang leapt back in fear.

"Ai ya, I just provided my own urine sample!" cried out Wang.

"That's nasty man, anyways, I got this thing under wraps," responded Raven as he pulled out his blowgun and tranquilized the dingo, making it fall asleep and allowing the heroes to run. Soon enough, they all found themselves reunited near the cave they were hiding in.

"Ok, now that we got what we need, it's time to go gargoyle hunting," piped up Lei.

"But how will we know where to look?" asked King.

"Simple, look at the smoke signals over there, it's coming from the Sydney opera house. We gotta get there fast!" exclaimed Marduk.

"Very well, everyone hold on tight!" called out Lei as he grabbed both the ox and rabbit talismans and activated them both allowing him to carry the entire team and move them at super speed through the outback Meanwhile, Gargos and the Dark Hand were busy causing chaos in the city of Sydney.

"Yes, more fire, more destruction, I have a lot of catching up to do after being couped up in that portal for so many years," roared Gargos.

"That's right, as destructive as a hydrogen bomb!" said Ogre.

"Wrecking ball destroys condemned building!" shouted Paul.

"Whee, fire good, well according to cavemen it is," said Dragunov.

"Time for us to make like Captain Planet and end your pollution!" announced Lei from behind the Dark Hand.

"Hey, he stole my calling card!" whined Steve.

"Did you trademark it, I think not, so it's technically not stealing," retorted Lei.

"He's got you by the balls there boss," remarked Hwoarang.

"Oh, well if it isn't breakfast lunch and dinner, all handed to me on a silver platter, do you really think you stand a chance against me?" asked Gargos.

"We don't think, we know," replied Asuka.

"Well then, you have flawed knowledge, and we'll prove this to you," growled Gargos.

"Yeah right mate, I'll be playing proctologist with you very soon!" shouted Marduk.

"You need some serious psychological help," muttered King under his breath.

The song "Stronger" by Kanye West began to play in the background as a group of Jacks materialized and yet another brawl between the Lei Team and the Dark Hand broke out. Gargos flew at Xiaoyu and grabbed her with his claws and flew up into the air.

"Hey put me down butt breath!" yelled Xiaoyu.

"You got it!" said Gargos as he dropped Xiaoyu from high up in the air, as she plummeted downwards to cer certain death, but before she hit the ground, King lunged forward and caught the Chinese girl.

"Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina!" yelled a Jack as he rushed King and Xiaoyu.

"Well no duh," said King as he clotheslined the Jack and Xiaoyu smashed his head in by stomping on it while the Jack was down.

"I'll break your face!" shouted Marduk.

"I'll turn your own little fetish against you," replied Lee as he ran in with a kicking flurry, Marduk blocked all the kicks and smacked Lee with an uppercut knocking him into the sky and then grabbed the white haired man's leg and slammed him to the ground.

"I think I'll pass on what I normally do in this scenario, you'd like it too much," said Marduk.

"Hit and run!" yelled Hwoarang as he kicked Ganryu in the back while he wasn't looking.

"Hey get back here!" shouted Ganryu as he grabbed the rabbit talisman and chased after Hwoarang, a wall of Jacks tried to barricade Ganryu, but the sumo wrestler plowed through them all and eventually caught up with the redhead and smacked him with a palm strike to the face knocking him down and then stomped on his groin making Hwoarang howl in pain.

"Why must this always happen to me?" groaned Hwoarang in a Mickey Mouse style voice.

"I've got a digeridoo!" shouted Dragunov as he grabbed Asuka from behind and tried to suplex her.

"Ugh, why must someone always try to cop a feel on me?" grumbled Asuka as she reversed Dragunov's suplex and got him in an arm drag and slammed him down, Asuka then chopped Dragunov on the back of the neck knocking him out. Gargos then flew at her and kicked her to the ground and prepared to sink his claws into her.

"Oh no you don't!" yelled Lei and Raven in unison as they tackled Gargos off of her.

"Alligatr bites hand off!' shouted Paul as he tackled Raven to the ground, Lei pulled the ox talisman out of his pocket and activated it and punched Paul in the face sending him flying into Gargos.

"Ox talisman, like steriods, only legal," remarked Lei.

"Foolish mortal, I shall burn you alive growled Gargos as he breathed fire at Lei, who flipped back to avoid the flames, Gargos and Lei then started to have a fist fight, trading hits back and forth.

"Don't worry buddy, I'll hunt him like I would an antelope, only I'm fully clothed right now," said Raven as he pulled out his blowgun and fired a blow dart at Gagos hitting him in the neck.

"Oh crap," mumbled Gargos as he started to get drowsy, he threw a hard punch at Lei who whirled around behind him and grabbed him in a sleeper hold.

"Wang, the chi spell quick!" shouted Lei.

"Ok, Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang. As his chants grew more frequent, the blowfish in his hand started to glow a bluish green color and a beam shot forth from the blowfish's mouth hitting the drowsy demon square in the chet.

"NOOOOOOO! Not again!" cried Gargos as he was sent flying back into the demon portal and it closed up the Pan Ku Box made a clicking sound and fell to the ground and stopped glowing.

"Damn you Lei, you may have sealed away one of my friends, but you will not be so lucky in keeping the other portals sealed, like genital warts, we shall return!" growled Ogre.

"Foster's, Australian for beer!" hollered Paul as the Dark Hand escaped with the Pan Ku Box in tow.

"Well mates, you saved my country, thanks much for it," said Marduk.

"No problem, just doing our jobs," replied Raven.

"Well, how about we have a shrimp on the barbie?" asked Marduk.

"As long as you don't jam your thumb where the sun don't shine," answered King.

Just then, Roger Jr hopped towards the Lei Team and Marduk, he looked angry as he eyed them.

"Well, crikey, it's a kangaroo, now what I'm gonna do with it..." started Marduk before he was abruptly cut off by Roger Jr nailing him square in the digeridoo with a hard jab before bouncing off back to the outback.

"Oh crikey that hurt!" screamed Marduk as he lay on the ground holding his groin in pain.

"Didn't see that coming," commented Asuka.

"I think you better stop plunging your thumb into animal's outbacks," suggested Lei.

"Whatever you say mate," grumbled Marduk.

From there on, the Lei Team enjoyed a meal of barbecued shrimp with Marduk, and the muscular Australian never tried to play proctologist with animals again.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you watch Discovery Channel?" asked the kid.

"Sometimes, if there is nothing else on, it always neat to see what animals do, but sometimes I feel like it's the Playboy channel for those who like beastiality, and that makes me queasy when I think about it," answered Lei.

"I think I"m gonna puke from hearing that" said the kid.

"Yeah, I think I have to as well," moaned Lei as he ran off towards the restroom.

Author's Note: One demon down, seven to go. I hope you Killer Instinct enjoyed seeing Gargos show up and that you Tekken folks liked seeing Roger Jr. appear again and seeing Marduk show up as well. Just so you know, I got Marduk's little habit from an early episode of South Park. Anyways, I'm off to go work on the next chapter so until then, please read and review.


	18. Brazil Nuts

**Chapter 18: Brazil Nuts**

Shortly after sealing Gargos up, the Lei Team soon found out that the Dark Hand had flown to Rio De Janeiro in the country of Brazil. After a quick stop back at Section 13, the Lei Team quickly followed suit over to Brazil to seal the demon portal there.

"Ah, Brazil, the only country in South America that speaks Portuguese instead of Spanish," stated Ganryu.

"I find that a bit odd every time I think about it," remarked King.

"Ai ya, no time for thinking, time for doing, we must seal portal so demon doesn't get released!" cried out Wang.

"Too bad, I wanted to catch a soccer match here, especially since Brazil has one of the best soccer teams in the world," commented Lei.

"And I wanted to hit one of the Brazilian beaches, but I guess we can do that later," added Asuka.

"Yes, well we have the snake talisman and the monkey talisman to help us out this time around," said Raven.

"Hopefully we'll find situations where we can put them to good use, now let's get to clue sniffing," suggested Xiaoyu.

"Just be careful, lots of dangerous animals in the Amazon, we don't want to get eaten by a giant boa," warned Lei.

As the Lei Team ran off searching for possible clues where the demon portal was, the Dark Hand was walking around through the Amazon rainforest in search of where the portal could be lying.

"Man, the rainforest totally sucks ass!" shouted Hwoarang in frustration.

"I know, I hate these icky creepy crawlies around here," complained Lee.

"Well deal with it you idiots, we need to find the portal at any costs if we are to rid ourselves of the Lei Team!" growled Ogre from within Steve.

"Just stop whining so I don't have to put up with Ogre. It's bad enough I'm possessed by him," grumbled Steve.

"Whee, maybe we'll get to meet some pygmys here, they're so cool since they're so tiny!" cheered Dragunov.

"Mosquito transmits disease!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head.

After a while of traversing the heavily vegitated forest, the Pan Ku Box began to glow brightly, signifying that the Dark Hand was close to the demon portal.

"It's about time, I can't wait to get the hell out of this giant salad," grumbled Hwoarang.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with vegetarians," said Dragunov.

"Well, time to clear cut you like annoying branches growing into my yard!" announced Lei as the Lei Team dropped down from a tree to confront the Dark Hand.

"Why can't you never let us have any fun," whined Steve.

"Because until you find a different hobby other than try to take over the world, we can't allow you to have fun," answered Raven.

"Gee Brain, what are we gonna do tonight?" asked Dragunov.

"One is a genius, the other's insane!" yelled Paul as he again smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"Time for yet another song in our eternal dance," said Ganryu.

The song "If You Must" by Del the Funky Homosapien started to play in the background as the Lei Team and the Dark Hand again fought. Hwoarang leapt upwards with a flying kick towards Lei, who flipped out of the way and then stepped back in hitting the redhead in the stomach with a head butt and then smacking him into a tree with a open palm strike.

"I have the POWAH!" screamed a Jack as it flew at Raven, the ninja leapt up and started riding on the robot and while still on the robot's back, Raven took out a set of knives and cleaved the jack's head.

"Boa devours bird egg!" shouted Paul as he lunged forward and aimed a roundhouse at Asuka, the Japanese female rolled out of the way of Paul's kick and swept the blonde oaf off of his feet.

"I'll kick you in the Brazil nuts!" shouted Dragunov as he ran at King and wound up running into a drop kick, King then flung Dragunov into another tree with a boa constrictor in it.

"AAAAAHHHH! Snake, I hate snakes!" cried Dragunov as he frantically scrambled out of the tree and ran away.

"Wrestler pins adversary!" shouted Paul as he grabbed the remedial Russian to keep him from running off.

"Hey, happy birthday!" yelled Ganryu as he pulled the snake out of the tree and flung it at the Dark Hand, Paul and Dragunov dove out of the way and the boa hit a Jack and started to devour him whole.

"Where did the flamboyant one go?" asked Wang.

"Oh crap, he's got the Pan Ku Box too, quick we gotta find him!" gasped Xiaoyu.

Just then a bright green flash of light burst forth from off in the distance, the Lei Team and the Dark Hand ran off towards the flash to see that Lee had found the demon portal and opened it. A yellow bodied robotic figure with glowing red eyes emerged from the swirling vortex and let out a mechanical yawn as he completely stepped out of the portal.

"Ah, if it isn't Huitzil, good to see you again," said Ogre.

"Ogre, I thank you for releasing me from my prison, now to show these humans what I've had to go through for all those years," beeped Huitzil.

"I agree, let's start with these seven right here!" growled Ogre while Steve was pointing at the Lei Team.

"Very well, I suppose I should help you get retribution on those that destroyed your body," said Huitzil as he shot forth a plasma beam that knocked out the Lei Team. As the heroes fell to the ground, the malicious robot ordered the Jacks to tie them up, and the Jacks proceeded to do so.

"Well, they shouldn't get out of that, I'll leave the Jacks to take care of them," commented Huitzil.

"How so?" asked Lee.

"Dump them in a river filled with pirahnas, let them feast on those saps," remarked Huitzil.

"I like your thinking, let's do just that and get to our havoc causing," suggested Ogre.

Ogre, Huitzil, and the Dark Hand all teleported away as some of the Jacks started to drag the bound Lei Team over to a nearby river that was infested with ravenous man eating pirahna. As the Jacks prepared to lower the Lei Team into the river, they all awoke to find themselves on the verge of certain death.

"Ai ya, we like worms on hook, we becoming fish bait!" cried out Wang.

"Lei, hurry, think of something fast!" screamed Xiaoyu.

"All right, everyone, swing your weight away from the river, if we do so, we should be able to knock over the Jack lowering us in and make our escape from there," ordered Lei.

"What kind of idea is that?" asked Wang.

"It may be what we need though, so just do it viejo," said King.

Immediately, the Lei Team began to shift their weight away from the river, the Jacks looked on puzzled at what the Lei Team was up to, after a while of swinging back and forth, the end of the rope eventually snapped and the Lei Team went sailing at the legion of Jacks that were holding them knocking the mechanical monsters to the ground. The Lei Team all breathed a sigh of relief as they narrowly avoided being eaten alive, but wondered how to get out of their binding since they were still tied up.

"Ok, we'd like to stop Huitzil, but we're all tied up at the moment," quipped Ganryu.

"That was a really bad joke," remarked Asuka.

"I'm not joking though, we really are all tied up," replied Ganryu.

Just then, all the Jacks got up and started to fly at the Lei Team in an attempt to chuck them into the river, the Lei Team jumped back to avoid two Jacks coming at them from front and back, the two crashed into each other and exploded.

"If I could just reach my knives, I could cut us loose," grumbled Raven.

"Look out!" yelled Xiaoyu as she saw a Jack reach into the river and chuck a pirahna at the Lei Team. They all jumped away, but the pirahna hit the rope and started to gnaw at it, eventually breaking enough strands to where Raven could reach his knives, and cut the Lei Team loose, upon cutting the rope, the Jacks all blitzed the Lei Team. After a long battle, the Lei Team emerged victorious, but battered up.

"Damn, and I thought we were supposed to be the top of the food chain, and here we afraid of a fish," groaned King.

"Well other fish don't try to take a bite out of you, but anyways, we need to find the Dark Hand and get Huitzil sealed away fast," commented Lei.

"Right, let's get back to the city fast!" exclaimed Raven.

Wasting no time, the Lei Team all left the rainforest and headed back towards Rio, wondering where Huitzil and the Dark Hand were at. The Lei Team soon ran rampant through the city looking for clues as to where the Dark Hand could be hiding.

"Man, how hard can it be to find a giant yellow robot in this freaking city," grumbled Asuka.

An explosion was seen off to the west of where the Lei Team was, and without pause, they all ran in that direction to see Huitzil on a beach firing his plasma beam off in the air.

"I hope this isn't a nude beach," said King.

As they walked forward, they saw a sign written in Portuguese and the Lei Team all looked at it in confusion until Raven pulled out an English to Portuguese dictionary and translated what was on the sign into English.

"Damn you King, why did you have to jinx us?" moaned Raven.

"Oh well, I guess it's time for some gratuitous fanservice for both genders," remarked Xiaoyu.

"I don't think me or Wang qualify as fanservice," piped up Ganryu.

"Well, what about the talismans, we could have one of us go invisible with the snake and the rest of us could use the monkey to change us into strong animals that way we don't have to strip for anyone," suggested Lei.

"I suppose we could do that, but who will be the one to remain human?" asked Wang.

"You, we need you to cast the chi spell to rid us of Huitzil," answered Lei.

"Very well, give me talismans!" cried out Wang.

Raven handed the snake and monkey talisman to Wang who turned King into a jaguar, Raven into a gorilla, Ganryu into an elephant, Lei into a wolf, Asuka into a tiger, and Xiaoyu into a panda bear and then turned the snake talisman onto himself to turn invisible.

"Now let's go get ourselves a demon," said Wang as the transformed Lei Team stormed onto the beach to confront Huitzil.

"Well, if the zoo hasn't come to attack me, looks like I'm about to become an enemy of PETA!" commented Huitzil.

The song "Losin Your Mind" by Xzibit played in the background as Lei the wolf howled as him, Asuka and King charged full speed at Huitzil who quickly flew back to avoid the vicious lunge that all three attempted to nail him with. Huitzil aimed a glowing orb at the Lei Team who all dove out of the way to avoid the weird looking energy orb. Xiaoyu the panda bear rolled towards the robot and tried to grab him in a bear hug. Huitel flew upwards to avoid Xiaoyu's grasp and nailed her with a powerful kick. Out of the corner of Huitzil's eyes, he saw Raven bound towards him and throw a punch at him, the fist grazed the robot's face.

"Get out of my face you damn dirty ape!" beeped Huitzil angrily as he prepared to fire his plasma beam at Raven, but found himself getting whipped by Ganryu the elephant's trunk which threw Huitzil off balance.

"Time to make piano keys out of your tusks!" roared Huitzil but as he turned around to tackle Ganryu, Lei leapt onto Huitzil's back and started biting away at the mechanical demon. In the meantime, the Dark Hand was watching what was happening on the beach as the beastly Lei Team where aiming to maul Huitzil.

"We need to be like animal control and help out Huitzil fast!" ordered Steve.

"I may be your subordinate, but I'm not taking off my clothes just so I can go help out," snapped Hwoarang.

"You're a criminal, just break the rules, don't be a weakling!" growled Ogre.

"The ugly beast in big Stevie makes a point," stated Lee.

"Beached whale blows snot on people!" yelled Paul as the Dark Hand attempted to bum rush the beach. But all of a sudden a cop car pulled up in front of the beach and a couple of police officers pointed their firearms at the Dark Hand.

"Freeze, you're under arrest for violating this beach's rules!" yelled one of the cops.

"Nice going, and you call me a retard," grumbled Dragunov as he held his hands up where the cops could see them.

"The stupid things you've done still outweigh this little mistake!" roared Ogre.

"Can't you do anything to get rid of these guys boss, you have a demon possessing you?" asked Hwoarang.

"Unfortunately, your boss is a weakling which terribly weakens my powers as well, I wish I had known that before I decided to take control of him," groaned Ogre.

"Disarmed soldier gets taken prisoner!" shouted Paul as the police handcuffed the Dark Hand.

"What the, stop your futile efforts in locking m companions away!" hollered Huitzil as he charged at the lawmen.

"Oh crap, I think I just shat myself!" screamed one of the cops as Huitzil charged full force at them. Unknown to Huitzil, the invisible Wang stuck out his foot and tripped Huitzil sending the robotic titan crashing to the ground.

"Great I'm getting owned by someone in the AARP," moaned Huitzil.

"Let's get out of here fast, I've seen enough crazy stuff today," suggested one of the cops. His partner nodded as they quickly stuffed the Dark Hand members in the police car and drove away.

"Prepare to be vaporized into molecules!" roared Huitzil as he charged at the Lei Team and tackled Xiaoyu to the ground and then tossed her on top of King. As Ganryu stampeded towards Huitzil, the yellow robot flew up and zapped the elephant with his plasma beam. Ganryu yelled out in pain as Asuka charged towards Huitzil and clawed at him, Huitzil reeled back a bit but then whirled around and smacked Asuka away, Lei then jumped on Huitzil's back again and started to bite him again, while Raven ran up and held the robot in a tight grip. The other members of the Lei Team all made various animal sounds signaling to Wang to begin casting the chi spell to send Huitzil back through the portal.

"All right, let me get blowfish," said Wang as he fished through his belongings for his magical blowfish.

"I shall litter this beach with your charred remains!" growled Huitzil as he struggled to break free from Raven's hold on him. Huitzil effectively broke Raven's hold on him and knocked him away with a hard punch right as Wang found his magical blowfish.

"Oh crap, Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang frantically as he saw Huitzil charge towards him.

Wang's chanted his chi spell with frantic urgency as Huitzil started to close the gap on him and Wang, before Huitzil could strike however, A chi blast emitted from the blowfish's mouth nailing Huitzil.

"Oh fuck! NOT AGAIN!" cried out Huitzil as he started to fly back to the portal, as Huitzil vanished through the portal, the vortex closed up and the Pan Ku Box made a clicking sound, ceased its glowing and fell to the ground. However, a Jack materialized, picked up the box and flew off towards the jailhouse where the Dark Hand was being held at.

"Mission accomplished, now to get off this beach and change you back to normal," said Wang as he led the Lei Team off the beach grounds and changed them back to human.

"Finally, any longer as a wolf and I'd be licking my crotch," remarked Lei.

"Well now that Huitzil's been sealed away, let's have some fun in the sun," suggested King.

"Not while old pervert Wang is around," snapped Asuka.

"Yeah, I don't want my grandpa checking me out," added Xiaoyu.

"Fine I go back to hotel and watch TV," grumbled Wang.

"You don't have to, how about I take you on a tour of Rio?" suggested an old yellow skinned man in pink robes and decrepit looking sandals.

"Who are you?" asked Ganryu.

"My name is Oro, I live and train in the Amazon rainforest, I rarely ever see people my own age around these parts, so I feel like hanging out with a fellow senior and showing him the sights," answered Oro.

"Are the sights any good?" asked Wang.

"Trust me, you'll absolutely love it," answered Oro.

"Very well, I'm going to hang with old homie, I see you back at chopper!" called out Wang as he walked off to go chill with Oro.

"Have a good one, and don't have a heart attack," called out Lei.

"Well then, I'm gonna work on getting a tan," said Asuka as her and the rest of the Lei Team walked back onto the beach, took off all their clothes, and proceeded to have some fun in the sun. On a hill overlooking the beach, Wang and Oro were looking down at all the beach goers each with a pair of binoculars.

"You are right, the sights here are wonderful," said Wang.

"I told you you'd enjoy sightseeing," said Oro.

"Indeed I do, I absolutely love it," remarked Wang as he ogled Asuka from afar.

"That's why I do it quite frequently," stated Oro as he ogled Xiaoyu.

"Hey, don't look at my granddaughter!" yelled Wang as him and Oro started to rumble atop the hill while the rest of the Lei Team continued to frolic on the beach oblivious to the old codgers spying on them.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei,' says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Are robots cool?" asked the kid.

"Yes, robots are cool, just not evil demon robots. But other robots are awesome, like the ones you see on Japanese anime and TV shows, plus they gave us a good dance called the robot, which the Geico gecko did in one of the Geico commercials," answered Lei.

"Ok, thanks Lei," said the kid.

"That does not compute," said Lei in a mock robotic voice.

Author's Note: Another chapter in the bag. I hope Darkstalkers fans enjoyed seeing Huitzil and that Street Fighter fans liked Oro's appearance. Where will the hunt for the demon portals take the Lei Team and Dark Hand next, you'll have to wait until next chapter to find out. Until then however, please read and review.


	19. Lights, Camera, Lei Team

**Chapter 19: Lights, Camera, Lei Team**

After the Lei Team's escapade in Brazil, they soon foutd themselves jetting to the land of the movie stars, Hollywood, upon hearing that another demon portal was lying dormant somewhere in that town.

"Hey, at least there's a portal somewhere without a bunch of wild animals running around somewhere," stated Xiaoyu.

"I wouldn't know about that, some of these celebrities you see here do act father beastly when tabloids are around," commented Lei.

"And let's keep it this way, we don't need to give those lousy paparazzi any money by letting a demon run loose," said Raven.

"Well the dog and rooster talismans we brought with us should come in handy for us somewhere down the stretch," remarked Asuka.

"Ai ya, we no fool around, quickly, we find clues to where portal is," cried out Wang.

Without hesitance, the Lei Team continued their trek around Hollywood looking for anything that would actually be considered out of the ordinary in Hollywood. While surfing through the sea of nutcases and wannabe actors looking for their big break, they came across an actual beach and decided to ask some of the surf bums about any strange goings on.

"Hey, has anything out of the ordinary happened today?" asked Ganryu to a surf bum.

"Oh wow, a second group of uptight squares, at least this group has some bodacious babes with them," commented one of the surfers, a red haired man in a green button don shirt and blue shorts with brown sandals.

"Second group, what do you mean by first group Señor Stoner?" inquired King.

"My name is Hong Yun-Seong, and by first group, I saw some shady looking dudes walking around like a bunch of dorks with some far out glowing green box," answered Yun-Seong.

"The Dark Hand!" exclaimed the Lei Team in unison.

"Dark Hand, you guys are just as cuckoo bananas as they are, talking about releasing some demon I think they headed off towards Universal Studios," said Yun-Seong.

"Really, thanks for the directions dude, you've been a big help," chimed Lei.

"Hey baby, how's about you and I hit the town later tonight, or I give you surfing lesson, or whatever you feel like," offered Yun-Seong to Xiaoyu.

"Sure, I think you're a cutie," answered Xiaoyu.

"Righteous, see you later tonight," cheered Yun-Seong as he ran off into the water with his surfboard.

"Ai ya, you cannot be serious, I can't believe you like surf bum!" cried out Wang as he smacked Xiaoyu over the head.

"We can deal with that later Wang, we gotta get to Universal Studios fast!" ordered Lei as and the rest of the Lei Team sped off towards the big movie studio. In the meantime, the Dark Hand had just reached the studio, and the Pan Ku Box was glowing brightly indicating that they were near the demon portal.

"No, get away from us, this isn't some movie prop you idiots!" growled Ogre at a group of tourists.

"Easy Ogre, we don't want to cause a scene, unless we are filming a movie," said Steve.

"Well we don't need all these pitiful specimens surrounding us like flies on putrid meat," hissed Ogre.

"They're gonna crowd as long as you two keep arguing, you're making us all look psycho," grumbled Hwoarang.

"Homeless man asks for change!" shouted Paul.

"Hey, let's try and crash a film set, maybe could be big stars that way," suggested Lee.

"But Lee, stars are big balls of gas up in the sky," said Dragunov.

"Astronomer cracks telescope lens!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head. At that time, the Dark Hand spotted the Lei Team running towards them, Ogre summoned forth a legion of Jacks to impede the Lei Team's progress.

"Oh great, a welcoming party I didn't want to be invited to," groaned Lei.

"Time to leave these rejects on the cutting room floor," taunted Raven.

Wasting no time, the Lei Team engaged the Jacks, King and Ganryu both rushed forward, knocking over many of the Jacks with a domino effect, allowing Lei, Xioayu, Asuka, and Raven to bound across the Jacks and continue chasing down the Dark Hand who were running with the Pan Ku Box frantically trying to find the demon portal.

"Get back here you motherfuckers!" screamed Xiaoyu.

"Hey Raven, I think you've been rubbing off on Xiaoyu a little too much," commented Lei as he leapt at Hwoarang and kicked him in the back, knocking the Pan Ku Box out of the redhead's grip. The glowing green box slid across the floor. Asuka and Lee both charged for the box at the same time. Asuka and Lee began to struggle to possession of the box, Dragunov grabbed a tripod and smacked Asuka with it allowing Lee to claim the box but Raven swept the white haired man making him trip and drop the box again, Raven then picked up the box.

"Lei, here comes the Hail Mary!" hollered Raven.

Raven passed the Pan Ku Box to Lei, who leapt up off a golf cart and caught the box.

"Linebacker sacks quarterback!" yelled Paul as he chased after Lei.

"Xiaoyu, it's coming towards you!" called out Lei as he threw the box to Xiaoyu before Paul could strike him, Paul then shifted gears and ran towards Xiaoyu ran and caught the box while running.

"Steel chair smashes wrestler's head!" shouted Paul as he nailed Xiaoyu knocking the Pan Ku Box out of her hand and the box slid over to a nearby studio and started to hover in the air, a clicking sound was heard as the demon portal began to open up.

"Ai ya, not again!" cried out Wang.

Just then, a muscular tan skinned demon popped out of the portal, he had glowing red eyes and was bald save for a black ponytail, he had four arms and was clad in a black speedo with a red belt complete with a yin yang buckle, he roared loudly as he stepped onto terra firma.

"Goro, good to see you again!" hissed Ogre.

"RAWR! It's great to finally get to crush some heads again!" growled Goro.

"Well then, if you're looking for heads to crush, destroy the Lei Team!" roared Ogre.

"Gladly," said Goro bluntly as he eyed the Lei Team malevolently.

"I don't think this was in the script!" cried out Ganryu as the Lei Team all ran away from the four armed beast, Goro quickly followed suit, all of the members of the Lei Team split up to make Goro's chase more difficult.

"Just make this easy on yourself and let me kill you all, I'll make it quick," taunted Goro.

"Screw you!" called out of the Lei Team members in unison.

Goro stomped the ground in frustration as he walked into a studio looking for the Lei Team members who were busy hiding away from him. Goro silently skuked by some a cart full of movie props and ran over towards it.

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" shouted Goro.

"Makeup!" shouted Asuka as she appeared in a female vampire outfit and squirted fake blood into Goro's eyes, blinding him. As Goro stumbled about blindly, Asuka ran out of the studio to reunite with her friends. They all gathered in a stuo all wearing various film disguises. Lei in samurai armor, Ganryu in a toga, Xiaoyu in a female alien outfit, Wang in a cowboy suit, Raven as a gangster, and King in a biker suit.

"Wow, I see that we all had the idea to disguise oursleves as film extas to confuse Goro," remarked Xiaoyu.

"Well, we do need some way to keep that cabron off our tails," replied King. Goro's roar was once again audible as the Lei Team all jumped in shock.

"Oh crap, he's coming again, what should we do?" asked Asuka.

"Try to blend with the rest of the film crew," suggested Lei.

Right as Lei made his suggestion, Goro ran up to the team and looked at them in confusion.

"Have you seen thiese people?" inquired Goro as he held up a picture of the Lei Team in their regular attire.

"Nope, can't say that we have, sorry about that buddy," answered Wang.

"Crap, but that girl in vampire suit looks like the bitch that squirted me with fake blood, so die!" growled Goro as he fired a big fire blast at Asuka charring her before he walked off.

"They escaped, let's go find them!" yelled Goro.

"You heard the beast, let's get to finding that team in Tinseltown!" hissed Ogre.

"Snubbed Oscar nominee throws tantrum!" shouted Paul.

As Goro and the Dark Hand vanished from sight, the dog talisman activated and resurrected Asuka who sprang back to her feet and looked at her charred outfit in disappointment.

"Man, I feel like a hamburger," grumbled Asuka.

"Be glad we brought the dog talisman with us otherwise that would've been a free cremation right there," commented Raven.

"Well we need to catch up to the Dark Hand now and seal Goro back up, we don't need him stinking up Hollywood worse than a Uwe Boll movie," ordered Lei.

"Where could they be now?" asked Wang.

Just then a TV blaring a news report came on the set and the Lei Team all glued their eyes to the report.

"In entertainment news tonight, the new Johnny Cage film, Alien Ninjas is set to premiere tonight at Mann's Chinese theater. Whoa what's this, it's a weird four armed besat, I wonder if he's a character in the movie," said the reporter in a ditzy voice.

"She's definitely got some collagen in her lips and some breast implants, fake just like all films," remarked Xiaoyu.

"Forget about her, we gotta get to Mann's Chinese Theater before the Dark Hand commits some manslaughter," responded Lei.

"Shouldn't we put these costumes back first?" suggested Ganryu.

Lei nodded in agreement as him and his friends shed their costumes leaving their regular attire on and then they all ran outside to catch a taxi to the theater. In hte meantime, many celebs walked down the red carpet as numerous journalists asked for interviews and many photographers were trying to get good shots of the stars.

"Are you sure the Lei Team is here Dragunov?" asaked Steve.

"I'm not sure about that, I just wanted to see celebs go down the red carpet," answered Dragunov.

"You idiot, we're not here to watch inconsequential peacocks, we need to eradicate those thorns in our sides!" growled Ogre.

"Oh here, comes two of Johnny Cage's costars in this movie, Samus Aran and Fox McCloud!" cooed Lee pointing at the red carpet.

A tall blonde haired female in a blue body suit and a furry fox like creature in a white jacket, green shirt, and black pants were busy waving at their fans and smiling for the cameras as a candy apple red sports car pulled up to the carpeted area. A rather well toned man with a light skin complexion stepped out of the car, he had brownish-gold hair and was clad in a black tuxedo along with black sunglasses, it was the star of the film "Alien Ninjas", Johnny Cage. The journalists went wild as the movie star stepped out onto the red carpet. Johnny smiled as many numerous camera flashes went off in his face.

"Oh my God, it's Johnny Cage, he's so awesome," cooed Lee.

"He's a good martial artist, I'll give him that, but I don't see what else is so cool about him," replied Hwoarang.

"He's got money," answered Dragunov.

"The retard makes a valid point," said Steve.

"Enough chatter, I'm going to crush these so called stars!" growled Goro.

"Movie star goes to rehab!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand charged towards the red carpet.

"Oh man, the paparazzi get uglier every day," groaned Johnny Cage.

"I don't think they're tabloid photographers, something tells me they want to kill us," stated Samus.

"Then they picked the wrong stars to try to knock out of alignment," boasted Fox.

"Time to send these no talent hacks back to performing in carnivals," said Johnny Cage.

"Great, we'll be glad to help you," called out Lei as him and the rest of the Lei Team flew in with the help of the rooster talisman.

"I don't remember hiring any bodyguards," mused Samus.

"Who cares, they're on our side, and right now, with these freaks, that's all that matters," retorted Fox.

"Your lives are nothing but one big outtake!" groweled Ogre as he stared down the Lei Team with glowing red eyes. The song "California Love" by 2Pac began to play as the Lei Team and the Dark Hand's Tinseltown tussle got underway.

"I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman!" beeped a Jack as he dashed at Raven, who rolled out of the way of the Jack's uppercut and pulled out a kunai from his satchel that was strapped to his pant leg.

"I KNOW you're going to become scrap metal," replied Raven as he darted the Jack and cleaved him in two with the throwing dagger.

"Oh look it's a talking animal, what do I have to fear from that?" asked Lee as he started unloaded of flurry of kicks towards Fox.

"Quite a bit, sicne I own your ass in agility," commented Fox as he laid a quick combo into Lee and then launched towards Lee with his Fire Fox attack, igniting the Chinese warrior and knocking him unconsious.

"You're all gonna regret messing with this bounty hunter," taunted Samus.

"The quilted quicker picker upper!" yelled Paul.

"Not that kind of bounty," grumbled Samus.

"I like groping women," beeped a Jack as he attempted to grab Samus from behind.

"Samus look out!" called out Xiaoyu as she leapt on the Jacks head and covered his eyes to where he couldn't see. The blonde female donned her Varia Suit and charged up powerful shot from her arm cannon firing it at the Jack just as Xiaoyu got off the robot's head. The charged blast blew the Jack to smithereens and also hit a few of the Jacks behind her.

"I don't like pretty boys!" growled Goro as he charged at Johnny Cage, the movie star martial artist dodged Goro's charge at him, but Hwoarang kicked the actor in the face knocking his shades off, which Goro promptly stepped on crushing them.

"Those were five hundred dollar sunglasses asshole!" shouted Johnny Cage.

"So what, you're not even worth five cents," roared Goro as him and Hwoarang charged at Johnny at the same time. Johnny Cage however did the splits and fired both hands forward hitting both Goro and Hwoarang square in the groin.

"Oh, my four testicles," groaned Goro.

"Now you know how I feel," moaned Hwoarang.

At that moment King grabbed Ganryu and the two decided to play volleyball with the Russian fighter. Dragunov yelled out in pain as King and Ganryu kept knocking him back and forth up in the air. Eventually the two grabbed him and threw him into Hwoarang who was still holding his groin in pain.

"Quiet on the set!" shouted Paul as he attacked Asuka with a powerful palm strike, Asuka grabbed Paul's hand and spun him onto the ground. Asuka then went for a strike while Paul was still on the ground, but he rolled away and aimed a hard punch at Asuka, she barely dodged the attack. Lei then jumped out from nowhere and nailed Paul in the back with a quick snake like strike. Paul turned around angrily.

"Movie stunt goes awry!" shouted Paul as he dashed at Lei with a leaping kick, Lei then used the rooster talisman power to keep Paul suspended in the air and then telekinetically flung him at Steve.

"I'm going to rip you in quarters!" roared Goro as he spun at Lei with a four armed lariat, Lei rolled out of the way of the angry beast and aimed a roundhouse at Goro who blocked it and Goro leapt high into the air and started to descend in an attempt to flatten Lei, Lei flipped away from Goro as the beast started flailing away at Lei hoping to nail him with one good hit.

"If only he weren't some demon, he'd make a good action star," commented Samus.

"Yeah, but that other guy is pretty good, looks like he does all his own stunts," remarked Fox.

"Sure does, plus I'm liking the special effects," quipped Johnny Cage.

"This is where you die Wulong!" roared Goro as he leapt into the air again, Lei quickly activated the rooster talisman again and suspended Goro in midair.

"Hey, don't let him hold Goro for a chi spell, get Wulong and the old man!" yelled Ogre.

"Camera runs out of film!" yelled Paul as he tried to charge Lei, but Fox, Samus, and Johnny Cage all tackled the blonde oaf to the ground while of the rest of the Dark Hand tried.

"Ganryu, help me do chi spell, make it work faster!" ordered Wang.

"Yes master," said Ganryu.

"Hurry, I can't hold Goro much longer!" called out Lei.

While Asuka, King, Raven, and Xiaoyu all aimed to keep the Dark Hand away from Wang, the old coot along with Ganryu were chanting the chi spell to sent Goro back through the portal.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison.

As the two men chanted the chi spell, the bluish green beam expelled forth from the blowfish's mouth right into Goro's chest, sending the beast flying.

"This is where you fall down," commented Lei.

"NOOOOOOO! I'll get you all for this!" wailed Goro as he flew back through the portal and it closed up again. The Pan Ku Box clicked sealing the portal once more as a Jack retrieved it for the Dark Hand.

"Damn it, it looks like the third time is a charm for you, but we'll come back to haunt you again!" hissed Ogre.

"Actor gets blacklisted!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand retreated.

"Wow you guys, that was awesome, ever consider working in Hollywood?" asked Johnny Cage.

"The idea is tempting, but there are still other things we must do before thinking about getting stars on the Walk of Fame," answered Lei.

"Just know this, if you ever change your mind, we can get you the hook up," commented Fox.

"But since you're here, wanna see the premeire with us?" asked Samus.

"Sounds like a four star plan," said Asuka.

"Yeah, downright bodacious!" added Yun-Seong who appeared from out of the crowd.

"Ooh, hey sexy, how are you?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Totally tubular, I'm here to pick you up for our date, but it looks like you found something radical to do for that already," answered Yun-Seong.

"Yeah, you can sit with me, and make out during all the boring parts," chimed Xiaoyu.

"That's a most excellent idea dudette!" exclaimed Yun-Seong.

"Ai ya, this is bogus," cried out Wang as Xiaoyu and Yun-Seong walked into the theater with Johnny Cage, Fox, and Samus.

"Just enjoy the movie Wang, and don't try to pull the popcorn trick on Asuka," warned Lei.

Wang nodded begrudgingly and the Lei Team went inside the theater to enjoy a great sci-fi/kung fu flick.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," said some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"What's your favorite kind of movies?" asked the kid.

"I like almost all movies, but mainly I love martial arts films, because I am a martial artist so it's always nice to see some good fight scenes, but I love comedies as well because life without laughter sucks," answered Lei.

"I agree with you there," said the kid.

"Me and the kid give action and comedy two thumbs up!" commented Lei.

Author's Note: Well, hope you all liked this chapter. I did it since I'm a huge movie buff. Hopefully all you Soul Calibur fans liked seeing Yun-Seong, the Super Smash Bros fans enjoyed seeing Fox and Samus, and that the Mortal Kombat fans liked seeing Goro and Johnny Cage. Anyways, there's still a lot more crazy stuff set to occur for the Lei Team and the Dark Hand, so I'm off to go work on all that. Until then though, please read and review.


	20. Tea, Crumpets, And Demons

**Chapter 20: Tea, Crumpets, and Demons**

As the hunt for the demon portals wore on, the Lei Team's next destination was in London, England. Upon touching down in the bustling city, they looked onward at their surroundings and decided to look for clues as to where the demon portal could be.

"You know what the funny thing is about a portal being here in London?" asked Raven.

"No, what's funny about it?" inquired Ganryu.

"This is Steve's home, so I don't know how kindly the folk here will take to us trying to stop Steve's plans," answered Raven.

"Oh we don't really care, that Steve Fox aint nothing but a bloody wanker," piped up a random British person who happened to be walking by.

"Man, that's sad when you're own hometown hates you," remarked Lei.

"So what talismans did we bring along with us this time?" questioned King.

"The pig this time around," answered Asuka.

"Only one talisman, oh well, I guess we can survive off of that if humans can survive off of one kidney," commented Xiaoyu.

"Ai ya, we quit fooling around, we must find portal quickly, get a move on!" shouted Wang.

"Yeah, let's give a jolly good performance here," suggested Lei.

As the Lei Team wandered the streets of London, the Dark Hand also did the same as Paul clutched the Pan Ku Box in his hands.

"Ah it feels great to be home, I miss the smell of fish and chips in the morning," chimed Steve with a big grin on his face.

"But aren't you despised here, everyone's referring to us as wankers," asked Lee.

"Who cares what these fools think, they can call us what they want, they'll be the real wankers once we release the demon here," growled Ogre.

"The redcoats are coming!" shouted Paul.

"I don't see anybody in a red coat anywhere, are you colorblind Paul," said Dragunov.

"Bayonet impales rival soldier!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," grumbled Ogre.

"Hey, we're the only ones that filled out appliactions to be enforcers, so be glad you have some help," retorted Hwoarang.

While the Dark Hand milled about the streets of London, they saw the Lei Team off in the distance, no doubt searching for the same portal they were looking to open.

"I am sick and tired of these bloody bastards raining down on all our parades," grumbled Steve.

"Indeed I am too, let's go medieval on their asses!" suggested Hwoarang.

"Guillotine beheads peasant!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand all ran towards the area where the Lei Team was standing, at that instant, Lei's crew saw the Dark Hand running towards them and groaned.

"Can't these guys be a plague elsewhere?" inquired Lei.

"Ai ya, it's dangerous to joke about plague here, this is where Black Plague happen," cried out Wang.

"We're gonna make you wish that you've contracted it when we're through with you!" growled Ogre.

"That's a bold statement when you suck at fisticuffs," retorted Asuka.

"Shall we dance again," said Lee as the Lei Team prepared to brawl again.

The song "Criminal" by Eminem began to play as a group of Jacks materialized and began to charge at the Lei Team. Ganryu pulled out the pig talisman and fired laser beams from his eyes at the Jacks, causing some of them to explode. The explosion knocked members of the Lei Team and the Dark Hand back and it also jarred the Pan Ku Box loose from Paul's grip.

"Prison inmate drops soap!" yelled Paul as he saw the Pan Ku Box hit the floor. King dove to the ground and caught the glowing green box right as a Jack charged at him. King drop kicked the Jack knocking him down on the ground, and then the Mexican wrestler then handed the box over to Lei.

"Quick, get that somewhere safe!" exclaimed King.

Lei ran through the chaos that was happening in the streets of London clutching the Pan Ku Box tightly in his hands. Just then, Big Ben, England's famous clock tower rang it's loud bell, signifying it was 4:00 PM

"Oh, tea time everybody!" called out Steve.

"What, are you crazy, this is no time for tea!" growled Ogre.

"I said it's tea time, respect my homeland's customs!" hollered Steve.

"Ironically, I like this custom, we drink tea now!" ordered Wang.

"If I ever wrote a book on my life experiences, it would be one weird, yet entertaining read," commented Lei.

"Same could be said for anyone of us," responded Asuka.

"So in order to honor Steve's custom, the Lei Team and Dark Hand reluctantly drank tea together. However as soon as tea time was over, the two opposing sides were back to battling with each other. Lei weaved through the Dark Hand's Jack-5 legion to keep the Pan Ku Box out of their hands. As Lei saw a Jack soar at him, he leapt over the robot and handed the box over to Raven. The ninja warrior leapt up onto a bulding, however as he did so, the Pan Ku Box glowed a bright green and flew over to where big Ben was. A clicking sound was heard as the Lei Team and Dark Hand ran over to giant clock tower. Right when they all got there, the demon portal started to open.

"Oh bloody hell, this cannot be good at all," grumbled Xiaoyu.

A strange dragon and turtle hybrid emerged from the portal, he had a green face with yellow horns, orange skin, and fire red hair. A spiked turtle shell also adorned his back. The demon let out a menacing laugh as he hit the earth's soil with a loud thud.

"Well, if it isn't my old pal Bowser, I've always admired your never give up attitude," said Ogre.

"Why thank you Ogre, and I see you brought a couple of pricesses for me to kidnap," roared Bowser

"What are you talking about, what princesses?" Inquired Hwoarang.

"Those two," answered Bowser as he pointed at Asuka and Xiaoyu who immediately gasped.

"What, we're not princesses, are you on crack?" asked Asuka.

"Yeah, do we even look like princesses to you?" asked Xiaoyu.

Unbeknownst to the two females, Lee snuck over to them and planted tiaras on their heads, giving them a regal appearance.

"Yes, you have tiaras on our heads, you do look like princesses, so you're coming with me," answered Bowser.

Bowser withdrew into his shell and spun at a high speed at the Lei Team. After colliding to all of them, he leapt into the air and popped out of his shell and took a deep breath and exhaled fire onto the members of the Lei Team which knocked them all out. As they all fell incapacitated. Bowser grabbed Asuka and Xiaoyu and hoisted the two over his shoulders.

"What should we do with the rest of them?" asked Lee.

"I don't care, I got my princesses so I'm happy," answered Bowser.

"Just dump them in the river, let the fishes have some food," stated Steve.

"Garbage truck pollutes drinking water!" shouted Paul as he prepared to dump the male members of the Lei Team into the river. But as the blonde oaf prepare to hoist them, Lei regained conciousness and grabbed the pig talisman frying Pauls backside as he bent over to pick up Wang. Paul leapt into the air with a yelp as Lei stood back up.

"Let the ladies go!" shouted Lei.

"Not on your life!" growled Bowser.

As Lei charged towards Bowser and rest of the Dark Hand, a Jack exploded to provide cover for the Dark Hand to escape. As the explosion cleared, the Dark Hand was gone, Lei groaned and then ran over to his teammates to wake them up.

"You guys get up, Asuka nad Xiaoyu are in trouble!" called out Lei.

As Wang, Ganryu, King, and Raven all got up and gathered their surroundings, they all gasped as they realized the Dark Hand had got away with their female companions.

"Ai ya, my granddaughter and Asuka have been kidnapped by fat shit turtle! We must save them before anything bad happens!" cried out Wang.

"But where could they have gone, they could be anywhere," stated Ganryu.

"Given the fact that Bowser has a penchant for kidnapping princesses, he might have gone to look for more to kidnap," commented Lei.

"And most royalty lives in palaces as well, they probably headed to Buckingham Palace," added King.

"So if we head over that way, we should encounter them and be able to rescue Xiaoyu and Asuka," said Raven.

"Yeah, I heard there's a boxing match going on today at the palace, maybe after we're done smacking the Dark Hand, we could watch two other guys smack each other around," suggested Ganryu.

"Sounds cool, but since we now have an idea as to where our enemies could be headed off to, let's go give them a royal welcome!" ordered Lei.

With that, the Lei Team all grabbed a nearby taxi cab that was driving by and hopped in and sped off towards Buckingham Palace. Meanwhile, the Dark Hand had already arrived at the palace where a boxing ring was set up outside on the lawn. Many spectators were already sitting down getting ready to see a display of pugilism.

"Boxing, I never understood the fascination with watching two grown men smack each other in the head repeatedly," grumbled Ogre.

"Hey, boxing is a work of art, a very strategic sport that you really have to witness in order to truly appreciate it," retorted Steve.

"Where's the princesses at, every palace should have one," said Bowser.

"No princesses live here, only princes," answered Lee.

"Aw, you gotta be kidding me, I don't wanna kidnap any princes, that's not my style," grumbled Bowser.

"And now ladies and gentlemen, live from Buckingham Palace in lovely London, LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEE!" exclaimed the announcer.

"Maybe we could kidnap some of those girls that carry the cards that announce the next round," suggested Hwoarang.

"They're not princesses, so no way!" roared Bowser.

"In the red corner, he hails from the United States and he's ready to knock you out with some of his namesakes. Give it up for T.J Combo!" announced the announcer.

T.J. Combo's theme music came on as a dark skinned boxer with a black flat top walked out into the ring, he was clothed in a tank top with an American flag design, red boxing gloves, camoflauge pants, and brown boots. He did a quick one-two punch combo as he entered the ring and stood in his corner waiting for his opponent.

"And in the blue corner, from jolly old London, he's the gentleman boxer who treat you to tea after he TKO's you. Give it up for London's own Dudley!" announced the announcer.

Dudley's theme music came on a loud speaker as another dark skinned boxer with a short neat black hairstyle and neatly groomed mustache drove near the ring in a red Jaguar. After stopping his car, Dudley hopped into the ring clothed in a white dress shirt with a black bowtie, blue boxing gloves, green dress slacks and shiny black loafers. Dudley and T.J. Combo walked over to the center of the ring where the referee was standing.

"You know the rules, no hitting below the belt an all that other mumbo jumbo, anyways, touch gloves and get back to your corners," explained the ref.

As the bell rang for round one, Dudley and T.J Combo prepared to go at each other's throats, but their match was interrupted by the Dark Hand.

"What the hell is going on here?" asked T.J. Combo

"I don't know, but they have no dignity to interrrupt our match like that," answered Dudley.

"We're the Dark Hand, you're angels of death, although we are demons and not angels. We shall be the last thing you see when you die!" growled Ogre.

"Yeah, what the demon ghost inside big Stevie said," piped Dragunov.

"You guys suck, you guys have no princesses for me to kidnap!" growled Bowser as he still held a bound and gagged Asuka and Xiaoyu over his shoulders.

"Well, we're about to go Winston Churchill on your arses!" cired out Wang as the Lei Team burst through the crowd.

"Why don't you go choke on some spotted dick!" hissed Lee.

"Shut up! We're going to whup your bloody arses good, and give these decent British folk a jolly good show," retorted Lei.

"Let's fight like gentlemen!: said Dudley as he took a stance against the Dark Hand.

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!" shouted Paul.

"What the hell, is this guy brain damaged or something?" inquired T.J. Combo.

"I'd like to think that," answered Raven.

"Time to go down for the count you filthy blaggers," taunted Dudley as he threw a rose at the Dark Hand.

"LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEE!!" exclaimed the announcer again as the Lei Team along with Dudley and T.J. Combo prepared to rescue Asuka and Xiaoyu from the Dark Hand and Bowser. The song "What You Know" by T.I. began to play as the brawl began. More Jacks materialized to assist the Dark Hand as the Lei Team all rushed down the Dark Hand in an effort to rescue their captive companions.

"The name is 5, Jack-5!" beeped a Jack as he flew at T.J. Combo.

"Well how about a five finger sandwich," retorted T.J. Combo as he punched the Jack sqaure in the face sending the robot flying back and knocking over a few of his friends.

"Ooh, can I be your queen King?" inquired Lee as he sqaured off with King.

"No way, my queen must be female anatomically, and must have been born female, so don't get any ideas," answered King as he grabbed Lee's leg and swept the other one before following his attack up with an elbow to the stomach and hten pile drove Lee to knock him out.

"Hey Raven, let's try the alley oop play," suggested Ganryu.

"You got it big guy," affirmed Raven as he leapt up onto Ganryu's shoulders and they ran directly at Hwoarang.

"Oh crap, Jacks help me!" scramed Hwoarang.

A wall of Jacks barricaded the redheaded warrior, but Raven leapt off of Ganryu's shoulders and over the wall nailing Hwoarang in the face with a hard kick which knocked him to the ground. Right as Hwoarang fell, Ganryu barrelled through the Jacks and leapt into the air as well, squashing Hwoarang and promptly after landing, Ganryu passed gas, causing Hwoarang to gag and cough wildly before passing out.

"That was absolutely grotesque," commented Dudley as he knocked a Jack away with a powerful uppercut.

"It worked didn't it?" asked Ganryu.

"I suppose you are right about that," answered Dudley as another group of Jacks darted at the British boxer, who swiftly ducked under the charge and nailed the robots from behind and chained into one of his more powerful attacks.

"Corkscrew Blow!" yelled Dudley.

Dudley charged forward with a powered up punch that hit multiple times and sent a Jack flying back into his comrades and causing all of them to short circuit.

"I'm gonna send this fogey to the nursing home," said Dragunov as he tried to grab Wang from behind and put him in a sleeper hold, Wang however reversed the attack and elbowed Dragunov in the gut before nailing the Russian with an uppercut and then smacked him with the ring bell putting Dragunov out for the count.

"England swings like a pendulum do!" shouted Paul as he darted at Lei and aimed an uppercut at Lei who barely blocked the attack and countered with a sweep into a roundhouse. Paul quickly got back up and ran at Lei again.

"Very shagadelic!" yelled Paul throwing out a series of attacks, making Lei do numerous dodges.

"You're gonna get smoked like ham!" retorted Lei as he pulled out the pig talisman and aimed his beams at Paul's chest knocking the blonde warrior back and leaving him dazed.

"Argh, you won't get these princesses back as long as I'm breathing!" roared Bowser as he again withdrew into his shell and fired himself at Lei who dove out of the way to avoid Bowser's powerful attack.

"You're too slow you fat shit turtle!" taunted Lei.

"I'll make you eat those words after I charbroil and eat you!" screamed Bowser as he breathed a stream of fire at Lei who backflipped to avoid Bowser's fire and fired his eye lasers at Bowser making him stagger back. Bowser then leapt high into the air attempting to squash Lei, but he overshot his jump and got tangled up in the boxing ring ropes.

"Kill him Bowser!" growled Ogre.

"Oh shut up you embarrasment to England!" called out Dudley as him and T.J. Combo both nailed Steve with poweful uppercuts to the chin knocking him out cold.

"Gutter trash!" exclaimed Dudley throwing a rose on his unconscious body.

"Wang, do the chi spell quickly!" yelled Lei.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison doing so repeatedly until Wang's magic blowfish shot out a beam that Bowser right as he got himself untangled.

"Your princess is in another castle!" roared Bowser as he flew back into his portal and it closed up. The Pan Ku Box clicked again sealing the portal as the box fell to the ground where a Jack retrieved it.

"Ah bloody hell, I've been made a fool of in my own home, this sucks," grumbled Steve.

"I'll get you next time Gadget!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand retreated again.

In the meantime, Lei untied Asuka and Xiaoyu as the two regained consciousness, they saw their friends along with Dudley and T.J. Combo standing over them.

"What the, where's Bowser?" asked Asuka.

"He's been sealed up already, and you guys are safe," answered Lei.

"Aw, you mean we missed out on all the fun," pouted Xiaoyu.

"I'm afraid so chica," replied King.

"I'm glad that you whupped those stupid muthafuckas that tried to ruin England for everybody," piped up T.J. Combo.

"Yes, thanks much, I do like your style, can I buy you all some drinks after my boxing match?" asked Dudley.

"Sure, free drinks are always a good thing," answered the whole Lei Team in unison.

"It'll be a smashing good time getting smashed," commented Wang.

So after Dudley and T.J. Combo's match, which Dudley won, the British boxer treated the Lei Team and T.J. Combo to some drinks at a local pub where they all spent the night getting smashed and singing British folk tunes.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Would you like to be royalty?" asked the kid.

"It would be nice to have the title and the respect that comes with it, but I'd think I'd pass since running the country is a big pain in the ass and politics are insanely confusing. But I would love to hook up with royalty at least once," answered Lei.

"Ok thank you," said the kid.

"Bow to the king!" exclaimed Lei as he put on a crown.

Author's Note: Another chapter down, quite a few more to go. Hopefully Super Smash Bros fans liked seeing Bowser, that Killer Instinct enjoyed seeing T.J. Combo and that Street Fighter fans were happy to see Dudley. Anyways, I'm off to start planning out the next chapter, so until then, please read and review.


	21. Blame Canada

**Chapter 21: Blame Canada**

It was a cold snowy day in the city of Toronto, Canada. The Lei Team was bundled up tight to keep from getting frostbite in the chilly weather. As with their previous four travels, they were out looking for the dormant demon portal that lay somewhere in the city.

"If there's one thing I wish we would take notes from on our neighbors to the north is their national health care," remarked Xiaoyu.

"I agree, but free health care for everyone might be more difficult for the USA since there's more people there, however it would be nice to have," affirmed Lei.

"Hey, they have some damn good maple syrup too," piped up Ganryu who was chugging on a bottle of Canadian maple syrup.

"And hockey is a fun sport since they like to kick each other's asses as well," added King.

"Ai ya, where demon portal, I'm suffering from shrinkage here," grumbled Wang.

"That's a disturbing image, why did you have to say that," said Raven.

"Because it's the truth, cold weather sucks," cried out Wang.

"I know, glad I'm all bundled up, I could use some hot chocolate," piped up Asuka.

"So could I, maybe after sealing the demon portal, we can all get some," stated Lei.

The rest of the Lei Team all nodded in agreement at Lei's suggestion as they continued their search for the demon portal. Im the meantime, the Dark Hand all were looking for the portal themselves.

"This cold weather has my nipples all hard, they could cut glass," commented Lee.

"Damn it, I don't wanna hear that from you," moaned Hwoarang.

"Agreed, now if one of the females of the Lei Team said that, then I would like it," added Dragunov.

"Yeah, although I hate them as much as the rest of that team, I'd still tap them," stated Hwoarang.

"Canadian beer is like moonshine!" shouted Paul.

"Hell yes it is," replied Steve.

"Shut up, we are not here to get wasted, we are here to waste the Lei Team should they get in the way of our plans this time," hissed Ogre.

"Ok, you don't have to be a Captain Buzzkill though," grumbled Steve.

"Just keep going, the portal is growing close," stated Ogre as he looked at the glowing Pan Ku Box in Paul's hands.

"It's all aboot the Benjamins!" yelled Paul as the Dark Hand trekked through the snowy fields on the outskirts of Toronto. Back in town, the Lei Team were looking for clues as to where the portal was lying.

"Dang Ganryu, I hope maple syrup doesn't give you gas," commented Asuka as she looked at Ganryu still chugging a bottle of maple syrup.

"He's fat, everything gives him gas," piped up Wang.

"Same with you since you're old!" retorted Ganryu.

"Can we switch the topic of the conversation now?" suggested Lei.

"Yeah, I don't to be thinking about flatulence right now," grumbled Xiaoyu.

"I agree, we need to get a move on, who knows what the Dark Hand may have found by now," said Raven.

As Raven finished his sentence, the Lei Team saw the Pan Ku Box hover into the air and zoom off near a snow covered forest. Soon afterwards, the Pan Ku Box made a clicking sound and green lightning pulsated from the area where the clocking was heard.

"Ai ya, the Dark Hand found the demon portal already!" shouted Wang.

"Oh you have got to be shitting me," grumbled King.

"No, I am not shitting you," beeped a Jack who materialized behind the Lei Team. As they all whirled around, the Jack emitted a purple fog from his mouth and gun turrets in his arms.

"Ah shit, it's sleeping gas, those sneaky Dark Hand bastards," mumbled Lei drowsily.

"Damn them, they'll pay for this," mumbled Asuka just before her and the rest of the Lei Team passed out.

The Jacks hoisted the sleeping Lei Team onto their shoulders and flew off to the portal where the Dark Hand was waiting for the demon to step out. This demon had a human physique with spiky white hair. He was quite muscular and was clothed in a long red coat and black pants. He looked around the terrain with his glowing red eyes and snickered evilly.

"Welcome to the human world Duke," hissed Ogre.

"Thank you, it feels good to have solid ground to walk on," commented Duke.

"Well, how about walking on some pesky insects that have been nipping at our backsides for far too long," suggested Ogre.

"Sounds good to me, where are they?" asked Duke.

"These folks right here," answered Ogre as he pointed at the Lei Team who was still incapacitated from the sleeping gas they were sprayed with.

"Hmm, I shall take great pleasure in destroying these pests for you, how about, we have the multitude of moose that live in this region stampede all over them," suggested Duke.

"Great idea, I'd love to see them get flattened that way!" exclaimed Steve.

"Speeding car hits deer!" shouted Paul as he helped the Jacks hoist the Lei Team over to where a giant herd of moose were grazing.

"This is going to be a lovely sight," stated Duke as he charged up a fiery blast in hands preparing to startle the moose herd. Duke threw out the blast right behind the herd, they all roared in fear and started to run towards where the Lei Team was lying.

"Yes, finally the Lei Team will be out of my hair!" cheered Ogre.

"You mean my hair, you're in my body," said Steve.

But before the cluster of moose could flatten the unconscious Lei Team, a series of ice beams shot out from out of nowhere and froze all the moose in their tracks. The Dark Hand looked around and saw three figures leap in front of them. One was a man with glowing ice blue eyes dressed in black ninja garb with a blue face mask and blue sashes adorning his uniform. One was a female dressed similar to the male however, her head was uncovered and showing off her short icy blue hair. The third figure looked alien like, he was mostly white with blue arms and glowing green eyes. The Dark Hand glared at the three angrily.

"There's a blizzard coming, and it's targeted right at you!" said the male ninja.

"I hope you like frostbite, because that's what we're gonna give you," piped up the female ninja.

"Chumps on ice, always a great show," chimed in the icy alien.

"Bah, we'll come back for them later, and we'll also bring a way to melt you snowmen into oblivion!" growled Ogre as the Jacks emitted a smoke screen that allowed the Dark Hand to escape. As the smoke cleared, the Lei Team began to regain consciousness.

"Ai ya, it's freezing out here, and why are these moose popsicles in my face," cried out Wang.

"I'm guessing these folks saved us from being trampled to death by this moose herd," stated Ganryu.

"You are right, my name is Sub-Zero," said the male ninja.

"I am Frost," spoke the female ninja.

"And I'm Glacius, it's nice to meet you," said the alien.

"Hey, thanks for saving our asses there, how about you help us in smacking those Dark Hand losers around and sealing whateverr demon they unleashed this time," suggested Lei.

"That would be cool, real cool," answered Sub-Zero.

"ICE COLD!" exclaimed Glacius.

"I got an idea, in order to prepare for whatever they may try to pull on us should they come again, let's make our own legion of soldiers," suggested Frost.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" asked King.

"We have mastery over the element of ice," answered Frost.

"Yeah, we could erect them, but I don't know about bringing them to life," remarked Sub-Zero.

"Got you covered on that, we brought the rat talisman with us this time around," replied Raven.

"How's that rock gonna help with that?" asked Glacius.

"The rat talisman brings inanimate objects to life," answered Lei.

"Oh, now that's cool," said Sub-Zero.

"ICE COLD!" exclaimed Glacius again.

"I hope he doesn't run that into the ground," groaned Asuka.

Without any hesitance, the Lei Team along with Sub-Zero, Frost, and Glacius all went to work on making a legion of ice soldiers to help them in sealing Duke back up and defeating the Dark Hand yet again.As the icy warriors sculpted their soldiers, the Lei Team brought each one to life with a blast from the rat talisman.

"Whee, this is gonna be some great fun in the sun...er...I mean snow," said Xiaoyu.

As time wore on, a great legion of ice warriors were alive and ready to put the Dark Hand on ice. All of a sudden, an explosion was seen off in the distance.

"Looks like the Dark Hand is trying to lure us to them," stated Asuka.

"From the looks of it, the explosion at the hockey stadium in Toronto," piped up Sub-Zero.

"Well, it's time to freeze their fast break in it's tracks, so let's make like a blizzard and blow over the Dark Hand," ordered Lei.

The others all nodded in agreement as they all stormed off towards the city where Duke and the rest of the Dark Hand were causing chaos.

"Yeah, we're gonna heat up this boring game big time," commented Duke as he fired a fiery chi blast at one of the hockey players trying to get away from him.

"Actually, I find hockey quite fun, when they start beating the crap out of each other," stated Hwoarang.

"If the crap is getting beat out of them, then why isn't there crap all over the floor?" asked Dragunov.

"That's just a figure of speech," answered Duke.

"What type of figure does speech have?" inquired Dragunov.

"Hell freezes over!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"Chill out dickwad!" beeped a Jack for no apparent reason.

"Here come the party crashers!" exclaimed Xiaoyu as the Lei Team burst through the doors into the stadium and came face to face with the Dark Hand.

"I knew you'd come for us, at least you were kind to bring some extra practice dummies for me," taunted Duke.

"We'll see who the real dummies are," retorted Sub-Zero.

"Come Jacks, show them you're new arsenal!" ordered Ogre.

A legion of Jack-5s materialized each carrying massive flamethrowers in their hands, they all let loose a maniacal yet mechanical laugh as they glared at the Lei Team.

"You think that scares us, our frost will stop your flames cold!" bellowed Glacius.

"Damn skippy on that!" added Frost.

"I like Jif better than Skippy as far as peanut butter goes," said Dragunov.

"Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!" yelled Paul smacking Dragunov once again.

"Ring the bell, school is in session," commented Lei as the Lei Team and the Dark Hand prepared to fight each other yet again.

"Yes, but you're about to fail this course," replied Steve.

The song "Ice, Ice, Baby" by Vanilla Ice began to play in the background and right as the song started up, both the Jacks and the ice soldiers started dancing exactly how Vanilla Ice did in that music video.

"What the hell are you doing, stop dancing and destroy them!" ordered Duke.

"Great, our soldiers are acting like dancing fools," grumbled Sub-Zero.

"I guess we'll be doing all the fighting ourselves," said Wang.

As Lee ran into the fray, he lunged at Frost with a jump kick and then started to leap at her with a series of lightning fast kicks, Frost slid under Lee and knocked him off of his feet. Right as Lee got back up to fight some more. Glacius turned into a puddle and sped over to Lee and then popped up out of the ground and nailed the white haired man straight on the chin with a powerful uppercut. Sub-Zero then jumped up and nailed Lee with two powerful kicks and then tossed him onto the ground hard knocking him out.

"Well, he's out cold," commented Sub-Zero.

"And ICE COLD!" exclaimed Glacius.

"Whee, I'm a Canadian mountie!" cheered Dragunov as he got into a zamboni and started driving it around the ice trying to run down the Lei Team.

"This guy should never be allowed to have a driver's license," commented Xiaoyu as she dove out of the way of the zamboni.

"Couldn't agree with you more, but how are we gonna get him off that thing?" asked Raven.

"I think I know how, just watch amigos as the pendejo gets burned," stated King as he pulled out the rat talisman and fired it at the zamboni, bringing the vehicle to life.

"ROOOOOOAR! Borscht sounds tasty right now, and since the guy that's driving me is Russian, I wonder if he tastes like borscht," remarked the living zamboni.

"AHHHH! Don't eat me!" screamed Dragunov.

"But I'm hungry and you look delicious," commented the zamboni as he licked his metallic lips voraciously and started to chase Dragunov out of the stadium.

"No, bad zamboni, bad zamboni!" cried Dragunov as he ran for his life away from the stadium.

"You idiots, attack harder, faster, don't let them defeat you, yelled Duke.

"Ok, calm down you meathead," commented Hwoarang.

"Oh man, I got gas again," groaned Ganryu to himself.

"Don't call me a meathead!" yelled Duke as he fired another fiery ki blast towards Hwoarang, who barely dodged being singed.

"Hey I got an idea. Hey Duke, your momma is a prostitute that loves me long time!" taunted Ganryu.

"Fry piggy, fry!" roared Duke as he fired his fiery ki at Ganryu, who prompty turned around and let out a loud fart. The methane was lit ablaze and blew right towards Hwoarang who was lit ablaze right as it hit him.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH! Stop, drop, roll! Stop, drop, roll!" screamed Hwoarang as he started rolling on the floor to put out the flames.

"I hate hockey and I don't like kids!" shouted Paul as he skated towards Lei and Asuka.

"What are you supposed to be, a pep talk?" asked Asuka as she leapt into the air and aimed a kick at Paul's head, the blonde warrior skated around Asuka's leg and aimed a punch at her chest, Asuka skated out of the way just before the punch connected and Lei hit Paul with a double open palm strike.

"I don't think skating is the sport for you," commented Lei as he knocked Paul down.

"You think losing is funny!" shouted Paul.

Paul tried to ram his shoulders into Lei, but Lei sidestepped the blow and pushed Paul who went skidding into the charred black Hwoarang, and the two crashed into a wall and were both knocked unconscious.

"I can't count on any of them to do the job right, I'll melt you myself!" roared Duke as he charged at the Lei Team full force, bowling them all over.

"Someone is having a 'roid rage," remarked Xiaoyu.

"Shut up nad die!" shouted Duke as he prepared to incinerate the Lei Team. However, Sub-Zero and Frost both shot ice blasts from the palms, freezing Duke in his place.

"Hey old man, do your chi spell before he unfreezes!" called out Sub-Zero.

Glacius helped Wang to his feet as he began to chant with the magical blowfish in his hand.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang repeatedly as the blowfish glowed bright green and shot a beam of light right at Duke the moment he broke through the ice. The beam hit Duke squarely in the chest and the demon went flying back to where the portal was.

"I've been extinguished!" screamed Duke as he flew away and right into the portal which closed up right as Duke went through and the Pan Ku Box locked up the portal once again. One of the Jacks retrieved the box right as it fell to the ground.

"That was so not cool," grumbled Steve.

"AAAAHHHHH! You will pay eventually Lei Team, the day will come when me and my demon bretheren do take over the world!" roared Ogre as he flew away with the Jacks carrying all the other members of the Dark Hand with them.

"Quack! Quack! Quack!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand flew away.

"Five demons down, three more to seal away," said Wang.

"We'll be ready to handle them," commented Lei.

"So guys, what are you gonna do with all those ice soldiers now that they have no one to fight?" asked Asuka.

"Maybe use them as servants around the house, after all, I have a big place and it gets dirty easily," answered Sub-Zero.

"Still, we had a good time kicking ass with you guys today, if you ever stop by Canada again, feel free to look us up," said Glacius.

"You're always welcome at our abode, just dress warmly it's usually kept cold at our house," suggested Frost.

"ICE COLD!" exclaimed Glacius yet again.

"So what should we do now, get some pancakes with maple syrup,?" asked Ganryu.

"Nah," answered King.

"See a hockey game?" inquired Xiaoyu.

"We already did," answered Raven.

"How about we do the Vanilla Ice dance again," suggested the ice soldiers.

"Now that sounds fun, yo V.I.P. let's kick it!" exclaimed Lei.

And with that, the Lei Team, along with Sub-Zero, Frost, and Glacius all boogied down with the ice soldiers to Ice, Ice, Baby once again.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you like hockey?" asked the kid.

"Hockey is a fun sport, it's like basketball or soccer on ice, you have to be quick on your feet to play it, so that's fun to watch since they're always on the go, but it's always at its best when the players decide to kick each other's ass on the ice," answered Lei.

"Okay, thank you," said the kid.

"Hockey what's it's all aboot eh," remarked Lei.

Author's Note: Well, here we have another chapter. Hope you all like it, hopefully Mortal Kombat fans liked seeing Sub-Zero and Frost, that Killer Instinct fans enjoyed seeing Glacius, and that King of Fighters fans enjoyed seeing Duke. Anyways, I'm off to go work on the next chapter now, so until then, please read and review. Word to your mother!


	22. Turning Japanese

**Chapter 22: Turning Japanese**

It was bright sunny morning on the streets of Tokyo, Japan. The Lei Team had just touched down at the Narita Airport and were ready to explore the bustling city for where the sixth demon portal lied. For Ganryu and Asuka, they felt great to be back in their native land.

"Ah, home sweet home in lovely Japan, I love the smell of tempura in the morning," remarked Ganryu.

"Yeah, I want to look at the cherry blossom trees here, they're so pretty," added Asuka.

"You are also well ahead of us in technology, I'd love to see some of the wonderful Japanese curio we have here," commented Lei.

"That would be fun, but first things first," said King.

"Yeah I know, we must seal demon portal before we do anything fun," stated Lei.

"Right, work hard just like Japanese do, and be respectful as well, especially to elders like me," chimed in Wang.

"If you can refrain from being a hentai, then ok, we'll show you more respect," commented Asuka.

"No deal," cried out Wang.

"Grandpa, would it kill you to lay off the dirty old man schtick?" asked Xiaoyu.

"No, but I'd be too out of character," answered Wang.

Xiaoyu grumbled as the Lei Team left the airport and headed off to their hotel to plan out their demon hunt. In the meantime, the Dark Hand was in Tokyo as well searching for the portal as well as window shopping.

"Ooh, the Japanese have some awesome things you can't get elsewhere," cheered Lee.

"Yeah, some of it's a bit strange, but it's cool nonetheless," added Hwoarang.

"Watashi ni baka!" yelled Paul.

"I don't know why you just called yourself an idiot. If you're gonna speak Japanese, know what your saying," hissed Ogre.

"Zato kona mon!" shouted Paul.

"Snap the condom on, we're not fornicating with anyone," piped up Dragunov.

"Kamehameha!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"Oh lord, I hope we find this demon portal here, so that way we can shut these bakas up," groaned Ogre.

"Hey, the box is glowing!" exclaimed Steve as he looked back at Paul who was holding the Pan Ku Box.

The Dark Hand stopped in their tracks at looked at a hotel, the Pan Ku Box's glowing continued to grow in intensity. Signifying they were getting warmer in their trail.

"Well, being caught ordering hotel porn will be least of these people's worries now," growled Ogre as Steve sneered evilly as the Dark Hand entered the hotel. At that moment, the Lei Team finished settling into their rooms. As the Lei Team walked around to check out their hotel, they heard someone yelling in Japanese.

"Hey, you take your shoes off inside, it's disrespectful to wear shoes inside!" yelled a Japanese guy.

As the Lei Team looked over at who the Japanese guy was yelling at and saw many familiar faces that they wish were not familiar.

"Ai ya, it's the Dark Hand again, and the demon portal is close!" cried out Wang.

"Oh lovely, it's the Lei Team, must we always run across them everywhere we go?" grumbled Hwoarang.

"Our fates are intertwined as long we are opposing forces," answered Ogre.

"You will not dishonor our homeland!" yelled Asuka and Ganryu in unison.

"Although you may dishonor yourselves and may as well just commit seppuku," commented Lei.

"Yeah right, now shi ne!" roared Ogre.

The song "Night of Fire" by Niko played as some Jack-5s appeared before the Lei Team and chased them outside to the hot spring area. A Jack flew up and descended down quickly in an effort to squish the Lei Team, however, Lei grabbed a bamboo sword lying nearby and shoved it through the Jack's chest making him shut down.

"Let's go Voltron Force!" beeped a Jack.

"You aren't Voltron you idiot," said King as he flung a nearby paper fan at the Jacks like a shuriken and wound up shearing the head clear off one of the Jacks.

"I thought hot springs were supposed to be relaxing," said Raven.

"We can relax in one later, right now, I say we exercise our survival skills," replied Lei.

Soon, the Lei Team saw the Pan Ku Box fly by and lodge itself in a statue near the hot spring's base, a busty redheaded Japanese girl ran up to the Lei Team wearing only a towel and stopped as she came across them.

"Can you tell what's going on here?" asked the woman.

"Yes we can miss uh...what's your name," inquired Xiaoyu.

"Shiranui, Mai Shiranui, what's happening?" asked Mai.

"A demon has just been released and now we're going to have to re-seal him," answered Ganryu.

As the portal opened, a slender human looking form emerged from the portal, he had white hair tied in a ponytail, he was dressed in a red intricately designed suit along with white gloves and black boots. He also carried a long sword with him as he smirked at the Lei Team, the Dark Hand soon appeared and looked over at the demon.

"Hyo Iwamano, you once again are free to be an oni that strikes fear into the hearts of these pitiful humans!" roared Ogre.

"Thanks for releasing me Ogre, it'll be a great pleasure to cleave through the flesh and bone of these miserable homo sapiens," snickered Hyo as he sharpened his sword.

The Jacks snuck up behind the Lei Team and grabbed them tightly.

"Make any funny moves, and we go kablooey!" beeped a Jack.

"Kablooey, that sound sinister at all. But oh well it'll be a fine sight to see the hot spring's water stained with the blood all of you do-gooders, who shall I start with?" mused Hyo as he looked at the Lei Team and Mai being held down by the Jacks.

"Mai, drop your towel," whispered Lei.

"What, are you crazy?" asked Mai.

"We need a distraction, you should be able to stop all the Dark Hand in their tracks, well except for Lee, but he'll be easy to take care of," replied Lei.

"Ok, fine," answered Mai.

"Musero!" roared Hyo as he rushed at the Lei Team ready to cut them all down with his incredibly sharp katana. Lei hastily wriggled his hand free and grabbed Mai's towel and jerked it off of her curvy body exposing it fully to the Dark Hand. And just as Lei said, the entire Dark Hand froze in their tracks and drooled over Mai's body.

"Wow, now that's some major hotness right there," commented Hwoarang.

"Oppai! Oppai! Oppai Oppai!" shouted Paul.

"Thanks Mai, take this to help you get away," said Raven as he gave her a smoke bomb before the Lei Team made their escape while the Dark Hand was still distracted.

"Hey, the Lei Team is getting away!" cried out Lee.

"What, this is all a distraction, baka yaroo!" growled Ogre.

Just then, Mai threw down her smoke bomb disorienting the Dark Hand allowing her to escape, as she made her getaway, the smoke faded, and the Dark Hand were all left looking around dumbfounded.

"They got away from us again, although I did love the sexy decoy," said Steve.

"Let's go find them, and give them free open heart surgery," suggested Hyo.

"I like your thinkin even if you are a sick bastard," said Ogre.

"Armor of Wildfire, Tao Ji!" yelled Paul.

The Dark Hand all ran out of the hotel, but not before getting yelled at by the staff again for wearing their shoes indoors. Meanwhile, the Lei Team found themselves in a forest near the outskirts of Tokyo running through it quickly. Eventually, they came across a martial arts dojo in a clearing. The Lei Team stopped to rest at the dojo.

"Oh, man, I'm hurting terribly," groaned King.

"I think I'm bleeding," added Xiaoyu.

"Lucky we brought the horse talisman with us this time around," piped up Asuka as she pulled the horse talisman out and used it to heal herself and the rest of the Lei Team.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here, are you lost?" asked a man's voice.

The Lei Team whirled around to see a Japanese man standing behind them, he had short black hair and a red headband tied around his head. His muscular build was clothed in a white karate gi complete with a black belt.

"Well, we were being chased by a demon that wants to kill us," answered Wang.

"Demon you say, so Hyo's been released, I knew I felt a strangeevil chi around. My name is Ryu, I've devoted my life to martial arts, so I reside in this dojo when I'm not traveling looking for strong warriors to fight," said Ryu.

"So will you help us in sealing Hyo back up?" asked Xiaoyu.

"I sure will, besides he sounds like he'd be a good challenge," answered Ryu.

"Good, we should get back to Tokyo fast before they wreak more havoc on it than Godzilla ever did," ordered Lei.

"Indeed, let's get a move on," suggested Raven.

Without a second thought, the Lei Team along with Ryu sped off back to Tokyo where Hyo and the Dark Hand were causing destruction and disaster in a nearby shopping district.

"Oh, how I love being an oni, the look of sheer terror on these pitiful humans faces gives me comfort," boasted Hyo.

"Yes, this will teach people not to tell us what to do, I am not taking off my shoes. I paid way to much for these shoes and I don't want anyone to steal them." said Lee.

"You're still taking your shoes off, you don't be disrespectful to my culture!" roared Hyo.

"You got it man, I don't wanna get on your bad side," piped up Lee.

"Suburashii chinchin mono!" yelled Paul.

"I think you should learn what those words mean before you make yourself sound like an even bigger ass," suggested Hyo.

"But Paul's ass isn't big, maybe you should get buttcheek implants," suggested Dragunov.

"Kintama no kame aru!" shouted Paul smacking Dragunov's head once again.

"Hyo, it's time for you to stop dishonoring this sacred land of the rising sun. Your time on this world is about to set!" announced Ryu as him and the Lei Team all came out wearing tradional kimonos each with different kanji symbols on the backs of the kimonos.

"Argh, why don't you just commit seppuku and leave us alone?" inquired Hwoarang.

"I could ask you guys the same thing, but you know that we're not gonna allow you to turn this world into crap," answered Ganryu.

"Especially our homeland," added Asuka.

"Time to make sushi out of you," roared King.

"That's my job, I'm the one with the sword," taunted Hyo.

"Well you're about to be fired from that job," retorted Lei.

"Prepare to have us bukkake on you!" shouted Lee.

"Ai ya, I pretend you never say that!" cried out Wang.

The song "Good Life" by Kanye West and T-Pain began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand got ready for another brawl against each other. Lei pulled out the dragon talisman as a group of Jacks materialized to assist the Dark Hand.

"Bow to your emperor bitches!" shouted Hwoarang as he rushed in with a powerful kick to Raven's chest. Raven staggered back but countered with a quick palm strike to Hwoarang's face. As Hwoarang went for a roundhouse, Raven flipped out of the way and grabbed a nearby rock and flung it at Hwoarang's groin. Hwoarang doubled over in pain as Raven leapt into the air and nailed the redhead in the face with a powerful leaping kick sending him flying into a neaby sumo arena where the brawl would continue to commence.

"You will be pushed out of life's ring, mark my words!" growled Ogre as the Lei Team and Dark Hand continued to scuffle with each other.

"Ooh, a bunch of guys that like wearing thongs, I'd think I'd like it here," said Lee.

"Let's see how well you actually do like it," said King as he fired the dragon talisman's fire at Lee torching his hair, Lee ran around screaming in fear and ran directly into the bath house area for the sumo wrestlers diving into a bathtub filled with water.

"Nobody singes my hair and gets away with it," said Lee angrily.

"And no one uses my bath water but me and hot women!" bellowed a sumo wrestler behind him with a black sumo hairstyle, red face paint, a red sumo apron covered by a blue towel.

"You'll be punished for using Edmond Honda's bath water!" yelled the sumo.

"And who is Edmond Honda?" asked Lee.

"I am, now be awestruck by the power of sumo!" answered E. Honda as he flew at Lee with a powerful headbutt that sent him flying into a laundry basket filled with soiled sumo thongs.

"Hey, I wanna play sumo too!" exclaimed Dragunov as he tore off his clothes and started running around in his tightie whities.

"Fine then, time for a lesson in pain, sumo style!" retorted Ganryu as he tore off his outfit and stood in the ring in a purple sumo apron. Xiaoyu ran behind Dragunov and ducked down on all fours. Ganryu sped at Dragunov and pushed him making him trip and fall over Xiaoyu.

"Now Ganryu, give him your fat man special!" ordered Xiaoyu.

Ganryu leapt into the air and sat down on Dragunov pinning him down to the ground. Ganryu let out a giant fart, making Dragunov gag and cough as he ran towards the bath house for fresh air. E. Honda then slapped Dragunov so hard across the chest he landed in the same laundry basket as Lee.

"Dosukoi!" elled E. Honda and Ganryu in unison.

"Musero!" yelled Paul as he ran at Asuka and and aimed an elbow at her, Asuka rolled out of the way and went for a palm strike to Paul's face, Paul blocked it and grabbed Asuka by her kimono in an effort to throw her. However, Lei leapt in and nailed Paul in the back with a side kick. Paul staggered forward as Asuka swept him, however, the blonde brawler quickly recovered.

"Kakatte koi yo!" taunted Asuka.

"Kakatte ki na!" taunted Lei.

"Boku ga warui so let's fighting!" shouted Paul.

"There's not fighting love for you here!" replied Lei as he fired the dragon talisman's fire blast at Paul, the blonde warrior dropped to the groundand started rolling around before running to the sumo bath house and jumping in E. Honda's bath tub, which resulted in Paul being head butted into the soiled sumo thong basket.

"Hyo, I challenge you to a fight!" hollered Ryu.

"Very well, you want to be the first to have your flesh cleaved off, then let's go at it," replied Hyo.

Hyo ran at Ryu with his sword and aimed a slash at him, Ryu dodged the blow and punched Hyo in the face. Hyo staggered backwards and as Ryu ran in with a snap kick, Hyo blocked the kick ans slashed Ryu across his chest, blood dripped from the cut as Hyo tried to follow up with another slash.

"Shinkuu Hadoken!" yelled Ryu.

Ryu fired foward a powerful projectile that nailed Hyo multiple times and sent him flying back. As the fight wore on, Wang grabbed his magical blowfish and was waiting for an opportune moment to start the chi spell. Hyo ran at Ryu again and started to swing at Ryu with intent to kill him, Ryu managed to dodge the blows that Hyo threw forward, some were barely missing however.

"Damn it, I can't dodge these forever, he's gonna catch me sooner or later," grumbled Ryu to himself.

"Ai ya, I cannot cast chi spell unless Hyo stops moving, I don't want to miss and hit man in headband!" cried out Wang.

"I know, we don't wanna wind up sending the wrong guy through the demon portal, this sucks," added King.

"Ryu, stun Hyo quickly so that way we can send him back through the portal!" shouted Lei.

"You got it, Denjin Hadoken!" shouted Ryu.

"I'll turn you into sushi!" growled Hyo as he ran at Ryu flailing his sword wildly, Ryu did get hit a few times but still managed to nail Hyo with an electrically charged Hadoken effectively stunning Hyo for a brief period of time.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison.

Right as Hyo recovered from the Denjin Hadoken, The beam from Wang's magical blowfish shot at Hyo and nailed him square in the chest, Hyo screamed out in pain as he was hit by the beam.

"KUUUUUSSSSSOOOOOOOO!" screamed Hyo as he flew out of the sumo arena and back through the portal that he came out of. Right as Hyo went through the portal, it closed up and the Pan Ku Box made a clicking sound signifying the portal was locked. The Pan Ku Box then fell to the ground again right as one of the Jacks retrieved it.

"This sucks, and we all smell like sumo ass," grumbled Lee.

"Not me, I wasn't thrown into that basket with all the thongs," stated Hwoarang.

Just then, Dragunov and Paul rubbed a sumo thong in Hwoarang's face making him gag.

"You haven't seen the last of us, we'll be back, you will meet you doom at the hands of one of these oni!" growled Ogre.

"Yateze oyaji!" yelled Paul as the Dark Hand retreated.

"Well, glad that's over with, thanks for helping save Tokyo and the rest of the world from Hyo," said Ryu.

"Not a problem, say you grab some udon with us and then go relax in a hot spring?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Yeah, I could use some hot food and a hot bath after all the stuff that just happened," answered Ryu.

"Count me in as well," boomed E. Honda as he walked over to the Lei Team.

"Just don't run up our bill like crazy, we know how expensive things are in Japan," said Lei.

And with that, the Lei Team enjoyed a nice meal of sushi, udon, and sake, and afterwards a nice relaxing bath in the hotel's hot spring. It was especially nice for Lei since Asuka scrubbed him down with her own naked body.

"OSHAAAAAA!" screamed Lei in delight.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you prefer baths or showers?" asked the kid.

"Either one is good since it gets me clean. But since I'm usually busy, I shower more than I bathe. But I like bathing better when in Japan since I do like having a hot girl wash my body with her body," answered Lei.

"Yeah, that makes hygiene sound totally cool,"said the kid.

"I'm so fresh and so clean clean!" commented Lei.

Author's Note: Well, that's another chapter in the books. Hopefully Rival Schools fans enjoyed seeing Hyo, that King of Fighters fans enjoyed seeing Mai and that Street Fighter fans enjoyed the appearance of Ryu and E. Honda. Just so you all konow, I'm a huge Japan freak, I love Japanese things. Anyways, I'm off to work on the next chapter of this fic, so until then, please read and review.


	23. Spanish Fly

**Chapter 23: Spanish Fly**

The sun shone down brightly on the city of Barcelona, Spain where the Lei Team had just landed, after the Dark Hand was defeated in Japan, they shortly skedaddled over to Spain to find another demon portal lying dormant somewhere in the country.

"Ah, Spain, I'm bound to have some ancestors from here," said King.

"Yup, maybe you're related to a great bullfighter," commented Asuka.

"I'd like to catch a bullfight sometime while we're here," stated Lei.

"So would I, but first we gotta play matador and lay some chingazos into the Dark Hand," chimed in Ganryu.

"Well then, let us flamenco to it," suggested Raven.

"I'm not really fond of salsa dancing or anything like that, but oh well, we must do what's necessary," remarked Wang.

"You don't like to dance, that sucks," grumbled Xiaoyu.

"Don't worry about that now, deal with demon first, dance later," ordered Lei.

And with that, the Lei Team walked out of the airport after grabbing their luggage and hopped into a nearby taxi cab, at that same time, the Dark Hand were driving around in a cab looking for the whereabouts of the dormant demon portal.

"Damn it, where the hell is this portal?" grumbled Steve.

"Well, the map did say one of the portals was in this region, so we should be getting close soon, but the Pan Ku Box isn't glowing or anything," stated Hwoarang.

"Maybe it's broken, we should it take to a handyman to get it fixed," suggested Dragunov.

"Hot weather melts ice cream!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head for his idiotic comment.

"The Pan Ku Box cannot be that easily broken you fool, we're still on a cold trail, that is all," growled Ogre.

The moment Ogre finished speaking, the Pan Ku Box started to glow signifying that the trail was getting warmer.

"Scratch that, we're closing in on the portal, step on it driver!" yelled Ogre.

"Arriba! Arriba! Andale! Andale!" shouted Paul.

As the Dark Hand's cab accelerated, the Lei Team's cab was driving nearby and they all looked onward at the reckless driver.

"Ai ya, we gonna in accident!" cried out Wang.

"What a pendejo, is he trying to get pulled over b la policia?" inquired King.

Raven pulled out a telescope and looked over at the cab, upon looking inside, he saw the Dark Hand all sitting down inside the cab with Steve barking at the driver.

"The Dark Hand is in that cab, no wonder it's acting all reckless," commented Raven.

"Driver, follow that cab!" ordered Lei.

"No hablo ingles," replied the cab driver.

"Siga ese taxi!" exclaimed King.

"Ah, sì!" replied the driver.

"Thanks King, glad we have you around," commented Lei.

"Anytime amigo," replied King.

The Lei Team's cab driver began to accelerate to catch up with the cab that the Dark Hand was in, and wound up ramming into them head on. Causing the cab to flip over multiple times. Once the cab stopped rolling, the Pan Ku Box flew through the window and out to a pier where it hovered above water. The Pan Ku Box made a clicking sound in midair as green lightning crackled around the area where the box hovered. The portal slowly began to open as the Lei Team watched on in horror. The demon let out a loud grunt as he stepped through the portal, he had purple skin with white hair and a white beard and was clad in leather pirate garb. He also carried two swords with him and as he stepped out of the portal, he looked maliciously at the Lei Team and let out a haughty laugh.

"ARGH! I live again to plunder the souls of the weak!" growled the demon.

"Yes, good to see you again Cervantes," hissed Ogre.

"I'm glad to be back matey, so are these the landlubbers that destroyed your body?" inquired Cervantes in a Spaniard pirate accent.

"Yes, do what you will with them, just see that they never get in our way again!" ordered Ogre.

"ARGH, I shall send them to El Diablo without a second thought," replied Cervantes.

"Ha, yeah right, we can totally kick your ass, pirates suck anyways!" replied Lei.

"Yeah, ninjas rule, pirates drool!" added Raven.

"You're crazy, it's all about pirates!" retorted Cervantes.

"No it's all about ninjas!" replied Raven.

"Pirates!" yelled Cervantes.

"Ninjas!" yelled Raven.

"Who cares which one is better, just annihilate them already!" growled Ogre.

"Aye aye matey," affirmed Cervantes as he glared evilly at the Lei Team.

"Ai ya, I think we better run away fast!" cried out Wang.

"I agree, I don't feel like walking the plank," commented Ganryu.

"YEAAARGH! You will be walking the plank matey, mark my words, I shall your bones into the briny sea or my name isn't Christopher Columbus," said Cervantes.

"You're name isn't Christopher Columbus," remarked Lei.

"So what, I'll still keelhaul ya!" said Cervantes.

"No you won't, ninja vanish!" yelled Raven throwing a smoke bomb down making Cervantes and the Dark Hand all cough and gag and get disoriented,

"Damn it, let's make like the bulls Pamplona and stampede over the Lei Team!" ordered Ogre.

"Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!" yelled Paul as the Dark Hand went searching for the Lei Team.

"ARGH, rum sounds mighty fine at this moment," stated Cervantes as the Dark Hand sped off in their pursuit of Lei and his merry band. At that moment, the Lei Team stumbled across a bullfighting arena and decided to lay low in there while trying to plan out how to seal Cervantes back up.

"Man I wanna whup Cervantes so badly," commented King.

"Me too, I want to establish a ninja's dominance over the pirates!" added Raven.

"But there's no ninjas in Spain but there were tons of pirates here back in the old days," said Asuka.

"Either way pirates still suck, they steal treasure and feed people to sharks. Now I love fish, but I want to be the one eating the fish, not the one being eaten by the fish," remarked Lei.

"You and me both brother," stated Ganryu.

At that moment the glowing red eyes of a bull became visible to the Lei Team as a furious black haired bull charged at all the members of the team with unbridled fury.

"Oh crap, we're about to be stampeded!" screamed Xiaoyu.

"No you're not muchacha, I shall stop the bull," called out voice from out of nowhere.

Just then, a dark haired man in a white polo shirt, black mariachi pants, and black shoes leapt out into the arena and stared at the bull with confidence. The bull continued to stampede furiously towards the group.

"Move out of the way!" shouted the Spanish man. The Lei Team complied and all dove out of the way of the charging bull right as the Spanish bullfighter grabbed the bull by his horns and kneed him hard in the skull putting the giant animal to sleep.

"Whew, you're pretty good when it comes to handling charging animals," commented Wang.

"It's my job to take on these beasts to entertain my people, my name is Miguel, the top bullfighter in all of Spain," said the Spanish man.

"Well Miguel, for stopping from getting impales by the bull, you're officially cool with us," stated Lei.

"Gracias amigo, so what brings you to this arena?" asked Miguel.

"The evil pirate demon Cervantes has been released and we need to seal him back up," answered Asuka.

"Ay carumba, Cervantes is free, you must let me assist you in saving my country from that filthy pirate," piped up Miguel.

"One question though, do you prefer pirates or ninjas?" inquired Raven.

"Ninjas hombre, pirates are stupid, and I'm willing to help you get rid of a pirate, so for me it's ninjas all the way," answered Miguel.

"I like this guy," commented Raven.

"Well that's good to hear, we're glad to have you onboard to assist us, now let's get down to business guys," ordered Lei.

"I agree, we'll take Cervantes back to Davy Jones locker without any treasure to speak of," piped up King.

Without any hesitance the Lei Team ran off in search of the Dark Hand, in the meantime, the Dark Hand came across a town square where a local mariachi band was entertaining some people with their jovial melodies.

"They say it takes two to tango," chimed Lee.

"Who says we're here to tango, besides, I don't wanna dance with you, you'll end up stepping all over my feet," replied Steve.

"Oh come on, you know I know how to dance," responded Lee.

"That's of no concern to us now, we're here to bring Spain to it's knees and have them turn over their government to us!" roared Ogre.

"YEAAARGH! Thar be gold around this city, let us plunder it!" suggested Cervantes.

"Avast ye scurvy dogs!" yelled Paul for no apparent reason.

Cervantes fired off an old style musket scaring off a lot of the villagers and sending them into a panic, Cervantes then used a spell to change the Dark Hand members into pirate clothing.

"These make my poop deck look fat," groaned Lee.

"Oh shut up, let's just do what we came to do and plunder Spain's government right from under their noses," said Hwoarang.

"Under who's nose, we're not under anyone's nose at the moment," commented Dragunov.

"From out of nowhere, a kunai flew down at the Dark Hand, a Jack leapt in the way of the dagger and it nailed him straight in the head causing him to shut down. As the Dark Hand looked upward at who threw the knife. They saw the Lei Team, along with Miguel all dressed up in ninja gear dive down from the roof of a building and look at the Dark Hand menacingly.

"We're going to strike you down and fade away without a trace!" exclaimed Lei.

"No way, we'll make sure seven is our lucky number this time around and be sure the seventh demon we released will do you in," growled Ogre.

"Hey, you're a Spaniard, shouldn't you be supporting us since there are no ninjas in Spain?" asked Cervantes.

"So what, pirates are nothing but basura, and so I shall go the way of the ninja and be a silent assassin who looks good in black," answered Miguel.

"I look the best out of everyone here," stated Asuka.

"I'm not gonna argue with that," chimed in Lei.

"ARGH, you ninjas are nothing but blithering idiots and us pirates will destroy you!" roared Cervantes.

"Yeah right, we'll cut through you gracefully like the wind and disappear just as fast because ninjas are just that much cooler," replied Raven.

"We shall see about that now," hissed Ogre.

"Hey mariachi guys, play something with a little edge to it," said King.

"Si señor," replied the head mariachi man as the band started playing "La Bamba" right as the Lei Team and the Dark Hand began a massive battle of pirates against ninjas.

"Shiver me timbers!" beeped a Jack as it flew at Xiaoyu with a musket in it's hand, Xiaoyu flipped out of the way of the Jack and pulled out a ninja sword and cleaved the gun in two and then kicked the Jack back into another Jack and ran at them both with blinding speed cutting the Jacks in two.

"Thanks for the free ninja lessons Raven!" called out Xiaoyu.

"Anytime Xiaoyu," replied Raven as he cut through a Jack with a pair of short swords and threw the shrapnel at nearby Jacks which dismembered a lot of the mechanical minions the Dark Hand had assisting them.

"Cannonball!" cried ou Dragunov as he dove at King attempting to tackle him, King sidestepped Dragunov making the dim witted fighter fall flat on his face.

"Pinche puto," grumbled King as he elbowed Dragunov across the back and then picked up the remedial Russian and pile drove him knocking Dragunov unconsious.

"I'm so fruity that I can cure scurvy!" commented Lee.

"Yeah, I'd actually say that you're statement is true," replied Asuka as she took a kick to the face from Lee but soon retaliated with a knee to the stomach and a scissors kick across Lee's head.

"You're not smudging my pirate makeup!" cried out Lee with anger in his voice as he charged at Asuka and tried to tackle her to the ground, Asuka flipped out of the way and then threw a smoke bomb down disorienting Lee, and when the smoke cleared, he found himself doused in red paint.

"Now this will never wash out!" cried Lee.

"That aint the worst of your problems," commented Miguel as he saw a bull charge towards Lee. Lee screamed out in terror as the ran with fury towards him, the bull eventually rammed Lee sending him flying into the sea.

"ARGH, you all piss me off!" yelled Hwoarang as he came at Miguel with a flurry of kicks, Miguel blocked all of Hwoarang's furious kicks and swept the redhead off of his feet and then elbowed him in the stomach while he was on the ground. Miguel then pulled out a red cape and waved it in front of Hwoarang.

"Hey! Toro! Toro!" taunted Miguel.

Hwoarang got tremendously angry and ran at Miguel snorting like a bull right before Hwoarang collided into him however, Miguel sidestepped the angry Korean pirate and the Spanish ninja threw the cape over Hwoarang's head and tripped him as well. As Hwoarang threw the cape off of his head, Ganryu leapt up and sat on Hwoarang again.

"Ninja gas bomb!" shouted Ganryu as he let loose a noxious fart on Hwoarang causing the redhead to pass out.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest!" shouted Paul as he attempted to sweep Lei. Lei dodged Paul's leg and then blocked an elbow to the face and countered with a double open palm strike to the chest sending Paul staggering back.

"You're all talk," taunted Lei in a calm manner.

"Man the cannons, fire the poop deck!" yelled Paul as he tossed his pirate sword at Lei, Lei pulled out his ninja sword and swatted Paul's sword away just before the blade hit him. Lei then pulled out the dragon talisman and let loose a fire blast from the talisman, igniting Paul.

"ARGH! The captain always goes down with the ship!" shouted Paul as he dove into the sea to extinguish the flames that enveloped him.

"I'm tranquil as a forest with a strong fire roaring within," commented Lei as he sheathed his ninja sword.

"You incompetent ninnies can get your acts together, Cervantes, destroy them!" roared Ogre.

"It'll be a pleasure," snickered Cervantes as he eyeballed the entire Lei Team.

Cervantes dashed towards the Lei Team spiraling at all of them like a drill. They all dove out of the way to avoid getting stabbed my Cervantes swords. Raven threw a shuriken at Cervantes, it hit the pirate demon in the forehead, but he merely plucked the star out and tossed it aside.

"ARGH, you think something like that will be enough to stop me," grunted Cervantes as he attacked the members of the Lei Team again swiping at them furiously with his twin swords.

"Ai ya, what we do, we need to immobilize him so I can hit him with chi spell!" cried out Wang.

"Let's play fry the pirate," suggested Lei as he fired the dragon talisman's fire energy at Cervantes causing him to leap back right into Miguel who draped a red cape over Cervantes head.

"Hey! Toro! Over here!" called out Miguel to a nearby bull that was roaming the streets.

The bull charged towards Cervantes and rammed the pirate into the water of a nearby boat dock. As Cervantes staggered about trying frantically to get the soggy wet red cloth off of his head, Wang pulled out his magic blowfish and him along with Ganryu began chanting the chi spell.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison. As they continued chanting the chi spell, the blowfish's glow increased in intensity and fired off a magical green beam aimed directly at Cervantes. Right as the pirate got the red cloth off of him, the beam from Wang's blowfish hit Cervantes, sending him flying back to the portal.

"ARGH, I've been sent to Davy Jones locker!" cried out Cervantes as he flew through the portal which promptly sealed itself up and the Pan Ku Box fell to the ground again where a nearby Jack waited to retrieve the box.

"Damn you again, I'll make sure the last demon takes care of you, next time we see you, you will be going home in body bags!" growled Ogre as the Dark Hand dispersed.

"Abandon ship!" yelled Paul as the Dark Hand vanished out of sight.

"Yeah all right, ninjas won, proving that a ninja will always kick a pirates ass!" commented Raven.

"Well then, since we're in Spain, we should watch an actual authentic bull fight," suggested Lei.

"Ok, and I can get you free tickets to watch me do what I do best, fight bulls," stated Miguel.

"Well thanks, we'd be glad to go!" said Asuka.

"And then after that, let's go dancing, I'm going to teach you all how to tango like a true Latin lover!" remarked Miguel.

"Sounds exciting, then c'mon everybody vamanos!" exclaimed Lei.

And so without further delay, the Lei Team left to watch one of Miguel's bullfights and then afterwards, they all tangoed the night away.

"Yo amo España!" exclaimed the Lei Team and Miguel in unison.

Ask Lei segment.

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Pirates or ninjas?" asked the kid.

"I think it's obvious from this chapter that I prefer ninjas, they're just so much cooler, with all those awesome weapons and I like that silent assasin archetype they follow. Besides I'd rather wear black pajamas than those ugly rags that pirates wear," answered Lei.

"Yeah, ninjas rock!" exclaimed the kid.

"Go ninja go ninja go!" exclaimed Lei.

Author's Note: Well another chapter in the books. Soorry for the long time between updates, I've been swamped with work as of late and I'm going back to school soon to study criminal justice cuz I want to be a cop. I hope you Soul Calibur fans liked seeing Cervantes and that fans of Tekken enjoyed seein the Tekken 6 newbie Miguel make his appearance here. Anyways, I'm off to work on my next chapter, so until then, please read and review.


	24. Mind Your Mummy

**Chapter 24: Mind Your Mummy**

In the blazing hot deserts of Cairo, Egypt, the Lei Team trekked dilligently through the endless ocean of sand looking for the eighth and final demon portal. The sun beat down on them relentlessly causing all of them to sweat profusely.

"Damn it, I like the hot weather, but this is overdoing it!" grumbled Xiaoyu.

"I know, sealing these demon portals has been hell, and now the final one is in a place that's as hot as hell," added Ganryu.

"I'm glad it will all be over after this provided we don't die from heat stroke," remarked Lei as he took off his shirt and wrapped it around his waist.

"You guys are lucky, at least you can take your shirts off," puted Asuka.

"No one's stopping you if you want to join us," chimed in Wang.

"I'm not letting you see the goods you old hentai!" snapped Asuka.

"I wonder why we brought the sheep and tiger with us this time around?" inquired Raven.

"Don't know, but leaving my body right now sounds good that way I don't have to feel this heat anymore," answered King.

"Hey, they might come in handy later, anyways, let's take a break and hydrate," suggested Lei.

Immediately, the Lei all grabbed their canteens and they all took sips from it, enough to keep them hydrated, but not too much to where they'd drain their water supply. In the meantime, the Dark Hand was also trekking through the same desert, the Pan Ku Box glowing faintly acting as their beacon.

"Oh bloody hell, why did this last portal have to be in this oven," complained Steve.

"Quiet, this weather aint so bad," growled Ogre.

"Easy for you to say, this is my body, not yours!" retorted Steve.

"Tea kettle blows top!" shouted Paul.

"It's too hot for tea, unless it's iced tea," commented Dragunov.

"Boiling liquid scalds skin!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"Hey, the Pan Ku Box is glowing like crazy right now!" exclaimed Hwoarang as the green glow of the Pan Ku Box intensified greatly.

"That's lovely, the sooner we release the deon, the sooner we can get out of this icky heat," said Lee.

The Pan Ku Box began to levitate and whizzed off into the horizon, the Dark Hand began to follow the direction of the mythical artifact. At that moment, the Lei Team was still continuing their arduous trek when they saw the Pan Ku Box zoom by, they all gasped.

"Holy shit, don't tell me the Dark Hand found the portal already!" exclaimed Ganryu.

"Ai ya, we must get moving, no be comatose like mummy, get a move on!" cried out Wang.

"Wang, mummies aren't comatose, they're dead and have been embalmed," stated King.

"I know that, but right now not time for history lesson, now time to chase Pan Ku Box," replied Wang.

"Agreed on that, follow that glowing green box!" ordered Lei.

The Lei Team then followed suit after the box as well, as they charged on full speed ahead, they wound up colliding with the Dark Hand who was coming from the other direction and they all tumbled into the sand upon collision.

"You guys are always a stubborn road block," grumbled Asuka.

"What road, there is no road here, just a bunch of sand," retorted Hwoarang.

"We know that you idiot, we're just tired of you getting in our way," snapped Lei.

"Damn it, I got sand in my butt," groaned Raven.

"Me too, and it itches like hell," replied Xiaoyu.

"Well I guess that's one thing we have in common, we all hate having sand in our arses," stated Steve.

"Shut up already, the portal awaits!" growled Ogre.

As the Lei Team and Dark Hand all whirled around, the Pan Ku Box made it's clicking sound and the green swirling portal opened. Emerging from the portal was a human like figure, tall and muscular in stature. The being had brown skin, white hair, and piercing blue eyes, the only clothing on his body was a white speedo like garment to cover his groin region.

"Urien, great to see you back in this world again," commented Ogre.

"Indeed, who can I make suffer to their heart's content today," roared Urien.

"These seven miserable maggots that keep pestering us each time we tried to free the others," answered Ogre.

"Ah, I shall spill their vital fluids onto the sand and do so with glee!" cackled Urien.

Urien charged at the Lei Team, who dove out of the way just milliseconds before Urien could connect with his Chariot Tackle.

"Damn it, now I got sand in my boots," grumbled King.

"Sand in the shoes and sand in the butt crack, a very crappy combination," remarked Lei.

"That will be the least of your worries by the time I'm finished with you," taunted Urien as he fired forth an electrically charged orb at the Lei Team, the orb nailed Xiaoyu shocking her and as she recovered from the attack, she looked at her hair and screamed.

"I look like the bride of Frankenstein, I'm gonna kill you for ruining my hair!" screamed Xiaoyu.

"Get ready to die!" growled Urien as he ran at the Lei Team, Lei picked some sand up off the the ground and tossed it in Urien's eyes blinding the malevolent demon who stumbled about and crashed into the Dark Hand.

"Argh, I can't see a damn thing," cried out Urien.

"Windshield wipers scrape off splattered bug!" shouted Paul as he wiped the sand out of Urien's ears. However, as the Dark Hand was in disarray, the Lei Team hightailed towards the pyramids.

"After those impudent thorns in our sides, don't let them get away!" roared Ogre angrily.

The Dark Hand quickly scrambled to their feet and chased after the Lei Team, who was frantically sprinting to a nearby pyramid.

"Crap, we're screwed," groaned Asuka.

"Ai ya, I just wet myself!" cried out Wang.

"We coulds use a miracle right about now," stated Lei as he smacked a brick on the pyramid he was standing next to. Just then, a loud rumbling sound could be heard as a secret passage opened.

"Quickly, everybody in, last one in close the door behind you!" ordered Lei.

Without a moment's hesitance, the Lei Team all entered the pyramid's secret passage, Raven, who was the last one in promptly sealed the entranceway just as before the Dark Hand arrived at the pyramid. The Dark Hand yelled numerous obscenities out of frustration of not catching the Lei Team.

"Whew, that was a close call," gasped Raven as he took a deep sigh of relief.

"Whoa, look at all the loot in here, these pharoahs were loaded!" exclaimedKing.

"I wonder why they buried all their treasure with them, they can't take it to Heaven with them," mused Lei.

"They're stingy, that's my answer," stated Asuka.

"I have an idea, let's go inside the pharoah's body with the sheep talisman, maybe we can find out some things there," suggested Ganryu.

"Hey, that's actually a good idea," said Lei.

"I wanna do it! I wanna do it!" exclaimed Xiaoyu jumping up and down.

"Fine you can do it you hyperactive brat," grumbled Wang as he handed the sheep talisman to Xiaoyu who promptly zapped herself with it and her soul flew through the pharoah's sarcophagus and into his corpse. Upon entering she saw a flashback of the great pharoah fighting Urien, and losing terribly.

"Wow, he fought Urien back in the day, man we gotta let his soul rest by sealing him back up," thought Xiaoyu to herself as she witnessed Urien deliver the killing blow to the pharoah.

Soon, Xioayu exited the pharoah's corpse and returned to her body and as she got up, the sarcophagus started to rumble.

"What on earth is happening?" inquired Rven.

"I think the pharoah is waking up, great, I don't feel like having to fight a mummy," grumbled Lei.

At that moment, the song "Walk Like an Egyptian" by The Bangles played as the sarcophagus opened and out popped the mummified pharoah, he had on a gold and blue striped head dress with a blue loincloth like garment arounds his groin region along with glod sandals. His body except for his face was completely wrapped in bandages and his glowing red eyes gazed around the room as he awoke from a long slumber.

"Who dares interrrupt the sleep of the great Anakaris?" boomed the mummy.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to wake you, you can go back to sleep if you'd like," answered Asuka.

"No can do, I sense a strange presence, like something is not right," replied Anakaris.

"Could it be the fact that Urien is roaming free in this world again," mused Lei.

"What's that, Urien has been released from his prison, ARGH! I will not allow him to hurt or kill anyone else like he did with me! Take me with you!" bellowed Anakaris.

"Ok, it will be nice to have someone older than me with us," commented Wang.

"Good, now let us get down to putting Urien back where he belongs, locked up in his portal!" suggested Anakaris.

"Hey, I'm the leader here, and I say what we do, and I say we do what you said!" ordered Lei.

"Yes, let's beat them so bad they'll wish they were the ones that were mummified!" boasted Anakaris as he burst through the pyramid walls and ran off into the desert, the Lei Team quickly following suit. In the meantime, the Dark Hand was busy trying to raid other pyramids of their treasure.

"We're gonna be rich! Rich! Rich!" exclaimed Lee.

"Hell yeah, we'll be able to buy whatever we want all the loot we'll get from here," added Hwoarang.

"I don't care about all that, I just wanna kill people and see them suffer to their heart's content, or should I say my heart's content," growled Urien.

"Hey, we can pay people to do the killing for us, that way we don't have to stain our hands with blood," suggested Steve.

"I like my hands stained in blood thank you very much," retorted Urien.

"Earthquake makes pyramid crumble in sand!" shouted Paul.

"Hey Urien, I hope you like having your hands staiined with YOUR blood!" called out Lei from afar as the Lei Team, along with Anakaris appeared over the horizon and came face to face with the Dark Hand.

"Ha, I'd like to see you try, your inferior cells will taint this ground in a matter of seconds," taunted Urien.

"Sales on the ground, what are we selling?" asked Dragunov.

"Llama spits in eye!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head again.

"You will go back to where you rightfully belong, so says the great Anakaris!" exclaimed Anakaris.

"Yeah right, if you wanna die a second time, I'll gladly be the one to do it!" retorted Urien.

"Yes, you will be an excellent meal for the scarabs," hissed Ogre.

"We'll make sure you're the ones the scarabs feast on," remarked Anakaris as he pointed at the Dark Hand.

The song "Egypt Egypt" by Egyptian Lover began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand began to battle out by the pyramids. Urien wasted no time in running at the Lei Team with blinding speed, Anakaris charged at the thong clad demon while the rest of the Lei Team dealt with the rest of the Dark Hand as a legion of Jacks appeared from beneath the sand and flew into action without pause.

"Tremble before my might!" roared Urien as he leapt up into the air and nailed Anakaris with a double knee drop. Anakaris quickly got back up and grabbed the demon and wrapped him in bandages before slamming Urien to the ground.

"I've got a camel's hump!" cried out Lee as he charged at King and leapt at him with a a punch, King dodged the punch and Lee's fast flurry of kicks, King then grabbed Lee's leg and swept the white haired man and then stomped on Lee's chest making him cry out in pain.

"I'm gonna kick your ass good for real, not just a mirage like you would see from being out in this heat for so long," called out Hwoarang.

"Hey Hwoarang, isn't that a nice oasis over there, with a bunch of bikini babes?" inquired Ganryu as he pointed off to a spot not too far from the pyramid. Hwoarang whirled around and although there was nothing there, he indeed did see the mirage and ran over to where the mirage was. As Hwoarang merrily dove into the fake oasis, he wound up getting a face full of of sand and wound up spitting out sand and gagging repeatedly. Raven then ran over to Hwoarang and kicked him into Ganryu who then chopped Hwoarang on the back of the neck knocking the redhead out cold.

"That's it, no more games, I'm gonna kill you all now!" growled Urien as he looked over from fighting Anakaris, however, a bright light shone down on the landscape and from out of nowhere appeared a half red, half blue being with flowing golden hair dressed in a white speedo and he had a build similar to Urien's.

"You shall do nothing of the sort brother!" bellowed the being.

"Damn you Gill, you just had to come and try to ruin my fun," grumbled Urien.

"The mark of my dignity shall scar thy DNA!" boasted Gill as he darted at Urien with blinding speed and clotheslined him to the floor.

"Dirka! Dirka! Dirka!" shouted Dragunov as he ran at Xiaoyu and Asuka on a camel.

"That's cruelty to animals right there," grumbled Asuka as she dodged Dragunov's charge on his camel.

"Whee, good horsey, stampede over these losers!" called out Dragunov.

"That's a camel you dumbass, not a horse!" exclaimed Xiaoyu as she leapt up and kicked Dragunov off of his perch, the camel was easily spooked and sped off into the distance as Dragunov landed ass first into the sand.

"Damn it, now I got sand in my butt again," wailed Dragunov.

Asuka then delivered a powerful roundhouse to Dragunov knocking him out cold. Meanwhile, Anakaris and Gill were busy fighting with Urien, being resourceful, Lei pulled out the tiger talisman.

"Hey Urien, catch!" yelled Lei as he chucked the tiger talisman at the demon, when Urien grabbed the artifact, the talisman split into two halves and a glow of white light surrounded Urien and his yin and yang split into two seperate beings. His dark half was black skinned and wore a white speedo and his light half was white skinned with a black speedo.

"Hi everybody, nice to meet you all!" said Urien Light.

"Oh shut the fuck up, they're all gonna die the most brutal deaths possible!" growled Urien Dark.

"No, you can't hurt them, they haven't done nothing wrong," cried out Urien Light.

"We're demons you fucking moron, we're supposed to kill them!" retorted Urien Dark.

"I must stop you then," said Urien Light as he tackled Urien Dark to the ground and the two halves of the demon started to scuffle.

"Paul, retrieve the tiger talisman and fuse Urien back together, we need him to fight the Lei Team, not himself!" hissed Ogre from within Steve's body.

"Dog fetches frisbee!" shouted Paul as he ran towards where the two halves of Urien were duking it out.

"You shall not interfere!" boomed Anakaris as he dropped a sarcophagus on Paul, however the blonde warrior got back up and charged again.

"Sandstorm blinds wandering traveller!" yelled Paul as he attacked Anakaris, however Lei leapt into action and nailed Paul with a quick kung fu combo knocking him backwards, at that moment Gill unleashed some of his power on Paul as well.

"Welcome to your death!" boomed Gill as he rained down fire and ice orbs on Paul, the sheer amount of fire and ice energy bombarding Paul knocked him out cold.

"Good job Gill, now all that's left is to seal up your brother," stated Lei.

"Yes, you go retrieve the tiger talisman, Wang get the chi spell ready!" ordered Gill.

"You got it, I get blowfish out, Ganryu, help me with chant!" ordered Wang.

Lei quickly darted over and grabbed the two halves of the tiger talisman out of the sand near where the two halves of Urien were still fighting each other, Lei then fused the two halves of the tiger talisman together and as he did, a white light surrounded Urien Dark and Urien Light. At the moment they began to fuse back into one, Wang and Ganryu began their chi spell.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and ganryu in unison repeatedly.

Right as Urien was whole again, the beam from Wang's magic blowfish shot forward and hit Urien square in the chest.

"Damn you all to hell!" cried out Urien as he flew back through his portal. Right after he flew through, the portal closed up and sealed itself shut. The Pan Ku Box made it's clicking sound and fel to the ground lifelessly as one of the Jack's picked it up.

"I'm still not through with you yet!" roared Ogre.

"What do you mean, all the demon portals have been sealed up, you lost!" retorted Lei.

"I still have a trump card to play, now I'm gonna spoil it now, but you better stay on your toes, for you never know when we'll spring our trump card on you!" growled Ogre.

"Magic carpet flies off in distance!" shouted Paul as the Dark Hand retreated for the day.

"Well, it looks like you can go back to sleep now Anakaris," remarked King.

"I don't wanna go back to sleep just yet," replied Anakaris.

"You need some NyQuil or something, cuz that stuff is the tequila of cough medicine and it'll knock you out quick!" commented Raven.

"No, it's just that I haven't really had a chance to stretch these old bones, I'd like to party a little bit before going back to my tomb," responded Anakaris.

"They why don't we go party at that oasis over there?" suggested Asuka.

"You sure it's not a mirage?" inquired Ganryu.

"It's not, I know that for a fact. But let me tell you something, do not just blow off Ogre's words as if he's full of hot air. He's no laughing matter and you should be prepared should he play his trump card," warned Gill.

"Of course we will, but hey, you wanna chill with us at the oasis?" invited Lei.

"You better believe I do," answered Gill.

And so the Lei Team spent the remainder of their day in Egypt relaxing in an oasis resort being served nice cold drinks by bikini clad babes while listening to soothing Egyptian music.

"It's good to be a pharoah," commented Lei.

"Damn right it is," affirmed Anakaris.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up a little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you like playing in the sand?" asked the kid.

"When I was your age, I loved making sandcastles on the beach. I still love the beach, and I do like burying my friends in the sand, but I hate getting sand in my butt, but I don't think anyone likes that, and if they do, there's something wrong with them," answered Lei.

"I agree with that," said the kid.

"Good, now let's go make some sandwiches," suggested Lei.

Author's Note: Well I'm back in school now, majoring in criminal justice so I can be a cop. So that along with work is the reason why it took me a while to update. Anyways, I hope you Street Fighter fans enjoyed seeing Urien and Gill in action and that you Darkstalkers fans liked seeing Anakaris. Anyways, I'll try to get the next chapter out a lot sooner. What is Ogre's trump card? You'll have to wait until next chapter to find out. Until then however, please read and review.


	25. Land Of The Demons Part 1

**Chapter 25: Land Of The Demons Part 1**

At the Dark Hand headquarters in San Francisco, Ogre was having a tirade, consistently berating the Dark Hand for allowing the demon portals to be re-sealed.

"I can't believe you losers, eight times out of eight, you failed to keep demon outside of the portal between worlds, I don't know why I put up with you!" growled Ogre.

"Because you don't have a body, Lei destroyed it," answered Steve.

"I know that, that was also your fault, you couldn't stop him in time, or beat his team for that matter," hissed Ogre.

"Well they are formidable fighters, so of course we're gonna have a hard time with them," replied Hwoarang.

"Chess king is caught in check!" shouted Paul

"Either way, you still suck, it's time for me to pull out my trump card to make sure that this world will be mine!" roared Ogre.

"And what exactly is your trump card?" asked Steve.

"I shall rewrite the Book of Ages to where me and my demon bretheren are the rulers of the world! I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner, but that is what I will do!" growled Ogre.

"So where is this Book of Ages that you speak of?" inquired Lee.

"Back in Australia, now we must get there quickly without alerting the Lei Team so that way they don't interfere with us!" ordered Ogre.

"Yeah, I love creative writing, it was my favorite subject in high school!" squealed Dragunov.

"Snow day cancels school!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov's face as the Dark Hand prepared to return to Australia to rewrite the Book of Ages. In the meantime, back at Wang's antique shop, the Lei Team was relaxing, tired from their whirlwind travels around the world.

"Phew, now I loved seeing the world and all, but after all that demon chasing, it actually feels good to be back in the antique shop," commented Lei.

"Despite the fact that it still smells like vitamins and pee, I'd have to agree with you," chimed in Xiaoyu.

"Hey, no make fun of my vitamins, you want dead Wang?" cried out Wang.

"We never said that, we know you need your vitamins, but we don't have to like the smell!" replied Asuka.

"Despite all that, it's still great to finally get a siesta in," commented King.

"Damn right, sleep is one of my favorite things to do, besides eat," stated Ganryu.

At that moment, Raven's cell phone rang, Raven quickly answered it and upon hearing what the person on the other line said, his eyes bugged out causing the other memebers of the Lei Team to look at him with concern.

"What's going on Raven, did something happen at Section 13?" inquired Lei.

"The Dark Hand is up to some serious shit right now, we need to stop them fast!" answered Raven.

"What could they possibly do now, we sealed all the demons up?" questioned Xiaoyu.

"They're headed off to Australia, they're trying to find something called the Book of Ages so they can rewrite it," informed Raven.

"Ai ya, not the Book of Ages, we must not let that get into Ogre's hands!" screamed Wang.

"What's the Book of Ages?" asked Ganryu.

"The Book of Ages is a mystical book that has every single event that has ever happened in the history of this world enscribed in it. If someone were to alter what was written in the book, then history itself would be altered and would cause catastrophe for the future. Ogre is most likely going to use that book for diabolical purposes!" lectured Wang.

"Whoa, we can't let them do something like that, that will just spell chaos for the world if they should reach the Book of Ages, quickly, we must get to Australia to keep that book out of Ogre's hands!" ordered Lei.

At that moment, a Section 13 chopper lowered down in front of the antique shop, the Lei Team all dashed into the chopper and right as they all got in, the chopper immediately flew off for the land down under as they went off to intercept the Dark Hand and their sinister plot. A few hours later, the Lei Team landed down on the site of an old dilipidated shrine. Upon exiting the chopper, they saw the Dark Hand running towards the entrance of the shrine.

"This is where Book of Ages lies, we must not let the Dark Hand lay it's dirty hands on it!" cried out Wang.

"Hey you Dark Hand dick suckers, what do you think you're about to do?" called out Lei.

"It's simple, rewriting history to where none of these debacles that happened with you losers will have ever happened!" growled Ogre.

"Virus deletes computer programs!" shouted Paul.

"Fat chance we'll let that happen, we'll take care of you once and for all here!" responded Raven.

"I agree, let's finish this!" responded Hwoarang.

Withouth a moment's hesitance, the Lei Team and Dark Hand dove at each other and began brawling once again in the shrine where the Book of Ages was being kept.

"You will not interrupt my bedtime story!" exclaimed Dragunov as he tackled King to the ground, but King reversed Dragunov's hold on him and stomped hard on the Russian's back.

"Sorry, but this is your bedtime story!" replied King.

Lee then rushed at Xiaoyu, but then Ganryu blocked Lee's attacks and pushed the white haired man back with his belly, Xiaoyu then leapt off of Ganryu's shoulders and flipped Lee onto his back. Hwoarang then rushed over to help his buddy by delivering a split kick to Xiaoyu and Ganryu, but then Asuka ran in and swept Hwoarang off of his feet and then stomped hard on his groin, cuasing Hwoarang to scream out loudly in pain.

"Reading in dark cases blindness!" yelled Paul as he charged at Lei and Raven, Raven dove to avoid Paul's attack as Lei countered with a headbutt to Paul's stomach and then knocked the blonde oaf away with a roundhouse.

"And I think you're blind to the fact that you're jut fighting another losing battle here," commented Lei.

"That's right, the Book of Ages will not fall into your hands!" cried out Wang.

"He may be right, bu I can use your hands to do my handwriting!" growled Ogre as he expelled his soul from Steve's body and made a beeline for Lei's body.

"Whoa, he's out of me, he actually left my body! Whoo, no more Ogre inside of me!" exclaimed Steve as he jumped for joy.

"Your body is mine!" hissed Ogre as his soul shot straight into Lei's body, Lei groaned in pain and then let out a loud growl as he staggered about a bit disoriented.

"Hey, what are you doing, get out of my body!" shouted Lei.

"No way, you shall rewrite the Book of Ages for me!" hissed Ogre as he forced Lei's body to make a run inside the shrine.

"Hey, Ogre's got a hold of Lei, we need to go help him, hurry, let's follow suit!" ordered Asuka to the rest of the Lei Team.

The Lei Team soon dripped what they were doing as they ran into the shrine after the Ogre-possessed Lei in an attempt to keep Ogre from using Lei to assist him in rewriting the Book of Ages.

"Don't worry Lei, we'll get Ogre out of your body!" called out Xiaoyu as the Lei Team ran through the shrine looking for their leader. Ultimately, they came across a golden colored room with glowing multi-colored lights blinking all around the room. On a pedestal at the center of the room was Lei looking at an old looking book sitting on the pedestal.

"Ai ya, it's the Book of Ages! We must protect it!" cried out Wang.

"Damn it Ogre, I'm not doing your dirty deeds, now get the hell out of me!" roared Lei.

"You will obey me, no matter how hard u may fight!" retorted Ogre as he forced Lei to grab a nearby pen and open the book.

"Stop Lei!" cried out the Lei Team as they all started to dash towards Lei, but a group of Jacks appeared from out of nowhere and grabbed the Lei Team detaining them. Xiaoyu, however, managed to wriggle free from the grasp of the Jacks and made a dash towards Lei before Ogre could force him to write anything in the book. Xiaoyu dove towards the Book of Ages and grabbed one end of it, Ogre quickly used Lei to grab the other end of the book as the two yanked back and forth for control of the tome.

"Do not stand in my way vermin!" hissed Ogre through Lei's body as he kicked Xiaoyu away, causing her to rip out one of the pages of the book as Ogre went straight to work in rewriting the Book of Ages.

"AI YAAAAAAAAAA!" hollered Wang as Ogre had successfully rewritten the Book of Ages. At that moment, a golden flash of light emitted from the book and everything all of a sudden went black for everyone.

"Oh, my head, what the hell just happened?" inquired Xiaoyu as she awoke in a haze. Upon looking around, she saw some bizarre stuff going on. The sky was a dark red color as odd sounding howls filled the air, the water also looked like dried up blood, and for some reason, she had been transported to the Forbidden City in China.

"What the hell am I doing in the Forbidden City? And what's happening here?" asked Xiaoyu to herself until she whirled around and laid eyes on a golden statue of Ogre sitting in the middle of the courtyard.

"Oh no! Ogre succeeded in rewriting the Book of Ages! But why am I not affected by the changes?" mused Xiaoyu until she looked at the torn page in her hands that had written on it "Ling Xiaoyu was a valuable asset to the Lei Team and brought a lot of energy to the Lei Team helping them defeat the Dark Hand numerous times."

"No wonder, I ripped out the page about me, so Ogre couldn't alter that one!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"Hey, what are you doing out here, Ogre and his bretheren are gonna be angry if they see you slacking off out here!" called out King's voice from behind Xiaoyu. The pigtailed girl whirled about to see King and Raven both in ragged white robes carrying cleaning tools with them.

"King, Raven, glad to see you guys are alive and well!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"Quiet, you want demons breathing down your throat, don't do anything to anger them," whispered Raven in a warning tone.

"Come with us, before you get into any trouble," ordered King.

Xiaoyu followed the two into the nearby doorway where they started to walk down a hallway lit with a bevy of torches. At the end of the hallway sat a throne room, where they saw Ogre and all his demon friends sitting on thrones high atop a series of pillars overlooking the three humans.

"What do you pitiful maggots want!" bellowed Ogre.

"We've finished cleaning your palace, almighty Ogre," responded Raven.

"Good, now get into your quarters before I decide to make you our dinner!" ordered Ogre loudly.

"Speaking of dinner, I'm hungry, where is our food?" asked Goro.

"Hey cooks! You better not be screwing around in that kitchen, hurry up before we cook YOU!" shouted Bowser.

"Yes sir, it's almost ready!" cried out Lei's voice from another room.

"We just adding the seasoning you all like!" added Ganryu's voice.

"Good, but to help pass the time, slave girl, entertain us!" ordered Duke.

At that moment, Asuka walked out dressed in a gold bikini and began to reluctantly dance for the demons gyrating her voluptuous body to mesmerize the sinister demons and make them forget about their hunger. Xiaoyu, Raven, and King all hid out and watched what was going on, making sure not to make any sound so that they wouldn't give away the fact that they were watching what was going on. After a few minutes, Lei, Ganryu, and Wang all ran into the room dressed in chef's outfits with trays full of tasty food in front of them.

"Your dinners are ready masters!" stated Wang.

"We hope you enjoy them," added Lei.

"Just gimme my meal damn it!" barked Urien.

"Yeah, skip the spiel, gimme the meal!" added Gargos.

Ogre used telekinesis to levitate the plates of food and distribute them amongst his demon bretheren and immediately began gorging their meals right in front of everyone else's eyes looking at them with fiendish glee.

"This is just wrong" thought Xiaoyu to herself.

As Ogre and his cronies finished devouring what they had ate, they tossed the dishes down at the chefs.

"Now go clean the dishes, and return to your quarters!" ordered Hyo.

"Slave girl, leave us and go to your quarters immediately!" growled Huitzil.

Lei, Wang, and Ganryu ran back into the kitchen to clean the dishes as Asuka left the sight of the demons as well.

"ARGH! I'm in the mood for something funny, bring out the court jesters!" ordered Cervantes.

At that moment, a pair of Jacks escorted Ogre's five jesters into the room, it was all the members of the Dark Hand, Steve, Lee, Hwoarang, Dragunov, and Paul all dressed up in clown outfits. Xiaoyu had to work hard to stifle her laughter, King and Raven then decided to drag her off to the quarters where the human slaves stayed. Xiaoyu goraned in disguest as she gazed at the dirty surroundings.

"I can't believe you guys can live in such filthy surroundings," commented Xiaoyu.

"We all have to, we're the bottom of the food chain in this world, aside from the lesser animals, with all these demons running around, they run everything," commented King.

Within minutes, Lei, Ganryu, Wang, and Asuka all entered the living quarters. Ganryu let out a loud sigh upon shutting the door.

"Just once I wish I could eat my own cooking," grumbled Ganryu.

"And I'm tired of dancing for these sleazy demons," added Asuka.

"I wish we could get rid of these demons, then life wouldn't be so hellish," remarked Lei.

"That would be nice, but we have no fighting skills to speak of, how could we combat them," piped up King.

"The Book of Ages, we must undo the changes that Ogre made to that book to get everything back to normal," chimed in Xiaoyu.

"Isn't that just a myth?" inquired Wang.

"No it's real, that's how Ogre got control of this world, he rewrote the book to where him and the demons succeeded in taking over the world," answered Xiaoyu.

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head or something, besides, how would we get to the Book of Ages even if it did exist?" asked Lei.

"It does exist, and I shall assist in setting things right," boomed a voice from out of nowhere.

A bright flash of white light emitted in the living quarters for the humans and a figure with brown hair and white robes materialized in the room. Angel like wings sprouted from his back and his hand he carried a gold and blue bow ready to strike with it when necessary.

"What the hell is going on here!" exclaimed Asuka.

"I am a messanger from the gods, I am Pit, I have been sent to assist you in getting to the Book of Ages and erasing Ogre's rewriting of it," answered the angel.

"You mean the Book of Ages really does exist, and Ogre rewrote it which is why we live in such a crappy environment?" asked Ganryu.

"Yes, all of you fought Ogre and succeeded in defeating him, you Lei, were the leader of this fearless team that kept the world safe from Ogre and his demon bretheren," answered Pit.

"Wow, that's quite a shock, I'm surprised I actually defeated Ogre in a fight!" gasped Lei.

"That's right, however, Ogre changed that to where it didn't happen, Xiaoyu was not affected by the rewrite because she ripped out the page that contained that information about her," stated Pit.

"So how do you plan on getting us to where the Book of Ages is?" inquired King.

"We'll have to hijack a boat, we need a diversion though," answered Pit.

At that moment, the court jesters walked into the living quarters, the Lei Team looked at them and smiled.

"Hey, can you guys go and distract Ogre and all his buddies?" asked Raven.

"What are you all up to?" questioned Steve.

"We're gonna change history back to normal, we're going to go find the Book of Ages," answered Lei.

"Hmm, sounds like a tall tale, but if it does change our lifestyle, then we will help you," commented Steve.

"Let's go jesters, we got a distraction to cause," ordered Hwoarang.

"Idiot watches plastic bag in the wind!" shouted Paul as the court jesters exited the living quarters and headed out to distract the demons.

"What are you doing out of your quarters! You know you are not allowed out of them unless we say otherwise!" growled Ogre.

"So what, you don't like it, you can suck our asses!" exclaimed Lee as he and the rest of the Dark Hand turned around and mooned the demons.

"What the, how dare you do such a rude act in front of me, you shall pay with your lives for that!" roared Ogre.

"Hey, someone just stole one of our boats!" caleld out Cervantes as he looked out a window near the demons throne area.

"What! They're trying to change the Book of Ages and strip away everything I worked so hard to get all of us! You shall die for distracting us!" roared Ogre.

However, before Ogre could eradicate his jesters, Pit swooped down and flew the jesters to safety, plopping them in the boat with the Lei Team as they sailed their boat back towards Australia to go to the shrine where the Book of Ages was.

"Quickly, let's get our armada together and stop them from even getting close to their destination!" ordered Urien.

"Yes, we'll make sure the history I made remains the history of the world forever!" roared Ogre.

Meanwhile on the boat, the Lei Team, the Dark Hand, and Pit all looked onward waiting to reach Australian shores so they could right was was currently wrong with the world.

"Soon everything will be back to normal and Ogre and all his demon douchebags will be sealed up again!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"I sure hope so, I don't want to have to deal with these demons anymore," replied Lei.

The boat continued to sail forward as they waited with anticipation to accomplish their task of restoring the world to it's normal state.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Did you like history in high school?" asked the kid.

"Well, it was one of my favorite subjects in high school, it's always fun learning about all the things that happened in the past to help shape our future. And if you don't learn from the past, you're doomed to repeat it," answered Lei.

"I know that for a fact," replied the kid.

"I'm hysterical for history!" exclaimed Lei.

Author's Note: Well yeah, still busy with both work and school, so updates have been slow. Hopefully you Super Smash Bros fans liked seeing Pit here. Next chapter the conclusion to this Book of Ages arc, what will happen as Ogre tries to keep Lei and the others from erasing his rewrites to the Book of Ages, you'll have to wait until next chapter to find out, until then however, please read and review.


	26. Land Of The Demons Part 2

**Chapter 26: Land Of The Demons Part 2**

As the boat with the Lei Team sailed off towards Australia, Xiaoyu kept a look out for Ogre and his demon buddies knowing that they were not going to just sit idle and let their little merry group return the Book of Ages to normal.

"Keep you eyes open everyone, we don't need Ogre sinking our ship," stated Xiaoyu.

"Indeed, history cannot continue to go on in the way Ogre wrote it!" commented Pit.

"Ai ya, I don't Ogre sinking battleship! I hope he miss sinking us!" cried out Wang.

"Well it's a good thing none of us are prone to seasickness, that will make fighting off those demons easier," remarked Lei.

"Hey, speak for yourself," said Raven who leaned over the rail and began throwing up.

"Man up dude, we need to be ready for what may get thrown at us on our quest to right what's wrong," commented Ganryu.

"Nausea incapacitates sailor!" yelled Paul.

"Speaking of something else that could incapacitate us, we got bogeys on our tail!" exclaimed King.

"We don't have tails, we have butts. And one more thing, what's a bogey?" said Dragunov.

"Rocking chair crushes cat's tail!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"Even though Ogre changed history, some things will never change," thought Xiaoyu to herself.

"Oh great, it's the Jacks, Ogre's minions, they've come to make sure we sleep with the fishes," grumbled Asuka.

"Keep rowing towards your destination, I'll keep them at bay!" called out Pit.

"Sure thing fairy boy," said Lee.

"I'm an angle not a fairy damn it!" yelled Pit.

"No time for that, just get those Jacks off our tails!" ordered Lei.

Pit nodded in agreement and flew towards the Jacks fleet of ships firing arrows from his bow. The arrows shot right through the Jacks, causing them ot shut down. Not content to stay stagnant and get picked away, the Jacks all flew towards in an effort to swarm him.

"We can't let Pit take on all those Jacks by himself, we gotta help him," commented Lei.

"How, we're not great fighters," replied Steve.

"Doesn't matter, we have to try, if not, then the world is doomed to be ruled by Ogre forever," stated Xiaoyu.

"She's right, we have to stand up for ourselves, we're not gonna go down without a fight!" exclaimed Asuka.

"I agree, let's take it to them!" shouted Lei.

Without any hesitance, the Lei Team and Dark Hand members charged towards the Jacks confusing them. Pit smiled as he drove an arrow through a Jack's head.

"The fight is on!" exclaimed Pit as he saw Lei and company stand and fight. Xiaoyu leapt up and delivered a scissors kick to the back of a Jack's neck sending the robot crashing into the ocean below. Lei followed suit by delivering a myriad of punches to one of the cyborgs, and then delivering a hard roundhouse kick to the face sending the Jack's head flying off his shoulders.

"Wow, I didn't know I was capable of that," gasped Lei.

"Do we all have hidden martial arts skills?" inquired Ganryu.

"Yes, now is the time to let them out!" called out Pit.

Instantly, the Lei Team and Dark Hand all began battling the Jacks, while seeming to remember the martial arts skills that Ogre had tried to rob from them by rewriting the Book of Ages. One by one, the Jacks all fell into the ocean and shut down as they sank to the bottom of the watery abyss.

"What the, they still know how to fight, how is this possible?" gasped Duke.

"Yeah, I though rewriting the Book of Ages would strip them of their combat abilities!" added Urien.

"ARGH, That's it, we're gonna sink their ship, I seriously doubt they'll be able to survive against any hungry sharks that may be in these waters!" growled Ogre.

"Sharks, I like feeding my goldfish, but I don't want to be fed to a shark!" cried out Lee.

"Fire the cannons!" yelled all the demons to the Jacks who began to prepare the cannons. As they aimed and got ready to fire, a magical beam of energy came out from out of nowhere knocking out all the cannons on the ships. The Lei Team and the Dark Hand all looked around to see where the blast came from. In a flash of lightning, two figures appeared on a nearby bluff overlooking the ocean. One was Gill, Urien's good older brother, the other was a man of a rather toned build with silver hair. He had a Chinese style hat attacked to his back and was wearing all white with a blue sash tied around his waist. His eyes crackled with electricity as he glared at the demons.

"Gill, Raiden, it's good to see you aiding us in our cause!" exclaimed Pit.

"Indeed, the gods have decided that we shouldn't sit idle and let these ne'er-do-wells get away with whatever they feel like!" boomed Raiden.

"History must go back to the way it was meant to be, with these demons sealed away for all eternity," commented Gill.

"Like we will let things go back to that, you must be crazyif you think we'll let that occur!" roared Bowser.

"ARGH, we'll keelhaul you stupid landlubbers!" shouted cervantes.

"Just get going, we'll keep these idiots at bay, history must not be allowed to stay like this!" ordered Raiden and Gill in unison.

"Ok, we'll get on it!" affirmed Xiaoyu as the Lei Team and Dark Hand continued rowing toward Australia where the Book of Ages was lying.

"You shall not pass!" boomed Gill.

"We will stop this deadly alliance of demons!" added raiden.

"I shall assist Lei and the others, I must continue my duty, good luck to you both," commented Pit as he flew off as Raiden and Gill took on Ogre's army. In the meantime, Lei and company continue to row like crazy to accelerate the process of them getting to the Book of Ages.

"Faster everyone, I don't know how long Raiden nand Gill will be able to hold off Ogre's army!" ordered Wang.

"Those two are gods, they should be able to handle themselves quite well," remarked Lei as he rowed dutifully.

"Yeah, we should have nothing to worry about with them being gods," stated Asuka.

"Uh, sure they got the enemies behind us covered, but what about the ones in front of us?" inquired King.

"What enemies in front of...oh shit," gumbled Ganryu as they alll stared at a legion of Jacks hovering in the air all carrying large bazookas ready to blow the heroes away.

"Oh great, now we're gonna be in pieces to make it easier for the fish to swallow," groaned Raven.

"This is where you fall down!" beeped the Jacks as they flew towards the heroes at a high speed. However, before the Jacks could interface with Lei and his band of friends, an arrow with a bomb attached to it blowing the militia to bits. Lei and the others looked up at where the arrow flew from, and on a long stretch of land stood every friend that Lei and the others had met on their adventures. They all waved to Lei's group.

"Although I don't remember these folks, they do seem quite familiar," commented Wang.

"Who cares, they helped us out, hey thanks for the assist!" exclaimed Lei.

"No problem man, now go, rewrite history to where we don't have to live in fear of the demons anymore," called out Link as he fired another arrow more Jacks.

"We'll keep these Jacks at bay, don't worry about us," said Mitsurugi.

"Yeah, just get to what's important," stated Ryu and Ken in unison.

"You got it, just don't die on us," said Xiaoyu.

"Hey, we're tougher than you think, they won't kill any of us," remarked Chun-Li.

Immediately, the Lei Team and Dark Hand restarted the rowing process. After what seemed like forever of rowing and making sure they weren't under attack by Ogre's vast militia, the heroes soon came across a large land mass.

"Land ho!" shouted Paul.

"I'm not a ho, I don't have sex for money," chimed in Dragunov.

"Just shut up already Dragunov, what Paul is saying is ther'es land nearby," replied Ganryu.

Raven pulled out a telescope and surveyed the land, he let out a smirk as he got a good look at the land mass they were coming up on.

"We're coming up on Australia, we're almost at our destination!" cheered Raven.

"It's about time, being seasick sucks ass," grumlbed Steve as he threw up over the railing again.

"Shake it off and help us row, the sooner we get on land, the sooner we can the Book of Ages back to normal!" ordered Lei.

With that, the team all began rowing even faster toward their destination. Within minutes they finally touched down on land. Upon stepping off the boat, they all took a moment to stretch out their muscles before beiginning the search for where the shrine the Book of Ages was being kept at lied.

"Where's this shrine at?" mused Asuka.

"Please great gods, help us illuminate the way to the Book of Ages," prayed Pit as he gazed upward at the sky. Soon, a bright flash of golden light shone down from the sky like a beacon.

"The shrine is to the north, hurry, we must get there fast!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"I commend you for getting this far, but I'm afraid your quest ends here," hissed Ogre in a low tone. Everyone whirled around to see Ogre and his demon bretheren facing Lei's group all with malicious smirks on their faces.

"Ai ya, they're pissed off, this doesn't bode well for us!" cried out Wang

"Ay carumba, what now?" asked King.

"Simple, we aren't going down easy, we make a break for it, as long as one of us can make it to the shrine, we can rewrite the book and everything will be back as it should be and none of this will have ever happened," informed Lei.

"FREEEEEEDOOOOOM!" shouted Paul as all of the group began darting straight for the shrine where the Book of Ages was being kept. As they ran, another one of the demons materialized in front of them snickering maliciously.

"I'm afraid this is one obstacle course you will not pass," growled Gargos.

"C'mon big Stevie, let's hold off this icky gargoyle so the others can save the world," suggested Lee.

"Just go, we'll keep this guy at bay, we'll be ok!" called out Steve.

"Don't die on us!" replied Lei as the others started to run while Lee and Steve fended off Gargos. After running a few more feet, A fire blast exploded in front of them and Duke glared down at the heroes with a smirk.

"You better run or you'll be well done," remarked Duke.

"Oh shut up, I'm gonna kick you eight ways from Sunday, you guys go on without me," informed Hwoarang as he stepped out of the crowd and lunged at Duke with a kick. Lei and the others took a brief look at Hwoarang before resuming their run down the stretch leading to the shrine. A plasma beam shot forth and Lei's group all barely dove out of the way and avoided being singed as Huitzil slowly hovered down, his big round eyes glowing blood red.

"You inferior humans will be eradicated," beeped Huitzil.

"Retard power!" shouted Dargunov as he lunged at Huitzil and tackled him to the ground.

"Good luck Dragunov!" called out Lei and the others as they ran off past Huitzil while he was preoccupied with Dragunov. While they ran, they saw a shadow descend upon them, upon looking up, they all dove out of the way just as Goro touched down on the ground.

"I'll crush you all like little insects!" roared Goro.

"Worker ant lifts fifty times its weight!" yelled Paul as he ran at Goro and delivered a punch straight to the demon's chest.

"Paul, don't get yourself killed!" called out Xiaoyu as the Lei Team continued a run that seemed to go on forever. Not long after passing Huitzil, they saw Bowser leap down from a cliff and stare down the Lei Team.

"If you think you can get past me, you're on drugs," growled Bowser.

"You guys go on, I'll cool this guys fire!" shouted Raven as he quickly flipped towards Bowser and delivered a kick to his face.

"Be strong Raven," said King as the Lei Team resumed their run to the shrine. Once again, they were interrupted as Hyo dove down and slashed at the Lei Team, barely missing all of them. He laughed manically as he eyeballed the heroes with his crazy yet calm eyes.

"It'll be fun to chop you into pieces and feed you to the birds," commented Hyo.

"No way you're making us bird food, I'll make you into sushi with your own sword!" shouted King as he darted towards hyo and tackled the white haired demon to the ground.

"I'll keep Hyo at bay, go amigos, get to the Book of Ages!" called out King. Lei merely nodded and the rest of the team all ran along with Lei, their destination creeping ever closer. Again, another demon would dare to stand in the way, this time, Cervantes came speeding at the Lei Team, who all dove out of the way just before Cervantes attack could connect with either of them.

"ARGH! You bloody landlubbers are gonna be walking the plank very soon," growled Cervantes in usual pirate drawl.

"Oh shut up you pirate pissant!" retorted Asuka as she rat Cervantes and started attacking him, keeping the pirate on the defensive.

"Take of business Lei, don't worry about me," called out Asuka.

"You better not die, there's a lot of things I'd like to do with you!" replied Lei as he ran off with the remainder of his team, they soon came across the shrine's gates, but there they found Urien waiting for them, the lunged forward with a tackle, forcing them all to dodge again.

"You will get ready to die here!" cackled Urien.

"I don't think so, c'mon Wang, we'll show him who is gonna die tonight," stated Ganryu as he charged at Urien with Wang in tow.

"Ai ya, Lei, get inside shrine, we hold off big ugly demon!" cried out Wang as Ganryu carried him into the fray.

"How noble of all of them, but we must not dawdle in our mission, for they'll be fine as long as we can fix the Book of Ages, let's go guys!" ordered Pit.

"I agree, the future lies with you and me now Xiaoyu," stated Lei.

Without any more hesitance, Lei, Xiaoyu, and Pit entered the shrine itself. After only a few minutes of walking, the three came across the pillar where the Book of Ages was lying.

"Quickly, we must rewrite the book to get history back to normal!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"You are extremely stupid if you think I'm gonna sit back and let you destroy what I worked so hard to achieve!" growled Ogre's voice from behind the trio.

"Your empire will fall, just like a row of dominoes you girly beast!" retorted Lei.

Ogre flew towards the trio and charged into them, they all fell to the ground but quickly rolled back to their feet. Pit fired an arrow from his bow at Ogre, who barely dodged it as it sailed past his head. Xiaoyu leapt up into the air and threw out a kick, Ogre blocked the attack and threw Xiaoyu into Pit. Lei then swept Ogre off his feet and while the green beast was suspended in mid air, Lei delivered a roundhouse kick to Ogre, knocking him away.

"Quickly, get me a pen, one of us needs to rewrite the book ASAP!" ordered Lei.

Ogre soon got back up and breathed fire, Pit pulled out his Mirror Shield which deflected Ogre's fire and sent the blast right back at him. Lei pulled out a pen and ran towards the Book of Ages, as Ogre saw this, he charged through Pit and Xiaoyu and tackled Lei to the ground. The two also wound up colliding into the pedestal that held the Book of Ages, knocking the ancient tome to the floor. Lei and Ogre continued to roll around exchanging hits with each other as Pit and Xiaoyu watched on in awe.

"Such a shame, you came all this way for nothing," hissed Ogre.

"So you think, but you'll be proven wrong!" exclaimed Lei.

As the two rolled around Lei wriggled his hand free and threw his pen at Xiaoyu. The Chinese girl caught the pen and ran towards the Book of Ages, Ogre saw this out of the corner of his eye and ran towards Xiaoyu who began to run away from the giant green beast.

"Lei, what now, Xiaoyu has the pen," called out Pit.

"I always carry a spare," replied Lei as he pulled another pen out of his pants pocket and picked the Book of Ages up off the floor. Meanwhile, Ogre finally caught Xiaoyu and started to hold her by the neck, Xiaoyu gasped for air as Ogre choked her maliciously.

"I finally have you, you've been a thorn in my side for too long, you will perish this time!" growled Ogre.

"I'm afraid not ugly butt!" replied Lei as he finished writing in the Book of Ages and closed the book.

"WHAT! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried out Ogre as the space around them began to distort, everything went black shortly afterwards. When they all came to, Lei found the rest of his team, along with the rest of the Dark Hand standing in the shrine, facing Ogre, who was nothing more than just a spirit again.

"So you returned history to normal, so what, I can just possess another one of you and switch everything back to the way it was!" roared Ogre.

Without even saying anything, Wang pulled out his magic blowfish and immediately began his mystic chant. The rest of the Lei Team, and even the Dark Hand joined in on the chant.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted all of them repeatedly. Within a few seconds, a bright beam of green light nailed Ogre's soul and sent him flying out of the shrine into a portal far away from the shrine.

"CURSE YOU ALLLLLLLLL!" cried Ogre as the portal sealed shut on him.

"We did it, victory is ours!" exclaimed Pit.

At that moment, Raiden and Gill appeared before the Lei Team and Dark Hand, both were beaming brightly at the intrepid group.

"Well done you guys, you managed to set history itself straight and make everything right again," commented Gill.

"And Pit, you did a great job in aiding them in their quest, you deserve a promotion when you get back to the heavens with us," added Raiden.

"Thank you, it was an honor to work with this great team," said Pit as he bowed before Raiden and Gill.

"We shall send you guys back home, enjoy your victory, and rest, for you never know if something else may call you back into action," advised Gill.

"Indeed, we'll all live our futures to the fullest as well," commented Lei.

"Make sure you do just that," stated Raiden as his eyes flickered with electricity. A white flash surrounded the Lei Team and Dark Hand, Within seconds, they found themselves back in San Francisco, standing outside Wang's antique shop.

"Wow, it's great to be back home, with no demons running around, just the way it should be," remarked Asuka.

"My sentiments exactly," replied King.

"Hey, Dark Hand fellows, since you helped us out, you wanna come and celebrate our victory over Ogre?" asked Ganryu.

"You had to ask, of course we will," affirmed Steve.

"All right, let's go buck wild!" exclaimed Raven.

"WHAT! YEAH! OKAY!" shouted Paul as they all walked in the door of the shop and saw their other allies in the shop ready to have a good old time as the song "Kokoro Odoru" by nobodyknows+ blared through the store.

"I love the world we live in!" cheered Lei as the team ran into their abode and started to enjoy themselves and party the night away, happy to be free from Ogre's tyranny. Meanwhile, in the sealed up void where the demons were being held, Ogre was being smacked around by his bretheren.

"You fucked us over big time Ogre!" shouted Bowser.

"ARGH, we'll make you pay for letting us get sealed again!" yelled Cervantes.

"I'm sorry you guys," cried out Ogre.

"Hey, let's play some volleyball, Ogre can be the ball!" suggested Urien.

They all nodded as they set up a net and immediately, all of Ogre's buddies started playing volleyball with Ogre as the ball.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says a little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you play your own games?" asked the kid.

"Yeah I do, video games are fun, and I do like playing the Tekken games, especially since I can kick ass at them, I especially like beating Heihachi's crusty old ass at the game, while playing as myself I might add," answered Lei.

"Yeah, that old windbag blows," says the kid.

"He's not good enough!" stated Lei.

Author's Note: Well, again, work and school have been keeping me away from writing, but I'm almost done with school for the summer. That and I've been prepping for my first cosplay convention, Fanime Con on Memorial Day weekend. Anyways, I'm sure Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Super Smash Bros fans liked seeing Gill, Raiden, and Pit respectively. The story is not over yet, there's more adventures awaiting the Lei Team still. I'm off to go plan that out now, until then, please read and review.


	27. Paul and Dragunov's Crazy Misadventure

**Chapter 27: Paul and Dragunov's Crazy Misadventure**

Shortly after the incident with Ogre and the Book of Ages was resolved, Paul and Dragunov were were waiting for a bus to Japantown to buy some things for the Lei Team and the Dark Hand. As they stood at the bus stop, a homeless guy walked over to them with a stack of newspapers in his hand.

"Pardon me good fellas, but would you like to buy a paper, I really need to sell some so I can afford to stay in a shelter tonight," said the homeless guy.

"Hey Paul, let's help this man out, so he doesn't have to sleep on the street," suggested Dragunov.

"Mime does not respond!" shouted Paul.

"C'mon man, we have enough money," remarked Dragunov.

"Teacher glues student to chair!" yelled Paul as he gripped his wallet tightly.

"Don't be so stingy," commented Dragunov as he snatched Paul's wallet and pulled out a dollar and handed it to the homeless guy, who gave Dragunov a paper.

"God bless you both," said the homeless guy as he walked off. Paul looked at Dragunov with an angry expression on his face.

"Boiling kettle overflows!" yelled Paul as he stomped towards Dragunov.

"Now, now, let's not do anything stupid," advised Dragunov.

"Panda chews through bamboo!" shouted Paul as he chased after Dragunov down the streets. As the the two ran down the streets of San Francisco, they knocked down a lot of people and caused many to drop and break things they may have been carrying. After a while of running, Dragunov ducked into a nearby shop as Paul quickly followed suit. Paul began to walk up and down the aisles, relentlessly looking for where Dragunov could be hiding.

"Dragunov, come out and play!" yelled Paul.

"Attention customers, there are naked people at the orange smoothie machine, I repeat, naked people at the orange smoothie machine!" announced Dragunov's voice over a PA system.

Paul looked over his shoulder and saw a myriad of people stampeding towards him since he was standing by the orange smoothie machine.

"Wild beasts stampede over ant hill!" shreiked Paul as a horde of customers trampled over him to get to the orange smoothie machine. The people all grumbled when they saw that what Dragunov said was a lie and ran back to what they were doing, trampling Paul once again in the process. As Paul lay on the ground groaning, Dragunov appeared from his hiding place and sprinted out of th store, Paul caught a glimpse of Dragunov out of the corner of his eye and sprang back up to his feet.

"Hunter pursues prey!" shouted Paul as he ran after Dragunov.

Dragunov ran down the streets, and soon came across a fishing boat, the remedial Russian leapt onto the boat and took cover under some tarps lying on the boat. Shortly after disappearing from sight, Paul came dashing around the corner looking for Dragunov with intensity in his eyes.

"Damn it Dragunov, get your ass out here!" yelled Paul.

"Suck my balls!" called out Dragunov's voice. Paul grew angrier and looked around the area, he stepped onto the fishing boat where Dragunov was hiding and began to look around the region. Unfortunately, Dragunov sneezed, giving away his location.

"Ready or not, here I come!" shouted Paul as he ripped the tarp off of Dragunov, who merely let out a yelp as Paul grabbed him by the shirt.

"Alrighty then mates, let's cast off onto our fishing trip," announced the captain of the boat as he prepared to start up the motor and sail off into the San Francisco Bay.

"Oh shit, we gotta get off the boat, I don't wanna go fishing with a bunch of crusty old sea dogs," cried out Dragunov.

"Pilot jumps from falling plane!" yelled Paul as him and Dragunov leapt off of the boat and into the water, Dragunov started to thrash about maniacally.

"Help I can't swim!" screamed Dragunov as he latched onto Paul to keep from drowning.

"Lead weight sinks in water!" called out Paul as he fought to keep his head afloat due to Dragunov's excess weight dragging him down as well.

"Here guys, grab on to this!" called out someone who extended an item for the two sinking simpletons to grab. As Paul and Dragunov got a good trip, the man hoisted the two out of the water, both shook themselves off as Dragunov looked down his pants, he let out a groan.

"Aw man, I'm suffering from shrinkage," cried Dragunov.

"Man thanks other man for aid!" yelled Paul shaking the man's hand, it was a dark skinned man clothed in white and green colored robes and carrying a long scythe which he had used to pull and Dragunov out of the water.

"Anytime guys, name's Zasalamel, I'm a tourist around here, and looking for a good place to eat," replied the man.

"There's a good seafood joint at the pier if you like that stuff," suggested Dragunov.

"Sounds like a good catch to me, care to join me?" asked Zasalamel.

"We would love to, but we have to get to Japantown to pick up something for someone," answered Dragunov.

"Errand boy runs late for task!" shouted Paul.

"Ah, oh well, maybe another day. Until then though, see you around," called out Zasalamel as he walked off to go get himself some food.

"Well, let's get back to what we originally intended to do eh Paulie!" suggested Dragunov.

"Forward, MARCH!" announced Paul as the two headed for another bus stop. As they headed forward, a pickpocket ran at them and stole Paul's wallet he ran away amidst the confusion.

"Hey, follow that pickpocket!" shouted Dragunov.

"Angry wasp chases instigator!" shouted Paul as he ran after the pickpocket, who saw Paul and Dragunov chasing him down and shrieked loudly. the pickpocket sped up his stride and began knocking things over and pushing people down in an effort to slow Paul and Dragunov's pursuit of him. Unbeknownst to the pickpocket though, a bus was driving by and right as the pickpocket stepped onto the street, the bus hit him and he went flying down the street. As the thief lay on the floor, Paul and Dragunov finally caught up to him, Paul snatched his wallet back from the crook and promptly delivered a kick to the thief's groin. Paul then placed his wallet back in his pocket and him and Dragunov walked off leaving the pickpocket writhing on the floor in pain.

"Hey Paul why don't we go get massages, I'm in pain, it would be relaxing?" suggested Dragunov.

"Man on mission needs no distractions!" yelled Paul.

"Aw c'mon Paul, it's not gonna kill us, besides, we should have money left over to get what we need from J-Town," pleaded Dragunov.

"Miser hordes fortune!" shouted Paul as he started to drag Dragunov by his shirt over to the bus stop. The moment the bus they needed arrived, Paul and Dragunov paid their fare and got onboard. Upon finding a seat they sat quietly listening to the banter of the other passengers on the bus. One homeless guy reached down his pants and began fiddling around in there, Dragunov turned away in disgust and groaned out of disbelief.

"Now I may be retarded, but I have enough common sense not to go and do something like that on public transportation," groaned Dragunov.

"Seasick passenger throws up!" shouted Paul as he turned away from the homeless man fidgeting with himself. At that point, a lot of the other passengers started to raise a fuss about it.

"My God, that's disgusting!"

"There might be kids watching this!"

"How utterly rude of him!"

"Has he no manners?"

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you stop that or I'm gonna have to kick you off the bus!" called out the bus driver to the homeless man.

"Scrw you, it's my body, I'll do what I want with it!" screamed the homeless guy.

"Angry monkey flings droppings!" shouted Paul as he grabbed the homeless man and hoisted him up and chucked him through a window and out of the bus, the other passengers cheered at Paul for ridding them of the self pleasuring homeless man.

"Thank you, thank you, you're too kind," said Dragunov, Paul, take a bow," said Dragunov.

"Board does not bend!" yelled Paul.

"Take a bow damn it!" retorted Dragunov as he hit Paul in the groin making him double over, hence he took a bow.

"Gentlemen bows to another!" remarked Paul as he smacked Dragunov in his groin and both lay on the floor of the bus groaning in pain as they held their groins. The passengers on the bus just looked at them in wonder as to why they would do something like that to each other.

"Are you sure they aint demented?"

"Leave them be, they got rid of that sick bum for us, they can do what they want."

"Next stop, Laguna!" called out the bus driver.

"Hey, we're on Geary and Laguna, this is where we get off," squeaked Dragunov.

"Skydiver pulls parachute cord!" squeaked Paul as he struggled to get up and pull the cord to request a stop. The bus driver stopped at the bus stop on the corner of Geary and Laguna and opened the door for Paul and Dragunov to get off the bus.

"Have a good day you two," said the bus driver.

"Well we finally made it to Japantown, it's about time after all that crap we went through," said Dragunov with relief in his voice.

"X marks the spot!" shouted Paul as he jumped for joy at finally reaching Japantown.

"Hey Paulie, I gotta go number two, how about you?" inquired Dragunov.

"Dump truck needs to release load!" answered Paul while nodding in agreement.

Without anymore hesitation, the two ran inside the shopping center nearby and searched for the nearest men's room. Upon finding it, they were disgruntled to find that there was only one stall in the restroom.

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me, how are we both gonna go?" asked Dragunov.

"Monkey lacks enough coconuts to feed all children!" shouted Paul.

"I suppose one of us could go in the urinal if need be, let's rock paper scissors for it," suggested Dragunov.

Paul nodded in agreement and the two played rock paper scissors for who got to use the stall. Paul wound up winning by choosing scissors while Dragunov chose paper. Paul ran into the stall, unzipped his pants and sat down on the toilet.

"Bombs away!" screamed Paul as he let loose his load.

"Phew, how about a courtesy flush there?" inquired Dragunov as he squatted down over the urinal and prepared to drop his load, but just then, another person walked into the restroom and his face contorted in disgust as he saw Dragunov preparing to make number two in a urinal.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" asked the guy.

"Go back to sleep, it's all just a bad dream," answered Dragunov.

"Uh uh, I'm calling the cops on you!" exclaimed the man.

"Ah shit, we're in deep shit!" cried out Draagunov.

"Fox runs from hunting dog!" shouted Paul as he ran out of the stall after flushing the toilet, he grabbed Dragunov and the two ran through the shopping center. As they looked for the stuff they needed to grab, they saw Lei and Asuka eating at one of the restaurants in the center and popped in on them.

"Hey you two, what are you guys doing here?" asked Dragunov.

"We were trying to have a nice meal together, but you two mooks had to ruin the atmosphere," answered Lei.

"KY! KY!" shouted Paul.

"I don't want no KY Jelly, that's stuff is too greasy," replied Dragunov.

"No you dumb ass, it's an abbreviation, it means Kuuki Yome, which stands for read the air!" commented Lei.

"Which basically means, try to understand the situation or atmosphere, if you see two people having a meal together, please don't interrupt, it's rude," added Asuka.

"Sorry about that, hey where are the others though?" asked Dragunov.

"Wang and Ganryu are still at the shop studying chi spells, Xiaoyu just go out of school for the day, Raven's at the International Spy Shop, King's at the Metreon, Steve and Hwoarang are somewhere around Ghiradelli Square, and Lee's shopping in the Castro District," answered Lei.

"No surprises with Lee," grumbled Dragunov.

"What, what, in the butt!" shouted Paul.

"Shouldn't you guys grab what you came to get, we'll see you back at the shop," suggested Asuka.

"Okie dokie, see you later," chimed Dragunov.

"Don't get into any trouble!" called out Lei as Paul and Dragunov left to grab the items Wang wanted them to get. After milling about for a while, they came across a shop selling incense, which Wang had told them to buy for chi spellsPaul and Dragunov entered the shop and immediately started looking at the incense selections to find the ones that Wang wanted. After finding they incense they needed, Paul promptly paid for the merchandise and the two left the store.

"Well, after all the crap we went through to get this incense, I hope Wang likes it," grumbled Dragunov.

"Shopper still needs to finish list!" shouted Paul.

"Oh yeah, we still to get things for the others while we're here," groaned Dragunov.

Without hesitance, Paul and Dragunov bought new kunai for Raven, an anime figure for Xiaoyu, some Japanese snack treats for Ganryu, a sword for Lei, a kimono for Asuka, a Japanese wrestling DVD for King, a headband for Hworang, tea cups for Steve, a yaoi manga for Lee, and tehy bought themselves DVDs as well.

"Now let's get this back to the antique shop before more crazy shit happens," suggested Dragunov.

"Return letter to sender!" yelled Paul as they left the shopping center and walked down the street to board the bus that would take them towards the antique shop. Upon arriving at the shop, they saw Wang sleeping at his desk with a book over his face, and Ganryu also asleep, drooling on the desk.

"Alarm clock wakes up sleepyheads!" shouted Paul causing Wang and Ganryu to jump out of their seats and fall on the ground.

"You break it you buy it!" cried out Wang as he got up from the ground.

"If we bought it, it wouldn't free up any space since we live here," remarked Ganryu.

"Don't worry, we're not punk kids breaking stuff," responded Dragunov.

"Postman delivers packages!" shouted Paul as he dropped the bag on the desk.

"Oh, took you long enough to get items, what was hold up?" asked Wang.

"Don't wanna talk about it," answered Dragunov.

"That bad huh?" asked Ganryu.

"Exactly," responded Dragunov.

At that moment, the rest of the group all walked into the door and saw their stuff lying on the table for them, they thanked Paul and Dragunov for their gifts and went to go enjoy them. The two collapsed on the sofa, exhausted from their ordeal.

"One more thing you guys, I need you to go to Pier 39 and grab me something from there," chimed Wang.

"WAAAAAAHHHHHH! NOT AGAIN!" screamed Paul and Dragunov as they ran out of the antique shop screaming for their lives.

"Was it something I said?" asked Wang.

"I don't know, but you really need a bath, you stink," commented Lei.

Wang lifted up his armpits and sniffed them, and then fainted from the smell of his own odor.

"Ok, maybe I do," grumbled Wang. Meanwhile, Paul and Dragunov continued to run away aimlessly.

"Convict runs from police!" screamed Paul

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," said some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"How did you feel giving Paul and Dragunov their own chapter?" asked the kid.

"Well, it was relaxing, I finally got some time to unwind after all those adventures and it will make me well rested for when the next big arc starts up, plus some time to get some private time with Asuka, so it was fine with me," answered Lei.

"Ok thank you," said the kid.

"Reporter conducts interview!" shouted Lei.

Author's Note: I'm out of school for the summer, but I've had a writer's block, wihich sucks. Anyways, it'll be a couple more chapters before we reach the next big arc for the fic. But the next couple of chapters will introduce some new villains that you'll see present for that arc. Hopefully you Soul Calibur fans liked seeing Zasalamel here. Well I'm off to go work on the next chapter, hopefully I won't suffer any fits of writer's block then. Until then though, please read and review.


	28. Tone Deaf Tussle

**Chapter 28: Tone Deaf Tussle**

In a secluded temple on the outskirts of Hong Kong, three men find themselves being thrown out of the gates of the temple by a group of monks who were apperently angry at the three men for defiling their temple.

"You get out of our sight, you're a disgrace to our style of martial arts!" barked one of the monks.

"We will never teach you the sacred secrets of our martial arts, leave now or you'll regret it," ordered another monk.

Disgruntled, the three men left the temple grounds and later that day were sitting in an airport waiting for a plane to the United States.

"Man, stupid monks, we must our art to preserve peace, what a crock of shit," grumbled one man, a dark skinned man of average build with his hear done up in dreadlocks. He was clothed in a green and yellow shirt along with green pants and brown sandals.

"I know what you mean Eddy, I so want to whup someone's ass right now, it's not even funny," replied another man, a well built man of Chinese origin with his black hair done up in a queue. He had on a red collared shirt and black pants along with black shoes.

"Don't worry Feng, we'll be able to find a way to get back at those stupid monks for expelling us from their temple," piped up another man, a pale skinned man with a short white crew cut wearing a black t-shirt, alligator skin pants, and brown boots.

"Bryan, you have a point, when we get back to the States, we'll find a way to make those that did us wrong pay, especially those stuck up monks," replied Eddy.

"Flight 415 to San Francisco is now boarding," called out a receptionist in the airport.

"Let's go men, revenge will soon be ours," snickered Feng as him and his buddies boarded their plane. Over in San Francisco, the Lei Team and the Dark Hand were relaxing in the antique shop tired after a long day of cleaning the shop.

"It's quite peaceful now, I don't know what to do with the rest of my day," stated Lei.

"More cleaning!" shouted Wang.

"Wang, the entire shop is so clean it can't possibly get any cleaner!" replied Lei.

"Then I dirty it again!" retorted Wang.

"Screw that, let's go to a karaoke bar tonight," suggested Xiaoyu.

"Karaoke, I like the sound of that," responded Ganryu.

"Ai ya, I tone deaf, but I guess it more fun than cleaning shop again!" exclaimed Wang.

"I can't sing on an empty stomach though, let's eat," suggested King.

"Now you're speaking my language," remarked Ganryu.

"Anytime food is involved, that's your language, but I'm hungry too so I agree," remarked Lei.

So without anymore lollygagging about, the whole group left the antique shop and went to go grab some grub. In the meantime, Feng, Bryan, and Eddy's flight from Hong Kong had just arrived at the San Francisco Airport.

"So, how do you suggest we get started on our grand revenge scheme now?" asked Bryan.

"We're gonna need some help in order to do something of the scale we're thinking of," answered Feng.

"We need to enlist the Dark Handto our cause," remarked Eddy.

"But haven't they gone legit after having their asses handed to them by that Lei Team over and over again?" inquired Feng.

"It's simple, we'll beat the Lei Team down, that should get them on our side," stated Eddy.

"Sweet, we're overdue for beating someonedown, let's lay out this Lei Team you speak of!" exclaimed Bryan.

"Just one thing, what do they look like?" asked Eddy.

"How the hell should I know, I don't watch the news," answered Feng.

At that moment a passerby dropped a sheet of paper, the trio picked it up and looked at it seeing a picture of the Lei Team on the paper.

"Bingo, now we know our targets, let's eradicate them!" ordered Eddy.

With that, the three grabbed their bags and left the airport, in the meantime, the Lei Team was busy eating at a Hooters since Wang refused to eat anywhere else.

"Man, I love the food here!" exclaimed Wang.

"Yeah right, you just wanted to ogle waitresses in short shorts," retorted Asuka.

"Hey, we're all perverts to some extent," remarked Hwoarang.

"Peeping tom watches woman undress!" shouted Paul.

"He's got a point you know Asuka," stated Xiaoyu.

"Well, I admit the waitresses here are nice sights," remarked Lei as he munched on some chicken wings with King and Ganryu.

"That's their job, to entice people to come here, but hey, anywhere that serves food is fine by me," stated Raven as he drank his beer.

At that moment, Eddy, Bryan, and Feng all walked into the restaurant with a picture of the Lei Team and showed it to a waitress, she pointed them over to the where they were sitting.

"Hey Eddy, why don't we eat here really quickly?I'm starved," suggested Feng.

"That can wait until we lay a hurting on the Lei Team," answeredEddy.

"There they are, let's get them!' exclaimed Bryan.

"Who the hell are these clowns charging at us?" inquired Ganryu.

"I don't know, but they're stupid to think that the three of them can take on the twelve of us," answered Lei.

"Hey you bitches, prepare to get a royal ass kicking!'yelled Bryan.

"Can't you see that we not interesting in fighting you punks," said Wang nonchalantly.

"Maybe you're not interested but we are," replied Eddy.

"C'mon our Dark Hand bretheren, haven't you forgot what the Lei Team has done to you over and over again?" asked Feng.

"Well, they did save the world, so we wanted to join the winning team," answered Steve.

"A true villain never gives up his cause, no matter how bad they get schooled by the heroes, haven't movies, anime, and video games taught you anything?" inquired Eddy.

"Yeah, I think they have, in the end, the villain usually gets what's coming to him, and I'm tired of karma raping me in the butt," answered Steve.

"I never believed in karma, and if you're the Lei Team's friends now, then makes you our enemies too!" exclaimed Bryan.

"May I ask you what the hell is your beef with us to begin with in the first place?" asked Lei as he glared angrily at Eddy, Bryan, and Feng.

"We were kicked out of our dojo for being too violent, so we heard that your Dark Hand came across a mystical power that we thought we could use to get revenge on the monks that ousted us and then take over the world," answered Feng.

"You're too late, that beast has been sealed up again, and you aren't getting your hands on the talismans either," replied Asuka.

"Then we'll have to beat them out of you," threated Eddy as him, Feng, and Bryan started to advance on Lei and company.

"Riot control detains rioters!" shouted Paul as he tackled the trio to the ground. The rest of the Dark Hand joined them in fending off Eddy's crew.

"Just go, we'll pay the bill!" called Hwoarang.

"Which one of these guys is Bill?" asked Dragunov.

As the Lei Team left the restaurant, they ran down the streets and soon wound up hiding in a karaoke bar, where at that moment, a karaoke competition was about to get underway. At the moment theyburst in, an Asian looking man ho for some reason looked like he was impersonating Elvis Presley walked up to the Lei Team.

"Say, what's happening there ladies and gents, you interested in takin part in our little competition tonight?" asked the Elvis impersonator.

"Well yeah, we came here to do so, we're just waiting for the rest of our group Elvis," answered Lei.

"Name's Maxi, but yeah, I am an Elvis fan, say, are you guys gonna be performing all together?" asked Maxi.

"If we can, then yeah, that would be nice," answered Raven.

"Sure, what song would you like to do, I'm gonna bedoing "HoundDog" so you can't do that one," informed Maxi.

"Kung-Fu Fighting!" exclaimed the entire Lei Team.

"Mighty fine choice, just wait here with the others, we'll begin the competition soon," stated Maxi. Immediately, the other four competitors came out, including three of the Lei Team's old friends, Fulgore, Link, and Sub-Zero, and one theyhaven't met before, a young Japanese girl of slim build, she was dressed in a brown colored ninja outfit with her black hair sticking out from the hood of her ninja suit.

"Hey guys, good to see you all again!" exclaimed Ganryu.

"And good to meet new pretty girl," added Wang.

"Uh thanks, names Ibuki, it's nice to meet you guys too," replied Ibuki.

"So, what's everyone singing? I know these guys are doing Kung Fu Fighting," inquired Maxi.

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!" cheered Ibuki.

"Ice, Ice, Baby!" exclaimed Sub-Zero.

"That 500 Miles song!" replied Link.

"Mr. Roboto!" beeped Fulgore.

"All right, then let's get this little competition underway shall we," suggested Maxi.

Everyone nodded and headed up to the stage area to wait for their turn as Maxi tapped on a microphone to get everyone's attention. As everyone looked over, a spotlight focused on the folks on the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's karaoke contest is about, including me, we will have a total of six performances for you tonight, and it's up to you to decide who wins, so are you ready?" asked Maxi.

Some folks in the crowd applauded, others just shrugged as they listened to Maxi's spiel on the contest.

"All right, so let's kick this off with me, start up that music now ya hear,!" exclaimed Maxi in a mock-Elvis accent.

"That accent is really driving me nuts, I'd wish he'd put a lid on it," whispered Ibuki.

"Seriously, let Elvis rest in peace already," replied Link.

"Same with 2Pac," added Raven.

"Amen to that my friend," chimed in Lei.

One by one, each performer went up to sing their song in front of the audience. Some got better reception than ohters, but all in all, no one was booed off the stage. As the Lei Team's turn began to approach, they began to wonder what was keeping the Dark Hand so long.

"Where are those guys, they should be done with those ass clowns from Hooters by now," said Xiaoyu.

At that moment, the door to the karaoke bar burst open and the Dark Hand came running in with Bryan, Eddy, and Feng chasing after them.

"Man these guys just don't know when to quit," grumbled Hwoarang.

"Pit bull clings to bite victim!" shouted Paul.

"All right now, I need the Lei Team up on stage now to perform their song," announced Maxi as he stepped up to the mic after the current karaoke performer finished their song.

"Ah crap, what now?" grumbled King.

"Lei, get on stage and start singing, we hold off lamebrains for you!" called out Wang.

Lei nodded and ranto the stage grabbing the microphone from Maxi's hand right as the music began to start up. Lei began to sing the song as Eddy, Bryan, and Feng made a beeline for the stage.

"Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting!" exclaimed Lei as he dodged a punch to the gut from Bryan and leapt into the air kicking him across the face.

"Those cats were fast as lightning!" Lei continued to sing as he ducked under a high kick from Feng and swept the Chinese warrior off his feet and onto his back.

"In fact it was a little bit frightening!" continued Lei as he dodged a flurry of Capoeira moves from Eddy while looking for an opening to attack.

"But they fought with expert timing!" exclaimed Lei as he reared his head back and nailed Eddy in the stomach with a head butt sending the Brazilian warrior flying back. the rest of the Lei Team and the Dark Hand joined Lei on stage as the passed the mic back and forth and continued to sing along to the karaoke while beating the living daylights out of Eddy, Feng, and Bryan. The crowd started cheering wildly as they continued onwards with the song. Right after Kung Fu Fighting finished. The entire bar erupted in applause, even the other competitors cheered for the Lei Team. Maxi immediately ran up to them with a trophy.

"No contest, the winner of the karaoke contest is the Lei Team!" exclaimed Maxi raising Lei's fist in triumph.

"Grr, we aren't finished with you yet, we'll be back to get revenge on you one way or another!" shouted Feng as him, Eddy, and Bryan limped out of the bar all with scowls on their faces.

"You think they're stupid enough to come back and try anything with us again?" asked Ganryu.

"We did when we fought you, so most likely yes they will be back again," answered Hwoarang.

"Man, you guys rock hard!" exclaimed Ibuki.

"My sensors are overloading from excitement!" stated Fulgore.

"You're so cool you're ICE COLD!" shouted Sub-Zero.

"Way to kick some ass you guys!" complimented Link.

"So, how about an encore for all of us?" asked Maxi.

"You got, this is how we do it!" answered the Lei Team and Dark Hand in unison.

With that, the DJ started up "This Is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan. As everyone in the bar joined the Lei Team and Dark Hand in song.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," said a little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"How often do people try to pick fights with you?" asked the kid.

"Well when you're a cop of course there are that do not like you. So I do have to fight quite a bit, but I'm skilled enough to lay a beating into those foolish enough to challenge me," answered Lei.

"You must be one tough hombre," said the kid.

"You damn right kid!" replied Lei in a mock-Shaft tone.

Author's Note: Not much to say here, just one more chapter before we reach the third and final main story arc of the fic. That's right, this fic will have a span of 40 chapters. This was mainly just a chapter to introduce some new villains. Bryan, Eddy, and Feng. Next chapter, we'll meet their boss, but until then, please read and review.


	29. Return To The Rising Sun

**Chapter 29: Return To The Rising Sun**

After suffering a severe beating to the Lei Team, Eddy, Feng, and Bryan boarded a plane to Japan hearing that there was a secret power hidden somewhere in the country and the trio of ne'er do wells thought that by obtaining this power would help them in getting revenge on the Lei Team for humiliating them.

"That Lei Team was a lot more formidable than I thought," grumbled Feng as he massaged his sore back.

"Meh, they got lucky, we won't slip up next time we confront them," replied Eddy.

"If we could take them, then why are we searching for some power that probably doesn't even exist?" asked Bryan.

"More backup, just a little insurance to make sure we walk away with a victory," answered Eddy.

"That makes sense, nothing wrong with a little life insurance," remarked Feng.

"I don't think even life insurance will help out the Lei Team when we're through with them," stated Bryan.

"Damn right Moon Doggie! Now let's find that power!" ordered Eddy.

"You got it, but if you call me Moon Doggie one more time, you'll be the one needing life insurance," threatened Bryan.

Without anymore words, the three men began their hunt in around th land of the Rising Sun for the possible hidden power. In the meantime, the Lei Team along with the Dark Hand were shopping around the Shibuya District of Tokyo, enjoying a leisurely vacation there.

"Man, I'm glad we got to come here without having to do any missions this time around," commented Ganryu.

"Yeah, it's good to be home and actually get to relax," replied Asuka.

"There's so much to do here, all the fun without having a job to do, I love the sound of that," remarked Lei.

"Indeed, but trying to pick what to do first is going to be a hard choice," stated King.

"We should go to a hot spring, I could use a nice hot bath," suggested Wang.

"We'll do that later after we've explored a bit," replied Lei.

"Ai ya, it's going to be hard to wait for that," cried out Wang.

"You can wait you old pervert, those ladies aren't going anywhere," chimed in Xiaoyu.

"I say we dress up as Japanese celebrities and run around town making people laugh," suggested Dragunov.

"That's a retarded idea Dragunov, almost none of us look Japanese," grumbled Steve.

"I think it's a great idea HOOOOOOOOO!" cried out Lee who for some reason was dressed as Hard Gay, leather shorts and all and was thrusting his pelvis up against Paul's leg.

"Punter kicks football!" shouted Paul as he punted Lee away from him.

"Why don't we go see a sumo wrestling match, after I feel me and Asuka should decide first, it's our home country," suggested Ganryu.

"Works for me, since it is a valid point," commented Lei.

"Ok, then off we go," announced Hwoarang.

"OKAAAAAYYYYYY!" said Lee thrusting his pelvis crazily as the group walked off towards a sumo wrestling ring. In the meantime, Eddy, Bryan, and Feng were searching deep in the forests on Tokyo's outskirts for the rumored hidded dark power that they could use to get revenge on the Lei Team.

"I really think we're going on a wild goose chase here, we're not gonna find any hidden power around here," grumbled Feng.

"Oh shut up, you're just not looking hard enough," snapped Eddy.

"Hey, you know, maybe one of the townsfolk knows about where it is, if we one of them hostage and have them show us the way, we should find it no problem," stated Bryan.

"Bryan, I like your thinking, let's do just that, it will save us the hassle of all this searching around like idiots and get us to that power faster" suggested Eddy.

"You got it man!" exclaimed Feng as the troublesome trio walked over towards the big city. Meanwhile, the Lei Team checking out some of the curiou in the Akibahara district where a lot of the otaku merchandise stemmed from.

"Wow! So much cool stuff here I don't know what to buy!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

"Buy me some hentai!" shouted Wang.

"I'm not using my money to buy you that stuff," replied Xiaoyu.

"Don't be a cheap ass Wang, if you want it, you can buy it, you have enough money," added Lei.

"Ai ya, I have to buy it myself," grumbled Wang.

Suddenly, a loud scream was heard causing the Lei Team and the Dark Hand to jump in the air and turn towards the direction of the scream.

"Ay carumba, someone is in trouble," stated King.

"Well then, we better go help them quick," said Raven.

"I agree, let's take care of these punks that would dare to ruin our day and someone else's as well," ordered Lei.

As the Lei Team ran towards the direction of where the scream emitted, they saw Eddy, Feng, and Bryan trying to drag a Japanese woman away, teh entire team groaned in disbelief.

"Hey, didn't you guys get your ass beat bad enough last time?" asked Asuka.

"Oh great, look who came to rain on our parade," groaned Bryan.

"Your parade sucks anyways, of course we're gonna rain on it!" exclaimed Lei.

"Raging storm tears apart parade float!" shouted Paul.

"Not this time, revenge shall be ours for the embarrassment you put us through last time we fought!" replied Eddy.

"Yeah right, quit now unless you want a double dose of embarrassment," retorted Raven.

"Don't you realize the odds are against you?" inquired King.

"He's right you know, we're screwed practically," gulped Feng.

"Then let's make a break for it!" shouted Eddy as he tossed the woman aside and the three men ran towards teh forest yet again.

"We better go after them before they cause more havoc," grumbled Ganryu.

"Ai ya, we must hurry before they ruin this outing," cried out Wang.

"They aren't ruining anything as far as I'm concerned," stated Lei.

The Lei Team and Dark Hand checked to make sure that the woman was ok, and upon confirming she was, began their pursuit of Eddy, Bryan, and Feng who had disappeared into the forest just outside of Tokyo. While sprinting through the forest, the troublesome trio came across an abandoned temple sitting in the middle of the forest and smirked at the sight of it.

"Well gentlemen we found a hiding spot to lay low until the heat dies down," commented Eddy.

"You sure they won't follow us in there?" asked Bryan.

"They'd be stupid to, that temple has something we can arm ourselves with to make those idiots resent crossing our paths," replied Feng.

"Feng's right, let's go loot that temple and take out the trash known as the Lei Team," ordered Eddy.

Without a moment's hesitance, Eddy and company stomped off into the secluded temple. The rustling of leaves was still audible however as the Lei Team and Dark Hand bounded across the forest looking for the whereabouts of Feng, Bryan, and Eddy.

"They couldn't have gotten this far, so where the hell could they be," huffed Asuka.

"You think they're in that secluded temple that's in this forest here?" asked Ganryu.

"Where else could they hide out in this open forest, that's the most logical place they would hide," answreed Lei.

"They have no respect for anything do they." grumbled Xiaoyu.

"I guess we have no choice but to go in after them," said Hwoarang.

"You know we can do this, OKAAAAAAY! HOOOOOOOOO!" cheered Lee thrusting his pelvis against Hwoarang.

Hwoarang nudged Lee off of him as the dozen walked towards the temple. As they walked up the steps and creaked the door open, they did see Eddy, Bryan, and Feng looking angrily at all of them.

"What are you pissed off about, mad that we found your hiding spot?" inquired King.

"Well no, we knew you'd find us eventually, we're pissed that you made us look like fools back in San Francisco," replied Bryan.

"You brought that on yourself by trying to attack us like idiots!" retorted Raven.

"Maybe we did, but now the tables have turned on you and we will have revenge for what happened then," stated Eddy.

"Did you guys eat paint chips when you were kids?" inquired Steve.

"Ooh, ooh! I did!" exclaimed Dragunov.

"I was speaking to them Dragunov," grumbled Steve.

"No we didn't, we got equalizers now," sneered Feng as he held a large spear in his hand and snickered at the Lei Team. Eddy pulled out a katana and Bryan pulled out a tonfa as they all glowered at the Lei Team and Dark Hand. Just then, a bell began to ring in the temple leaving everyone in confusion.

"Is this place haunted or something?" asked Wang.

"AAAAHHHH ghost!" screamed Dragunov who prepared to run out before Lei grabbed him by the shirt.

"Stay Dragunov, we're gonna find out what's going on here," ordered Lei.

Fog started ro rise from the floors and soon the fog began to take form. A blue skinned man in red samurai armor materialized before all of the people in the shrine. On the armor's torso region glared a menacing face that looked as if it was alive. His eyes glowed crimson as he glared at the people in the shrine.

"Who dares to defile this sacred shrine?" bellowed the samurai in an angry tone.

"Oh lookie, it's some reject Kabuki actor," joked Feng.

"Silence fool! I am Bishamon, the guardian of this temple and I will not have dishonorable dogs like you ruining this place!" barked Bishamon.

"Hey don't look at us, we just came in here to get these guys out of here," said Lei.

"I know, you twelve have done nothing wrong to incur my wrath, but these three are about to regret what they have done!" growled Bishamon.

"Oh yeah, it's three to one, you're shit out of luck!" yelled Eddy as he swung his katana at the samurai who merely deflected the blade and then knocked Eddy to the ground jarring the weapon loose from his hands. Feng jutted his spear forward, Bishamon dodged the blow and sliced Feng across the left arm causing him to wince in pain and drop his spear as Bishamon knocked Feng on top of Eddy.

"Hey dude look out!" shouted Lei as he kicked Bryan in the back as the pale skinned man attempted to blindside Bishamon with his tonfa.

"Thanks for the save man, but you go on and do what you please, I'll make sure these three learn some respect the hard way!" yelled Bishamon as he chased Eddy, Bryan, and Feng out of the temple. The three ran screaming for their lives as Bishamon ran after them repeatedly cursing in Japanese.

"Shall we assist Bishamon in taking care of them?" asked Ganryu.

"Nah, I'm sure he has it covered no sweat, those three aren't very smart anyways," replied Asuka.

"Indeed, I could use a break from schooling some dumbass that decides to act like an idiot when we're around," remarked King.

"Yeah, let's get back to town and get to what we want to do," said Lei.

"Now that's what I wanted to hear!" exclaimed Xiaoyu.

Without any hesitance, the Lei Team and Dark Hand headed back to the main city and spent the day browsing around and making merry eventually heading to where Wang wanted to go more than anywhere else, the hot springs.

"Ah, I feel young again coming to hot spring!" exclaimed Wang.

"You feel young, but you're still old no matter what," commented Raven.

"I know that, now let me be my hentai self!" retorted Wang.

As the men walked into the hot spring area, they saw Asuka and Xiaoyu lathering themselves up along with many of their female friends from past adventures, including Taki, Mai, Kyoko, and Chun-Li.

"Ai ya, this nice except for I no want look at my granddaughter! I'm not a redneck because my name is not Larry the Cable Guy!" cried out Wang as he walked off to an area of the hot springs away from Xiaoyu.

"Hot dog gets plump!" shouted Paul upon gazing at all the hot women.

"Co-ed hot springs FOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Lee thrusting his pelvis.

"Man, this is heaven!" exclaimed Lei.

"Yeah you got that right," replied some random guy walking by.

With that, the guys and girls enjoyed themselves in the soothing hot springs of Tokyo. In the meantime, Feng, Eddy, and Bryan were deep in the forests still running for their lives even though Bishamon was no longer chasing them. As they ran, they soon the three ran into a pit and fell down into a deep hole in the forest landing with a loud thud as they hit ground zero.

"Ow my ass!" groaned Eddy.

"Who the hell would dig a pit in the middle of a forest?" mumbled Feng.

"Hey guys, check this out!" piped up Bryan as he pointed at a heavy urn with a bunch of seals with kanji symbols on it.

"What do you think could be in the urn?" asked Feng.

"It's gotta be that hidden power, let's shatter this baby open!" ordered Eddy.

At that moment, the trio all struck the urn at the same time causing it to shatter. A huge surge of energy burst forth from the shattered urn and as he light died down, a large form stood before Eddy, Bryand, and Feng. He was bald with a long white mustache and beard, dark skinned with a very muscular build. The figure had on white pants and a purple sash around the pants and also wore wooden sandals on his feet.

"So, you are the ones that freed me, I thank you, for that, just tell me what you desire," said the man who was trapped in the urn.

"We want more power to exact revenge on those that have screwed us over!" said Eddy, Bryan, and Feng in unison.

"What a coincidence, I want revenge too! Well then, you shall help take over this pitiful world, now bow before your new master, Jinpachi!" bellowed the man.

"Yes Master Jinpachi!" exclaimed Eddy, Bryand, and Feng all at once. The three had unleashed a new evil unto the world and once again, the call to combat this new threat would soon have to reach the ears of Lei Wulong and his motley crew.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Are you an otaku?" asked the kid.

"To a certain extent yes I am. Anime and video games are a lot of fun, but they don't consume my life since I do have a job and of course bills to pay, but yeah I guess you can I'm a bit of an otaku," answered Lei.

"Ok thank you," said the kid.

"Believe it!" exclaimed Lei.

Author's Note: Man writer's block sucks! Anyways, Jinpachi is now the new villain of the fic and next chapter begins the third and final main story arc. Hopefully you'll like this new villain and we're gonna really get things underway. I'll try to overcome this writer's block quick. Anyways, until next chapter, please read and review.


	30. Dawn Of A New Threat

**Chapter 30: Dawn Of A New Threat**

In a hidden cave somewhere in the mountains of Nepal, Jinpachi Mishima, the ancient evil that was sealed away for many years stood over Eddy Gordo, Feng Wei, and Bryan Fury, who all knelt before the dark warrior that they had released from his prison back in Japan.

"I owe you three quite a bit for helping get free from that cramped urn, what should I give you as a gift?" mused Jinpachi.

"We want the power to crush those that oppose us!" exclaimed Eddy.

"Very well, provided you agree to serve me and assist me in making this world's inhabitants bow to me, you can have that power. So what do you say?" asked Jinpachi.

"You don't have to tell us twice, we accept!" exclaimed Eddy, Feng, and Bryan in unison.

"Excellent, now hold still, this may burn a little," commented Jinpachi.

Eddy, Feng, and Bryan lokked at each other in confusion as Jinpachi began to chant cryptically in Japanese. As the chanting continued, Jinpachi's chest started to glow a flame red color and out of the warrior's stomach shot three radioactive looking fireballs which hit Eddy and his companions and as the three yelled out in pain, their bodies began to mutate. All three men's skin began to turn a sick green color and also turned scaly all their eyes turned a crimson color and fiery energy exuded from their bodies as they were all changed into matching red outfits. The trio all let out loud roars as they were overcome by the mystical power that coursed through their bodies.

"This power is magnificent!" cheered Feng.

"I fell like I could take on the entire world now!" added Bryan.

"The Lei Team is going to regret getting on our bad side now!" stated Eddy.

"Correct, but before we begin our plans for world domination, we must track down something that we will need to have in order to bring this planet to its knees," informed Jinpachi.

"What are you talking about master?" inquired Bryan.

"I don't have all my powers, they were stripped from me before I was sealed, we must find the eight different forms of demon chi and allow me to absorb them so I can be at full power and then we'll be unstoppable," answered Jinpachi.

"So where are these different forms of demon chi?" asked Feng.

"That I do not know, however there is a device that can track them down, if we can obtain that device, we can find the chi no problem. So let's get to finding that device!" ordered Jinpachi.

Eddy, Feng, and Bryan nodded in approval and with that, Jinpachi transported them all away from Nepal and off on a search. Back in San Francisco, the Lei Team and Dark Hand were all spending a day lounging around the antique shop. There weren't many customers at the moment and all the members were tired so they decided just to have a day to just relax and do nothing.

"Ugh, after all this travelling about and running errands I don't even want to move from this spot today," grumbled Xiaoyu.

"If you're not gonna move, don't expect me to get you a bedpan should you decide to relieve yourself all over yourself," replied Lei.

"Hey you can't balme her for not wanting to move, my joints hurt really badly too," grumbled Ganryu.

"I could use a massage right now," stated King.

"That sounds nice, but I don't even feel like walking to a massage parlor to get one," grumbled Asuka.

"Imagine how we felt after we got our asses beat by you guys," stated Steve.

"Yeah, it must have been some pretty brutal stuff," commented Lei.

"Oh you have no idea," replied Hwoarang.

"Snail sleeps for three years without waking up!" shouted Paul as he fell asleep on a recliner in the back corner of the antique shop.

"Can snails really sleep that long?" inquired Dragunov.

"Yeah, I read it in a book somewhere that they can," answered Wang.

At the moment the Lei Team finally got themselves comfortable, Raven came bursting through the door of the antique shop with a look of concern on his face.

"You guys, sorry to break up your R&R but we gotta get to Section 13 fast!" hollered Raven.

"Ah come on, can't this wait, my bunions are killing me," whined Lee.

"I'm afraid not man, this is urgent, something big just popped up!" exclaimed Raven.

"Great, but you're buying us all dinner for dragging us out of here," grumbled Lei.

"That's the best idea I've heard in a long time," remarked Ganryu.

"Fine, let's just get going now!" groaned Raven in a peevish tone as everyone boarded a chopper headed for the Section 13 headquarters.

"So what's up my ni-," began Xiaoyu before Raven cut her off again.

"You still can't say it," replied Raven.

"Crap," pouted Xiaoyu.

"So what's this thing you wanted to show us Raven?" asked Lei.

"You'll see when you get to the Section 13 headquarters," answered Raven.

Within a few minutes, the chopper eventually landed at the Section 13 headquarters and Raven led the Lei Team and Dark Hand through the corridors of the secretive building and eventually walked into a laboratory and saw a bunch of technicians working on experiments and typing in calculations furiously onto numerous computers.

"So what's the good word?" asked King.

"What good word, we have some disturbing news," answered one of the technicians.

"Then tell us what the bad word is," said Asuka.

"Fuck, shit, ass, bitch!" blurted out another technician.

"Not those bad words you moron, what's going on that requires us all to be here?" inquired Lei.

"Another ancient evil has been released from his prison," answered Raven.

"There's another ancient evil now besides Ogre, damn it!" exclaimed Hwoarang.

"Yeah, those three chumps we trounced on our last two outings found the prison of the malevolent Jinpachi Mishima and freed him from his confines," answered Raven.

"Ai ya, not Jinpachi Mishima, this is not good!" cried out Wang.

"I take it this is on the levels of Ogre in terms of badness," commented Ganryu.

"You got that right, I remember Wang telling me about the stories of Jinpachi when I was younger, we need to get this plague sealed back into his prison," responded Lei.

"Question is where are we gonna find this guy, he could be anywhere by now," chimed in Xiaoyu.

At taht moment, other members of Section 13 came running through the door frantically with shocked expressions on their faces.

"You guys you gotta get down to Powell Street BART station fast!" exclaimed a pink haired woman in a black business suit who was sweating heavily.

"What's going on Crimson Viper?" asked Raven to the woman.

"A strange old looking man and three creepy dragon men began attacking the station, you need to get down there to make sure no one gets hurt," gasped Crimson Viper.

"Did we bring the talismans with us?" questioned King.

"Sure did, got all of them at our disposal right now," answered Asuka.

"Ok, give me the rooster, rabbit, and ox!" called out Lei to Asuka who promptly handed Lei the three talismans he requested.

"Now everyone hold on to me, I'll get us all down there in no time!" ordered Lei as he activated the three talismans he was holding in his hands.

"Red Bull gives me the runs!" shouted Paul.

"That's something I did not need to know," groaned Lei as everyone grabbed hold of him. Using the super strength of the ox, the super speed of the rabbit, and the flight powers of the rooster, Lei and the rest of his team were off at blinding speed towards the Powell Street BART station where Jinpachi Mishima along with Eddy, Bryan, and Feng were causing a large commotion and scaring the living daylights out of many of the bystanders.

"Bring me Lei Wulong and his band of chumps now or you will regret ever laying eyes on me!" growled Jinpachi towards all the people in the BART station.

"Who is this guy? If we knew who he was, we'd bring him to you," said a random person.

"Quit playing dumb with us, you really want to suffer?" inquired Feng.

As the four diabolical fiends approached the frightened fol, a strong gust blew past everyone and all of a sudden, Jinpachi and his henchmen found themselves face to face with the Lei Team.

"Hey boss, this is the group of losers that wants to seal you back in that urn," stated Eddy. That statement made a giant flaming aura emanate from Jinpachi.

"You, you're the ones that look to rain all over my parade and put an end to my good time of making this miserable people suffer, I can't allow you to do that!" roared Jinpachi.

"This guy looks frighteningly powerful," gasped Asuka.

"Oh poopy, I just wet myself," groaned Dragunov.

"This isn't even his full power, so I don't know why you're complaining so much," commented Wang.

"Oh great, you mean he's holding power back from us, that's not good," grumbled Ganryu.

"I feel so unfabulous," cried out Lee.

"Well, I'm not at full power because I've had most of my powers stripped from me when I was trapped in that urn!" shouted Jinpachi.

"Oh crap, you mean this guy was powerful than he is now?" asked Steve in a disgruntled tone.

"Yes, before Jinpachi was sealed away, he had eight different demon chi powers flowing through his body which made him near invincible. However, great chi wizard cast a spell that stripped the powers from Jinpachi allowing him to be sealed away for all those years until these lunkheads free him again!" answered Wang.

"So that's what you're searching for, is the demon chi that you lost," commented Lei.

"That's right, I will not let anyone get in the way of me retreiving the powers that rightfully belong to me!" exclaimed Jinpachi.

"And we'll make sure you don't impede our master's progress, your meddling ends here!" added Eddy.

"I guess it can't be helped, let's beat them down again!" ordered Lei to his team.

Everyon nodded in agreement as they all took a battle stance against Jinpachi's minions. The song "Ready Steady Go" by L'Arc en Ciel began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand rushed at Eddy, Feng, and Bryan for another battle.

"Taste our new power, it's sure to give you a serious case of indigestion!" roared Feng as he shot out fiery breath at Dragunov who dove out of the way to avoid getting fried, he then kicked Steve away from him after blocking one of his punches. Raven leapt down at Feng with a jump kick and right after Feng dodged the kick, King grabbed Feng and slammed the Chinese fighter on the ground with a piledriver.

"We're gonna make Hell look like a paradise for you when we're through with you!" growled Bryan as eh shot forth a powerful energy blast from his palms flooring Lee. Ganryu ran forward yelling wildly as he went to tackle Bryan who backed up not knowing Xiaoyu was behind him and wound up getting tripped and fell on his butt. Before he could get up, Wang knocked him back down and started laying into Bryan while he was still on the ground.

"Your ashes will be spread around this BART station!" hissed Eddy as he spun around creating a tornado that blew Hwoarang away and caused him to land crotch first onto a rail.

"Ow, my poor nards! Again," groaned Hwoarang.

"Violent storm topples windmill!" shouted Paul as he lunged forward attempting to strike Eddy with a powerful punch to the gut, but Eddy ducked under it and swept Paul off of his feet, but Asuka ran up behind Eddy and hit him with a palm strike to the back. As Eddy whirled around to face Asuka, Lei swept Eddy and while the Brazilian warrior was still airborne, Lei smacked him with a roundhouse knocking him away.

"Must I do everything for you guys, I'll take care of this!" growled Jinpachi as he stomped the ground hard stunning all of the Lei Team and Dark Hand. While they were still stunned, fiery chi emanated from Jinpachi's stomach and a barrage of fireballs burst forth nailing all the members of lei's crew knocking them to the ground in pain.

"Let that be a warning to you, don't stand in our path, or we won't go easy on you next time!" yelled Jinpachi as him and his minions teleported away in a fiery pillar. A few minutes later, Lei and company all sat up and groaned in pain at how easily Jinpachi defeated them.

"Damn, that freak of nature is strong," grumbled Asuka.

"We have to make sure he doesn't get a hold of the demon chi he seeks, him getting more powerful would only be worse for this world," remarked Lei.

"Ineed, lwe must get back to antique shop to get stuff neccessary to search for chi, quickly let's get back!" ordered Wang.

"You got it, first let me heal everyone," said Raven as he used the horse talisman on everyone.

"Okay, everyone hold tight again, and don't piss in your drawers," commented Lei as he activated the rooster, rabbit, and ox talismans again.

"3, 2, 1, BLASTOFF!" hollered Paul as they all took off towards Wang's antique shop to grab the tools to search for the demon chi that Jinpachi looked to re-obtain for world domination.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"What do you think of public transportation?" asked the kid.

"It's a good way for people who don't have driver's liscences to get around, although they're not always on time. It's also easier to take in places without a lot of parking since parking tickets also suck big time," answered Lei.

"Indeed they do, and I don't even drive," said the kid.

"Respect your bus drivers folks," remarked Lei.

Author's Note: Not much to say here, we're finally starting the final story arc of this fic. I'm three quarters of the way done with this fic. So I'm gonna aim to make this last quarter really good as Lei and company go searching for the demon chi. Until then though, please read and review.


	31. Jamaican Me Crazy

**Chapter 31: Jamaican Me Crazy**

After the fiasco with Jinpachi and his minions at the BART station, the Lei Team and Dark Hand ran back to the antique shop and Wang began fiddling with a safe in the back room of the shop.

"What are you doing now, are you deciding that we're screwed so you're gonna spend you're gonna spend your life savings?" asked Xiaoyu.

"No, I not a pessimistic emo teenager, I getting something very important," answered Wang.

"Then what are you fishing for in there?" asked Lei.

"This! It's a device that will allow us to capture demon chi as we find it around the world, it will keep it out of the hands of Jinpachi," answered Wang.

"Wonderful, but do we even know where to find where all the demon chi is scattered?" inquired Steve.

"I have people at Section 13already surveying the globe for any activity regarding Jinpachi, they should contact me if anything goes down," answered Raven.

"Damn, Section 13 doesn't play around," remarked Ganryu.

"They sure don't, I wonder how long it'll be though before they find anything, or if they'll find anything," mused Lei.

Just then, Raven's cell phone beeped signifying that he had a text message, upon looking at the text, he smiled.

"We got a lead everyone, Jinpachi and his crew have been spotted heading towards Jamaica, a chopper is on its way to take us there," replied Raven.

"Radical mon! Let's feel the rhythm and pass the ganja!" said Dragunov in a mock Jamaican accent.

"Cool Runnings!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"Quit fooling around, we gotta get up stand up and not give up that demon chi to Jinpachi!" ordered Lei to his teammates. They all nodded in agreement as they leapt aboard the chopper and flew off towards Jamaica. A couple of hours later, the team touched down in the capital city of Kingston and immediately leapt out of the chopper ready to begin their hunt for the first demon chi.

"Any idea where we should begin looking around?" asked Asuka.

"We should see if anyone here saw Jinpachi," suggested King.

"I say we go bobsledding mon!" exclaimed Dragunov.

"You idiot, there's no snow here, and besides, we don't have time to fool around!" retorted Lei.

"I wanna find me a dreadlocked Rastafarian hottie!" exclaimed Lee.

"We're not here for you to pick up dudes either, let's find that damn demon chi already," sighed Hwoarang.

"Pass the dutchie pan the left hand side!" shouted Paul as the Lei Team and Dark Hand ran around the town of Kingston looking for clues as to where the dormant demon chi could be lying. After a few minutes of asking the locals for clues, an earthquake began to shake the foundation around the Lei Team and Dark Hand.

"That's unnatural, Jamaica doesn't usually have earthquakes," commented Raven.

"That can only mean one thing, there is demon chi nearby, and it is the demon chi of earth!" exclaimed Wang.

"Well then I suggest we shake, rattle, and roll over to where we need to be before we get shook up by another earthquake," commented Lei.

The demon chi containment unit began to blink faintly signifying that demon chi was near. The Lei Team and Dark Hand continued along a parth watching as the blinking became more frequent, as they trekked along their path, they spotted Jinpachi along with Bryan, Eddy, and Feng searching rantically for the demon chi.

"Oh look who decided not to heed my warning and follow us," groaned Jinpachi.

"Yeah, like we're really gonna let you do as you please you old fart!" shouted Wang.

"Look who's talking you wrinkled prune!" retorted Jinpachi.

"Old fart!" replied Wang.

"Wrinkled prune!" snapped Jinpachi.

"Old fart!" shouted Wang.

"Wrinkled prune!" yelled Jinpachi.

"Enough already!" yelled the others.

"I suppose you're right, we'll just beat you down even worse once I absorb the demon chi that's present here," growled Jinpachi.

"No way, evil doesn't stand a chance!" remarked Asuka.

"That is so clichèd," grumbled Feng.

"Clichèd or not, you won't succeed in your diabolical plans," responded Lei.

"That is if you can catch us!" exclaimed Eddy as he and his accomplices all flew off towards the north. Spotting a bike rack nearby, the Lei Team ran for the bikes and as Xiaoyu prepared to get on one, a dark skinned man with a mohawk pushed her away and got on the bike himself.

"You gotta be faster than that kid!" said the man boastfully.

"Who do you think you are?" asked xiaoyu with and annoyed tone in her voice.

"Bruce Irvin, professional Muay Thai fighter and bike thief at your service," answered Bruce.

"More like a disservice," groaned Xiaoyu.

"If you say so, I'd love to stay and chat though but I have places to be so see ya later!" called out Bruce as he pedaled off.

"Damn ni-"started Xiaoyu before Raven shot a glare at her.

"I mean N-word stole my bike," groaned Xiaoyu.

"I guess that's a little better," said Raven.

"Forget the bikes, we got talisman power to aid us," commented Lei.

"Do we have the ox and rabbit handy?" asked King.

"I brought them all this time around, we're gonna need them all for these adventures," answered Lei.

"Wise idea, who knows what crap Jinpachi can throw at us this time," stated Ganryu.

"I don't think Jinpachi would throw crap at us, he's not a baboon," said Dragunov.

"Monkey throws barrell!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"Let's just get going you guys," groaned Lei as he activated the ox and rabbit talismans and sped after Jinpachi and his minions.

"What the hell, how are they running so fast after us?" asked Bryan.

"They have magical artifacts assisting them in their pursuit, does not matter, we can still take them," responded Jinpachi.

Eventually, the Lei Team and Dark Hand caught up with Jinpachi and his minions and tackled them to the ground resulting in all of them rolling around on the ground scuffling with one another. After about a minute, they all broke out of the huge cluster and took their battle stances.

"You just had to get in our way didn't you, why won't you just die already?" roared Jinpachi.

"Rather die fighting than live like a coward," replied Lei.

"That way of thinking will be your undoing!" shouted Jinpachi as hey beckoned for Eddy, Bryan, and Feng to attack Lei and his comrades. The three leapt into battle and all of them began breathing fire at Lei and company.

"Oh mon, this is some powerful ganja, I see three dragon men attacking a bunch of people," commented one stoned onlooker.

"Ai ya, we no need innocent bystanders getting hurt!" cried out Wang.

"You're right, let's lead them away from the people!" suggested Asuka as her and the rest of Lei's companions all ran away from the street market.

"Don't think you can get away with that hit and run!" exclaimed Feng as him, Eddy, and Bryan all chased down the Lei Team.

"We can't run forever, sooner or later we're gonna have to face them head on," grumbled King.

"I know, just search for somewhere where there's no one to possibly hurt," responded Raven.

The Lei Team and Dark Hand kept running with Jinpachi's henchmen hot on their tails. As they approached a beach where a reggae festival was taking place, Wang's demon chi containment unit began to flash very rapidly signifying that the demon chi was in the vicinity.

"Oh great, the demon chi is in this area, I guess we have no choice but to fight here," said Steve.

"I shot the sherriff!" shouted Paul.

"That's not good Paul, you're gonna go to prison for that," commented Dragunov.

"But I did not shoot the dputy!" exclaimed Paul as he once again smacked Dragunov on the head.

"Ready to accept your fate bitches?" asked Eddy.

"We're gonna fight you here, you're not gonna get the demon chi that lies dormant here!" bellowed Lei.

"Damn skippy!" added Xiaoyu.

The song "Get Up Stand Up" by Bob Marley began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand once again prepared for a brawl with Jinpachi's lackeys.

"Just give up the fight already!" roared Bryan as he smashed Lee and Hwoarang's heads together and charged at Raven who flipped out of the way of Bryan's furious charge.

"No way, that would be disrespectful to this great song," commented Raven as he kicked Bryan in the gut as Hwoarang got back up and delivered a kick to Bryan's back. Feng then threw a fire blast at Dragunov lighting his butt on fire, as Dragunov leapt up and down and ran towards the ocean to douse the fire on his backside. King dove at Feng with a clothesliine but the Chinese dragon warrior ducked under King at the last second and as he turned around to face King, Ganryu rammed Feng to the ground and King elbowed Feng in the ribs.

"Quit fooling around and fry those menaces to us!" growled Jinpachi to his minions.

"That's what we're trying to do!" replied Eddy as he swept Xiaoyu off of her feet, as Eddy got up, Steve punched Eddy square in the face, but Eddy kicked Steve away from him. Lei, Asuka, and Paul all charged Eddy and nailed him simultaneously with three powerful kicks flooring Eddy.

"Can't you do anything right at all," groaned Jinpachi.

"Chill out and have some cookies mon," said a local Jamaican man handing Jinpachi a platter of cookies, Jinpachi took the plate and devoured all of the cookies on it.

"These taste funny," said Jinpachi.

"Oh I baked some ganja into those cookies, you gonna be blazed out your skull mon," said the Jamaican guy as he walked off.

"Did that guy just get our boss high?" asked Bryan.

"Keep your mind on the fight!" exclaimed Lei as he delivered a quick kung fu combo to Bryan kocking him onto the ground.

"Hey, you know, everything is so good here. I really feel good," said Jinpachi in a lost in space tone as he started laughing haughtily and looking around all over the place with a big grin on his face.

"Boss, hey lend us a hand!: called out Feng as him, Eddy, and Bryan continued to get beaten down by the Lei Team and Dark Hand.

"Chill you guys, just enjoy the great music and get high on life, and maybe that good old Mary J baby," said Jinpachi.

"I got 5 on it!" shouted Paul as he grabbed a bong from a nearby stoner but before he could take a hit, the ground began to shake again, and the bong was glowing as well as Wang's demon chi container.

"The demon chi is inside the bog, so how should we get it out?" inquired Lee.

"We're gonna have to smoke it out," answered Wang.

"Oh man, I'm glad I don't have to take any drug tests," groaned Lei as him and his team continued to fight off Jinpachi's men while taking hits from the bong to extract the demon chi.

"Damn, that's some powerful stuff right there, and it burns my throat," gasped Asuka.

Eventually, after a while of smoking, the demon chi was expelled from the bong, Wang opened the demon chi container and began chanting his chi spell.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang rapidly, a beam shot out of the container and grabbed the earth demon chi and dragged it into the container, Wang immediately sealed the container shut.

"Do you really think we're gonna let you walk away with that container?" asked Eddy angrily as him, Bryan, and Feng all charged at the Lei Team before Jinpachi grabbed them all in a group hug.

"Oh come on, no need to get violent, let's all go and spread the love right now," said a really high Jinpachi as he teleported away with his minions in hand.

"Heh! Now that was really funny," said King in a lost in space tone.

"Man, I don't know about you, but I've got a serious case of the munchies," commented Ganryu.

"Yeah, I also need some water, I got a massive cottonmouth," added Hwoarang.

"Life is so good, gotta love the high times," commented Lei.

The Lei Team and Dark Hand began to devour Jamaican cuisine and listen to the remainder of the reggae festival while they were still stoned. The song "Because I Got High" by Afroman was playing in the background as Lei and company enjoyed their high times.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," asks some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Should marijuana be legalized?" asked the kid.

"Yes, it's not that bad a drug, people don't get violent off of it, all they get is really happy, hungry, and sleepy. Plus if we legalized it and charged taxes on it, it could boost the economy," answered Lei.

"Ok, thank you," said the kid.

"Now let's go to White Castle," said Lei as he patted his stomach.

Author's Note: Man it feels good to be back to writing after a hard semester of school and a ton of work. Also being in a relationship now also takes up a lot of my time, but even though I'm a busy man, I'm gonna try to find more time to write. I don't wanna take this long between updates anymore. So I'm off now to work on my next chapter, until then, please read and review.


	32. Indian Summer

**Chapter 32: Indian Summer**

It was a hot night in the city of Mumbai, India, and the Lei Team and Dark Hand were tired after a long flight so they decided to rest for the night before going to search for the demon chi. As the night wore on, Xiaoyu rose from her bed and began rummaging through her bag for something, eventually pulling out a handful of chili peppers.

"Xiaoyu, what are you doing?" mumbled Asuka drowsily as she gazed up at the young Chinese girl.

"Nothing, just getting a snack," answered Xiaoyu.

Asuka just groaned and nodded back off to sleep as Xiaoyu snuck over to where Wang was dozing away and quietly stuffed the peppers into Wang's pants and swiftly hopped into her bed pretending to sleep. A few seconds later, Wang darted awake and started hopping around frantically.

"AIIIIIIYAAAAAAA!" screamed Wang as he ran to the bathroom tearing all his clothes off as he turned the shower on and started hosing his groing down with cold water. Everyone awoke to see what the commotion and all grumbled in disgust as they saw Wang hosing himself down.

"I'm gonna have nightmares now," groaned Steve.

"I did not need to see this," said King in a disgruntled tone.

"I'm gonna get whoever did this back!" screamed Wang.

"Way to go Xiaoyu, that was really stupid of you," grumbled Lei as him and Asuka headed back to bed.

"I'm just glad it wasn't me this time," chimed in Hwoarang.

Right as Hwoarang finished his sentence, Dragunov grabbed the chili peppers off the ground and dropped them down Hwoarang's pants and smiled goofily.

"Are you happy now?" asked Dragunov.

"You son of a bitch!" screamed Hwoarang as he ran towards the shower as well.

"That gives a whole new meaning to the term firecrotch," remarked Lei.

"Tell me about it," replied Ganryu.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!" shouted Paul.

"Why are you singing Christmas songs Paul, it's the middle of July?" inquired Dragunov.

"Grandma got run over by a reindeeer!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head for his comment. That morning, the Lei Team and Dark Hand got an early start roaming the streets looking for any clues as to where the demon chi was lying.

"How are we gonna find any leads as to where it may be?" mused Raven.

"I can help you with whatever questions you may have," said a blind man wandering the streets. He was of Asian descent with a red blindfold over his eyes and clothed all in black.

"Do you know where the demon chi is?" inquired Lei.

"Hey, you gotta pay me before I answer any questions for you," replied the blind man.

"Fine, I like you anyways, so here's some money for you Mr. Whatever Your Name Is," said Lee pulling out a 100 dollar bill.

"The name's Kenshi, and sorry buddy but I may be blind, but I'm not playing for your team," answered Kenshi taking the Benjamin Franklin from Lee's hand.

"Well you got your money, so how about you give us some answers now as to where we can locate what we're searching for," remarked Lei.

"Very well, it's at this temple that's a few minutes south, it's quite well guarded too," commented Kenshi.

"We should be able to handle that, we've been through worse," commented Xiaoyu.

"Well then, no more questions for me?" asked Kenshi.

"I'm afraid not, but thanks for your help anyways," answered Ganryu as the Lei Team and Dark Hand took off for the temple that Kenshi had mentioned. Elsewhere around the capital city of India, Jinpachi and company were also searching frantically for the dormant demon chi.

"You know, I could really go for some spicy curry right now," commented Feng.

"I never liked curry, it always gave me indigestion," responded Bryan.

"Will you get your mind off of things that have no bearing on our task!" growled Jinpachi.

"You never let us have any fun do you?" groaned Eddy in a disgruntled tone.

"I'm still pissed at how stupidly we were defeated last time," grumbled Jinpachi.

"You were still really funny when you were high though," remarked Feng.

"Oh shut up and don't remind me of that!" yelled Jinpachi as he smacked Feng across the head.

At that moment, a large fire prominence erupted from seemingly out of nowhere catching the eye of Jinpachi and his minions as a sick grin grossed Jinpachi's face upon seeing the flames in the sky.

"Ha, the demon chi is calling out to us! Let us go my lackeys!" ordered Jinpachi as he grabbed his underlings by their collars and started dragging them over to where the flames were erupting from.

"Boss we can walk you know!" called out Eddy.

Back where the Lei Team was exploring, they also saw the fire prominences rising into the sky and immediately took notice as to what was going on.

"Ai ya, something is burning!" cried out Wang.

"Is it some type of protest going on?" asked King.

"I highly doubt it, I think the fire demon chi is located over where those prominences are rising from," answered Lei.

"I have a feeling Jinpachi will be nearby as well," added Steve.

"I wish I brought some marshmallows to roast now," cried out Dragunov.

"Only you can prevent forest fires!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head once again as the Lei Team and Dark Hand took off near where the prominences were rising from. As Lei's group and Jinpachi's group headed to the same destination, the groups collided with each other yet again.

"Great, talk about a train wreck," grumbled Bryan.

"What train, you guys are the real wreck around here," retorted Ganryu.

"I might've guessed we'd have to deal with you again," groaned Jinpachi.

"Hey Jinpachi, wanna get high?" asked Raven.

"Oh shut up you bumbling fools, I'll destroy you for making an ass out of me!" yelled Jinpachi.

"I knew another fight was brewing, well then let's heat it up baby!" replied Lei as he took a combat pose.

The song "Tunak Tunak Tun" by Daler Mendhi began to play as the Lei's group readied themselves to face Jinpachi and his cohorts once again. Eddy began doing a Capoeira dance and swung his leg at Hwoarang, who leapt to avoid the attack and threw a kick at Eddy who dodged Hwoarang's leg and swept him and Lee as they both tried to double team him. Feng then threw a fire blast at Raven who flipped out of the way just in time and King grabbed the Chinese lackey of Jinpachi and delivered a suplex to him. Bryan and Steve traded punches and as Bryan staggered back Ganryu hit the white haired warrior in the back with a palm strike. Dragunov then attempted a tackle on Bryan who rolled out of the way and he wound up knocking Paul down who was busy fighting Feng. As Feng tried to stomp on Paul and Dragunov, Xiaoyu swept the Chinese fighter and Wang nailed him with an uppercut. Eddy jumped in and unleashed a Capoeira flurry on Xiaoyu but Asuka interrupted it by hitting Eddy in the stomach with a quick punch and Lei also added some injury to the Brazilian brawler by pelting him with a roundhouse to the face and then a sweep sending Eddy to the floor.

"RARRGH! Get up and destroy those fools!" roared Jinpachi.

"Not so fast vile demons, I shall exorcise you guys from this world!" yelled a dark skinned man with a blonde mohawk who was clothed in a blue blazer and white pants with white dress shoes.

"Who might you be?" asked Jinpachi in a rather annoyed tone.

"I am Boman Delgado, I spread the word of the Lord and I must free you from your demons!" exclaimed Boman as he ran to Jinpachi and started hitting him over the head with a bible.

"Get away from me you delusional idiot!" screamed Jinpachi.

"The power of Christ compels you!" shouted Boman as he continued smacking Jinpachi with his huge bible causing Eddy, Bryan, and Feng to drop their scuffle with the Lei Team and chase after Boman who immediately began running away as he saw Jinpachi's lackeys chase after him.

"Let's get moving while they're all disoriented!" ordered Lei to his colleagues. They all nodded in agreement and took off towards the temple that was in front of their eyes. As Jinpachi saw this, he got angry and started chasing after his minions.

"You morons, don't forget our mission, forget that Jesus freak!" shouted Jinpachi.

In the meantime, the Lei Team and Dark Hand finally arrived at the temple where the fire demon chi was said to lie dormant at. As they arrived, the containment device Wang held began to glow rapidly indicating they were close.

"My demon chi sense is tingling!" cried out Wang.

"What brings you to my temple?" asked an Indian man that appeared from out of nowhere in front of Lei and company. He had dark brown skin with orange face paint covering most of his bald head. He was clothed in a necklace with three skulls on it, yellowish-orange shorts and numerous bracelets and anklets.

"We are here to obtain the fire demon chi before an evil being does," answered Asuka.

"I am Dhalsim, the guardian of that chi, I can read your mind and tell that you are correct with what you say," remarked Dhalsim.

"Whoa, that's freaky, what else can you tell us about that?" inquired Lee.

"I have a feeling that some of the stuff that's in your mind would traumatize your friends," answered Dhalsim.

"Yeah, I get that feeling too," replied Steve.

"Anyways, I shall not stand in the way of you getting the demon chi, for I know you will keep it safe," said Dhalsim to Lei and company.

"Hold on! Don't think we're gonna let you just walk away this time!" roared Jinpachi as him and his cohorts ran towards the temple.

"Oh great, these guys just don't know when to give up already," groaned Ganryu.

"Do not worry, I shall help you hold them off while you find a way to extract the demon chi from it's resting place," responded Dhalsim as he extended his leg and kicked Jinpachi square in the face sending him staggering back a bit.

"Are you made of rubber or something?" asked Hwoarang.

"It is one of the inner mysteries of Yoga," answered Dhalsim as he spit forth a burst of fire from his mouth to hold off Jinpachi and his minions.

"This living piece of taffy is driving me insane!" screamed Jinpachi.

"Mmm, taffy, I wonder if he tastes like curry," commented Dragunov as he tried to lick Dhalsim.

"Sugar rots unbrushed teeth!" yelled Paul as he once more smacked Dragunov on the head.

"Man, do we always have to run across weirdos?" complained Eddy just before Lei blasted him with the power of the pig talisman.

"I don't know buddy, but I am getting quite tired of it," said Bryan right as he was thrown back by the telekinetic power of the rooster talisman.

"Hey Wang, hurry up with the chi spell!" yelled out King

"Keep your pants on, it's not like they're on fire!" yelled Wang.

"No, but you'll soon be burning in hell soon!" shouted Feng before King smacked him with the power of the ox talisman and sent him flying face first into a fresh pile of elephant manure.

"Well that was shitty, literally," grumbled Feng.

"Villain falls in poop, classic comedy element, now is the part where we all throw our heads back and laugh, ready?" said Lei.

"Ready!" replied the rest of the Lei Team and Dark Hand as they all started laughing at Feng's misfortune.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu frantically hoping the demon chi would show itself soon which soon the fire demon chi shot out of an elephant's trunk and flew into the containment unit which Wang promptly sealed.

"Just because you got the demon chi doesn't mean you'll be going home with it!" screamed Jinpachi before another elephant trumpeted and sat down on Jinpachi making him cry out in pain.

"Good elephant," said Dhalsim handing the big gray animal a juicy apple which he promptly ate.

"Forget this, I'm out of here but you will see me again, count on it!" shouted Jinpachi as him and his minions teleported away.

"Two down, six more to go," remarked Raven.

"Say, why don't you stay at my place for a curry dinner and a free yoga lesson, it's the least I can do for helping me fend off those evildoers," suggested Dhalsim to Lei's crew.

"Sounds like a plan, I could use some really good Indian food," commented Ganryu patting his stomach and licking his lips.

"Hey where did Grandpa go though?" asked Xiaoyu as she saw Wang was nowhere to be found. All of a sudden Xiaoyu found herself being suspended in midair and unable to move.

"What's going on here?" asked Xiaoyu just as a pile of chili peppers floating towards her, and the others knew Wang was using the powers of the snake and rooster talismans to do this as he stuffed some peppers down Xiaoyu's shirt and the rest into her shorts and continued to hold her there until she started to feel a burning sensation making her scream out in pain. Soon, Wang's laughter became audible to the group and he allowed himself to be visible as he continued laughing and covering his eyes.

"I told you I'd get you back for what you did last night," commented Wang as he finally released his telekinetic hold on Xiaoyu and she started jumping around frantically and as she saw a body of water where elephants were bathing themselves, she tore off all her clothes and ran for the body of water.

"Damn you Grandpa!" yelled Xiaoyu just as she dove into the water and let out a sigh of relief.

"That was hot, in more ways than one," remarked Lei.

"Yes, she is very hot! Yoga!" exclaimed Dhalsim as he became aroused and his member extended out all the way to the body of water Xiaoyu was in.

"I knew his arms and legs weren't the only things he could stretch," stated Asuka.

"You must be a hit with the ladies," said King.

"I have a wife, and yes, she's very satisfied," commented Dhalsim.

"Ooh, now I really want some spicy curry," cooed Lee as he gave a flirtatious wink to the Indian rubber man.

"Forget that!" shouted Dhalsim as his erection went away and Xiaoyu walked out of the water very relieved to longer be feeling the heat of the peppers Wang stuffed into her clothes. After she got dressed, the Lei Team enjoyed a spicy curry dinner and a relaxing yoga lesson with Dhalsim as the song "Jai Ho" by A.R. Rahman began to play.

"Karma has very good to us today," commented Lei.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you like yoga?" inquired the kid.

"It's not my favorite way to relax, but hey, some people love it. I never saw what was so great about trying to make yourself a human pretzel, but I give those who stick with it props. Plus it's a good way to stay in shape from what I hear," answered Lei.

"Ok, that's pretty cool," replied the kid.

"Yoga! Yoga! Yoga! Yoga!" said Lei while in a meditative state.

Author's Note: Well, it's been a while, my old laptop died on me while I was writing this chapter initially. Now I have a new laptop and I'm finally glad to finish this chapter and bring it to you. As long as I don't have anymore hardware issues, I should be update sooner than before. Anyways I hope you Mortal Kombat, Rival Schools, and Street Fighter fans enjoyed seeing Kenshi, Boman, and Dhalsim respectively. Now I'm off to work on ideas for the next chapter, until then, please read and review.


	33. The Manila Thrilla

**Chapter 33: The Manila Thrilla**

After getting the fire demon chi in India, Section 13 informed Lei and company about the whereabouts of another demon chi which was supposedly found the Philippines. So without any hesitance, the Lei Team and Dark Hand headed over the capital city of Manila to track down and capture the loose demon chi.

"I wish I had brushed up on my Tagalog before I had come here, it would've helped out a lot over here," stated Raven.

"Ibig sabihin gusto mo ito? (You mean like this?)" asked Lei.

"Show off," grumbled Raven.

"Huwag naninibugho! (Don't be jealous!)" exclaimed Asuka.

"That's enough teasing Raven, he's our ride back," chimed in Steve.

"Technically, any Section 13 chopper can pick us up but you are right about him having the connections," responded King.

"Hey I feel you Raven, I didn't really study my Tagalog either," said Hwoarang.

"That's fine, and no you don't feel me, you're not even gonna get to first base," replied Raven.

"We're playing baseball now, can I be the pitcher?" asked Dragunov.

"Strike three, you're out!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"Oh brother, let's just get to finding that water demon chi," ordered Lei.

The others all nodded in agreement and left the airport to go and explore the city. Elsewhere in Manila, Jinpachi and his minions were already hard at work searching for the demon chi that lies hidden somewhere in the city.

"Twice I've been defeated by this meddlesome Lei Team! We will not let this happen again!" yelled Jinpachi.

"Yeah, you know what they say boss, third time is a charm," chimed Eddy.

"I sure hope it is, being sat on by an elephant was an embarrassing way to be trumped," groaned Jinpachi.

"Not as bad as being flung face first into elephant manure," cried out Feng.

"Quit your complaining! There are more important issues to worry about! And I'm not going to be made a fool out of by that meddlesome Lei Team again!" growled Jinpachi.

"Whatever you say boss, I'm sure once we obtain the water demon chi they'll all be washed up," chimed in Bryan.

"I hope for my sake that what you say is true," grumbled Jinpachi.

Elsewhere, the Lei Team and Dark Hand continued to roam the city of Manila, nothing seemed to out of the ordinary at the moment, until they saw a fisherman walking by soaking wet from head to toe.

"What happened, did a big one get away from you and you fell off your boat?" inquired Ganryu.

"No, the area where I was fishing started acting like a geyser and I got sprayed repeatedly sir," replied the fisherman.

"That's odd, has that ever occurred before?" asked King.

"That's a first not only for me, but for everyone else that was there with me," answered the fisherman.

"There has to be a demon chi lying there somewhere," whispered Xiaoyu to her companions.

"That's a no brainer, we gotta find where this fishing hole is before Jinpachi does and hangs us out to dry," responded Lei.

"Oh boy, this will be like playing at a water park!" exclaimed Dragunov.

"Little kid urinates in pool!" shouted Paul once again smacking Dragunov on the head.

"Let's get busy now, and not in the perverted way," ordered Lei to his teammates.

"Good, I not want to be involved in orgy with you guys, I'm no freak in the sheets," cried out Wang.

"Are you sure about that?" asked Lee.

"Dude, we don't know, and we don't want to know. Now shut up and let's get to that fishing area!" shouted Lei to the others. Without any more hesitation they all departed for the nearest dock. As the Lei Team and Dark Hand made for the dock, they saw Jinpachi and his crew also searching for any clues to where the water demon chi was lying. As they saw each other, both groups grew agitated.

"Hindi ang mga taong ito muli, (Not these people again)" grumbled a disgruntled Xiaoyu.

"What the hell did you just say?" asked Eddy.

"They're speaking the native language here dimwit!" growled Jinpachi.

"Why don't you speak in something we can understand!" yelled Bryan.

"Kiss ang aking lumang gusot makapal na! (Kiss my old wrinkly butt)!" retorted Wang.

"I don't know what you said, but we aint doing that!" said Feng authoritatively.

"This time, we'll feed you to the sharks that swim in this ocean!" shouted Jinpachi.

"Big talk from a guy who probably can't even swim!" replied Raven.

"Ito ay kung saan kami malunod ka! (This is where we drown you!)" remarked Lei.

"Suck on my lumpia roll!" retorted Eddy as he tried to kick Lei in the stomach but got a roundhouse to the face before he could strike.

"With pleasure!" said Lee.

"Restrain yourself you horny little bakla (gay)," grumbled Steve as he shook his head in disgust.

The song "Bebot" by The Black Eyed Peas began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand ensued in another scuffle with Jinpachi and his minions. Bryan delivered a punch to Steve's gut but Steve retaliated with a fist to the face and they both staggered away from each other, Lee aimed for a sweep, but Bryan leapt out of the way and he accidentally nailed Steve. Xiaoyu then jumped in the air and smacked Bryan with three swift kicks knocking him into King who promptly knocked Bryan on the ground with a suplex.

"I'm gonna kick the shit outta you for making my face smell like shit last time!" shouted Feng who hit Dragunov with a powerful palm strike knocking him to the ground. Hwoarang sent a couple high roundhouse kicks towards Feng making him jump back where Ganryu sent him into the air with an open palm uppercut and Raven dove down at Feng sending him crashing to the ground with a strong flying kick to the face.

"Don't interfere with our business," said Eddy as he flipped towards Wang and tried to hit him with a diving kick but barely missed, Asuka then came at Eddy with a hard punch to the sternum which the Brazilian fighter blocked but did not see Paul behind him and got an elbow to the back making him stumble into Lei who knocked Eddy down with a swift roundhouse to his face.

"I swear I will do everything in my power to make sure this third time will be a charm!" growled Jinpachi angrily.

"Charms, I love Lucky Charms, it's my favorite breakfast cereal!" exclaimed Dragunov.

"They're magically delicious!" added Paul enthusiastically.

Jinpachi just roared in anger and started flinging fireballs into the area where the brawl was taking place, hitting everyone, even his own henchmen, flooring them.

"I'm getting tired of all this friendly fire," groaned Eddy.

"I'm getting tired of fire period," grumbled Feng.

"Don't even start whining, as long as our enemies are unable to fight, that's all that matters, now to finish them off!" shouted Jinpachi.

Before Jinpachi and company could the final blow on the Lei Team and Dark Hand though, a cloud of smoke appeared from out of nowhere disorienting the evil quartet and when the smoke finally cleared, the Lei Team and Dark Hand were nowhere to be found.

"How did they get away?" mused Bryan obviously bewildered.

Elsewhere on a boat out at sea, Lei slowly awoke shaking his head to help him regain his composure as he sat up and opened his eyes and surveyed the area around him.

"Ok, I'm out at sea on a boat, what just happened?" pondered Lei as he proceeded to wake his friends from their slumber.

"Did we just get abducted or something?" inquired Asuka as she examined everyone's surroundings.

"No, you didn't. We saved you from being toasted back there by that creepy old and his cronies," answered a masculine sounding voice from out of nowhere.

"Are you sure you don't want to do the same to us?" asked Raven.

"We're sure, we'll help you get that water demon chi you need," answered a feminine voice.

"Pagkatapos ipakita ang inyong sarili na! (Then show yourselves already!)" exclaimed Lei.

Without any hesitance, two figures emerged from the cabin of the boat. One was a tanned male with short black hair and brown eyes. He was wearing a blue ninja mask, a tattered blue shirt, blue pants, and black shoes and carrying a katana with him. The other person was a female with black hair going down to her shoulders. She had a yellow headband on in addition to a bright green spandex suit with bright green boots as well. In her hands were two neon yellow tonfa.

"My name is Jago, this is my twin sister Black Orchid," said Jago to the Lei Team and the Dark Hand.

"So you're some type of ninja, what is she supposed to be, an aerobics trainer?" asked Hwoarang.

Orchid walked up to Hwoarang and promptly smacked him in the groin with one of her tonfa causing him to drop to the ground.

"That does not matter, all that matters is making sure you guys get that demon chi secured before Jinpachi gets to it," answered Orchid.

"Then why are sitting on this boat doing nothing, let's get to business already!" ordered Lei to the others.

"Agreed, back to shore we go!" called out Jago as he took the helm of the boat and began to steer it back to shore. Back in the city of Manila, Jinpachi and company were heading towards the area where the water demon chi was supposed to be.

"Well even though we don't know what happened to Lei and his band of losers, at least we finally will get our hands on demon chi!" exclaimed Jinpachi.

"Then maybe you'll relax a little, all that stress can't be good for your blood pressure," added Bryan.

At that moment, the boat that Jago was piloting arrived at shore and the Lei Team and Dark Hand leapt off the boat along with Jago and Orchid to confront Jinpachi and his minions.

"Sorry for the bad news, well maybe it's good news for us, but we'll make sure we give you all a heart attack!" exclaimed Ganryu.

"You're still alive and still trying to rain on our parades, damn you to Hell!" growled Jinpachi.

"We'll pass on that, it seems more like a place you'd like being," replied King.

"Time for you to die of dehydration!" roared Feng as he took a fighting stance along with everyone else. The song "Torpedo" by Gloc 9 began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand alongside Jago and Orchid began another scuffle against Jinpachi and company.

"Just die bitches!" yelled Bryan as he grabbed Xiaoyu by her shirt and flung her into Lee and Hwoarang bowling them all over. As he charged at them, a coconut hit Bryan squarely on the head and he stopped his charge to see where it was coming from. Only to see that King had used the rat talisman on a coconut tree bringing it to life.

"Attack that guy that wants to do bad things to your home amigo!" shouted out King and the coconut tree continued to bombard Bryan with coconuts. Making him fall to the ground as a pile of coconuts buried him.

"Mother Nature sure is a bitch, especially when you feed her talismans" grumbled Bryan from underneath the pile.

"How dare you do something that embarrassing to my comrade!" hollered Feng as he delivered a set of swift kicks to Raven who retaliated with a sweep. Steve ran in with a powerful uppercut which Feng barely dodged. Dragunov tried to ambush Feng from behind but received a strong elbow to the face. However Jago leapt in with sharp kick to Feng's back making him stagger into Ganryu who slammed him onto the ground and sat on him before breaking wind which made Feng gag in disgust.

"Great, I need a shower now," complained Feng.

"I'll be glad to comply with your request," said Jago as he picked up Feng and threw him into the water.

Eddy did a cartwheel kick sending Paul staggering backwards, and then started spinning around making Lei and Asuka wonder how they would get close to Eddy. Wang used the pig talisman to fire a laser beam from his eyes burning Eddy's hand and making him cry out in pain.

"Hot! Hot! Hot!" screamed Eddy as he held his burnt hand. Lei, Asuka, and Paul all nailed Eddy with a triple punch to the gut making him stagger back into Orchid who tapped the Brazilian on the shoulder and as Eddy whirled around to face Orchid, she opened her spandex suit and promptly flashed Eddy making him nosebleed and faint right as she zipped her suit back up.

"Orchid used flash!" commented Lei.

"It's super effective!" shouted Paul.

"What an exhibitionist," groaned Asuka to herself.

"I hate you with a passion, I will drown you myself!" bellowed Jinpachi as he charged at the Lei Team and Dark Hand. Lei and the others all intercepted Jinpachi's charge towards them.

"Wang, get to the chi spell now!" called out everyone.

"Right, Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison. After a while of chanting, the water demon chi erupted out of the ocean and Wang swiftly sealed the chi into his container.

"I won't let you get away with this!" yelled Jinpachi.

"Oh quit repeating yourself you annoying parrot!" yelled Lei as he kicked Jinpachi away and fired the monkey talisman at him turning Jinpachi into a parrot. Jinpachi squawked in disbelief as he quickly teleported away with his minions.

"Well, that will round out a nice hat trick for us," said Xiaoyu.

"What's a hat trick?" asked Lee.

"It's when a player scores three goals in soccer, and we just nabbed our third demon chi, so I figured it would be a fitting analogy," answered Xiaoyu.

"That fits, and we're glad we could help you out in your quest," answered Jago.

"Is there anything you want to do before you leave to find the next demon chi?" asked Orchid.

"I say we just explore the city more and see the sights, maybe get some lumpia later on," suggested Lei.

"With some chicken adobo!" added Ganryu.

"Not a bad idea, we'll be your tour guides," said Jago.

And with that, the Lei Team and Dark Hand decided to go sightseeing around Manila to celebrate their most recent victory over Jinpachi.

"Pag-ibig ko Manila! (I love Manila!)" exclaimed everyone.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you know how to swim?" asked the kid.

"Uh yeah, as a cop that's kind of important in case you're doing an investigation on the sea and you have to abandon ship. I'm no Michael Phelps, but I know enough to keep me afloat, besides, no offense to the guy, but Michael Phelps looks like Shrek," answered Lei.

"You're right, he does," says the kid.

"Donkey, where are you?" asked Lei in a mock-Shrek tone.

Author's Note: Another chapter down and I'm back in school now to learn how to write police reports. Oh yeah, and Tekken 6 is awesome, it's my new favorite Tekken game, my mains are Lei (of course) and Miguel (since his name is my name too). Anyways I'm off to go work on the next chapter, so until then, please read and review.


	34. Why You Russian?

**Chapter 34: Why You Russian?**

The weather was freezing cold in the city of Moscow, Russia. The Lei Team and Dark Hand had just touched down there upon hearing from Section 13 about some oddities going on over there too and figured a dormant demon chi had to be lying around somewhere in the city. Snow covered all the roads and nearly every inch of the floor as many people trudged down the streets of Moscow.

"Yay, it's so good to be home, I want to make snow angels and write my name in the snow with my urine!" exclaimed Dragunov.

"Polar bear devours fish!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"Oh brother, the type of things this guy is into," grumbled Steve.

"Tell me about it. Anyways, the ice demon chi should be somewhere in this frostbitten city," informed Lei.

"I hope we find it soon before we all become icicles," cried out Raven.

"I know, it's so cold my nipples are hard," complained Asuka, Wang began drooling at the thought of that.

"Yeah, so are mine," added Ganryu, making Wang gag at the image that popped up in his head.

"Oh come on, did we really need to hear that?" groaned Hwoarang in a disgusted tone.

"I don't mind it at all," replied Lee.

"That's because you have a nasty mind," retorted King.

"I suggest we not remain frozen here otherwise we will be iced by Jinpachi," commented Lei to his companions.

"Agreed, let's make haste like an avalanche," added Raven to which the others immediately him and Lei in continuing to traverse the snowy landscape. Also on the hunt were Jinpachi and his minions, and neither of them were too thrilled with the weather either.

"Damn it, why didn't I invest in a parka?" groaned Bryan.

"Why are you complaining about the cold, you're dragon men, you can heat yourself up!" exclaimed Jinpachi.

"We don't want to look like freaks," responded Feng.

"Dude, we have scales, I think it's a little late for that," replied Eddy.

"Would you all stop your complaining!" growled Jinpachi.

"Don't make a scene boss," grumbled Feng.

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do!" yelled Jinpachi smacking Feng on the head once again. At that moment, a cold wind blew past Jinpachi and company making all of them shiver. Unbeknownst to them, the Lei Team also felt the wind too.

"BRRRRR, that's chilly," remarked Wang.

"That cold wind seems just too unnatural here," added Xiaoyu.

"The ice demon chi must be in the vicinity then, the question is where exactly," stated Lei.

"We should follow the direction the wind came from," piped up Asuka.

With that, the Lei Team and Dark Hand began running towards the direction of the icy wind blasts. As they ran down the path, they found Jinpachi and his minions on the same path. Dragunov picked up a snowball and threw it at the villains smacking Jinpachi clean on the head causing the villainous man to whirl around and growl angrily.

"You idiot, why did you have to alert them of our presence?" asked Steve.

"I wanted to have a snowball fight," answered Dragunov.

"Avalanche buries mountain climber!" shouted Paul as he once again smacked Dragunov upside the head.

"I knew you guys would show again to get under my skin," said Jinpachi.

"Hey, it's our job. It may not be the best job in the world but someone has to do it," replied Lei.

"Well this time we'll make sure that you die of hypothermia in this frostbitten location!" shouted Bryan.

"Yeah right, you stand a snowball's chance in hell of actually doing that!" retorted King.

"We shall see about that," responded Eddy as he took his combat pose.

"Eh, yet another fight, I guess it's ok. I'll get to generate some body heat this way," commented Xiaoyu.

The song "Get Your Groove On" by Timati and Snoop Dogg began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand looked to begin yet another fight against Jinpachi and his lackeys.

"Payback is going to really be a bitch this time around!" shouted Feng as he leapt at Hwoarang and the two traded kicks with one another. Hwoarang and Feng continued their kick fest as Steve ran behind Feng and tried to punch him but Feng moved out of the way at the last minute and he wound up punching Hwoarang in the face. Feng then turned around and hit Steve in the stomach with a palm strike sending him flying back. Raven then appeared from out of nowhere and nailed Feng square in the face with a flying kick sending him staggering back into Xiaoyu who tripped up the Chinese fighter.

"We'll make popsicles out of you all!" exclaimed Eddy as he flipped kicked towards Lee who ducked under Eddy's attack as Dragunov smacked Eddy across the head with a hard fist. Eddy turned around and did a cartwheel kick to Dragunov but King grabbed him by the leg and flung the Brazilian into Wang who sent Eddy into the air with strong uppercut before sending him back with a double palm strike.

"I'm ready to break the ice, and your bones as well!" growled Bryan as he tried to strike Ganryu with a cross punch, Ganryu absorbed the blow and shoulder rammed Bryan into Asuka who flipped over shoulders and Lei dove down onto Bryan delivering an elbow to Bryan's chest as he lie on the floor. Paul then lifted Bryan up by his shirt and tossed him into Jinpachi.

"Person shovels snow out of driveway!" shouted Paul as he flung Bryan away.

"That's it, I'm tired of you guys just letting yourselves be practice dummies!" yelled Jinpachi as he prepared to go and get involved in the battle once again. However, a cold wind began to blow once again accompanied by snow.

"Great, and me without my hot chocolate," grumbled Wang.

The snowstorm grew even stronger and swiftly blew everyone away and everything soon went black for all of them. When Lei awoke, he found himself in a cabin with someone sitting down on a chair watching him. The man was wearing a red helmet with a falcon emblem on it and had a black visor over his eyes and was also wearing a blue skintight body suit along with yellow gloves and boots.

"Hey, did you save us from that snowstorm?" asked Lei.

"YES!" exclaimed the man so loudly, it woke the rest of the Lei Team and Dark Hand.

"Damn it, and I was having a great dream," groaned Wang as he woke up.

"So you saved us, what is your name?" inquired Asuka.

"FALCON, Captain Falcon!" yelled Captain Falcon.

"Good to meet you Captain Falcon, where are we?" asked King.

"FALCON my house!" replied Captain Falcon.

"I see, you brought us in from the cold, was there anyone else you saw outside?" questioned Raven.

"FALCON I saw no one else!" spoke Captain Falcon.

"Do you always say falcon before everything?" asked Steve a little peevishly.

"YES!" answered Captain Falcon.

"Oh boy, that's gonna get old really fast," grumbled Ganryu.

"Anyways, shouldn't we get back out there and find that ice demon chi? We can't afford to waste time in here talking about falcons," suggested Lei.

"FALCON, I'll come with you!" chimed in Captain Falcon.

"Are you sure, it could be dangerous," warned Xiaoyu.

"FALCON I'll be just fine!" exclaimed Captain Falcon.

"This is gonna drive me up the wall," groaned Hwoarang.

"But cars can't go up walls, they're not like spiders," said Dragunov.

"Fly gets caught in spider's web!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head once again.

"Let's just get a move on!" ordered Lei to his companions as they all left the cabin and off to the whereabouts of the ice demon chi.

"Thwarted by a snowstorm, I sometimes hate nature!" shouted Jinpachi to his minions as they themselves headed back to their destination.

"At least you didn't have your ass handed to you by a coconut tree," piped up Bryan.

"Oh come on, the embarrassing things I've dealt with on these outings have far outnumbered yours," retorted Jinpachi.

"The boss has got us there," replied Eddy.

"But they're still funny though," added Feng.

"I told you to shut up about that!" yelled Jinpachi as he once again smacked Feng on the head in anger.

At that moment, a yellow colored snowball flew towards Jinpachi and hit him in the face making the demonic beast gag in disgust. As he looked up to see who threw the snowball at him, he saw the Lei Team and Dark Hand along with Captain Falcon in front of him. Dragunov turned around and taunted Jinpachi by smacking his butt.

"It's a shame that snowstorm didn't bury you in his wrath," groaned Jinpachi.

"Like we were gonna be put on ice that easily," replied Raven.

"Show me your moves!" exclaimed Captain Falcon.

"Whoa, he said something without saying falcon in front of it!" gasped Xiaoyu.

"Falcon focus on the fight!" responded Captain Falcon.

"What the hell is this clown's problem?" asked Bryan.

"You should worry more about yourselves," replied Lei.

At that moment, the Lei Team and Dark Hand began yet another brawl with Jinpachi and his minions. Eddy ran forward and attempted a pinwheel kick on King who grabbed the Brazilian by the leg and flung him away resulting in Eddy flying into a Russian pub and crashing straight into a jukebox. All the pub regulars stopped their drinking to take a look at the man lying on the jukebox and all of the sudden; the musical device began playing the Tetris theme.

"Sweet, I love Tetris!" exclaimed Dragunov as him and the entire bar began Cossack dancing to the Tetris theme.

"Falcon let's get to business!" called out Captain Falcon.

Eddy got off of the jukebox and resumed his offense by throwing a sweep at Lee who attempted his own and the two traded hits. Xiaoyu went for a chop to Eddy's face, but the Brazilian blocked and flipped back nailing Xiaoyu in the chin in the process. King ran in for a clothesline but Eddy ducked under it only to see Hwoarang come up and kick him square in the face and then deliver another kick to his sternum while he was floored which knocked the wind out of Eddy.

Bryan and Steve then threw punches at one another both trading off and staggering away from each other. Raven ran up behind Bryan and dove at him, but the white haired goon dodged at the last second and Raven ended up hitting Steve with his leaping kicks.

"Time to make like a Tetris block and fall on you!" shouted Ganryu as he dove off of a table and belly flopped right on top of Bryan. As the flattened fighter got back up Captain Falcon dashed at him.

"Falcon Kick!" yelled Captain Falcon sliding at Bryan with a flaming kick that sent him flying out of the pub where everyone else followed suit. Dragunov was still doing the Cossack dance while humming the Tetris theme and holding bottles of vodka.

Feng and Asuka began to spar with one another as Feng tried to elbow Asuka in the stomach but she barely blocked the attack. Lei then came up from behind Feng and hit him in the back with a double palm strike which knocked him into Wang who uppercut Feng into the air and as he came down Paul struck him with a powerful punch that sent the Chinese dragon man sailing into Captain Falcon who turned around and cocked his fist back angrily.

"Falcon Punch!" hollered Captain Falcon as he decked Feng with a powerful flaming fist that sent him sailing away.

"It looks like it's up to me to frost the falcon's wings," grumbled Jinpachi as he prepared to enter the fray. As he made a dash for Captain Falcon, Lei intercepted Jinpachi and delivered a hard spinning roundhouse to his face sending him staggering back into Dragunov who was still Cossack dancing.

"Calm down comrade and have a drink!" commented Dragunov who dumped a whole bottle of vodka into Jinpachi's mouth.

"Hey comrade, let's dance!" exclaimed Jinpachi in a slurred tone as he began Cossack dancing with Dragunov. The other bottle that Dragunov was holding began to pulsate and Wang's eyes widened.

"Ai ya, that demon chi is inside the vodka bottle, we must drink the vodka before we can expel the chi!" cried out Wang.

"No drinking for you, you're the designated spell caster!" replied Lei as he took the bottle from Dragunov and began to chug down some of the vodka before passing it off to Raven, who drank some and then passed it off to Asuka.

"Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall!" sang Paul.

As Eddy, Bryan, and Feng tried to stop them from taking another demon chi, Lei drunkenly thrust himself into them spinning like a corkscrew and knocked them all over like bowling pins.

"Do the chi spell now Viejo!" exclaimed King.

"Right! Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison at that moment; the ice demon chi cast itself out of the empty vodka bottle and zoomed towards Wang where he sealed it inside of the demon chi container.

"Come on my comrades, let's continue our dance elsewhere!" called out a drunk Jinpachi as he grabbed his minions while still Cossack dancing and teleported away.

"Falcon that was fun!" shouted Captain Falcon.

"Da comrade, in Russia, vodka drink you!" commented a somewhat drunken Dragunov.

"Ooh, that was hot. Hey tight pants, how about you and me get acquainted?" said a random Russian woman to Captain Falcon.

"YES! Show me your moves!" exclaimed Captain Falcon as he ran off with the Russian girl into a nearby hotel.

"At least we not have to put up with falcon obsessed nut job anymore," said Wang.

"Oh he wasn't that bad, at least he was useful in this fight," replied Hwoarang.

"True, let's get more vodka," suggested drunken Lei.

"Falcon Hump! Falcon Hump! Falcon Hump!" echoed Captain Falcon's yells from the hotel.

"On second thought, let's just get out of here," remarked Lei.

"Da comrade!" replied as the others as they all left the area, with Dragunov still Cossack dancing the whole way.

Ask Lei segment.

"Hey Lei," pipes up a little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Do you enjoy playing in the snow?" asked the kid.

"It's all right, personally I don't like being cold so while snowboarding and having snowball fights sounds fun, shoveling snow doesn't. So I'd rather be inside a warm house drinking coffee or hot chocolate," answered Lei.

"Yeah me too," said the kid.

"The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!" sang Lei.

Author's Note: Yet another chapter finished. Hopefully you Smash Bros. fans liked seeing Captain Falcon make his appearance here. Not much else to say here but I'm still enjoying Tekken 6 as well. Anyways I'm off to work on the next chapter, so until then, show me your reviews!


	35. Pardon My French

**Chapter 35: Pardon My French**

The Lei Team and Dark Hand had just touched down in the city of Paris, France upon hearing the yet another demon chi was somewhere waiting to be unearthed and they decided to make haste in finding it since they knew Jinpachi would be on the hunt over there too.

"I'm willing we're going to bet that we find the light demon chi here," commented Wang.

"And why do you say it will be that one?" inquired Steve.

"Because Paris is called the City of Lights by some," answered Lei.

"Makes sense as to why we'd find that chi here," chimed in Asuka.

"Oui! I love this city, it's so high class!" cooed Lee.

"Well then, let's get to saving it from that idiot Jinpachi then," suggested Raven.

With that, the Lei Team and Dark Hand began searching around the city for any obvious clues that would lead them to the demon chi. In the meantime, Jinpachi and company were also doing the same as many folks either ran from them or just looked at them weirdly.

"You know, I'm getting tired of all these weird looks we're getting from people all over the world," commented Eddy.

"Can you blame them? We look like some horrible mutated experiment of course they're gonna gawk at us," grumbled Feng.

"Then why don't you just destroy those that do so?" asked Jinpachi.

"Because we know not to cause any trouble until you get your demon chi back. Then we'll have no problems destroying everyone!" exclaimed Bryan.

"At least you're smart enough to know that," replied Jinpachi.

"Of course, we may be villains, but we're not savages," remarked Eddy.

"At least for now we're not," stated Feng.

At that moment, a bunch of light fixtures and bulbs began acting strange, some blinking, others intensifying and some just blacking out completely.

"What the hell? Is some type of insane light show going on?" inquired Ganryu.

"Or did a bunch of people not pay their electric bill?" added Xiaoyu.

"I doubt that's what happened. It's the demon chi messing with all these lights," said King.

"Oh boy, doing this mission will be like working for PG&E!" exclaimed Dragunov.

"Fuse box short circuits!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"How are we supposed to find where the demon chi is hiding? Light travels way too fast for us to catch up to it," pondered Asuka.

"That's what we have all the talismans for," answered Raven pulling out the rabbit talisman.

"Bingo, light-speed travel in the palm of your hand," commented Lei.

As the Lei Team and Dark Hand harnessed the power of the talismans they began to speed around Paris in hopes they'd catch the light demon chi at some point. Unfortunately a blackout occurred near them and they wound up colliding into someone in the blackness.

"Who dares ram into us like some angry blind bull!" roared Jinpachi.

"Son of a bitch, we had to slam headfirst into this guy," groaned Steve.

"We could say the same about you, I swear I feel like we're magnetized to each other sometimes," grumbled Eddy.

"They say opposite forces attract though sweetie," said Lee.

"Lee, we're trying to beat them down, not…I don't even want to finish that sentence," replied Ganryu.

"I understand, but you'll be fucked soon for all the hell you've given us these past few excursions!" retorted Bryan.

"No way, we'll make sure we banish you to some island to die just like Napoleon!" responded Lei as he took a combat pose.

"Let's light them up amigo!" added King.

"No way, we'll squash you like snails!" boasted Feng as the Lei Team and Dark Hand prepared to battle Jinpachi and his minions once again.

"Why don't you just surrender?" asked Bryan as he swung at Steve who dodged the blow and hit Bryan clean in the face. Bryan shot forth a fire blast from his fist making Steve dive out of the way, Raven fired a laser blast with the power of the pig talisman at Bryan making him jump back into Ganryu who hit the white haired dragon man in the face with a palm to the chin and Hwoarang kicked Bryan in the back knocking him to the ground.

"I wanna throw you off the top of the Eiffel Tower and watch you fall to your doom!" shouted Feng as he elbowed Lee in the stomach, and then breathed fire towards Xiaoyu who rolled out of the way and ran at Feng with the rabbit talisman hitting him in the face with a leaping kick. Feng swatted her away just as Dragunov tackled Feng to the ground and King followed up with a leg drop to the Chinese dragon man's throat.

"This will be a bad Euro trip for you," said Eddy as he spun towards Paul and kicked him across the face Asuka went for a quick palm strike to the stomach but Eddy blocked the attack and delivered a roundhouse to her. Lei then smacked Eddy with his own roundhouse and Wang fired the dragon talisman at Eddy making him leap back into a triple attack from Lei, Asuka, and Paul.

"Sacre bleu, you guys are terrible!" groaned Jinpachi as he fired forth fireballs from his stomach once again hitting the Lei Team and Dark Hand knocking them all down.

"Seriously, do you need medicine for indigestion or something?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Shut up with your stupid comments unless you want your death to be more painful!" roared Jinpachi.

At that moment, the lights blacked out yet again and went they came back on, Jinpachi and company saw the Lei Team and Dark Hand being carried away on a large star shaped flying craft.

"Eh, I don't care right now, I'd rather just get that demon chi right away," grumbled Jinpachi to himself as he and his minions continued to scour the streets of Paris.

"Did anyone wish upon a star?" asked Raven.

"Don't look at me, I just want to know where we're going," answered Lei.

Just then, the heroes found themselves sitting on the Eiffel Tower with the star shaped craft flying near them.

"I'd like to thank the pilot that was manning this thing, you really saved us big time," commented King.

"Hey don't mention it at all," chimed up a high pitched voice. A short pink ball shaped figure leapt off the star and waved his tiny hand at them and smiled brightly.

"We got saved by a beach ball?" inquired Hwoarang prompting the pink figure to pull out a hammer from out of thin air and smack Hwoarang in the groin.

"No, my name is Kirby, and I'm a star warrior. I came here to pursue my dream of being a world class chef," answered Kirby.

"Well then Kirby, we thank you for saving our hides back there," said Asuka.

"Not a problem babe. Anyways, do you have any idea what's going on with all the lights in Paris?" inquired Kirby.

"A rampant demon chi is causing all the disturbances here, we must get it contained quickly!" cried out Wang.

"Ah, oui, I see what you mean, very well, I'll help you find this demon chi you speak of on one condition," said Kirby.

"You name it pal," piped up Lei.

"You gotta let me cook for you guys later," replied Kirby.

"Fair enough, so let's get going now," suggested Raven.

"Sure thing!" exclaimed Kirby as he let everyone board his Warp Star and they flew around Paris looking to track down the light demon chi. Meanwhile at a sidewalk café near the Notre Dame cathedral, Jinpachi and company were still running rampant trying to find the demon chi's whereabouts.

"You know boss, I'm tired, can't we take a break and rest for a bit?" asked Bryan.

"And allow Lei and his miserable companions to get the demon chi? I don't think so," answered Jinpachi angrily.

"They're probably just as clueless as we are as to where it is, there are too many lights to search in this city," grumbled Eddy.

"But we know it's about to be lights out for you guys!" called out Lei's voice making Jinpachi and company look around frantically. From out of nowhere, Kirby's Warp Star soared downwards and the Lei Team and Dark Hand jumped down with Kirby in tow and all of them delivered kicks to Jinpachi and his minions making them stagger back.

"We shall send you packing," said Lee who was wearing a black beret for no reason and did a stereotypical Frenchman's laugh.

"Yeah right, you should have just surrendered like the French always do," retorted Feng.

"Enough talk, we fight now!" chimed in Wang.

"I like your spirit today old man," added Kirby.

"Well that's all you'll be very soon is just spirits!" growled Jinpachi as yet another scuffle ensued.

"Well at least you brought me a ball to kick around this time," commented Feng as he targeted Kirby who began to inhale deeply drawing Feng inwards surprisingly, he was able to fit whole in Kirby's mouth. The pink puffball then excreted him but now sported the same hairstyle that Feng had.

"Let's see what powers you have," said Kirby as he imitated Feng and used his own abilities against him kicking him into the air and hitting him with a fire breath as he descended.

"Whoa, you can copy a power, that's so uber cool!" exclaimed Xiaoyu as she juggled Feng with a bicycle kick into King who then slammed Feng down on the ground with a power slam.

"We'll see how you like the taste of my fist pinky!" shouted Bryan as he ran forward towards Kirby trying to punch him but he received a double kick to the stomach from Lee and Hwoarang followed by an uppercut from Steve, Bryan knocked all of them away with a blast of fire from his palms only to be hit by a breath of fire from Kirby sending him flying back as well.

"Meh, I wanna see if I can get the big kahuna's powers," said Kirby discarding his power just as Feng tackled the pink warrior.

"You aren't doing nothing else to us you little pest," hissed Feng.

"Here I'll take that," said Dragunov as he stole a nearby Frenchman's cigarette from his mouth.

"You filthy little vermin you," said the Frenchman as he pulled out another cigarette.

Dragunov then took the still lit cigarette and stuck it right on Feng's groin making the warrior yelp out in pain as he leapt off of Kirby and lay on the ground holding his groin in pain.

Eddy spun causing a tornado trying to blow some of the Lei Team and Dark Hand away but Asuka leapt into him and socked Eddy in the face making him stagger back into Lei and Paul as Paul elbowed Eddy in the face Lei hit him with his Razor Rush attack and then crane kicked him into Ganryu who slammed Eddy onto the ground and sat on him before letting loose a loud and pungent fart.

"Sacre pew!" cried out Eddy.

"Come here you ugly old fart, I'm gonna take your power!" yelled Kirby as he opened wide again preparing to suck in Jinpachi but then grabbed Asuka and threw her into his path. Asuka grabbed onto a nearby light pole to avoid getting sucked in to Kirby's mouth. However, the force of Kirby's suction ripped the clothing right off of Asuka's body and her clothes went right into Kirby's mouth and he swallowed them, almost choking however.

"Rats, I almost had him," groaned Kirby.

"You know, I'm actually grateful to have this little pink marshmallow around," commented Lei as he ogled Asuka's naked body.

"Wow, so hot!" said Wang drooling profusely.

"I'm gonna get you for that you little glutton!" shouted Asuka as she started to chase Kirby angrily.

At that moment, the light pole began to flicker in a crazy fashion indicating something was not right about it.

"The light demon chi is in that light fixture!" exclaimed Ganryu.

"Don't just stand there you buffoons! Get that chi!" screamed Jinpachi.

Feng, Bryan, and Eddy all got up at ran at the Lei Team and all three fired a fiery blast of chi from their palms in unison, Ganryu turned around and farted making the fire go back at them which made them stagger backwards as Lei ran forward with the power of both the rabbit and ox talisman and kicked them all into a nearby river.

"You just got Lei'd!" exclaimed Lei proudly.

"Huh, what do you mean they got laid, I don't see a bed around here," said Dragunov.

"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!" shouted Paul smacking Dragunov on the head.

"Do you think those two will ever run out of material?" asked Lei.

"I don't think so, we've probably barely touched the tip of the iceberg," answered Steve.

"I'll do this myself!" yelled Jinpachi but all of a sudden he found himself being sucked backwards and eventually flying into Kirby's open mouth, Kirby then copied Jinpachi's powers and used his own powers against him knocking Jinpachi out cold.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison multiple times until the light demon chi burst out of the light fixture. Wang opened the containment unit and captured the light demon chi and sealed the containment unit tightly.

"Don't think you've won for long, we shall return!" hollered Jinpachi as he teleported away with his minions.

"I'm glad that mission is finally over," said Asuka who was hiding away from the others.

"Yeah, the light demon chi is ours now, only three more left to go," added Raven.

"Well now you gotta live up to your end of the deal," chimed in Kirby.

"Very well then Jacques Cousteau, let's see what you can come up with," said Hwoarang.

"You're buying me a new outfit too!" shouted Asuka.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he will," said Lei who smacked Asuka on her exposed backside.

"Yeah I will, I'm sorry about all that," said Kirby a little nervously.

After Kirby bought Asuka a new outfit to replace the one he ate, the little pink puffball took the Lei Team and Dark Hand to his restaurant and gave them a surprisingly good meal.

"Vive le France!" shouted the Lei Team and Dark Hand in unison.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," pipes up some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Have you ever eaten snails?" asked the kid.

"That is gross man! I don't even know why the French like them so much, the thought of eating bugs just makes me wonder what the French are smoking," answered Lei.

"Yeah, I'll stick to hot dogs with French's mustard," said the kid.

"Say no to eating snails!" exclaimed Lei.

Author's Note: Well another chapter in the can. We're approaching the last five chapters of the story. I've still got a lot of ideas remaining for them; I hope you all enjoyed Kirby's appearance here. Anyways I'm off to go work on the next chapter so until then, please read and review.


	36. I'm A Seoul Man

**Chapter 36: I'm A Seoul Man**

In the country of South Korea, Jinpachi and his minions had just touched down in the capital city of Seoul. The four villainous creatures were rather fed up with the misfortune they had been having as of late and were hoping to finally seize the demon chi that was lying dormant somewhere around Seoul.

"This time we'll shroud that annoying Lei Team in darkness!" roared Jinpachi.

"From what you said, I'm gonna assume that it's the shadow demon chi that we're gonna find here," chimed in Feng.

"You are correct my minion," answered Jinpachi.

"If they weren't scared of the dark before, they will be soon," snickered Bryan.

"Oh yeah, revenge is definitely a dish I've been waiting to serve up!" exclaimed Eddy.

"Well then don't screw up and you'll get to serve it," commented Jinpachi.

"Will do boss!" exclaimed Eddy, Feng, and Bryan in unison.

And with that, Jinpachi and his minions continued scouring the Korean landscape to find clues as to where the shadow demon chi could possibly be. Meanwhile, the Lei Team and Dark Hand had just exited Seoul's airport and decided to waste no time in getting their noses to the grindstone.

"Home sweet home, how I love it," commented Hwoarang.

"Well then, we better keep the dark times out of your home then so you have a nice homecoming," remarked Lei.

"Indeed, that shadow demon chi is calling us, we better answer the call," chimed in Raven.

"The demon chi is calling us? My phone isn't ringing," said Dragunov.

"Bad connection drops call!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"Let's just scour the dark depths of Seoul to find that demon chi," suggested Asuka.

"Yes, let me scour your depths," chimed in Wang. Asuka promptly slapped Wang for his comment.

"C'mon Viejo, business comes first," said King as the Lei Team and Dark Hand departed the airport and began to traverse Seoul's streets. They soon came across a shopping center and decided to look inside there to see if anything was suspicious was lying inside.

"It's too bad that we have to be in here to look for demon chi, I wanted to get some cute new clothes," pouted Xiaoyu.

"And I want some Korean barbecue, especially some kalbi," added Ganryu.

"But I'm sure we can all agree that we didn't want them here," said Lei pointing over to an area where Jinpachi and company were.

"Yeah, you're right about that Lei," piped up Steve.

"We must have a dark cloud over our head to keep running into you losers," grumbled Eddy.

"The feeling is mutual," replied Raven.

"Well this time, you will be enveloped by the darkness that we will spread," growled Jinpachi to the Lei Team and Dark Hand.

"I'd love to explore your deep dark depths," said Lee.

"Forget about that, let's just beat these guys silly like we always do," groaned Lei.

And at that moment, the song "Paint a Dark Picture" by Tech N9ne began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand started another fight with Jinpachi and his minions. Eddy spun around causing a tornado that sent Lee and Dragunov into a nearby fountain with a splash. Xiaoyu ran at Eddy and leapt into the air delivering her foot to his face. Raven then shoulder rammed Eddy to the ground and then stomped on his back.

"Should I make a wish?" asked Dragunov.

"Don't bother, you hold no monetary value," answered Steve as he tried to punch Feng but was met with a sweep knocking him off of his feet. Feng then spat out some fire at King who ducked under the fireball and clotheslined Feng sending him crashing to the floor hard. Ganryu then belly flopped on Feng making him yell out in pain as Paul lifted the dragon off the ground and flung him through a window.

"That's seven years bad luck for you!" yelled out Bryan as he punched Asuka in the stomach but then she retaliated with a knee to Bryan's stomach.

"It's not a mirror moron!" shouted out Lei as him and Hwoarang kicked Bryan in the face at the same time sending the white haired dragon man to the ground, Wang then stomped on his chest knocking the wind out of Bryan.

"Are you guys warriors or training dummies, get up and fight!" yelled Jinpachi.

Just then a shadowy blob engulfed the Lei Team and Dark Hand as well Jinpachi and his minions and before they knew it, everything went black for all of them.

"What the, where are we?" grumbled Lei as he awoke inside what appeared to be a dojo.

"I don't believe it, I'm home!" exclaimed Hwoarang as he looked around his surroundings. There were numerous signs in Korean plastered on the walls. Training mats and equipment were all stacked in a corner and also on the wall was a picture of Hwoarang holding a trophy.

"Wow, I didn't know you were a Tae Kwon Do champion amigo, that's pretty awesome," commented King.

"Were you still getting nailed in the groin a lot back then?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Not as much as when I met you guys," answered Hwoarang.

"Glad to see you're all awake," said a gruff voice nearby. The Lei Team and Dark Hand all turned around to see a Korean man with grayish hair done up in a short ponytail. He also had a little bit of facial hair and he was clothed in a yellow fedora along with a yellow suit coat with a white button down and black tie underneath in addition to yellow slacks and black dress shoes.

"Master Baek!" gasped Hwoarang.

"So this is the guy that trained you, it's a pleasure to meet you sir," chimed in Lei as he shook Baek's hand.

"Yes, I'm Baek Doo San. I know a lot about your excursions Lei Wulong, and I have to thank you for knocking some sense into my student until he straightened out," replied Baek.

"Hmm, he knows about our misdeeds?" inquired Steve.

"Yes, I know about everything you've done with the Dark Hand, now come here Hwoarang!" ordered Baek.

Baek pulled up a stool and sat down on it. Hwoarang walked over to where Baek was sitting and Baek pulled him down onto his lap. Baek then pulled Hwoarang's pants down and started to spank Hwoarang on his backside making his companions stifle laughter as Baek continued to spank him.

"He's never gonna live this down," whispered Ganryu to Wang.

"No he won't, I'm gonna laugh about it every day," replied Wang.

"Ok, I'm sorry about all that Master Baek," cried out Hwoarang.

"See that you never do anything like that again," commented Baek as he pulled Hwoarang's pants back up and let him get up. But before Baek could stand back up, Lee leapt onto him with his pants down.

"Ooh, do me next! Do me next!" exclaimed Lee.

"No, you'd enjoy it too much!" retorted Baek pushing Lee off of him.

"You're no fun," pouted Lee as he pulled his pants back up.

"Anyways, what brings you to my neck of the woods?" asked Baek.

"We're searching for demon chi, we found it, but then everything went black for us," answered Asuka.

"Ah, so that's why you were unconscious when I found you. Ok then, I'll go with you this time, I didn't like the look of those other four you were fighting," commented Baek.

"Excellent, good to have you on board this time, at least we won't have to worry about Hwoarang being a bad boy this time," remarked Lei.

"I feel so embarrassed now," grumbled Hwoarang.

"Can I spank Hwoarang too?" asked Dragunov.

"Pimp slaps rebellious ho!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head once again.

Without any more words the Lei Team and Dark Hand left the dojo with Baek in tow to resume their search for the shadow demon chi. At a Korean beach, Jinpachi and company were scouring the land to where the demon chi was.

"I can't believe this! The demon chi was in our faces and you all blacked out!" roared Jinpachi.

"Well you did as well too boss. We were all taken by surprise," chimed in Feng.

"I still don't care, I'm not going to be made a fool of again!" roared Jinpachi

Right then, a blast of fire came surging toward Jinpachi and his henchmen making them jump back in shock. Jinpachi shot a glare in the direction the fire blast came from and saw Lei and company holding the dragon talisman at them.

"Why couldn't you just disappear into the shadows?" complained Bryan.

"Sorry, but we need to stop you from polluting this beach," replied Lei.

"I should have brought my Speedo," said Lee.

"Lee, we can have a beach party later, business comes first," responded Raven.

"Hey Master Baek, what do you say to showing them Tae Kwon Do's supremacy?" asked Hwoarang.

"Sounds like fun to me my student," answered Baek.

The song "Nan Arayo" by Seo Taiji & Boys began to play as the fight began. But before anyone could throw out a punch or kick, everything went pitch black for the Lei Team and Dark Hand yet again.

"Are you serious, the shadow demon chi is upon us again," gasped Xiaoyu.

"I can't see a damn thing!" cried out Asuka.

"Don't tell me we're gonna have to fight in pitch blackness," groaned King.

"Don't fret too much, I'm sure we can beat these guys with our eyes closed anyways," remarked Lei.

"You will regret that comment," retorted Jinpachi.

"Suck on this!" yelled Feng as he let out a kick he felt it connect with someone but unbeknownst to him, he wound up striking Eddy.

"Dude, watch where you're aiming!" screamed out Eddy.

"How, I'm just as blind as you are in here," responded Feng.

"Oh yeah, eat this!" shouted Steve as he threw out a punch and could feel it connect with someone.

"Hey Einstein, I'm on your side!" shouted Ganryu.

"Einstein wasn't a fighter, he was a scientist," called out Dragunov.

"Get out of my laboratory!" shouted Paul as he smacked someone on the head.

"Ai ya, watch where you are aiming you moron!" called out Wang as he smacked Paul back for his mistake.

Just then, someone carrying a lantern appeared in the darkness, as all the fighters looked over they saw a blue skinned female wearing a pink hat with a yellow seal on it in addition to a pink Chinese styled outfit.

"Why are you blue?" inquired Raven.

"It's because I'm a ghost, my name is Hsien-Ko. I don't know why I'm here, but since you guys are having a hard time seeing the fight, I may as well offer some illumination for you," answered Hsien-Ko.

"Well that's much better, we thank you kindly for making this less chaotic for us," responded Lei as he saw Bryan standing next to him and swept him and followed up the sweep with a roundhouse sending Bryan crashing into his colleagues. Feng spit out a ball of fire which everyone barely dodged as Xiaoyu leapt at Feng and tried to deliver a bicycle kick to him, Feng blocked the attack and ducked under a back fist from Lee and did a split kick knocking them away just as Raven shoulder rammed him into Ganryu who then grabbed Feng in a bear hug before slamming him onto the ground.

"Darkness shall consume your soul," said Eddy as he nailed Steve with two quick punches and chained it into a kick to the British man's face. Dragunov tried to lift Eddy off the ground to throw him, but Eddy reversed the throw and swept Dragunov to the ground. Wang then kicked Eddy in the back making him stagger into King who slammed Eddy down with a Full Nelson drop.

"C'mon chumps, I can take you on!" yelled Bryan as he threw out a punch to Paul's gut, Paul blocked the attack and tried to uppercut Bryan, but he dodge Paul's retort at the last second. Asuka went for a cartwheel kick to hit Bryan which nailed him on the back and Lei ran in hitting Bryan in the stomach with a double palm strike and Hwoarang and Baek did double roundhouses to Bryan's head knocking him clean out.

"Enough of this, I'm doing the chi spell!" called out Wang.

"I got you covered old man," chimed in Ganryu.

"Not this time! I will not let you…" started Jinpachi before Lei, Hwoarang, and Baek all kicked Jinpachi at the same time knocking him into Hsien-Ko.

"You look like you'd have a tasty soul," said Hsien-Ko as she attacked Jinpachi.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison. Soon the darkness dissipated completely as the shadow demon chi shot up into the air and then down into the containment unit which Wang promptly sealed.

"Forget this, I'm not dealing with this Chinese vampire, I'm out of here!" yelled Jinpachi as he teleported away with his minions.

"Oh well, I shall take my leave too, you be careful on the remainder of your journey," called out Hsien-Ko.

"You too, thanks for giving us light!" called out Lei as Hsien-Ko walked off.

"Ooh, you look like you're in good shape," said a Korean girl with her black hair done up in a horn like style, she was wearing a purple and black spider like top and loose fitting white and purple pants.

"And who are you?" asked Raven.

"My name is Juri Han, and I must say your fight was a great turn on," replied Juri.

"Uh, thanks I think," replied Asuka scratching her head in confusion.

"How about you and I have a little fun baby?" suggested Juri as she walked up to Asuka and squeezed her chest.

"Hey! I'm not into that type of stuff," answered Asuka as she ran towards Lei and clutched him tightly.

"Oh, would you like him to join as well, that sounds like even more fun," said Juri in a seductive tone.

"Someone get me out of this awkward situation," complained Asuka.

Raven then threw a smoke bomb down and when the smoke cleared, Juri was left standing on her own.

"Oh well, I might as well work on my tan," said Juri as she pulled out a beach towel and lied down on it to soak up some sun.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says a little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"What do you think of the Street Fighter series?" asked the kid.

"I have a lot of respect for that series, for without it, I feel like my series would not exist. Every other fighting game franchise in existence owes something to it and it's fun to play as well. I enjoy it highly," answered Lei.

"And so do I," replied the kid.

"SHORYUKEN!" yelled Lei.

Author's Note: Another chapter down, yeah I decided to throw Juri in there at the last minute due to the fact that I'm stoked for Super Street Fighter IV. I still plan to throw in Tekken 6 every now and then too. Anyways I'm off to go work on the next chapter so until then, please read and review.


	37. When in Rome

**Chapter 37: When in Rome**

It was a nice sunny day in Italy's capital city of Rome. Unbeknownst to the townspeople of the city however, a demon chi was lying dormant somewhere in the confines of Rome. Both the Lei Team and Jinpachi along with his minions had promptly headed out that way to see where the demon chi might have been lying.

"Ah, so we're on lucky number seven in terms of finding the demon chi," stated Bryan.

"I sure hope for your sake that you're right about seven being a lucky number," grumbled Jinpachi.

"I'm sure we are, we've just had bad luck with all these stupid outsiders interfering in our fights with the Lei Team," replied Feng.

"For once, I'll agree with you on that," said Jinpachi.

"That's a rarity, but regardless, all we have to do is find the chi before they do and we win," remarked Eddy.

"That'll be easier said than done," responded Bryan.

Elsewhere, the Lei Team and Dark Hand were also searching the city of Rome and were near the Sistine Chapel and took some time to admire the artwork of the illustrious chapel.

"I know we're here for business, but I can't help but admire a great work of art," said Raven.

"Definitely, this is just so fabulous," chimed in Lee.

"It's one of Michelangelo's greatest achievements," remarked Lei.

"Michelangelo was always my favorite Ninja Turtle," piped up Dragunov.

"Ninja star takes out eye!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"We're talking about the artist Dragunov, not the turtle. Besides, Leonardo was the best turtle," said Steve.

"I'll agree with you on that one," replied Lei.

"Let's not worry about that, we must find demon chi quick!" cried out Wang.

"I'll agree with that too, we can admire artwork after we take care of what we need to," ordered Lei.

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amorè!" sang Paul as they all left the chapel to resume their search.

As the Lei Team and Dark Hand left the chapel, a strong gust of wind blew by them nearly knocking them all off their feet.

"Damn, that's some strong wind," commented Ganryu.

"So it's the wind demon chi that is here," chimed in Asuka.

"It seems that way chica," replied King.

"Let's chase the wind then and maybe we'll be able to seal the hot air into our airtight container," suggested Lei.

Without any more hesitance, the Lei Team and Dark Hand ran in the direction the wind blew looking for any more oddities that could've been a clue as to where exactly they could find the essence of the wind demon chi. Back where Jinpachi and his crew were, the four evildoers continued to mill about, frightening everyone that caught sight of them.

"Did you feel that breeze blowing by?" asked Jinpachi.

"Yeah, something felt really odd about it," answered Eddy.

"So the wind demon chi is here. Excellent, it'll be perfect for blowing away that pitiful Lei Team!" exclaimed Jinpachi.

"Oh yes, I'm ready to engulf them in a tornado of rage!" added Feng.

"We all are bro, count on that," replied Bryan.

"Speaking of those fools, isn't that our sworn enemies running our way now?" asked Eddy pointing a group of people running northbound towards Jinpachi and company.

"You're right, saves us the trouble of having to hunt them down," responded Jinpachi.

Feng spit out a breath of fire towards the Lei Team and Dark Hand making them jump back to avoid getting singed by the flame.

"Whoa, what the hell was that, did someone burn their pizza?" asked Ganryu.

"I highly doubt that. Something tells me that we have to deal with that old fart and his stupid cronies once again," answered Wang.

"I heard that you wrinkled prune!' shouted Jinpachi.

And once more, the Lei Team and Dark Hand came face to face with Jinpachi and his trio of lackeys.

"Why does the wind always wind up blowing garbage in our faces?" groaned Raven.

"Hey we're not the waste of space here, you are!" retorted Eddy.

"Why don't we spare the small talk this time and just get to the fighting?" suggested Lei.

"That works for me," replied Bryan.

Everyone else nodded in agreement as they all took a combat stance. The song "Heavyweight" by Infected Mushroom began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand engaged in fisticuffs with Jinpachi and his cronies.

"I've had enough of you windbags!" shouted Feng as him and King traded punches with one another sending them both staggering back from each other. Lee kicked Feng in the back but was met with a palm strike to the face after Feng recovered from Lee's attack. Dragunov then dove at Feng tackling him to the ground and then Ganryu leapt into the air and sat on the Chinese fighter.

"I'm gonna whack you like a Mafia member," commented Bryan as he punched Steve in the gut and slammed him onto the ground. Hwoarang then kicked Bryan across the face but was met with a sweep from Bryan sending him crashing to the floor as well. Xiaoyu leapt into the air and punched Bryan in the face sending him staggering back into Paul.

"Pizza chef kneads dough!" shouted Paul as he smacked Bryan with an uppercut and nailed him with a hard fist to the back while Bryan was still airborne.

"Let's see if you can handle my raging tornado!" roared Eddy as he spun around sending a mini tornado at Raven who got caught up in it and went crashing into Asuka who was busy making a dash at the Brazilian dragon man. Lei dove at Eddy with a flying kick hitting him in the face and then crane kicked him in the chest sending Eddy into Wang who tripped the dragon man knocking him on his back.

"Time to make this gentle breeze become a raging windstorm!" shouted Jinpachi as he got ready to attack the Lei Team and Dark Hand. At that moment, a large tornado sprang up from the ground near where the scuffle was taking place.

"Did you conjure this up boss?" asked Feng.

"I wish I had, but this is not my doing," answered Jinpachi.

Within a few seconds, the tornado sucked everyone up sending them spinning around with ferocity as they all screamed loudly.

"This blows, literally!" shouted Lei.

After a while of being blown around in the tornado, the large windy vortex spat everyone out sending them all flying in different directions before disappearing once again into the ground.

"I'd like a refund on that fan," commented Wang as he stood up a few minutes later.

"We got rocked by a hurricane," groaned King.

"Has anyone seen my clothes?" asked Xiaoyu as she hid behind a nearby tree.

"Yeah, they're hanging up on that tree," answered Asuka pointing upwards where Xiaoyu's garments were all hanging off a branch high up on the tree.

"Well that's just lovely," groaned Xiaoyu.

"Don't worry, I'll get them down," said Hwoarang kicking the tree with enough force to jar Xiaoyu's clothing loose. She quickly scooped it up and put it all on.

"The question is where the hell did that old windbag get blown off to," pondered Ganryu.

"Hey I'm right behind you!" shouted Wang.

"He's talking about the other windbag Wang, the evil one," responded Lei.

"What's it matter, anytime we're not fighting them is a good thing," stated Steve.

"True, but if the demon chi arises near them again, we're screwed," chimed in Raven.

"I've seen where they got blown off to," called out a male's voice.

The Lei Team and Dark Hand turned around to see a tan skinned fighter with black hair done up in a ponytail. He was wearing a blue long sleeve shirt with an orange vest over it in addition to white pants and blue sneakers.

"Really, where did you see them get blown off to sir?" asked Lei.

"Towards the Colosseum, by the way I'm Robert Garcia, it's a pleasure to meet you all," introduced the man.

"Well then, if they're over there, let's make like gladiators and slay those beasts before they get the demon chi!" ordered Lei to his companions.

Meanwhile, near the Colosseum, Jinpachi and his cohorts were also still disoriented after being blown around by the wind demon chi.

"I swear, am I cursed or something? I've been attacked by the demon chi as well," grumbled Jinpachi.

"You're not going emo on us are you boss?" asked Feng.

"No way in hell is that happening, don't you even think that!" yelled Jinpachi as he smacked Feng on the head.

"Look at it this way, if we find the demon chi again, Lei and his group of shit heads isn't around to fuck things up for us," commented Bryan.

"He's got a point there boss," added Eddy.

"Nope, not anymore he doesn't!" called out Lei's voice from out of nowhere.

Jinpachi and company whirled around to see the Lei Team and Dark Hand with Robert in tow glaring at them.

"Oh, you guys again. Ready to take on a beast that you shouldn't anger," said Jinpachi in a threatening tone.

"Don't make us laugh, you've most likely been defanged," retorted Lei.

"Bring it on clown!" taunted Robert.

"Yeah, you tell them cutie," said Lee as he smacked Robert on his backside.

"If we weren't dealing with bigger things I'd hurt you for that right now," grumbled Robert.

"Well this time we're gonna blow you into oblivion!" shouted Bryan.

"What country is the city of Oblivion in?" asked Dragunov.

"Natural disaster devastates city!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"Ok now, let's generate another powerful hurricane of our own!" exclaimed Lei as he took a fighting stance with the rest of this team. The song "Re-Education (Through Labor)" by Rise Against began to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand fought Jinpachi and his minions for their second time in Rome.

"Mama Mia I'm sick and tired of you guys," groaned Bryan as he punched Raven in the face, Steve then ran up to Bryan and hit him in the back and Bryan turned around and gave Steve a gut punch. Hwoarang then leapt into the air and kicked Bryan in the face and then Xiaoyu tripped Bryan making him stumble to the ground just as Raven got back up and stomped on Bryan's back.

"I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse," said Eddy as he spun at King nailing him with a kick to the chin, King chopped Eddy across the chest making the Brazilian stagger back into Lee who swept Eddy. However, Eddy leapt back up and hit Lee with a roundhouse making him crash into Dragunov just as Ganryu hit Eddy right in the chest with a palm strike and then Robert nailed Eddy with a flurry of kicks before knocking him away with one really powerful one.

"That's it, you're gonna fall just like Julius Caesar!" yelled Feng as he went for a one two punch against Asuka who dodged the attacks and flip kicked Feng into Lei who nailed him with two quick snake like strikes to his face. Wang then spun the Chinese dragon man around making him disoriented right as Paul charged at him.

"Gladiator spears beast!" shouted Paul as he punched Feng directly in the face knocking him down.

"Oh come on, you melt under pressure quicker than a gelato does under the sun!" yelled Jinpachi to his minions. Just then, Jinpachi felt a stinging sensation in his neck and saw a blow dart lodged into it.

"I've had enough of your complaining! It's Saturday and I'm missing my hobby because of this, you don't hear me bitching," said Raven as he put his blowgun away.

"I'll get you next time," mumbled Jinpachi in a drowsy manner as he teleported away with his lackeys in tow.

"So where's the wind demon chi now?" asked Xiaoyu.

At the moment Xiaoyu finished speaking, a tornado began to rise out of the ground again aiming to suck up the Lei Team and Dark Hand in its wrath once again.

"Wang, don't waste any time, do the chi spell!" shouted Lei.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison repeatedly. As the two men chanted, the tornado started to die down and the very essence of the wind demon chi shot up into the air. When it began to descend, Wang opened up the demon chi container and caught the wind demon chi as it fell and promptly sealed the container shut.

"And we got lucky number seven!" exclaimed Asuka.

"However, we still have one more left to obtain, hopefully we find it soon," replied King.

"We know that Jinpachi will be there willing to fight us over it," added Steve.

"Until then though, what do you say we go back and enjoy some of the Italian sights?" suggested Lei.

"Like go back to the Sistine Chapel and admire the artwork?" inquired Lee.

"Or maybe get a pizza," added Ganryu.

"Why not do them all," said Robert.

"Agreed, we could stand to unwind after that windy escapade," stated Lei.

And with that, the Lei Team and Dark Hand with Robert in tow decided to go and roam around Rome and enjoy the sights.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"How do you like your pizza?" asked the kid.

"Ah pizza, what a wonderful dish, there's so many great toppings that can go on it, like shrimp, barbecued chicken, pineapple, and the list goes on. However, I'm old fashioned, but I love it the best with good old pepperoni and sausage.

"Now I want a pizza too," said the kid.

"Pizza power, ah that's what makes us feel all right!" exclaimed Lei.

Author's Note: Well, another chapter down, only three to go. I just got back from FanimeCon a while back and saw some awesome cosplayers. I'm also busy getting ready to settle into a new place so I'll try to get the next chapter up post haste. Until then though, please read and review.


	38. Wulong's Twelve

**Chapter 38: Wulong's Twelve**

Only one demon chi was remaining and both the good and evil forces were looking to obtain that last one which was lying dormant in the city of Las Vegas. The Lei Team and Dark Hand had barely left the airport whereas Jinpachi and his minions were already scouring the city.

"Only the thunder demon chi remains free, so let's cause a massive thunderclap in this city and find that demon chi before Lei and his pitiful sidekicks get a hold of it!" ordered Jinpachi to his lackeys.

"Oh yes, they're bound to get a painful jolt from us this time!" exclaimed Eddy.

"I hope they're ready to cash out finally, because it's been a long time coming!" added Bryan.

"Yes it sure has, they're sure in for a shock," replied Feng.

Elsewhere, the Lei Team and Dark Hand were busy checking into a room at the Bellagio hotel, although they were happy to be in Vegas, they were a bit disappointed they were there to do a job.

"I've always wanted to visit Vegas, but damn it I wanted to have some fun here," pouted Xiaoyu.

"What's it matter, you're not twenty-one yet so you can't gamble anyways," stated Lei.

"Still, I can go and get me a nice young lady since it is legal here," chimed in Wang.

"I don't want any gross images in my head so please don't talk about that!" shouted Asuka.

"I just want to hit one of those awesome buffets later on," piped up Ganryu as he patted his belly.

"Or maybe go see a show here," added Steve.

"Now let's not gamble with our chances and let's try to find that last demon chi before Jinpachi does," said Raven.

"Agreed amigo, now the only question is where to find it in this place," pondered King.

"I say we take a shot on finding them in the casino," suggested Hwoarang.

"Take a shot, we can't have guns in a casino, we'll get arrested," called out Dragunov.

"Police officer disarms armed robber!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov.

Lei and the others groaned at the comment Dragunov made and just began their trek over to the casino area where they saw numerous people milling about trying to win a big fortune and dropping money into slot machines and onto card tables without a second thought.

"The atmosphere in here is sure electric, fitting place for the thunder demon chi to be sleeping in," remarked Lei.

"Yup, I agree with you there honey," said Lee.

"Unless you're Asuka or Xiaoyu, you can't call me honey," retorted Lei to Lee.

As the Lei Team and Dark Hand continued to traverse the perimeter of the casino, they soon came across Jinpachi and his lackeys roughing up a few of the other gamblers as they also searched for the whereabouts of the demon chi.

"Hey boss, look over there!" called out Feng.

"What is it this time?" asked Jinpachi.

"Those guys are back to try and steal your thunder," answered Eddy pointing over to where the Lei Team and Dark Hand were.

Bryan shot a blast of fire in their vicinity barely missing them, but it was enough to make Lei and company take notice of Jinpachi and company's presence.

"You know how they say that lightning never strikes twice in the same place," started up Raven.

"Yeah, why do you say that?" asked Steve.

"How the hell have we been struck eight times in eight different locations?" inquired Raven.

"You know, that's something I ask myself every time I see these clowns," answered Ganryu.

"Who are you calling clowns you worthless piles of excrement!" growled Jinpachi.

"How about we skip the smack talking and just get to smacking each other around like we normally do," suggested Eddy.

"Gladly," replied Asuka kicking Eddy in the groin.

"Whew, finally someone else gets hit there besides me," said Hwoarang.

Just then, Feng slammed Hwoarang down and punched the Korean fighter in the groin.

"I spoke too soon," whined Hwoarang.

"Ai ya, we don't want to hurt bystanders, we fight somewhere else!" cried out Wang.

"Grandpa is right for once, let's ditch these dodos," called out Xiaoyu.

Raven then threw a smoke bomb down making everyone around them cough and gag while stumbling around disoriented while the Lei Team and Dark Hand made their escape. They soon found themselves behind a backstage area and walked into a nearby door where a young woman of Chinese descent had just finished changing into her showgirl outfit; she was slim in build and had short brown hair.

"Hey, what are you doing back here?" asked the girl.

"There's some crazy stuff going on outside and we just needed somewhere to hide," answered King.

"Ah, well, go right ahead and hide in here, I'm Chai Xianghua, I'm a showgirl here, I'll be glad to let you hide in here for as long as you need to, now if you'll excuse me, I need to get out there and entertain the folks," replied Xianghua.

"No way, it's too dangerous! You can't go out there!" exclaimed Asuka.

"Then who will do my job?" asked Xiaoyu.

"You stay put, we'll put on a show, after all, it's us those people are looking for," answered Lei.

"Ok, you be safe out there," called out Xianghua.

"You got it, and you be safe as well," replied Raven.

As the Lei Team and Dark Hand headed out onto the stage, they contemplated what they would once they got outside.

"Great, I said I wanted to see a show, not be part of one," grumbled Steve.

Soon, they found themselves standing on a stage with a bunch of onlookers watching them.

"Hey Lucky, what do you suppose these guys are gonna do?" asked a dark skinned man with an odd haircut dressed in a yellow karate gi to his dark skinned friend who was wearing a red backwards baseball cap, a purple basketball jersey, purple shorts, and black sneakers.

"I don't know Sean, hopefully it'll be entertaining though," answered Lucky.

"Yeah, I came to Vegas to have a good time, this show better be worth it," responded Sean.

"Well isn't that lovely, professional basketball stars Sean Matsuda and Lucky Glauber are in attendance, what now?" groaned Xiaoyu.

"Let's just improvise, and step on it!" ordered Lei.

"I got just the song for us," said Lee plugging his iPod into the speaker system as "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred began to play.

"Are you freaking serious Lee," groaned King.

"Just go with it," said Lei.

Lei, King, Raven, and Steve all stepped to the front and began to dance in sync with one another as the ladies in attendance began to whistle and howl.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts!" the four sang as they tore off their shirts making the ladies go even crazier.

"And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan!" Lei, Steve, King, and Raven continued to sing as they continued their somehow choreographed dance.

"This is…amusing," remarked Lucky. Just then, Hwoarang, Dragunov, Paul, Ganryu, and Wang walked out all wearing disco suits with lampshades on their heads.

"I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party, no way I'm disco dancing!" they sang along with Lei, Raven, King, and Steve. At that moment, Asuka and Xiaoyu walked on stage both bikinis with the design of their country's flag on them.

"Now that makes this worth watching!" exclaimed Sean as he, Lucky, and the other men in the audience ogled the two sexy women.

"I'm a model, you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk," sang Asuka and Xiaoyu. Lee then burst out dressed in drag wearing a blonde wig with a purple dress and matching stiletto heels.

"Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk babe I do my little turn on the catwalk," he sang as the others just gazed at him in disbelief.

"Now this just went back to being awkward," grumbled Lucky.

"But it's still funny watching this unfold!" laughed Sean.

The Lei Team and Dark Hand continued on with their show until the song ended, the crowd applauded as most of them found their performance somewhat funny.

"Well that went better than expected," commented Asuka.

"Still, did you have to dress like a girl Lee, I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight," moaned Raven.

"Ha, now we see who the real clowns are!" exclaimed Bryan as him, Feng, and Eddy appeared from out of the crowd.

"We're not clowns, we don't have clown makeup on," replied Dragunov.

"Clown gets pie in the face!" yelled Paul as he once again smacked Dragunov in the head.

"You better not run from us this time, otherwise I'll strike you worse than any lightning storm ever could!" roared Jinpachi as he appeared in front of his minions.

"Well, we already electrified the crowd, let's keep this power surge going," suggested Lei to his comrades.

Everyone else nodded in agreement as they took their combat pose. The song "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys began to play as Lei and company prepared to face Jinpachi and his henchmen once again.

"This is one gamble you shouldn't have taken," commented Bryan as he grabbed King by the throat and tried to slam him, but King reversed his grab and threw him onto a blackjack table as Hwoarang leapt into the air and tried to strike him with a kick but Bryan rolled out of the way just before Hwoarang could connect. Lee then slapped Bryan across the face and the white haired dragon man was too disturbed by Lee in drag to notice Xiaoyu run up behind him and deliver three flying kicks to his back sending him crashing to the ground.

"Time for a royal flush you bastards!" shouted Eddy as he spun around and sent Steve flying with a mini tornado. Raven leapt into the air and punched Eddy in the gut sending him staggering back, Eddy retaliated with a flip kick to Raven's chin however Wang grabbed Eddy by his shirt and pushed him into Paul.

"Poker player gets bad hand!" yelled Paul as he smacked Eddy with a powerful punch sending Eddy crashing into a slot machine and breaking it. A bunch of quarters rained down on Eddy.

"Man I want to hit an arcade after this!" remarked Xiaoyu as she saw Eddy covered in quarters.

"Forget about it, it's game over for you right here!" roared Feng as he breathed fire at Dragunov who ducked under it and then grabbed a deck of playing cards from a nearby poker table and started throwing the cards at Feng who looked at him with disbelief.

"What, it worked for Gambit," said Dragunov.

Feng then rushed at the Russian right as Asuka swept the Chinese fighter, Lei smacked Feng with a hard roundhouse kick and then hit Feng with a palm strike that sent him staggering back into Ganryu. Ganryu then slammed Feng onto the ground, sat on him and let one rip.

"That's it, I fold," groaned Feng.

"I'm going all in, place your cards on the table!" yelled Jinpachi as he stepped into the fray and began to attack the Lei Team and Dark Hand.

"Still no sign of the demon chi at all, this is weird," thought Wang to himself.

At that moment, a bolt of lightning shot out from one of the slot machines and struck Jinpachi leaving him twitching on the floor.

"It's in a slot machine, quick let's claim the jackpot there!" exclaimed Lei.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang and Ganryu in unison frantically. Lightning bolts continued to shoot at as Wang and Ganryu chanted striking others unlucky enough to get in the way. Soon however, the demon chi shot up into the air and Wang opened his demon chi container and caught the thunder demon chi and promptly sealed the container.

"Jackpot!" cheered Wang.

"Argh, that does it, you may have them all now, but believe me I'll get them back in my possession where they rightfully belong! You better watch yourself!" roared Jinpachi as he teleported away with his minions.

"Finally, we got all eight of them! No more globe hopping!" said King.

"Well that was fun, but remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," replied Steve.

"Too bad I didn't have my camera, otherwise it would be on the internet," said Xiaoyu.

"I don't wanna do anymore gambling for now, I just wanna hit a buffet now," piped up Ganryu as he took off towards the nearest buffet.

"I hear there's a boxing match going on, I feel like going to see that," chimed in Raven.

"Now that's up my alley!" added Steve as he walked off with Raven and King.

"Hey, Hwoarang, wanna play strip poker with Paul and Dragunov?" asked Lee.

"Are you crazy, heck no, go find yourself an escort to do that!" exclaimed Hwoarang.

"Thanks for the idea though. C'mon Asuka, Xiaoyu, let's go do that back at the hotel room," suggested Lei.

"Oh yeah baby, sounds fun to me," said Asuka as she walked off with Lei and Xiaoyu back to the hotel room.

"Let's just get drunk you guys," said Wang.

"Soldier fills canteen!" yelled Paul as him, Lee, Dragunov, Hwoarang, and Wang headed towards the bar to go drink.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Where's the rest of the Mishima family?" asked the kid.

"Don't know, don't care. They have enough stories about them; let the rest of us have our time in the sun. Besides, I'm sure Jin is too busy cutting himself," answered Lei.

"Hey, shut up about that, I'll kill you right now!" yelled Jin Kazama as he stepped in ready to punch Lei.

"Yeah right you little crybaby," replied Lei flicking Jin on the nose.

"My beautiful face, you ruined my face, now the ladies will think I'm ugly, WAAAAAHHHH!" cried Jin as he ran off crying.

"Ha! Ha! Does the baby want his pacifier!" taunted the kid.

"Yeah, you tell him kid!" said Lei as him and the kid continued to taunt Jin.

Author's Note: Another chapter in the bag. But we're not done yet; Jinpachi and company still have one final card to play. Next chapter begins the start of the two part finale to this story, man it's hard to believe it's almost over. Anyways, I'm heading off to go work on the finale now so until then, please read and review.


	39. Adventure's End Part 1

**Chapter 39: Adventure's End Part 1**

In a remote location, Jinpachi was talking to his minions rather harshly about the failures they've endured in obtaining the eight demon chi from the Lei Team and the Dark Hand.

"This is inexcusable, how could all of us fail to capture even one single demon chi from those miserable humans!" roared Jinpachi with anger.

"I don't know boss, they just got lucky, that is all," answered Feng.

"They got lucky eight times in a row, I highly doubt that," grumbled Jinpachi.

"Let's face facts, they have strength in numbers and because of that, we usually end up on the short end of the stick," stated Eddy.

"You know Eddy, you make a good point. Well then, it's time to play our trump card, each of you split up and cause chaos in a different part of the world. We'll force Lei and his crew to split their team up to handle you, and from there, I'll take care of that wrinkled prune Wang and obtain all of the demon chi for myself!" growled Jinpachi.

"All right, sounds like fun, let's do this boss!" exclaimed an excited Bryan.

With that, Eddy, Feng, and Bryan all teleported away to different locations, Jinpachi looked up at the sky, laughed maniacally and soon teleported away himself. Back at Wang's antique shop in San Francisco, the Lei Team and Dark Hand were enjoying being back home finally and just lounging about the shop for the most part.

"Ah how I miss this place, it's so good to be home," said Xiaoyu.

"Just one thing, don't you think that Jinpachi and his lackeys will come and attack us at some point to try and get the demon chi?" inquired Steve.

"Even if they try, they will fail, we outnumber them, not to mention they're idiots for the most part," chimed in Ganryu.

"He's right you know, that old fart has no chance of getting them," added Wang.

At that moment, Raven's cell phone started to ring and the ninja warrior promptly picked up.

"What's going on?" inquired Raven.

As Raven listened to what was going on, his face contorted in anger as the call went on.

"All right, we'll get on this!" exclaimed Raven.

"What's happening Chocolate Thunder?" asked Lee.

"First, don't ever call me that again. Secondly, Jinpachi sent his minions to different parts of the world to attack it, we're gonna have to split up to take them down," answered Raven.

"I'll go get Lei," commented Hwoarang as he ran into Lei's room and opened the door to hear Asuka scream.

"Dude, don't you believe in knocking!" yelled Lei.

"Sorry, but there's an emergency going on, we need to head out quick!" replied Hwoarang.

"I'll hurt you later for this," grumbled Lei. A few minutes later, him and Asuka were dressed and ran downstairs to see what was going on.

"Wait a minute, where's Dragunov at?" questioned King.

Just then, the song "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies became audible from a room in the back, the others ran back there to see what was going on and saw Dragunov in front of a computer webcam dancing in his tightie whities to the beat of the song.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" asked Asuka.

"I'm gonna record this and put it on YouTube, I think people would like it," answered Dragunov.

"YouTube video gets flagged!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"Quit fooling around, we've got things to do!" called out Steve.

As Dragunov got dressed the others wondered what the best course of action would be.

"Ok, as we know, Eddy is attacking Brazil, Feng is in China, and Bryan is somewhere in Egypt, we're all gonna have to split our forces up and take them down," said Lei.

"So who goes where?" asked Ganryu.

"Ganryu, you, Lee and Wang stay here and guard the demon chi. Me, Asuka, and Steve will face off against Feng. King, Hwoarang, and Xiaoyu will go and stop Eddy. Raven, Paul, and Dragunov will go put Bryan's rampage to an end," informed Lei.

Everyone nodded to show they understood Lei's orders and at that moment, a bunch of Section 13 choppers had landed outside the antique shop to take the respective teams to their destinations.

"You be careful out there, don't come home in coffins!" called out Wang.

Without a moment's hesitance, the choppers each took off in three different directions. In Egypt, Bryan was heading towards the pyramids with the intent to defile the grand structures. He laughed maniacally as he started firing off blasts of fire at people attempting to stop him.

"Pitiful scum, how dare you try and take a stand against me!" growled Bryan.

A kunai whizzed by Bryan's head and he turned around to see Raven, Paul, and Dragunov glaring at him, Bryan just hissed at them.

"I don't know what you're planning, but it ends here!" shouted Raven.

"Yeah, you don't stand a chance when divided from your comrades," sneered Bryan.

"We'll see about that, we three musketeers should be more than enough," replied Raven.

"All for one and one for all!" shouted Paul.

Raven leapt into the air and threw another kunai at Bryan who leapt back to avoid the knife, Dragunov ran at Bryan and aimed his knee at the dragon warrior's stomach. Bryan blocked the attack and pushed Dragunov away and then punched the ground causing a shockwave that made the trio fall to the ground.

"Get up, I'm not done with you yet!" yelled Bryan.

"Tidal wave destroys sandcastle!" yelled Paul as he rushed at Bryan and threw out a punch towards his sternum, Bryan blocked the attack however Paul swept Bryan and then as Bryan fell, Paul delivered a hard punch to the white haired fighter's face.

"Give him no quarter!" shouted Raven as he followed up Paul's attack by stomping on Bryan.

"I don't have any change to give anyways," replied Dragunov.

"Vending machine eats dollar!" yelled Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head before resuming his assault on Bryan.

Over in Brazil, Eddy was attacking a shopping district in Rio. He spun around creating a tornado that wrecked a lot of street vendor's displays and wares. The vendors and shoppers cursed angrily at Eddy in Portuguese until he came after them making them run in fear.

"Hey fuck nugget, why don't you pick a fight with someone that can actually whip your ass!" yelled out Hwoarang.

"What do you want?" asked Eddy.

"We want to smack you around like we always do when we across you and your stupid friends," answered King.

"Looks like we're in for a fight," said Xiaoyu.

"One you'll regret getting in," responded Eddy as he lunged at Xiaoyu with a kick which she barely dodged. Hwoarang aimed a high kick at Eddy's head but the Brazilian dragon man ducked under the kick at the last second and swept Hwoarang off of his feet. King went for a grab however Eddy spun out of the way and delivered two jump kicks to King making him stagger back. Xiaoyu then got behind Eddy and hit him with a palm strike to the back making him stumble back into King.

"Your ass is grass now," said King as he hit Eddy with a suplex.

As Eddy sat up, King pushed him into Hwoarang who then kicked Eddy in the ribs making him stagger into Xiaoyu who hit him with a double palm strike that sent him flying into a cart full of watermelons.

"All that's missing is fried chicken and you got a stereotype right there," commented Hwoarang.

"Oh shut up!" yelled Eddy as he threw a watermelon at King, Xiaoyu, and Hwoarang and resumed his fight with them.

Over in China, Feng was terrorizing a school of martial arts practitioners. When one of the martial artists would be brave enough to try and face the Chinese dragon man, he would easily send him or her flying away and send the rest running off by shooting numerous fire blasts their way.

"That's right, run like the little cowards you are, no one can defang this dragon!" growled Feng as he shot another fire blast at the group for good measure.

Just then, a bowl of hot noodles fell on top of Feng making him yelp in pain. He then turned around to see Lei, Asuka, and Steve facing him.

"You've gone far enough bub," said Asuka.

"Ready for another round guv?" asked Steve.

"Oh yes, and I'll make sure it's the final round for you guys," roared Feng.

"Oh yeah, we'll extinguish those puny flames of yours," retorted Lei.

Feng leapt at the trio with shooting another fire blast out of his mouth, the three all leapt out of the way and then Steve rushed at Feng and punched him clean in the face. Feng retaliated by shoulder ramming Steve and then stomping on his face as he was down. Asuka then went for an uppercut nailing Feng on the chin. Feng elbowed Asuka in the face and then delivered a sweep to her and before he could add more pain to her, Lei side kicked Feng in the back and as he turned around, Lei hit Feng with two snake-like strikes to the face and followed up the attack with a crane kick combo.

"You'll pay for that!" yelled Feng as he grabbed Lei by his shirt and threw him into Asuka and Steve. Feng then shot another fire blast out of his mouth at the group and they all narrowly avoided getting singed by the attack. Feng then dashed at Asuka who ducked under one of Feng's strikes and then kneed him in the stomach, Lei then swept him and followed with a roundhouse while he was still airborne. Steve then started punching Feng while he was down.

"C'mon, this can't be all you're capable of," taunted Lei as him and his comrades continued to keep the pressure on Feng.

Back at the antique shop, Wang and Lee were playing Go Fish as Ganryu was eating popcorn and drinking lemonade while watching TV.

"Got any threes?" asked Lee.

"Go fish," replied Wang.

"It shouldn't be too long before Lei and the others get back from smacking Jinpachi's minions around," chimed in Ganryu.

At that moment, the door to the antique shop blew open and Jinpachi burst through the doorway glaring menacingly at Wang.

"Hey wrinkled prune, give that container filled with the demon chi and I'll make your death painless!" growled Jinpachi.

"I don't have the container old fart! And even if I did I will not give it to you!" cried out Wang.

"Stop spreading your lies, you will burn slowly for your insolence!" roared Jinpachi.

"He's not lying to you idiot, and if you try anything, we'll have to hurt you!" exclaimed Ganryu.

"Damn right!" added Lee as he stood up from the table.

"Get out of my face!" yelled Jinpachi as he grabbed Lee and tossed him aside and continued to stare down Wang.

"Are you really that willing to suffer?" asked Jinpachi.

"Even if you kill me, you won't get the demon chi," replied Wang.

At that moment Ganryu tackled Wang to the ground and smacked him quickly in the face with a palm strike.

"No one hurts Wang, nobody is dying today except maybe you!" exclaimed Ganryu.

Jinpachi rose up and slammed Ganryu onto the ground, but before delivering a death blow, he stopped and looked up at the ceiling.

"Well, you weren't lying, but I know where the demon chi is at, I'll come back to kill you all soon!" roared Jinpachi as he teleported away. Just then, Lei and the others all ran into the antique shop.

"Wang, what happened here?" asked King.

"Jinpachi attacked us," answered Lee.

"You can't be serious!" gasped Asuka.

"We are, he came here looking for the demon chi but just teleported away not too long ago," said Ganryu as he stood up.

"Really, his minions just turned tail and ran too without reason," chimed in Lei.

"He said he knew where the demon chi was and just teleported off," informed Wang.

"Then that means…oh no!" cried out Raven.

Just then, a large explosion was heard and the Lei Team and Dark Hand all ran out to see what had occurred and saw a large pillar of smoke to the north.

"That's where Section 13 is at," gasped Hwoarang.

At that moment, Jinpachi's laughter echoed throughout the sky as the Lei Team and Dark Hand looked on with horror.

"I'm whole again, I'm at full power! The world will crumble before my might!" cackled Jinpachi in an evil tone.

"This is not good, what are we gonna do now?" cried out Xiaoyu.

"I don't know, but one thing for sure, we're going to be in for one hell of a fight," answered Lei.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"What do you think of Street Fighter x Tekken?" asked the kid.

"I'm looking forward to it, I know I haven't been confirmed yet but I hope I make it in because I would like to fight those guys since I have a great amount of respect for them," answered Lei.

"I hope you make it in too," said the kid.

"You hear that, put me in Capcom and Namco!" called out Lei.

Author's Note: Yeah, as you can tell, I'm hyped up for Street Fighter x Tekken too, two awesome fighting game series coming together, it's gonna be fun. Well, only one chapter remains, and that's the finish to the story's finale. How will Lei and the others defeat Jinpachi, you'll have to wait to find out. I'm gonna go work on that, but until then, please read and review.


	40. Adventure's End Part 2

**Chapter 40: Adventure's End Part 2**

Surging with energy after absorbing all the demon chi, Jinpachi Mishima grinned evilly as he felt the energy coursing through him. He let out a laugh and gazed at the wreckage of the Section 13 headquarters.

"This is only the beginning, the entire world will soon be nothing but a scrap heap at my feet!" growled Jinpachi.

"Well now boss, now that you got all of the demon chi, what's on the agenda?" asked Eddy.

"Are we going to make Lei and his companions suffer for all the crap they put us through?" inquired Bryan cracking his knuckles.

"No, they'll come later, we'll make them suffer by hurting more innocents around the world, then we'll go after them when I feel like they've suffered enough," answered Jinpachi.

"That sounds really sick, but you know what, I like it," commented Feng.

And with that, Jinpachi and his minions went off to go and cause chaos around the world. In the meantime, The Lei Team and Dark Hand were left wondering on how to defeat Jinpachi.

"This is definitely another really big chingadera that we're in," said King.

"Yeah, I honestly don't know how we're going to combat something of that caliber," added Ganryu.

"Won't the talismans give us a fighting chance against him?" asked Xiaoyu.

"Even with the talismans, our attention would be scattered by his minions and Jinpachi would easily dispose of us that way," answered Wang.

"Ah bloody hell, what a sorry way to die then," groaned Steve.

"I have an idea then," piped up Lei.

"All right, leave it to our fearless leader to come up with something," said Hwoarang.

"So what do you have planned Lei?" questioned Asuka.

"We fight demon with demon," answered Lei.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" inquired Raven.

"Exactly, we bring back Ogre and let him and Jinpachi duke it out with one another," informed Lei.

"Something tells me that an idea like that will come back to haunt us," said Lee.

"Not really, both of them have too big of an ego to rule the world together, so we can let them fight, and while they're preoccupied with each other, we can seal the both of them up at the same time," replied Lei.

"Amigo, you may be right, but how do we get Ogre back?" asked King.

"We have to get back to Australia where we sealed him up initially," answered Raven.

"Ai ya, what are we waiting for, let's get a move on before Jinpachi destroys the world!" cried out Wang.

Without wasting any time, the Lei Team and Dark Hand boarded the Section 13 choppers and flew off towards Australia.

"Can't these things go any faster, we're like flying slugs right now," groaned Asuka.

"Slugs don't fly though, they don't have wings," commented Dragunov.

"Salt melts slug!" shouted Paul as he smacked Dragunov on the head.

"We have the remedy for that," answered Lei as he pulled out the rabbit talisman and fired it at the choppers making them fly faster through the sky.

"Hold on to your drawers and don't piss them!" yelled Raven as they soared through the sky.

"Too late, I already did," said Dragunov.

Within a few minutes, the Lei Team and Dark Hand found themselves overlooking the land of Australia and found themselves near the area where they sealed up Ogre.

"I can't believe we're gonna try to convince Ogre to try and fight Jinpachi for us," said Ganryu.

"I know it's a big gamble, like trying to get Genghis Khan to fight Osama Bin Laden but it's one we have to take. I don't know how else we can beat Jinpachi now that he has the demon chi," replied Lei.

"Man being here again brings back memories," commented King.

The Lei Team and Dark Hand began their trek towards the temple where Ogre was sealed but soon found fire prominences rising from the ground trying to fry them. Then the ground began to shake as well.

"Looks like Jinpachi is trying to shoot our plans down," stated Xiaoyu.

"No time to worry about all that, let's just make a run for it!" yelled Lei.

Lei activated the rabbit and ox talismans and grabbed onto everyone as he made a run for the temple. The shaking of the ground however made him trip as they all wound up falling upon entering the temple's grounds.

"Ok Wang, do your chi spell thing," said Steve.

"You got it! Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" chanted Wang.

After a long while of chanting, a portal slowly began to open. Wang continued to chant as the portal continued to widen. Soon, a statue popped out of the portal in the shape of Ogre leaving the others confused.

"Huh, we got just a statue of Ogre, what kind of lame hoax is this," said Lee.

"Lovely, we went through all this for nothing," grumbled Hwoarang.

Suddenly, the statue's eyes began to glow red and loud roar became audible through the temple.

"Angry bull charges!" shouted Paul as he leapt away from the statue.

"Why did you idiots unseal me, are you really willing to let me kill you?" boomed Ogre's voice from the statue.

"Ogre, you may think we're crazy for telling you this, but we request your help," answered Xiaoyu.

"Think you're crazy, I know you're crazy! What makes you think I'd help you after all the hell I've gone through with you despicable creatures?" roared Ogre.

"Because you don't someone else taking over the world," answered Lei.

"What do you mean by someone else taking over the world?" inquired Ogre.

"A beast named Jinpachi Mishima was released a while back. For some time we were able to keep him from obtaining the demon chi needed to be a true threat to our world. But now he's at full power and if we don't stop him, the world will be his," informed Lei.

"WHAT! No one is taking over this world other than me! Fine then, I will defeat this Jinpachi myself, but once I do, then the world will be mine!" yelled Ogre.

Without saying anything, Lei fired the rat talisman at the statue and at that moment, Ogre was once again alive. As the beast stretched himself out, the room all of a sudden became dark.

"Does anybody want to play hide and seek?" asked Dragunov.

"Ready or not, here I come!" yelled Paul as he successfully smacked Dragunov on the head once again.

"We don't have time for more light tricks, let's get out of here," ordered Lei as he used the dragon talisman to light up the area they were in and they all left the temple and headed back towards the choppers as the song "Not Afraid" by Eminem played while they made their way back with Ogre in tow.

Back in San Francisco, Jinpachi and his minions were busy causing chaos around the area. And since Jinpachi had the entire repertoire of demon chi at his disposal, he was able to cause chaos around the world by unleashing the power of whichever one he felt like and whatever part of the world he focused on.

"Ah, now we're living the sweet life," said Eddy.

"That's for damn sure, and we deserve it, how I'm loving the revenge we're able to exact upon everyone," replied Feng.

"Indeed, an eternal playtime of making these fuckers suffer, I can live with that," said Bryan as he chased after another group of unfortunate bystanders.

"And since I have the demon chi, our reign will last forever!" shouted Jinpachi proudly.

The sound of chopper blades became audible to Jinpachi and his minions' ears. Jinpachi used the thunder demon chi to shoot a bolt of lightning at the chopper hitting its tail however Lei and company leapt out of the chopper and used the power of the rooster talisman to float down to the ground.

"You guys again, you must really be tired if you're going to try and face us now," commented Jinpachi.

"Now we wouldn't be really good heroes if we didn't try to stop you anyways," replied Lei.

"Are you this Jinpachi that they've been telling me about?" asked Ogre.

"Yeah, what do you want ugly?" scoffed Jinpachi.

"I'm Ogre, and I'll be the real ruler of this world! Not some worthless hack like you!" roared Ogre.

"That's a laugh, if you want to fight me, then go right ahead," replied Jinpachi.

"This insolent fool is mine!" yelled Ogre.

"He's all yours, we'll take care of the leftovers," responded Lei as him and teammates turned to face Eddy, Bryan, and Feng.

"Finally, we'll be able to take care of you once and for all," growled Bryan.

"Think again, it'll be you that gets defeated," retorted Raven.

Just then, the song "Blue Blood" by X Japan started to play as the Lei Team and Dark Hand engaged in battle with Jinpachi's minions while Ogre did battle with Jinpachi himself.

Eddy started sending a myriad of mini tornadoes towards King; however the Mexican wrestler was able to dodge them all and with the power of the ox talisman threw him really far into Hwoarang who kicked Eddy hard in the back. The Brazilian dragon man whirled around and kicked him in the face. Xiaoyu then leapt into the air riddled Eddy with numerous kicks to the chest. Lee then leapt at Eddy with a flying kick and sent him staggering back into King who slammed Eddy into the ground.

Bryan rushed at Steve and the two began trading punches with one another. Steve ducked under a left cross from Bryan and nailed him on the chin with an uppercut. Raven then appeared behind Bryan and threw him onto the ground; Bryan rolled away from the two and narrowly avoided an eye beam blast from Wang who was holding the pig talisman. Bryan fired a blast of fire from the palms at Wang who leapt away from it; Dragunov then tackled Bryan to the ground and began punching him like crazy. Bryan threw Dragunov off of him and right as he got up Raven dove down and hit Bryan in the face with a flying kick knocking Bryan back down.

"Here, I'll make you some tea," commented Wang as he promptly tea bagged Bryan making him gag.

Feng shot a blast of fire from his mouth at Ganryu who sidestepped the blast and charged at the Chinese dragon man. Ganryu then went for a palm strike which Feng blocked; Asuka however swept Feng while he wasn't looking. Feng rolled back to his feet and leapt away from Ganryu and Asuka only to see Lei speed at him with the power of the rabbit talisman and start riddling him with many attacks that were too quick for Feng to block. All of a sudden, two Pauls appeared and it was made clear he was using the tiger talisman as both Paul Light and Paul Dark struck Feng with a dual punch to the chest.

"Shameful samurai commits seppuku!" yelled Paul Light.

"Cannibal eats the corpse!" yelled Paul Dark.

Meanwhile, Ogre was losing his fight to Jinpachi horribly; the powered up Jinpachi nailed Ogre with a geyser of water and then juggled him in the air with an icy wind. As Ogre got back up, he rushed at Jinpachi only to be stopped by a fire prominence erupting right underneath him.

"You're just a big ugly beast with no real power. Such foolishness to come an attack me!" roared Jinpachi.

"You guys, Ogre is getting his ass kicked!" yelled out Hwoarang.

"Jinpachi is just too powerful with the demon chi!" yelled Xiaoyu.

"Don't give up!" yelled a voice.

"You can do it Lei, you can save us all!" chimed in another voice.

The Lei Team and Dark Hand all looked around to see all the friends they made on their adventures surrounding them and cheering them on in their battle.

"Everyone, give Ogre the talismans!" yelled Lei.

"Athlete passes ball to teammate!" yelled Paul as he fused back into one.

Acting quickly, the Lei Team and Dark Hand all threw the talismans at Ogre as his body absorbed them all. Ogre roared loudly as he avoided another fire prominence from Jinpachi and rushed at him hitting Jinpachi with the power of the ox talisman making him fly back incredibly far.

"Now to show you what I can really do!" growled Ogre as he charged at Jinpachi using the rabbit talisman's speed and starting nailing Jinpachi with a ton of attacks. Jinpachi used the earth demon chi to cause an earthquake making Ogre lose his footing. Ogre started to float with the rooster talisman's power and both he and Jinpachi continued to fight one another matching each other blow for blow.

"Wang, now's the time!" said Ganryu.

"Everyone, join me this time!" yelled Wang to the others as he prepared the chi spell.

The Lei Team and Dark Hand all joined Wang and even their allies all got behind them as they all began to chant.

"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao, Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" they all repeatedly chanted.

As they all continued their chanting. Ogre and Jinpachi were still engrossed in their combat with one another. They then locked in a grab with one another and stared each other down menacingly.

"You will never rule this world as long as I'm around," growled Jinpachi.

"And neither will you, just give up already!" roared Ogre.

All of a sudden, a large portal opened beneath the two making them gasp in disbelief as it began to swallow them into its open maw. Ogre and Jinpachi both yelled out numerous obscenities as the portal swallowed them.

"No not again!" screamed Ogre and Jinpachi in unison as they disappeared and the portal sealed shut. Eddy, Bryan, and Feng felt a strange burning sensation as the powers that Jinpachi bestowed upon them were expelled from their bodies.

"Aw man, this really sucks," groaned Eddy.

At that moment, a police car pulled up and three minions of Jinpachi were handcuffed and carried away in the police car as the Lei Team and Dark Hand were overjoyed that once again, the world was safe.

"I'm so happy, we did it thanks to everyone!" exclaimed King.

"Yeah, this is so wonderful!" said Lee as he grabbed Paul and kissed him on the cheek.

"I agree with you there buddy!" replied Dragunov as he also kissed Paul.

"Do the homie!" yelled Paul as he gave both of them a big hug.

"Well, now that that's done, it's time to rebuild Section 13," said Raven.

"And I'm promoting Ganryu to a full-fledged chi wizard!" added Wang.

"Sweet, we gotta party to commemorate our victory!" cheered Ganryu.

"And you get your own private party after it's all said and done," said Asuka to Lei.

"That works for me," said Lei.

"Well then blokes, let's go have a smashing good time!" said Steve.

"I'm with you there my friend!" exclaimed Lei.

And without further ado, the Lei Team and Dark Hand enjoyed a very lively party with all their friends to celebrate the defeat of another demon and saving the world once again. Meanwhile, in the demon world, Ogre and his demon brethren were enjoying a game of volleyball, with Jinpachi being the ball.

Ask Lei segment

"Hey Lei," says some little kid.

"Yes?" asked Lei.

"Any last words for your fans?" asked the kid.

"Yes, I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to read the stories of our adventures and to those who reviewed as well, you are also awesome! I'm a little sad to see it end, but at the same time I'm going to enjoy relaxing. All in all, I'm glad with how everything turned out," answered Lei.

"Lei, don't keep me waiting too long baby," said Asuka in a seductive tone.

"You take care Lei, we'll miss you," said the kid.

"So long everyone, until we meet again!" said Lei as he waved goodbye to all the fans before running off to Asuka.

The End

Author's Note: Well, the story is finally over. I'd say I'm happy with how everything turned out and I'm glad that I've made some readers laugh and enjoy the adventures that Lei and company went on. I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to read and/or review this story, you're all awesome people. It's been a fun run throughout and I enjoyed writing each chapter. Once again, thank you to everyone and once again, please read and review! Peace out.


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